What do you do outside of school/research?

[nhyn]

I'm going to grad school in Fall 2011 in a suburban area 15 mins from a big city. Since I'll be moving to a new place (i've lived there before but only for a summer), and only know about 2 people from college there, I was thinking about ways to integrate myself into this new community (the department, the school, the area, the city, etc.). I understand that I will be very busy (it's a research phd program), and I'm also living with my partner, so I probably don't have time to do much, but I was hoping to maybe do join a pottery club or do something fun from time to time during the weekends. I'm an international student, and while I've spent 3 years here in the US for college, my college is in the middle of nowhere, there has never been anything "urban" to do (even though I'm spoiled by how easy it is to participate in college events and stuff), so I don't really know how to go about building a new life in a new city...

So I guess my question is, for those of you who are currently grad students, what do you do to keep a good balance between work and life? Do you maintain hobbies, or join some activity in your area? How would you suggest going about getting familiar with the new community?

Edited February 19, 2011 by nhyn

[poco_puffs]

Activities and opportunities are going to vary city by city, obviously, so my best suggestion is to go to any sort of luncheon, talk, symposium, or happy hour that you can get to in the first few weeks. The important thing is establishing contacts with people who have been in the area for long enough to have a feel for its personality as a city--if they have been in the program for a year or two already, that also means that they've figured out what sorts of activities can potentially be balanced with coursework and other duties. Asking about local and non-academic activities makes for great small-chat when you have first met a person, and it will give you a chance to listen to their suggestions about other pertinent info as well.

[rising_star]

What you should do really depends on your interests. You could go to art gallery openings, plays, meetings, yoga, etc. depending on what you're interested in. What I recommend is picking up local paper and looking at the events calendar and then choosing a few things to go to.

[modernity]

I spend a lot of time with the other people in my year. We go out to eat, go to museums, go hiking, go to local events, etc. Bonus being I still hang out with people who completely understand my situation and when I can't go out on a Friday night because I have too much work to do. The best thing you can do is just take up offers to do things with people you meet - even if it seems like its going to be awkward, or you might lose a little school time/time with your SO. In the long run it will benefit you.

[StrangeLight]

regarding spending time with people in your cohort or department, it's a fine balance. you don't want to say no to everything, because eventually they'll just stop asking you. but i'd caution against saying yes to everything, too, if it's not stuff you actually want to do, and you're just going along to be social. i spent a full year spending my little precious free time going to shitty clubs that played mid-90s r'n'b, cookie parties, overpriced and underfun cocktail bars, shopping, and costume parties. ugh. i liked the people enough but, by the end of the year, i realized that every moment i had to relax, i spent doing things i hate, just to be around others. not worth it. at all.

now i take a couple hours a week to talk to my friends 3000 miles away, i go to local (punk, metal, folk, hip hop) concerts and comedy clubs, i go to art galleries and thrift stores and antique shops just to browse around, when it's open i'll spend saturday mornings at the farmer's market or the flea market. i end up doing a lot of this stuff alone, which is a bummer, but it's better than spending that same chunk of time doing stuff i hate with people i see all week anyway.

[nhyn]

Thank you for all of your suggestions! They gave me some ideas of where to start.

regarding spending time with people in your cohort or department, it's a fine balance. you don't want to say no to everything, because eventually they'll just stop asking you. but i'd caution against saying yes to everything, too, if it's not stuff you actually want to do, and you're just going along to be social. i spent a full year spending my little precious free time going to shitty clubs that played mid-90s r'n'b, cookie parties, overpriced and underfun cocktail bars, shopping, and costume parties. ugh. i liked the people enough but, by the end of the year, i realized that every moment i had to relax, i spent doing things i hate, just to be around others. not worth it. at all.

now i take a couple hours a week to talk to my friends 3000 miles away, i go to local (punk, metal, folk, hip hop) concerts and comedy clubs, i go to art galleries and thrift stores and antique shops just to browse around, when it's open i'll spend saturday mornings at the farmer's market or the flea market. i end up doing a lot of this stuff alone, which is a bummer, but it's better than spending that same chunk of time doing stuff i hate with people i see all week anyway.

This is the most useful advice by far! I cannot agree with you more.

[far_to_go]

I belong to a housing co-op that rents 5 houses in a neighborhood close to the university. Most of the members are grad students (though none are from my department), with a few undergrads and working people mixed in. I really like having a group of people outside of my department that I can hang out with on a regular basis; we go hiking, have game nights and movie nights, go to concerts, etc. Also we have a community garden, which is very therapeutic.

Although the specific activity that you choose to recharge is, of course, a matter of preference, I've found that having relationships outside of my department really works well for helping me to keep a balanced perspective on life. My department is actually a really great place and I have good friendships and working relationships there, but it's important for me to have something else going on socially.

[Riotbeard]

I play tennis with another member of my cohort. I also tutor English Lit. at a local high school. On more social accounts, I go out to shows (indy mostly but also local jazz and funk stuff), art galleries, and watch a lot of movies with friends. If you are a drinker like myself, I would say it is really nice to pick a local watering hole and try to go once a week or so, and make neighborhood friends. This can be really helpful, because there will be undoubtably many nights when you want to get away from work for a few hours without having to really go out. It helps me relax and get out of the young academic group and mindset and leave my work behind on a week night, if only for a few hours. I will second what strangelight said about cohort hangout. Make sure you go out sometimes, because you don't want to come off as the department stick in the mud, but you really only have to go out as much as you like. It's also good to start a hobby. Me and another cohort member brew beer together every couple weeks.

[nhyn]

I belong to a housing co-op that rents 5 houses in a neighborhood close to the university. [...]Also we have a community garden, which is very therapeutic.

Although the specific activity that you choose to recharge is, of course, a matter of preference, I've found that having relationships outside of my department really works well for helping me to keep a balanced perspective on life. My department is actually a really great place and I have good friendships and working relationships there, but it's important for me to have something else going on socially.

That sounds really lovely I guess a trade-off of having a SO is that while you have, well, a SO, you're missing out on meeting great housemates. I've always made great friends with my roommates and housemates throughout college, so I'm definitely gonna miss that. Your community sounds fantastic I'd love to take care of a garden with people.

If you are a drinker like myself, I would say it is really nice to pick a local watering hole and try to go once a week or so, and make neighborhood friends.

hahaha this is funny because I was kinda relieved that I will not be under peer pressure to drink myself into stupor in grad school. Not that my friends in college made me drink or anything, but college kids do drink a lot and I have thrown up (three times) after 2 glasses of wine, so yea...but I guess I can always order a light cocktail while hanging out with people at a bar or something

Brewing beer is actually very interesting. Off topic, but, my SO's stepdad brews beer too and he comes up with all kinds of flavors, it's kinda cool

[Riotbeard]

hahaha this is funny because I was kinda relieved that I will not be under peer pressure to drink myself into stupor in grad school. Not that my friends in college made me drink or anything, but college kids do drink a lot and I have thrown up (three times) after 2 glasses of wine, so yea...but I guess I can always order a light cocktail while hanging out with people at a bar or something

Brewing beer is actually very interesting. Off topic, but, my SO's stepdad brews beer too and he comes up with all kinds of flavors, it's kinda cool

My drinking has become more suburban and is often the tail end ritual of heavy reading, although I probably drink more consistently than in college (I picked this up having a 9-5 job). Although we do go out a lot. It's New Orleans. Brewing is really fun.

[firefly28]

Still a few months away, but I'll have activities at the local church branch. Beside that, I hope to take up yoga and badminton. I don't drink, and I hate parties/clubs etc., so I won't be doing any of that.

[StrangeLight]

i'm looking to start an expensive cocaine-smoking habit that i will subsidize with compulsive gambling. there's a casino in town so i'm halfway there.

[Riotbeard]

i'm looking to start an expensive cocaine-smoking habit that i will subsidize with compulsive gambling. there's a casino in town so i'm halfway there.

That's my post drinking ritual

[Eigen]

My drinking has become more suburban and is often the tail end ritual of heavy reading, although I probably drink more consistently than in college (I picked this up having a 9-5 job). Although we do go out a lot. It's New Orleans. Brewing is really fun.

Not only that, it's prospective graduate student season! An excuse to go out every Friday night with the department and show them a good time in New Orleans!

[qbtacoma]

i'm looking to start an expensive cocaine-smoking habit that i will subsidize with compulsive gambling. there's a casino in town so i'm halfway there.

Whoa, I'm seeing a marked lack of slutting about in this game plan. You might want to think about that. Also, tobacco. Just 'cause it's the first rebellious move of teenagers doesn't mean they're not onto something!

[StrangeLight]

Whoa, I'm seeing a marked lack of slutting about in this game plan. You might want to think about that. Also, tobacco. Just 'cause it's the first rebellious move of teenagers doesn't mean they're not onto something!

i already smoke and slut. i'm looking to opt into the charlie sheen philosophy of life. i want to be winning.

[Riotbeard]

Oh I know, I can't wait for those free dinners!

Not only that, it's prospective graduate student season! An excuse to go out every Friday night with the department and show them a good time in New Orleans!

[Eigen]

It's great. We've been having sets come in the last two weeks- always a nice way to wrap up the week, taking the prospectives out and touring them around.