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The GradCafe Fortune Cookie Generator


HyacinthMacaw

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Some depressing fortunes for my future:

"You will fall deeply in love at First Choice University, Good Will Hunting style, after accepting a consolatory position as part-time custodian."

"Remember: The universities you attend are only 99% responsible for your success. Your creativity, perseverance, productivity, technical skill, originality, amiability, knowledge, and passion account for the rest."

"Money isn't everything. Which is why, 10 years from now, your wife will leave you for a tall, handsome volunteer firefighter who doesn't wear white socks with Velcro sandals and who has a heart of gold."

"Wonder often. The gift of knowledge will come, but not in time for your job interview."

"The fabled ivory tower of academia will turn out to be Room 513C, a renovated janitor's closet with a single fluorescent bulb, no windows, heat, or air conditioning, and a single shelf with old water-stained journals propped up by a lonely roll of toilet paper."

"You will lose your funding and be placed on academic probation after failing to complete your second-year project on time, but at least your school will win the 2013 NCAA men's basketball championship! Yeah!"

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Other fortune/wisdom cookies:

"The year 2016 will bring love and joy to millions of people. Unfortunately, none of them will be you."

"An hourglass figure, shapely breasts, and plump hindquarters will look great on any woman. Not on you." (I'm a guy.)

"Birds of a feather flock together, but please don't ask the girl next door to marry you. She's 62!"

"Balancing work and family life will be a snap as long as you have Skype in your cell. Ask the warden for the latest science news to keep up with the literature."

"It's good to be an independent worker, but seriously, that's a garbage truck you're stuck under!"

"Just remember that when a female advisor says 'We shouldn't sleep together,' she is really saying 'Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!' Therefore, feel free to engage in ethically dubious sexual misconduct at your leisure."

Edited by HyacinthMacaw
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I think the Dos Equis spokesman has become the new Chuck Norris :lol:.

"He doesn't apply to grad schools, grad schools apply for him"

"He doesn't have bad dreams about adcom rejections, adcoms have bad dreams about HIM"

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"The year 2016 will bring love and joy to millions of people. Unfortunately, none of them will be you."

Reminds me of Weird Al's "Your Horoscope for Today":

"A big promotion is just around the corner - for someone way more talented than you." (Or something along those lines) :D

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Ooh! I can play this game...

"A fresh start will put you on your way, [towards managing a McDonald's]"

"It is a good time to finish up old tasks, [because if you get accepted to grad school you won't have time for anything but work]"

"A person is never too old to learn, [that he/she is not what the adcoms are looking for]"

"A soft voice may be awfully persuasive, [unless you're doing a phone interview and the adcom cannot hear what you're saying]"

"Accept something that you cannot change, and you will feel better, [until your parents say, 'well at least now you can get a real job']"

"All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off. [The cookies you are eating will manifest themselves as extra pounds soon]"

"Failure is the chance to do better next time, [even though you'll have to wait a year to apply again]"

'In order to take [rejections], one must first give [application fees]"

"Do not be intimidated by the eloquence of others, [when they post on GradCafe they've been accepted with funding to yet another school]"

"Feeding a cow with roses does not get extra appreciation. [because cows eat grass. Also, roses have prickly thorns they would probably not appreciate]"

That's all I've got... for now. :P

Edited by jaxzwolf
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