So you want to get a Ph.d in the humanities?

[Amalia222]

I posted this in another thread but it is so funny I think the people in the humanities forum need to see it. It's awesome.

[poco_puffs]

The real joke is that some states' foodstamp programs won't give any benefits if you're under contract as a graduate teaching fellow. Nevermind the fact that I'm below the poverty line, never go out and eat mostly toast and cereal--I can't even get an extra $50 a month to help buy groceries because the state agreed that graduate students weren't part of the deal.

[snes]

The real joke is that some states' foodstamp programs won't give any benefits if you're under contract as a graduate teaching fellow. Nevermind the fact that I'm below the poverty line, never go out and eat mostly toast and cereal--I can't even get an extra $50 a month to help buy groceries because the state agreed that graduate students weren't part of the deal.

So the line about foodstamps in the original video was the one that made me burst out laughing....and then there was this post. This is (partially) why I've been having major second thoughts for months! I'm likely rejected everywhere this year though, so I have another year to decide...

[truckbasket]

That video's been making the rounds for a while now. It's very funny, but also kind of tragic as it's pretty dead-on. For those of you not in English and feeling left out, there's a whole slew of them out there for various disciplines. The one for MSW's is particularly good.

You can also make your own at: http://www.xtranormal.com/

[poco_puffs]

So the line about foodstamps in the original video was the one that made me burst out laughing....and then there was this post. This is (partially) why I've been having major second thoughts for months! I'm likely rejected everywhere this year though, so I have another year to decide...

Life isn't completely terrible money-wise, but it does force a lot of people to reeeeally start budgeting seriously. The people in my program who either have a lot of money saved up or have taken out additional loans for living expenses are doing okay, but even then there are some lifestyle changes for everyone, You'll see some people spending at "normal" rates for three weeks and then the last week before payday they're eating Eggo waffles and ramen three meals a day. I prefer a steadier approach. If I don't get a part-time job for the summer, I'll have to budget myself to about $200 a month for any food and personal expenses (anything after rent, power, and cable). That's also not including my tax refund, which I am looking forward to like never before, because it means I can actually pad my savings a bit and/or buy some semi-professional looking shoes that don't have holes in the bottom.

It can be done, and in my case I am totally happy to make the sacrifice. Just be prepared to cut out most of your coffeeshop and bar budget when the time comes.

[runonsentence]

That video's been making the rounds for a while now. It's very funny, but also kind of tragic as it's pretty dead-on. For those of you not in English and feeling left out, there's a whole slew of them out there for various disciplines. The one for MSW's is particularly good.

You can also make your own at: http://www.xtranormal.com/

Yes. The one for law students is pretty good, as well. And made me feel better about not seriously considering law school.

That's some serious state bull you're dealing with, poco_puffs. Why would they exempt students? A good number of students in my program have been on foodstamps here, and I seriously considered it when I was having trouble finding a job last summer (luckily I got bailed out with a RA).

I pack almost all my lunches and cook every meal I can. But my bar budget is non-negotiable.

[Rhet Man]

Classic. I've said this before, but it bears repeating: "If this doesn't motivate you to become an English professor, you're not one of us."

[crae]

[id quid]

"Worst case scenario, I look back on some choice years of my life when I got paid to do something I found inherently worthwhile."

Bingo.

[truckbasket]

Post of the Week Award goes to Crae.

"Worst case scenario, I look back on some choice years of my life when I got paid to do something I found inherently worthwhile."

Bingo.

Not to be crass, but I left a career where I made a substantial amount of money. It had its perks, but was meaningless and ultimately garbage. Getting accepted into a PhD program may mean living on a shoestring budget, but it also means that I get to read and write about stuff I love, and share it with others for a substantial part of my life. No six figure salary can ever top that. Thanks again for posting, Crae.

[Amalia222]

great comeback!

[Amalia222]

even though I find the first video amusing, it does not deter me in the least. I have been broke for years. I am used to eating ramen. I am 32 years old and still live with my parents. I made less than $3500 last year, because I don't have a teaching credential and so am only legally allowed to work part-time in California. The public school system is a mess, and I wouldn't want to work in it even if I had a credential. The job market is abysmal. In the last year, I applied to about 50 jobs. Since all my experience is in teaching, no one would even offer me a secretarial position because I didn't have a "typing certificate" (even though I can type) and no administrative assistant experience. People with 20 years in the industry are applying to jobs I used to get in the summers off from college. To me, 5 years in grad school in creative writing is a dream come true. With my stipend, I can afford to have a small apartment, and it is plenty of money for me if I am frugal. 5 years to read and write and teach? awesome. To even make an adjunct's salary would be more than enough to support my creative writing. I don't particularly care about tenure-track positions, as research is not my main focus. I don't have kids, so I have no problem moving "to the middle of nowhere, nebraska". hehe. But I do think it's important for us to be more realistic. I am beginning to believe that people live in la-la land about the life of professors. The world is changing, and tenure track jobs may be a thing of the past, IMHO.

[crae]

Not to be crass, but I left a career where I made a substantial amount of money. It had its perks, but was meaningless and ultimately garbage. Getting accepted into a PhD program may mean living on a shoestring budget, but it also means that I get to read and write about stuff I love, and share it with others for a substantial part of my life. No six figure salary can ever top that. Thanks again for posting, Crae.

No problem. :-) Just to be clear, I didn't make this video. When I first encountered it (after having watched the countless other videos like the one that started this thread), I was profoundly grateful and even cried a little bit. It articulates exactly my feelings about literature that were my reasons for wanting to get a PhD in the first place. I agree with you, the compensations of studying something you love, really dedicating yourself to it, are way beyond anything money could do for you.

[RockDenali]

Harold Bloom kicks ass.

[zaster]

Here is another response to the original video, not made by me.

[Waiting patiently...]

These are all great posts. I wanted to share some more that I've found. I hope you enjoy.

This is the "Grad Student Rap"

It's pretty hilarious and honestly pretty damn good.

Adam Ruben is the main guy here, My office mate got the book (through Interlibrary loan--I think he would approve); and I highly recommend it as well. Not for the faint of heart, however.

[Waiting patiently...]

Here is the follow up to the original "So you want to get a PhD in the Humanities?" Just as biting, just as hilarious.

The guy they refer to near the end is a tenured Professor at Hope College. His articles should be required reading for anyone who is considering a PhD in the Humanities.

Link to Benton Article

Not to crush anyone's hopes or anything, but I just feel like everyone should go into this with open eyes.

[Waiting patiently...]

Last one, I promise.

This is the advertisement that grad schools SHOULD be putting out:

Believe me, it is definitely worth sitting through the ad.

(just a warning, it is a bit crude at times, but Chaucer is much worse)

Again, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Good luck to all in your academic endeavors.

[ecg1810]

Here is the follow up to the original "So you want to get a PhD in the Humanities?" Just as biting, just as hilarious.

The guy they refer to near the end is a tenured Professor at Hope College. His articles should be required reading for anyone who is considering a PhD in the Humanities.

Link to Benton Article

Not to crush anyone's hopes or anything, but I just feel like everyone should go into this with open eyes.

Re: Benton Article--It's nice to know that one of the fantastic fortunates in the field who holds a tenure-track position didn't even really want to have a career in academe in the first place. . .

Edited March 21, 2011 by ecg1810

[RockDenali]

From the Benton article: The reality is that less than half of all doctorate holders — after nearly a decade of preparation, on average — will ever find tenure-track positions.

I know this will come as a shock to anyone who thinks there should be a one-to-one correspondence between work and success, but a ~50% success rate is pretty damn good for such a competitive field. What in this life is worth doing that's not competitive? What kind of "guaranteed-employment" job is really worth pursuing? Benton's statistic is WAY higher than the statistic for people making it in film, theater, art, athletics, creative writing--hell, for people trying to make it as architects, air traffic controllers, jet pilots, restaraunt owners, social workers, psychologists . . . the list could go on. I'd say Benton's statistic does indeed prove what the older professors were saying: "There are good jobs for good people." We need perspective, fellow applicants. Is a tenure-track position hard to get? Maybe. Depends what you're comparing it to. Harder to get than a job as an engineer or hospice nurse; easier to get than a job as an actor or jet pilot. If you want guaranteed success, better learn to love changing bedpans.

[Rhet Man]

From the Benton article: The reality is that less than half of all doctorate holders — after nearly a decade of preparation, on average — will ever find tenure-track positions.

I know this will come as a shock to anyone who thinks there should be a one-to-one correspondence between work and success, but a ~50% success rate is pretty damn good for such a competitive field. What in this life is worth doing that's not competitive? What kind of "guaranteed-employment" job is really worth pursuing? Benton's statistic is WAY higher than the statistic for people making it in film, theater, art, athletics, creative writing--hell, for people trying to make it as architects, air traffic controllers, jet pilots, restaraunt owners, social workers, psychologists . . . the list could go on. I'd say Benton's statistic does indeed prove what the older professors were saying: "There are good jobs for good people." We need perspective, fellow applicants. Is a tenure-track position hard to get? Maybe. Depends what you're comparing it to. Harder to get than a job as an engineer or hospice nurse; easier to get than a job as an actor or jet pilot. If you want guaranteed success, better learn to love changing bedpans.

Agreed. Moreover, the author makes it seem as if a tenure-track position is the only POSSIBLE positive outcome for a PhD recipient. Reflective of his own high self-opinion, perhaps?

Frankly, his attitude toward undergraduates disgusts me. I wonder if he truly believes that the best and brightest undergraduates are truly naive, psychologically-damaged, praise-seeking, halfwits who don't really deserve their high GPAs. If so, I wish he, and others like him, would help expand the job market for us newbies by getting the hell out of the profession.

Edited March 21, 2011 by Rhet Man

[ecg1810]

Agreed. Moreover, the author makes it seem as if a tenure-track position is the only POSSIBLE positive outcome for a PhD recipient.

Frankly, his attitude toward undergraduates disgusts me. I wonder if he truly believes that the best and brightest undergraduates are truly naive, psychologically-damaged, praise-seeking, halfwits who don't really deserve their high GPAs. If so, I wish he, and others like him, would help expand the job market for us newbies by getting the hell out of the profession.

Couldn't have said it better myself, Rhet Man.

[Waiting patiently...]

I was surprised by his statistic of 50% as well; I think this article is pretty dated. Most of the Directors of Grad Studies I've talked to have noted a sharp drop in placements of any sort (not just tenure-track) within the last few years. I would bet money it is quite a bit lower now since many universities are allowing their tenured faculty core to attenuate with retirements/deaths etc. and then replacing those positions with adjuncts and grad students. Why pay someone whom you can't get rid of a good deal of money when you can pay someone else significantly less and then ditch them when the economy gets bad? That's capitalism, baby.

Of course, I'm all in favor of some good competition, but the playing field seems to be getting smaller at the same time we triple our team sizes. Just a thought...

[Rhet Man]

I was surprised by his statistic of 50% as well; I think this article is pretty dated. Most of the Directors of Grad Studies I've talked to have noted a sharp drop in placements of any sort (not just tenure-track) within the last few years. I would bet money it is quite a bit lower now since many universities are allowing their tenured faculty core to attenuate with retirements/deaths etc. and then replacing those positions with adjuncts and grad students. Why pay someone whom you can't get rid of a good deal of money when you can pay someone else significantly less and then ditch them when the economy gets bad? That's capitalism, baby.

Of course, I'm all in favor of some good competition, but the playing field seems to be getting smaller at the same time we triple our team sizes. Just a thought...

I think it's a flawed approach to discuss the tenure-track job market for "PhDs in the humanities" as if it's homogeneous. For instance, my sub-field in English constitutes about 20% of the total new job hires (thus making it the fastest-growing), and there's only two other specializations that made up more than 10%. I'm very realistic about my future prospects, but I do take some comfort knowing that my area of study is growing.

Again, however...the article's reduction of the question of attending PhD programs to JUST the dearth of jobs is borderline idiotic. We don't do this because it's "practical."

[RockDenali]

I was surprised by his statistic of 50% as well; I think this article is pretty dated. Most of the Directors of Grad Studies I've talked to have noted a sharp drop in placements of any sort (not just tenure-track) within the last few years. I would bet money it is quite a bit lower now since many universities are allowing their tenured faculty core to attenuate with retirements/deaths etc. and then replacing those positions with adjuncts and grad students. Why pay someone whom you can't get rid of a good deal of money when you can pay someone else significantly less and then ditch them when the economy gets bad? That's capitalism, baby.

Of course, I'm all in favor of some good competition, but the playing field seems to be getting smaller at the same time we triple our team sizes. Just a thought...

It's still around 50%, at least as recently as last year's MLA stats; his article was written in 2009, I believe. Not too dated. And, of course, that's a "humanities-wide" statistic. In rhetoric/composition, even during the last two years, placement in TT positions has been well above 80%. But then, that may be because there aren't nearly as many rhetoric programs as literature programs. But it seems that literature is still not as competitive as history, which has perenially been a tough place to find tenure.

Point is, we're not (nor were we as undergrads) victims of some "trap" or Machiavellian system. We know what we're getting into, just like Marine recruits who've watched Full Metal Jacket a million times know what boot camp is all about. We're going to bust our asses with only a partial guarantee of a job. So what? That's how America works, whether I'm a business major or an art major. The key is to be smart about the ass-busting. For starters, don't take out more than a small loan for your entire graduate education ($8500 subsidized, tops). Gain some related practical skills while you're there: become fluent in Spanish, learn programming, learn web publishing. Work summers outside of the university (or volunteer a few hours if you have to) as a tech writer or advertising assistant or autism tutor or whatever. Hell, instead of getting that minor in Religion, take some community college classes that will give you some practical skills.

We need to stop thinking that academia was ever a sure-thing. Wasn't one of Chaucer's pilgrims basically a grad student bitching about how no one cares about his wares? And I just read a great Chronicle piece about the difficulty of attaining tenure in the Reformation era. The playing field has always been small.