Requesting a copy of Letters of Recommendation

[Matt Haviland]

I am assisting my son who has submitted applications to 6 grad schools. He is finishing his UG and is applying for Phd at various schools. I asked him to let me read the letters of recommendations that he has requested from Professors and to other notables from the 3 different internships he did with NASA. I thought it would be interesting to read them to get a feel for how well the letters promoted his work. I also thought it would be good to have these for the future when he needed possibly for job interviews in the future. My son said he didn't have them or had not read them. He said it is not common to see them or get a copy from the recommender. I thought this was strange but he might be right even though it seems strange to me to not be able to read what is being said about you on something this important. Does anyone have any history or knowledge of this question?

[alainray]

At least in my program, it is very common not to see your actual letters of recommendation. What happens is recommenders get access to a certain website where they make their recommendation. This process does not include the one being recommended.

So it's quite natural for your son not knowing what his recommenders say about him.

[rkg2012]

When you apply to graduate programs, you typically waive your right to see the letters of recommendation. You do have the choice, but confidential letters are stronger because they are considered more frank and honest.

[Sigaba]

I am assisting my son who has submitted applications to 6 grad schools. He is finishing his UG and is applying for Phd at various schools. I asked him to let me read the letters of recommendations that he has requested from Professors and to other notables from the 3 different internships he did with NASA. I thought it would be interesting to read them to get a feel for how well the letters promoted his work. I also thought it would be good to have these for the future when he needed possibly for job interviews in the future. My son said he didn't have them or had not read them. He said it is not common to see them or get a copy from the recommender. I thought this was strange but he might be right even though it seems strange to me to not be able to read what is being said about you on something this important. Does anyone have any history or knowledge of this question?

Mr. Haviland--

Welcome to the gradcafe.

Please note that over the past fifteen plus years, members of the academic community including professors, administrators, and staff, have become increasingly concerned with the dynamic in which the parents of students interject themselves in the educational processes of their children. The term "helicopter parent," a pejorative, is frequently used as a phrase to capture this dynamic and its disruptive influence within the Ivory Tower.

Please note that many academic departments and their parent institutions have instituted policies to manage this dynamic from the perspective of risk management. In many cases, these policies end up working to the detriment of students. That is, academics are increasingly focused on limiting their exposure to risk (i.e., playing CYA) and they are increasingly disinterested in mentoring undergraduates and graduates alike. (In my own experience as a teaching assistant, it was increasingly difficult to support students who are constantly checking with their parents to see if was is okay to work harder and to develop their critical thinking skills.)

Your decision to assist your son doubtlessly reflects your best intentions as a parent. Nevertheless, please understand that your intervention on his behalf may have unfortunate--but avoidable--consequences. Professors, administrators, and staff compare notes on their perceptions of students. While it takes time to earn a favorable reputation, unfavorable reputations come much more easily.

Therefore, I respectfully request that you consider the utility of recusing yourself permanently from all third party activities on behalf of your son. If he wants copies of his LoRs, let him do the leg work. Graduate school is a very difficult journey. He will doubtlessly benefit from your emotional, psychological, and intellectual support in the coming years. However, the path he's about to take is his and his alone to walk. Please allow him the opportunity to build the knowledge, the skills, and the relationships he will need on this journey by himself.

If you decide to continue on your current path, that is your choice. Please do understand that he will have to bear the consequences (favorable, unfavorable, and unforeseen) of your choices.

[Matt Haviland]

Thanks all for you comments. I am glad I was able to ask this question and receive such insightful feedback. I will continue to support my son by allowing him to learn from his own decision making. Knowing the importance of submitting good applications I became concerned that he has been so focused on his final semester that he had missed some deadlines for submissions of applications. But having read the thoughtful responses I will continue to support him from a distance as we had up to this point. Thanks much for your responses.

[ANDS!]

When you apply to graduate programs, you typically waive your right to see the letters of recommendation. You do have the choice, but confidential letters are stronger because they are considered more frank and honest.

That's not quite what is going on. When you (if you) checkmark that box, it simply means you do not have access to your LOR's in your file after they have been submitted.

I would be very concerned for the person who didn't know what was going in their LOR's. I haven't read mine, but I know exactly what is in it.

As for the OP, hopefully in 4/5 years your kid will have made stronger connections that they can exploit for future employment/academic opportunities and wont need their grad school LOR's (which will say be talking about an entirely different person).

[emmm]

Your son should not just email professors and ask them to write letters. If possible, he should meet with them personally to discuss his plan to apply to graduate school. His professors likely have insights (and, potentially, contacts!) that could be helpful. He should ask for advice and discuss his interests and hopes for the future. He should ask if they will be able to write him strong letters. If at any point something seems "off" to him, he should consider looking for a different recommender. As you noted, these letters are extremely important (which is why no one should ever NOT waive rights to see them). One of my writers sent me a copy of the letter. The others didn't, but were so supportive throughout the process that I feel certain they wrote very good letters for me as well. The letters should specifically address your son's readiness for graduate study, and would most likely not be useful for anything in the future.

[MA-SLP FTW]

For me, I made sure to ask professors whether or not they felt they could write strong letters of recommendation on my behalf. Many times I asked what I needed to do in order to earn a strong letter. Although I had cultivated relationships with my recommenders and had a pretty good idea of how they'd respond, I was absolutely ready to go elsewhere if a professor began wavering in his/her reply.

It's for this reason that I was unconcerned about looking at my letters of recommendation. I was already keenly aware that my cheerleaders and mentors were composing something brilliant (must have been something good, since some schools let me in!).

To have them "on file" would infer that he would not be able to ask for assistance from these recommenders again. I feel that your son already knows that his recommenders would be willing to speak to his character/achievements again if necessary.

My parents have, at times, been frustrated by how little they can do to help me in my application process (and I've been out of the house for over a decade!). Sometimes just knowing I have a strong supporter at home is enough. Good luck to your son!

[Matt Haviland]

thanks again to everyone. I felt some what ashamed at first reading some of the comments claiming that I need to be careful not to become a "Helicopter Parent" I have been able to take a step back this week and realize that I have been pushing jhim probably more than I should have. The more I have read on my own I have learned that he had been doing an excellent job without my help. But he has told me when discussing some of the feedback I received that he did not feel I was stepping over the line and that my pushing has helped to keep the process more in the foreground versus the background. So all is good and he is at Georgia Tech this weekend for a visit and has already been accepted at Texas A&M. I do have to admit I am living vicariously through him and I am enjoying it.