0% Confidence of Acceptance

[pel]

The feeling gets worse after the first rejection.. just saying..

Edited February 2, 2012 by pelin

[rawera]

The feeling gets worse after the first rejection.. just saying..

Yeah I was going to come and post "oh so this is 0% confidence" but I didn't want to be a downer. broken ice and all.

[Tabz]

Well, if nothing else, we're still awesome.

[yank in the M20]

the biggest problem with this fact is they all assume you are going to get in to schools. they do this partially to try to make you feel better, but all it really does is make you feel worse, because now you are in some way letting down people that are not you. we're the only ones that actually understand that when 500 people apply for 10 slots, odds are pretty good you are going to be in the 490 rather than the 10 regardless of your qualifications, abilities, devotion, or potential. failure is a theoretical until you click those submit buttons, at which point the reality of the situation begins to dawn.

Last year I had the added humiliation that all of my professors, being from England, which admits most applicants (I would guess 90%) and then just gives funding to a limited number, just assumed I would get in everywhere I applied, as did my family/friends, which means so did I--I didn't find this site until a few months after my rejections or I would have known what to expect. Imagine what it was like telling my professors I'd gotten in nowhere and trying to hint at the low odds of getting in (to my all top-tier schools) without looking as though I was justifying. And my friends from the UK all started their PhDs this year--and here I am going through it all again while they're learning how to research at a higher level, really getting stuck into their topics (because here in the UK you start your dissertation immediately--it's a three-year research PhD. At least this time I applied to a range of schools. If I still don't get in anywhere, then I've decided it's not meant to be. I'm moving on. But I want to get in, obviously, though it's hard to admit that one of the reasons is so that all the people I know at the Uni here don't feel sorry for me. I don't want to be that poor girl that tried her hardest but just didn't cut it. I know that's unreasonable and they won't see me that way, but doesn't mean I don't worry.

[TripWillis]

WORD. The growing suspense is killing me, minute by minute. (I'm looking at you, USC American Studies & Ethnicity!)

TripWills, I've been meaning to ask you if you considered applying to USC. Your interests sound like they might be a good fit for the ASE program.

Thanks for the tip! Maybe if I don't make it this time around...

[marlowe]

Last year I had the added humiliation that all of my professors, being from England, which admits most applicants (I would guess 90%) and then just gives funding to a limited number, just assumed I would get in everywhere I applied, as did my family/friends, which means so did I--I didn't find this site until a few months after my rejections or I would have known what to expect. Imagine what it was like telling my professors I'd gotten in nowhere and trying to hint at the low odds of getting in (to my all top-tier schools) without looking as though I was justifying. And my friends from the UK all started their PhDs this year--and here I am going through it all again while they're learning how to research at a higher level, really getting stuck into their topics (because here in the UK you start your dissertation immediately--it's a three-year research PhD. At least this time I applied to a range of schools. If I still don't get in anywhere, then I've decided it's not meant to be. I'm moving on. But I want to get in, obviously, though it's hard to admit that one of the reasons is so that all the people I know at the Uni here don't feel sorry for me. I don't want to be that poor girl that tried her hardest but just didn't cut it. I know that's unreasonable and they won't see me that way, but doesn't mean I don't worry.

I feel your pain. My best friend from my MA is in his final PhD year. He'll be finished before I even begin.

[yank in the M20]

I feel your pain. My best friend from my MA is in his final PhD year. He'll be finished before I even begin.

It's hard because we did/actually still do edit each other's work, but it's not a long time off until I'm too far behind to actually be helpful. I mean, I will be writing seminar papers and conference papers and maybe even getting published while they're writing disseration/book chapters--a totally different kettle of fish that I have heard, and believe, is hard to understand until you've done it--I mean, the level of sustained, interconnected arguments you are pursuing is nothing like an essay with a central argument or a master's thesis with, essentially, the same thing, just segmented. Let's just tell ourselves that we'll have some good friends hopefully nicely settled at good universities before we go on the market which has got to be somewhat beneficial.

[Mistral]

Let's just tell ourselves that we'll have some good friends hopefully nicely settled at good universities before we go on the market which has got to be somewhat beneficial.

Great point to keep in mind!

[marlowe]

If they are in the UK, there is a good chance they will be doing a post-doc until they get that solid job offer.

[marruma]

Does anyone lie awake at night and think about admissions committees as selfless human beings acting under the worst possible conditions? Or, wonder if they sometimes say to themselves, yes I love this applicant and his/her perspective but we just don't have the resources to accommodate fairly. So, it’s like an although they want you, they can’t have you kind of deal.

Or, I sometimes wonder if they are really just accepting people to join their ‘family’.

Anyway, my point is that I feel so alienated from this whole process that I've resorted to imaginative escapes. (I should have filed this under the creative writing post, but I haven't read that thread yet.)

Edited February 2, 2012 by marruma

[vordhosbntwin]

yes

[TripWillis]

Does anyone lie awake at night and think about admissions committees as selfless human beings acting under the worst possible conditions? Or, wonder if they sometimes say to themselves, yes I love this applicant and his/her perspective but we just don't have the resources to accommodate fairly. So, it’s like an although they want you, they can’t have you kind of deal.

Or, I sometimes wonder if they are really just accepting people to join their ‘family’.

Anyway, my point is that I feel so alienated from this whole process that I've resorted to imaginative escapes. (I should have filed this under the creative writing post, but I haven't read that thread yet.)

When I lie awake at night, I am mostly wondering why I didn't go into nursing/accounting/plumbing.

[vordhosbntwin]

hopefully because this is what matters to you.

[Two Espressos]

When I lie awake at night, I am mostly wondering why I didn't go into nursing/accounting/plumbing.

While those are all vitally important jobs, they offer no intellectual stimulation whatsoever. As much as the job market, public opinion, and (financial) opportunity cost suck for humanities PhDs, there are very few other jobs that provide the kind of intense intellectual pleasure that academia does.

[TripWillis]

While those are all vitally important jobs, they offer no intellectual stimulation whatsoever. As much as the job market, public opinion, and (financial) opportunity cost suck for humanities PhDs, there are very few other jobs that provide the kind of intense intellectual pleasure that academia does.

I s'pose.

[litjust]

These days, I always lay awake at night...

[ahembree]

These days, I always lay awake at night...

heh...lay...

[TripWillis]

heh...lay...

Only here would this be funny.

[litjust]

Yeah, after I posted it I thought "wait, is it 'lay' or 'lie'?" and then I said eff it

[Leon1122]

first 4 rejections... shit

[yank in the M20]

first 4 rejections... shit

And I'm still in the wait camp, though Pittsburgh has accepted, rejected and waitlisted others. What about me, damn it! I know it's a reject, I just want it done and over with. I'm feeling very negative and so quite sure that I won't be getting in anywhere and already forming my Plan B--my first rejection will sort of be a tidal wave for the rest to follow...just like last year.

[rawera]

Every adcom is different.

[rawera]

R-right?

[Pynchonette]

Ugh, am I the only one who has not heard back anything from anyone and feels like a complete masochist to have even started this process?

[lolopixie]

No, you're not. There's a couple of people that haven't heard anything from any school yet. Just depends on where you applied. 4/5 of my schools have not reported yet.