conflict resolution with a class mate?

[nehs]

Hello!

I am in desperate need of suggestions here. I'm in a Master's program and this is my first semester. My Dept is a little weird in scheduling classes. I say weird because the grad classes are held from 4-7 pm and then 7-10 pm. The 4-7pm schedule is ok with me but the class that ends at 10 pm is crazy. And I live 1.5 hours away from campus.

To add to this problem of mine : The prof put us in groups so that we could have our class readings/group work /presentations done in this same group throughout the semester. Now this class supposedly ends at 10 PM but the prof said he will almost always leave us out early like 9 pm or so. This is a HUGE relief for me. BUT, there is this other group member who wants to stay in late up to 10 pm or even beyond to finish the group work on the same day and without 'scheduling' other times. I'm freaking out, I told the group that "I prefer to leave early and come in some other day for the discussion or come in prior to the class starts to hold our discussions". Apparently, this member does not see herself coming in some other day or earlier the same day.Looks like a scheduling conflict is going to happen soon.

So what can I do now? I don't know what the other members have to say about this, I'm yet to get the details.

[ktel]

It seems to be a battle of your personal preferences. She does not want to come in on other days, you do not want to stay late. I would suggest you compromise. Explain to her your long commute and how you don't want to be getting home at midnight if you stay that late. Suggest you stay late every second week and meet at a normal time in the weeks between. I don't understand why she wouldn't be willing to come in earlier on the same day, perhaps you should find out why.

[emmm]

This is a tough one -- everyone registered knowing the class was listed as running until 10 pm. She may have planned her schedule based on this. I can see the benefit of just getting the work all done at once, especially if her days are full of other responsibilities. Is it possible to rearrange groups?

[nehs]

It seems to be a battle of your personal preferences. She does not want to come in on other days, you do not want to stay late. I would suggest you compromise. Explain to her your long commute and how you don't want to be getting home at midnight if you stay that late. Suggest you stay late every second week and meet at a normal time in the weeks between. I don't understand why she wouldn't be willing to come in earlier on the same day, perhaps you should find out why.

Thanks for your reply. I could suggest staying in late every other week and then she compromise the other 2 weeks every month. She has work at that hour which makes it hard to come in earlier

Edited September 1, 2011 by nehs

[nehs]

This is a tough one -- everyone registered knowing the class was listed as running until 10 pm. She may have planned her schedule based on this. I can see the benefit of just getting the work all done at once, especially if her days are full of other responsibilities. Is it possible to rearrange groups?

Thanks for ur reply. Yes, you are right. We all registered thinking the class ends at 10 PM but I was secretly praying that this prof is light on us, which he apparently is. So the thought os 'making my mind go to 10 pm' again is frustrating and over whelming to me.! Moreover ,my husband goes crazy with this late schedule too, it messes a lot of things for both of us. I'm considering dropping the course but then I cannot find any other course for a replacement. So I would have very 'less' load.

[robot_hamster]

I can understand her not wanting to come in another day. If she isn't already there on said day, then why would she want to make a special trip? I understand how you feel as well though, I would want to get the heck out of there! Haha! I agree with the others, try making a compromise where you stay late some of the time and she comes early some of the time. Or, if you are really good at piecing things together, some of the group could work on things without everyone present all the time. I have done that before, but it works best when other people in your group have similar a similar style of writing, etc. People who couldn't be there would just agree to work on X, while everyone else worked on Y. Then everything could be combined later with some carefully tailoring, of course.

[rising_star]

Honestly, I think you're overreacting. If the class is scheduled to run to 10pm and you didn't want to stay that late, you shouldn't have signed up for it. Asking someone to take off work because you won't stay as late as the course is scheduled to run is ridiculous.

[long_time_lurker]

Ugh. Group work. I feel bad for you.

late up to 10 pm or even beyond

You all signed up to stay until 10 so really this is the most sensible thing to do. However, you must put your foot down about going past 10, tell her this is a safety issue if you're taking trains and/or buses. Really no one else is going to want to stick around there either.

Coming early is going to be hard for people because getting there before 7 isn't going to be easy for anyone who gets out at 5. And honestly, you're not going to want to make an extra trip, 3 hours on trains and buses, just to do group work assignments. That would make me jump on the tracks!!

I wish professors would think of this before doing this kind of thing. Not only is it unfair to grade on a group basis, but it is a tremendous inconvenience.

[nehs]

I can understand her not wanting to come in another day. If she isn't already there on said day, then why would she want to make a special trip? I understand how you feel as well though, I would want to get the heck out of there! Haha! I agree with the others, try making a compromise where you stay late some of the time and she comes early some of the time. Or, if you are really good at piecing things together, some of the group could work on things without everyone present all the time. I have done that before, but it works best when other people in your group have similar a similar style of writing, etc. People who couldn't be there would just agree to work on X, while everyone else worked on Y. Then everything could be combined later with some carefully tailoring, of course.

Yeah, have to got to work at this. May be I"ll compromise soem days and the others compromise on other days. Also, some pieces of work can be done independently, as you say

[nehs]

Honestly, I think you're overreacting. If the class is scheduled to run to 10pm and you didn't want to stay that late, you shouldn't have signed up for it. Asking someone to take off work because you won't stay as late as the course is scheduled to run is ridiculous.

I know. I realize this and see the point now. Wel, the issue is this other person wants to work well-into the night, even after 10 pm, if needed. So that's also a problem!

[nehs]

long_time_lurker, i SO HATe group projects too. These professors claim that it prepares us for the real world out there. While I do agree t oan extent, the situation in a work environment is different: everyone has the same 8 am to 5 pm and each person of a group/team can squeeze is a few minutes here and there if required. However, in school, especially grad program(MS/MA), students prefer to come in attend class and then go back to work or home. Its not like undergrad where many will still be lurking around after class. Wish professors would understand these issues. And not to mention how these issues 'could' affect grades. Sigh!

I think you are right about not anyone wanting to wait too late. Its already 9 pm or 930 PM and when the class leaves, we all want to leave,reach home and hit the bed.

Ugh. Group work. I feel bad for you.

You all signed up to stay until 10 so really this is the most sensible thing to do. However, you must put your foot down about going past 10, tell her this is a safety issue if you're taking trains and/or buses. Really no one else is going to want to stick around there either.

Coming early is going to be hard for people because getting there before 7 isn't going to be easy for anyone who gets out at 5. And honestly, you're not going to want to make an extra trip, 3 hours on trains and buses, just to do group work assignments. That would make me jump on the tracks!!

I wish professors would think of this before doing this kind of thing. Not only is it unfair to grade on a group basis, but it is a tremendous inconvenience.

[nehs]

However, you must put your foot down about going past 10, tell her this is a safety issue if you're taking trains and/or buses.

Good idea, I think I"ll put this across and this is definitely a BIG issue for me. I live in NY and use the train for commute, I'm already terrified about starting from class at 10 PM and being all alone on the subway, I think I"ll get a heart attack if I leave class at 11 PM instead .

[Eigen]

long_time_lurker, i SO HATe group projects too. These professors claim that it prepares us for the real world out there. While I do agree t oan extent, the situation in a work environment is different: everyone has the same 8 am to 5 pm and each person of a group/team can squeeze is a few minutes here and there if required. However, in school, especially grad program(MS/MA), students prefer to come in attend class and then go back to work or home. Its not like undergrad where many will still be lurking around after class. Wish professors would understand these issues. And not to mention how these issues 'could' affect grades. Sigh!

I think that's less different than the real world than you might expect, depending on exactly where you work. If you're working a salaried (non-hourly) position, you're most likely not working strict 8-5 hours, but rather working as necessary to complete the projects on your plate. Add that to the fact that you may (or may not) be working only with people from your company, division, etc.... And scheduling times to work on projects gets even more important.

What I'd suggest is trying to find a "real world" solution- use shared dropbox folders to work on projects, send e-mails, IM, etc.... Rarely do you actually physically need to be together to work on a project. Meet up for 10-15 minutes after class and divide up the work, then meet for another 20-30 minutes before class to make sure it all fits together. With all of the online collaboration options that are available these days, you really shouldn't need to do the majority of the work in one place at one time.

[StrangeLight]

see if you can get your group using google docs and dropbox to be able to work on projects together on your own time, from home or wherever else you work. if your groupmates want you to stay to 10 pm, then stay until 10 pm. you're lucky your prof lets you out early. i have a few that keep us 30-60 minutes late, and those are evening classes as well. if others want to work past 10 pm, let them, but tell them you need to leave. as long as you ask for tasks to complete on your own and bring them to your next meetings, you'll still be contributing.

in the future, if ending class at 10 pm is a problem, don't register for that class. simple. if it's a required course, suck it up. carry pepper spray if you want added security. see if any of your classmates are headed the same direction as you and leave as a group. work a cab ride home into your budget. ask your husband to meet you at campus and take the trains home together. at least you'd have the commute to spend time with each other. none of these are ideal options, i realize, but you signed up for the class. it is entirely reasonable for your groupmates to expect you to be available during class hours.

Edited September 6, 2011 by StrangeLight

[Sigaba]

carry pepper spray if you want added security.

Based upon my discussions with the L.A. County Sheriffs Department, I suggest that, before carrying pepper spray, one carefully research the law. If you deploy pepper spray, you may be opening yourself to a number of criminal and civil legal liabilities. (You spray a guy, a bystander suffers from the spray, you get charged with assault because the use of the spray was unwarranted, AND you get sued.)

Although more expensive, a viable alternative to pepper spray is a military grade handheld high intensity LED flashlight (an example). Such a light can be used to disorient temporarily an assailant while one makes beats a hasty retreat.

[nehs]

I think that's less different than the real world than you might expect, depending on exactly where you work. If you're working a salaried (non-hourly) position, you're most likely not working strict 8-5 hours, but rather working as necessary to complete the projects on your plate. Add that to the fact that you may (or may not) be working only with people from your company, division, etc.... And scheduling times to work on projects gets even more important.

What I'd suggest is trying to find a "real world" solution- use shared dropbox folders to work on projects, send e-mails, IM, etc.... Rarely do you actually physically need to be together to work on a project. Meet up for 10-15 minutes after class and divide up the work, then meet for another 20-30 minutes before class to make sure it all fits together. With all of the online collaboration options that are available these days, you really shouldn't need to do the majority of the work in one place at one time.

You are so on the point! True, even in a real world we all have different schedules. Drop bix folders, emails etc sounds like a good option.

[nehs]

see if you can get your group using google docs and dropbox to be able to work on projects together on your own time, from home or wherever else you work. if your groupmates want you to stay to 10 pm, then stay until 10 pm. you're lucky your prof lets you out early. i have a few that keep us 30-60 minutes late, and those are evening classes as well. if others want to work past 10 pm, let them, but tell them you need to leave. as long as you ask for tasks to complete on your own and bring them to your next meetings, you'll still be contributing.

in the future, if ending class at 10 pm is a problem, don't register for that class. simple. if it's a required course, suck it up. carry pepper spray if you want added security. see if any of your classmates are headed the same direction as you and leave as a group. work a cab ride home into your budget. ask your husband to meet you at campus and take the trains home together. at least you'd have the commute to spend time with each other. none of these are ideal options, i realize, but you signed up for the class. it is entirely reasonable for your groupmates to expect you to be available during class hours.

Yes, I'm going to start working on something like drop boxes and then just communicating with eac hpther. Now, this seems a lot less stressful to me.

Yes, the class is mandatory and is suually offered at this time. Ofcourse, it might be offered at an earlier time on some semester but we will never know which semester that is. So i have o option but suck it up and sit for class!

[nehs]

your point noted! However, I don't think I'm going to carry any of these items as of now. Not sure if it is even legal in my state. I'm just going to cross fingers and come home

Based upon my discussions with the L.A. County Sheriffs Department, I suggest that, before carrying pepper spray, one carefully research the law. If you deploy pepper spray, you may be opening yourself to a number of criminal and civil legal liabilities. (You spray a guy, a bystander suffers from the spray, you get charged with assault because the use of the spray was unwarranted, AND you get sued.)

Although more expensive, a viable alternative to pepper spray is a military grade handheld high intensity LED flashlight (an example). Such a light can be used to disorient temporarily an assailant while one makes beats a hasty retreat.