what's social life like in grad school?

[yenachem]

I've met grad students who seemed to have really active social lives but I also met grad students who were very lonely. A friend of mine who is currently a first year engineering grad student told me most of the students in his department are antisocial. What are your experiences of the social lfe in grad school?

[sacklunch]

It's just like anything else? Some people are naturally lonely, boring, anti-social, ect; some people are social and make friends easily.

Don't over analyse it.

[metasyntactic]

This really depends. Also don't forget that you can instigate more social events and so on. In my department, students felt like there weren't enough social activities, so they just started a mailing list for it this year. In my lab, we have weekly bar nights. Of course, not everyone shows up because not all students are very social.

[robot_hamster]

I have no social life. My problem is that I have nothing in common with anyone. Or it least it seems that way. I wouldn't say I am anti-social, I just don't wish to hang out with people that I have nothing in common with. They have little get-together things all the time, but I don't usually go to them. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes the atmosphere has a lot to do with your social life experience as well.

Edited March 7, 2011 by robot_hamster

[UnlikelyGrad]

I've met grad students who seemed to have really active social lives but I also met grad students who were very lonely. A friend of mine who is currently a first year engineering grad student told me most of the students in his department are antisocial. What are your experiences of the social lfe in grad school?

My experience: your social life will be whatever you make it to be. Even if you are in an antisocial department, there seem to be about 10,000 student clubs on campus that will provide good social opportunities for you.

I'm a bit of an introvert but I do like talking with my officemates and I'm in one club. (And that's just on campus; I have an off-campus activity as well.) There's a group of grad students in our department that like to go out to restaurants/sporting events/clubs/you name it, but I'm not that sort of person.

[yenachem]

It seems grad school can be fun. But in my observation, some departments tend to be more social than others. I think it's very important to have friends in your field or else you can go crazy. I know current and former grad students who agree. I even heard of a grad student who committed suicide because of loneliness.

[robot_hamster]

So how much luck have people had with finding groups at their school? There are tons and tons of clubs at my school. I have checked several out, but they are made up of entirely undergrads. See, I think this is where my problem is. I just don't relate very well with undergrads since there is such a huge age difference. Okay, maybe not that huge (it would be around 10 years in most cases), but it is enough of a difference where I find I don't really fit in with them. Does that make sense? Has anyone else had the same experience?

Edited March 7, 2011 by robot_hamster

[robot_hamster]

I have no problem hanging out with undergrads. In fact, they think I'm 21 when I'm really 25! But, this doesn't bother them for the most part. I think it's due to my youthful looks. But, don't let the age composition of a group stop you from joining it! It's good to break the stigma that grad students can't hang out with undergrads, which seems to be the prevalent attitude on this message board. Come on people, we were all undergrads at some point!

Haha! No, it's more like "what's this old person doing trying to hang out with us?". I don't think grad students shouldn't hang out with undergrads necessarily, but I think the stigma can go both ways.

[UnlikelyGrad]

So how much luck have people had with finding groups at their school? There are tons and tons of clubs at my school. I have checked several out, but they are made up of entirely undergrads. See, I think this is where my problem is. I just don't relate very well with undergrads since there is such a huge age difference. Okay, maybe not that huge (it would be around 10 years in most cases), but it is enough of a difference where I find I don't really fit in with them. Does that make sense? Has anyone else had the same experience?

I hang out with undergrads and I'm 39.

Seriously, the club I'm in has a membership of ~90% undergrads. But the leadership is ~50% grad students. (Yes, all of the grads are in the leadership.) So it's not so awkward for me. The president of the club is just a couple of years younger than I am.

% undergrads in club membership seems to depend on what the club is. Intramural sports seem to be fairly well split. Ethnic clubs tend to be weighted more on the grad side. (Which doesn't help if you are white, I guess.) Artsy stuff like glee club seems to be more undergrads.

[robot_hamster]

I hang out with undergrads and I'm 39.

Seriously, the club I'm in has a membership of ~90% undergrads. But the leadership is ~50% grad students. (Yes, all of the grads are in the leadership.) So it's not so awkward for me. The president of the club is just a couple of years younger than I am.

% undergrads in club membership seems to depend on what the club is. Intramural sports seem to be fairly well split. Ethnic clubs tend to be weighted more on the grad side. (Which doesn't help if you are white, I guess.) Artsy stuff like glee club seems to be more undergrads.

What is the club? Is is major-related?

[rising_star]

I've met grad students who seemed to have really active social lives but I also met grad students who were very lonely. A friend of mine who is currently a first year engineering grad student told me most of the students in his department are antisocial. What are your experiences of the social lfe in grad school?

I've had a pretty good social life, even though I'm in graduate school. A lot of this depends on the department culture. For example, my current department has a weekly departmental happy hour, attended by a group of graduate students and faculty. We also have a graduate student organization that plans social events for the grad students to attend.

My experience, really, is that if you want a social life, you can have one. Sure, it requires time management skills to balance work with fun, but it can definitely be done.

Like UnlikelyGrad, I am in a club that is predominantly undergraduates (including the leadership). I am the only PhD student, though there's also one med student, one law student, and an adjunct. It is a bit strange when a student I am TAing joins the club and takes the related class but, you get over it pretty quickly (and I was actually able to use seeing hir at the club's class to coax hir into coming to my office to get help on hir's paper). Why am I in an all undergrad club? Because I love capoeira. It's a great way to meet people, exercise, and have fun. Sure, that means we have events and hardly anyone is of drinking age but, we all have bonded over our shared interest in/passion for capoeira. Granted, it can be hard to find something like this but, it can be done.

I have no social life. My problem is that I have nothing in common with anyone. Or it least it seems that way. I wouldn't say I am anti-social, I just don't wish to hang out with people that I have nothing in common with. They have little get-together things all the time, but I don't usually go to them. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes the atmosphere has a lot to do with your social life experience as well.

How do you know that you have nothing in common with all of these people if you never go to these get-togethers? On the surface, I don't have much in common with a lot of the people I'm friends with in my department but, over time, we've found things we both/all enjoy that we can do together. You have to search for commonalities, rather than just lumping everyone into the category of 'someone I have nothing in common with.'

If you want to meet people you do have things in common with, I would head to the internet. Check out Meetup.com to see if there are any local meetup groups that relate to your shared interest. You could also check for local facebook pages that are related to one of your hobbies or interests. Some of it really just involves putting yourself out there.

[robot_hamster]

How do you know that you have nothing in common with all of these people if you never go to these get-togethers? On the surface, I don't have much in common with a lot of the people I'm friends with in my department but, over time, we've found things we both/all enjoy that we can do together. You have to search for commonalities, rather than just lumping everyone into the category of 'someone I have nothing in common with.'

If you want to meet people you do have things in common with, I would head to the internet. Check out Meetup.com to see if there are any local meetup groups that relate to your shared interest. You could also check for local facebook pages that are related to one of your hobbies or interests. Some of it really just involves putting yourself out there.

I didn't say never, I said I usually don't. It's not like I don't talk to people, I enjoy talking to people for the most part. I have gone to several of these things and it has always been the same people. It didn't take long to figure out I don't have much in common with them. Perhaps we could find some small things that we have in common, but I usually don't stick around long enough to find out. They all seem to like to drink a lot, which is something I am not interested in at all. Hmm, maybe that's my problem. I don't like being around drunk people. Maybe hanging out with undergrads that aren't old enough to drink would be better.

[Kathiza]

Maybe hanging out with undergrads that aren't old enough to drink would be better.

I don't know how this is like in the US, but isn't not being old enough to drink the biggest reason to drink? And I mean REALLY drink and get drunk very badly. At least where I come from, people do this, because it's forbidden so it's especially "cool" to be doing it.

And I can't believe that there aren't any grad students who don't like to drink (much) at your school.

Also: Does drinking at these get-togethers always end in being drunk? I think that's really weird... (At least for me, drinking is not the same as getting drunk)

[robot_hamster]

I don't know how this is like in the US, but isn't not being old enough to drink the biggest reason to drink? And I mean REALLY drink and get drunk very badly. At least where I come from, people do this, because it's forbidden so it's especially "cool" to be doing it.

Of course this happens. But it is less likely to happen during a formal club meeting since we have a dry campus and they wouldn't be able to hold such a gathering in public. My experience with undergraduate clubs (I was an undergrad once) does not involve drinking.

And I can't believe that there aren't any grad students who don't like to drink (much) at your school.

Also: Does drinking at these get-togethers always end in being drunk? I think that's really weird... (At least for me, drinking is not the same as getting drunk)

I didn't say that there wasn't, I said that it is always the same people that go to these things and that is what those people like to do. They hold these gatherings off campus, either at a bar or a restaurant. And yes, it usually results in quite a few people getting drunk. This is just my experience though, this may not be the same other places.

Really, all I was trying to do was share my experience here. The OP asked a question and I gave an honest answer based on my own personal experience. Different people have different experiences for whatever reason.

Edited March 8, 2011 by robot_hamster

[40 Rounds]

The night before the offical meet-and-greet at one of my possible schools I met about a dozen current and prospective grads at a bar. I expressed surprise that everyone was out and made a rather obvious joke equating graduate studies with monasticism. One of the grads said they get together sometimes but added "do you notice everyone looks really tired?"

[qbtacoma]

The night before the offical meet-and-greet at one of my possible schools I met about a dozen current and prospective grads at a bar. I expressed surprise that everyone was out and made a rather obvious joke equating graduate studies with monasticism. One of the grads said they get together sometimes but added "do you notice everyone looks really tired?"

Dunno about you all, but I like my socializing sleepless and shellshocked. That's why I'm going to grad school!

[Eigen]

We go out when we have a reason- prospectives visiting is one reason, but we also try for regular department happy hours and such.

It's also really common to take a lunch break with people from the department, go grab coffee as a group, etc.

I got involved with our Graduate Student Studies Organization (Grad Student Government) and that's helped a lot with meeting grad students from other departments.