Is there an alternative to dropping out? Medical leave?

[ceilel341]

(Note: What you're about to read is not representative of the grad school experience. Just ask any of my fellow students)

I think that I am experiencing the symptoms of depression. I've had enormous difficulty coping with my course work and I don't want to do anything at all. I'm also, tired, angry and do not love my work anymore. I always imagined that grad school would be wonderful, now I realize that it has only exacerbated my mental health issues (that I did not know existed). What happened to my happiness? Maybe the problem is that I try to find happiness in school alone.

So, is there anyway to take time off? I do not want to drop out! I can't seem to meet with a health professional for another two weeks! I find it difficult to wait so long. I was an excellent student in high school and college, but now all that I make are C's and low B's and I generally loathe everything about my school. I've realized that my school and grad school is not the problem, I think that I need a breather. Can anyone help?

I feel guilty, because I was so excited and grateful to get a TA, but now I will surely lose it if I can't find anyway to re-center my mental landscape. I'm certain that other grad students have had experience in this area. I don't want to ruin my future! I also do not want to tell my advisor this, because he has such a pristine opinion of me. Please help, I have no one else to talk to right now. I have a bunch of assignments due, but it's difficult to work when you feel hopeless and lack motivation. All that I can seem to do is to search for amusement online and feel empty. I had such high hopes.

What would you do in my situation? I could go into immense detail about my difficulties, but I don't think it's necessary.

Edited October 16, 2011 by ceilel341

[robot_hamster]

Who is this health care professional you wish to see? Does your school have a counseling center? The reason I ask is because most schools have something and you can usually get in to see some one right away. It might help to just talk to someone about your problems, at least until you can get in to see someone who can assess your condition and prescribe something (if they think it's necessary). I understand what you're going through and I've been depressed myself. But having someone to physically talk to can help.

[juilletmercredi]

(Note: What you're about to read is not representative of the grad school experience. Just ask any of my fellow students)

Not sure I entirely agree with this. There are a few studies on graduate students in my field (psychology) and they show that most doctoral students have experienced symptoms of depression at some point in their program. And just anecdotally, everyone in my cohort - including me - exhibited symptoms of depression, anxiety, or both and started utilizing the counseling services on campus at some point during their career. It's quite common for even students with no history of mental health problems to experience depression during their doctoral careers, and for students who already have a history of mental health issues, it can be even worse.

But to answer your question, yes, it is possible to take time off. You can take a leave of absence for up to a year at most schools, and you can also take a mediccal leave.

[StrangeLight]

yes you can take time off.

you should talk to your advisor or the director of grad studies about this, and consider being specific. while you say your advisor has a "pristine" opinion of you, you also say that you're getting Bs and Cs. that pristine opinion won't last long, and your best bet is to be open and honest about your struggles.

also, i second (third?) seeing the counseling center while you wait for your doctor's appointment.

[butterfingers2010]

It sounds like you might be having difficulty adjusting to what is a huge change in your life...starting grad school and the next step in your career. I think it's fairly normal to feel some anxiety over this, but if you feel like your depression is getting excessive you should definitely seek help. Is there a counseling center at your school? I think most schools have them, which is a great resource when you need this type of help but are on a limited income.

Part of the problem may also be that you haven't established a good balance in your life. You have to learn how to take good care of yourself at the end of the day by making time for healthy eating, exercise, relaxation, friends, and fun. Grad school is a lot of work but you should still purposely plan time every day just for yourself so that you can unwind. Seeking out a support network among your fellow students and colleagues is important, too. If you feel like you don't know people well enough to lean on them emotionally, try calling up trusted friends and family members to talk about what you're going through. In the meantime, try to make an effort to make friends, because they will be a vital part of enjoying your grad school experience. You could try joining professional organizations other activities for grad students at your school. Try to identify some of the new people you've met who you are interested in socializing with and invite them out for coffee or lunch sometime. It takes awhile to build relationships but its definitely worth the effort in the end.

If you are having trouble completing assignments, you could try breaking them up into more managable segments and then planning a schedule around this. For example, if you are writing a paper you could make it a goal to find 5 sources by tommorrow, read up on 2 sources the day after, 2 the day after that, have the notes all written up by Friday, and outline done by Saturday,etc. until the project is done. Make sure to take plenty of breaks inbetween to do something you enjoy. I know it seems that there is not much you enjoy right now, but surely you had some favorite stress relievers/activities in the past that you could learn to enjoy again.

Good luck with everything and I hope you're on your way to feeling better soon!