Post-Acceptance Stress & Misc. Banter

[hazelbite]

I worry about being dirt poor for six years while my friends take fancy vacations and buy apartments.

I feel that, but your friends probably don't get to read books all day and write what they want.

[anxious_aspirant]

I feel that, but your friends probably don't get to read books all day and write what they want.

This. Is. The dream.

[ComeBackZinc]

I'm staring at a blinking cursor, slowly going mad from the pressure to finish this paper for tomorrow, and wondering if you guys really want to be doing this next year....

[eriksmegs]

I can only speak in a limited anecdotal sense, but in both my MA program and my PhD program, students have become pregnant and had babies. In each case, the department was super supportive, and they were both able to continue on schedule with the help of a sympathetic administration. I think the chances are good you would find your own program similarly accommodating.

This is comforting to know, thanks!

[TripWillis]

Just thought I'd share that I'm in line to see Bjork right now. This has been such a good month!

[cquin]

Trip! I'm so envious! I tried to snag tickets but failed. Say hi to Bjork for me

[myriadways]

I've been a little intimidated from the opposite side of the spectrum. I guess coming into the process I just assumed lots of people would be applying straight from undergrad, but I now am realizing that's definitely not the case. Imposter syndrome will really sink in when I realize I'm one of the youngest in my program, I'm sure. I'm at the point in my life when I still, well, to put it nicely, indulge in undergrad culture. I'm ready to "grow up" in the sense that I'm going to be throwing myself into graduate studies, but in terms of things like marriage and family...not at all on my radar at this point.

I'm kind of in the middle of the spectrum, I suppose. Married for three years but in my early twenties and coming straight from a BA, (and I took no time off after high school, either) so I've got some incredibly aggravating imposter syndrome feelings coupled with a fear that there will never really be a good time for us to have kids. Too many things on my radar!! Aaargh! I've spoken to a number of profs about the whole family thing, and it seems as though their opinions vary as drastically as their own situations. Some are tenured and waited until they were to have kids (which puts them at late-30s for the first kid), and one had 3 (!!) during her MA/PhD years. Both had reasonably good experiences. I suppose we'll all just have to see where life takes us.

Oh, and Trip, so jealous about Bjork. If it were Sigur Ros, though, I think I would have to somehow teleport to NYC.

[Fiona Thunderpaws]

I've been a little intimidated from the opposite side of the spectrum. I guess coming into the process I just assumed lots of people would be applying straight from undergrad, but I now am realizing that's definitely not the case. Imposter syndrome will really sink in when I realize I'm one of the youngest in my program, I'm sure. I'm at the point in my life when I still, well, to put it nicely, indulge in undergrad culture. I'm ready to "grow up" in the sense that I'm going to be throwing myself into graduate studies, but in terms of things like marriage and family...not at all on my radar at this point.

Bdon-- go to UT Austin and when I get accepted off the waitlist, we will be the youngest in our cohort together! I figured applying when I was young would be helpful because I don't have any responsibilities holding me back, and I can still survive from a substandard diet and sleep schedule.

But I get where everyone else is coming from with the whole relationship/kids thing... My mom keeps telling me things like how it's okay I'm in the humanities, because I'll never have to support a family. She's also said that education is a good field for a woman to go into, because there's a lot of time off. And I'm like "...I'm going into academia, not education." The worst thing is that she really believes these things *facepalm*. Also, I'm pretty sure my tenure track relationship might not be able to survive grad school. Sooo, yeah. Wow, this was kind of depressing, sorry all.

[spasticlitotes]

I missed you guys. Hello.

[WendyMoira]

I've been a little intimidated from the opposite side of the spectrum. I guess coming into the process I just assumed lots of people would be applying straight from undergrad, but I now am realizing that's definitely not the case. Imposter syndrome will really sink in when I realize I'm one of the youngest in my program, I'm sure. I'm at the point in my life when I still, well, to put it nicely, indulge in undergrad culture. I'm ready to "grow up" in the sense that I'm going to be throwing myself into graduate studies, but in terms of things like marriage and family...not at all on my radar at this point.

I'm with you, bdon. I feel a little over my head-did my BA in three years, teaching high school this year, and it's off to Austin for me (or at least it looks like it). I really really hope they didn't make a mistake...

On another note, the whole starting marriage thing is a question for me, too. I really don't want to keep my relationship in a state of limbo for 6 years (which is how I would describe it now, since our application decisions are so sporadic), but I can't see another option. Kids, thankfully, do not trouble me. Don't want them, don't want to want them, and so glad my partner is ok with that. I want to foster.

[TripWillis]

Bjork was INCREDIBLE. I was close enough to say hi for you, cquin. But not as close as when I saw her at the New York Hall of Science two weeks ago. 800 person venue for motherfucking Bjork. Fuck. Sorry for my language. She is a goddess.

Myriadways -- I've seen Sigur Ros 3 times and it's basically a religious experience every time.

[Olga Childs]

Hi vordhosbntwin - I am thinking that, if I do get the Fulbright, I will defer Yale for the year. I've already talked to my department and they cleared it (pending an actual acceptance and permission from GSAS, of course). Somehow, though, the Fulbright just doesn't seem worth it anymore...I think it says so in my profile, but I'm an ETA applicant. I mainly applied because (apart from the desperate desire to return to Russia as soon as possible) I wanted to have a year to improve my language skills for grad school. I was under the impression that my application was too weak to garner any acceptances the first round, and was at peace with having to apply in a future cycle. Obviously, that isn't how it turned out. What is your proposed research, if you don't mind my asking?

Hi pelevinfan,

Sorry for the off topic, but I saw your post and I am totally fascinated, as a Russian person (although not a Pelevin fan particularly). So I take it you aren't Russian at all, and have just studied the language academically? Soviet and post-Soviet sci-fi and fantasy? Wow. There is REALLY not a lot of that going around among genuine Americans )) Strugatskie? Lukyanenko? I have lived in the US for many years, and also went back to Russia and worked with expats (mostly journalists) quite a bit, and even though I have met several people who spoke decent Russian having learnt it in college or above, I know only one who knows it well enough to read anything of that sort. And oh what mixed feelings I experience every time someone says they can't wait to return to Russia! Because you know, most of us Russians would like to avoid doing that, ever )) Anyway, respect!

[pelevinfan]

Hi pelevinfan,

Sorry for the off topic, but I saw your post and I am totally fascinated, as a Russian person (although not a Pelevin fan particularly). So I take it you aren't Russian at all, and have just studied the language academically? Soviet and post-Soviet sci-fi and fantasy? Wow. There is REALLY not a lot of that going around among genuine Americans )) Strugatskie? Lukyanenko? I have lived in the US for many years, and also went back to Russia and worked with expats (mostly journalists) quite a bit, and even though I have met several people who spoke decent Russian having learnt it in college or above, I know only one who knows it well enough to read anything of that sort. And oh what mixed feelings I experience every time someone says they can't wait to return to Russia! Because you know, most of us Russians would like to avoid doing that, ever )) Anyway, respect!

Hi Olga -

Glad to hear that someone finds my research interests, well, interesting :-) Yes, I have been studying Russian academically, and I also stayed in Moscow for four months last spring. I know that a lot of Russians (especially the ones I met) think I'm crazy for wanting to go back. I can't help it though, I do!

Я не могу сказать, что я свободно говорю по-русски. Я сейчас читаю рассказы Пелевина, например, по-русски, а обычно романы я читаю по-английски, то есть переводы.

You've named some of the central figures of my research right now! I've spent A LOT of time with the Strugatsky brothers, and I'm actually working with Lukyanenko right now. I'm comparing the Night Watch series with the films that have been made of them. I have to say, he's a bit more commercial than I would like (which isn't helping my research) but certainly an enjoyable read.

Thanks for the interest!

[DorindaAfterThyrsis]

Well, my season of waiting is officially over (save for a few rejections making their way to me via snail mail). Final record: 2/10.

If my hockey team went on a streak where they were 2-8, I would be absolutely flipping the pool. Trying not to let my sadness over the NO's outweigh my elation over the YESses.....but it's hard! I think it's contrary to my genetic make-up to think positively.

Both my acceptances came VERY early in the season, so I think my feeling of sadness is exacerbated by the fact that my initial joy of being accepted had already been replaced by stress and anxiety by the time my rejections started rolling in.....and the string of 7 big, impersonal no's without that remaining happiness buffer was...painful, to say the least.

I think I need to spend some time re-discovering the wonderful things that attracted me to my acceptances in the first place, rather than dwelling on the wonderful elements of the programs that didn't want me. Perspective readjustment is very, very necessary.

I'm glad it's over. Wish I would have ended up with a few more options, but grateful to come out on the other side alive, and with a shred (a very small shred) of sanity.

Edited February 29, 2012 by DorindaAfterThyrsis

[takethiswaltz]

Chicago and Duke English are wonderful programs, Dorinda. Please revel in your acceptance to them; it really is no small feat to be admitted.

How did everything go at Duke? I'm assuming I'll be seeing you in Chicago in a few days!

[TripWillis]

Well, my season of waiting is officially over (save for a few rejections making their way to me via snail mail). Final record: 2/10.

If my hockey team went on a streak where they were 2-10, I would be absolutely flipping the pool. Trying not to let my sadness over the NO's outweigh my elation over the YESses.....but it's hard! I think it's contrary to my genetic make-up to think positively.

Both my acceptances came VERY early in the season, so I think my feeling of sadness is exacerbated by the fact that my initial joy of being accepted had already been replaced by stress and anxiety by the time my rejections started rolling in.....and the string of 7 big, impersonal no's without that remaining happiness buffer was...painful, to say the least.

I think I need to spend some time re-discovering the wonderful things that attracted me to my acceptances in the first place, rather than dwelling on the wonderful elements of the programs that didn't want me. Perspective readjustment is very, very necessary.

I'm glad it's over. Wish I would have ended up with a few more options, but grateful to come out on the other side alive, and with a shred (a very small shred) of sanity.

I'm glad you're back on the board! How was Durham? You should be very proud of your 2/10 (especially considering where you got in, whoa!). Did you see that arrivant went 1/12 with an acceptance at Columbia?? Crazy!

That said, I understand what you mean. I got all three of my acceptances on the first week of February, then 6 rejections and 1 waitlist thereafter. Kind of hilarious how it worked in streaks like that. The opening 3 made me think I was gonna run the table and have to choose between Harvard and Yale. Oh how naive I was. Really, with the fact that Buffalo didn't offer funding and with a high position on the Rutgers waitlist, I'm probably looking at 3-7 overall, which is the grad school equivalent of the Red Wings reaching the Western Conference Finals, if you think about it.

[The Aged P]

I'm glad it's over. Wish I would have ended up with a few more options, but grateful to come out on the other side alive, and with a shred (a very small shred) of sanity.

Yes to all this. I now have a (totally expected) rejection from the last place that could have affected my decision. I went 1/6, and the 1 would always have been my first or second choice. It isn't that I necessarily wanted options, as confident decision making has never been my forte. I'm merely struggling with the impostor syndrome that we've all agreed is an inevitable side effect of a lone acceptance. The absurd thing is that, had I gone 0/6, I would have been whining that I'm totally cut out for doctoral study and the adcomms just don't get me.

Ah well. Onward and upward. After months of crippling, stomach-churning anxiety, it's time to let myself be excited that I am getting a Ph-effing-D. At CUNY no less! And you have two seriously kickass options, Dorinda. You owe yourself several high-fives and a stiff drink.

[TripWillis]

Ah well. Onward and upward. After months of crippling, stomach-churning anxiety, it's time to let myself be excited that I am getting a Ph-effing-D. At CUNY no less!

Will I see you at the open house? I'm still a little torn between CUNY and Rutgers, but I'm excited to go find out more!

[The Aged P]

Yes, definitely! I'll be scanning the crowd for a James Baldwin type. And I hear you on the CUNY vs. Rutgers question. I would be a sweaty, quivering, indecisive wreck in your position.

[koolherc]

Yes, definitely! I'll be scanning the crowd for a James Baldwin type.

:lol:

[TripWillis]

Yes, definitely! I'll be scanning the crowd for a James Baldwin type.

I am considerably whiter and less handsome than James Baldwin, but don't let that fool you. I'm J.B. to the bone.

[skybythelight]

Here's a somewhat silly question: what exactly is the protocol for declining an offer? I'm nearly positive I'll be declining my acceptance to OSU because I was offered a much better funding package at Washington State... so do I need to write a formal e-mail with my reasons, etc.? argh, I've never done this before. And didn't anticipate having options. The stress!

[royo0210]

Is anyone else feeling totally at a loss for how to decide between programs? At the moment, I am leaning towards Rutgers, because they gave me a superior financial package. Does anyone have any general advice for how much to 'follow the money'? I really like all the programs I've been accepted into and there's not one I like wildly over the others.

[Mr Grimwig]

Is anyone else feeling totally at a loss for how to decide between programs? At the moment, I am leaning towards Rutgers, because they gave me a superior financial package. Does anyone have any general advice for how much to 'follow the money'? I really like all the programs I've been accepted into and there's not one I like wildly over the others.

I think the most important thing is to look at which department has the best people to fit your field and interests, which program seems to be more successful in finding its graduates good jobs, and which program is in the best setting to make you productive and relatively happy. The money is important, yes, but if it means throwing away a better option in terms of fit or where you'd rather be located, I wouldn't strictly "follow the money".

[TripWillis]

Is anyone else feeling totally at a loss for how to decide between programs? At the moment, I am leaning towards Rutgers, because they gave me a superior financial package. Does anyone have any general advice for how much to 'follow the money'? I really like all the programs I've been accepted into and there's not one I like wildly over the others.

Recusing myself.