I committed a faux pas and I'm not too sure what to do

[PaintedLizard]

I know this is my first post here, but this is kind of an urgent issue that needs resolving.

People in related research groups in a few schools are organizing a small conference about the topic they're researching. One of these schools, let's call it School A, is located near where I live. Another school--the host school and the school I'll be starting my PhD at in the fall, let's call this School B--is located about seven hours' drive away. After being accepted into School B, I met with the head of School B's research center (let's call it Center B ) on this topic. I expressed my interest in joining Center B, and he gave me a warm welcome as well.

Several days ago, the head of Center B sent an e-mail out to a large number of recipients announcing that he and the head of the corresponding research center at the school near where I live (let's call it Center A) were organizing this conference. The conference is planned to happen in about a month. Center B head also asked people to let him know if they can or can't attend.

I would love to attend, but...well, I'm just not too sure. I can make arrangements on my own, but it would be quite an expense and a hassle (between driving seven hours each way and probably three nights of hotel stays). Since School A is near where I live, I thought about trying to maybe carpool or share hotel accommodations with them. However, I don't know anyone at Center A personally.

I reply-all'd to the mass e-mail, introducing myself very briefly (saying I'm an incoming PhD student at School B looking forward to working with Center B ) and asking how people at School A were planning on going there. I originally wanted to ask if anyone would like to share a ride or a hotel room but decided against it, just going for a more general "how are going to get there" question.

The head of Center B replied to me saying that my e-mail was not appropriate, and I should have asked him for help with arrangements. He also told me that he's asked a leader in Center A if anyone's driving, though that leader also (before this reply from head of Center B ) separately told me that they're probably going by train.

1. What exactly did I do wrong? Was it mass-replying, was it going over my school's (School B's) organizer/host's head and contacting School A, was it my blindly asking this question to people I don't know, was it the fact that I'm not even a student yet (much less an official member of Center B, or was it all of these things?

2. What should I do now?

Edit: daggone smileys, screwing up my capital b followed by close parenthesis...

Edited May 16, 2012 by PaintedLizard

[Eigen]

I'd say a combination of all of the above?

As to what to do now, suck it up, apologize to the director at your new school, and ask if he has any suggestions.

[PaintedLizard]

I'm actually worrying whether there's any serious harm done, to my reputation or my school's, and how to fix that.

I've got an e-mail written up apologizing to him already, but I'm just very wary now of what I ought to address, beyond just an apology.

Edited May 16, 2012 by PaintedLizard

[Eigen]

It's hard to tell without seeing the emails to get a feeling for tone, but I'd say that it wasn't that big of a deal. He let y know that it was inappropriate and to go through him. So then appologize, go through him, and move on.

I wouldn't make too big of a deal about the apology either- quick, to the point, not too much explanation, and move on.

[kaykaykay]

Well mass emailing unknown people is always a bad idea. Imagine if you were a prof and your mailbox would be flooded by unknown students' emails who are trying to arrange carpools. Also if you have asked probably the head of center B could have helped you.

Look in my experience -you are what you are: an incoming grad student. You are not the primary interest of these people right now.

People probably were not happy with your letter and thought that you were impolite . You should apologize to the director write him that you understand and that you are sorry that you caused inconvenience for all the other people. Apologize some more when you next see him if you (only if you) think he still remembers but I think most of the people will forget this episode quite fast.

Edited May 16, 2012 by kaykaykay

[SeriousSillyPutty]

Given that it was a small conference, the director's response kind of surprised me, too. Though, as kaykaykay suggested, it can be annoying to be the unwilling eavesdropper in a two-way conversation I'm not involved with thanks to the glories of "reply all" or yahoo groups. Maybe he was concerned about the number of people your note would go to that it didn't apply to.

I second Eigen to keep it short; people don't like reading wordy emails from people they can't get useful information out of. (My strategy is to write what I instinctively write, then re-read it, move the important part from the end to the front, and cut out most of the details.) I bet by this fall nobody involved will be thinking about it, so I wouldn't worry too much!

[TropicalCharlie]

The reply-all button can be tricky. Lesson learned in this case. At least, what occurred here is salvageable. I'm sure that a quick apology will suffice, and as others have said, it's unlikely that anyone will remember this a month from now.

[TakeruK]

Agree with Eigen and others that suggest that using reply-all for unknown people is always really bad and to make a quick and sincere apology. I think (speculation) that since the director originally sent the mass email, and unwittingly provided everyone's email addresses to you (should have used BCC), that the director is responsible for your indiscretion at "spamming" (basically) everyone and thus took appropriate action by letting you know you made a mistake so that you won't do it again in the future. No serious harm though.

For future information, generally for these types of things, if there is going to be carpools arranged, there will be official information about that sent by one of the organizers -- maybe they will set up a mailing list, or designate a contact person to arrange all carpools. If there isn't one, then you could ask the conference contact person to see if one will be assigned.

And just to restate it, asking unknown people for favours imposes yourself on others and is impolite. You should only ever use a reply-all when everyone on the list really needs to see your reply -- most of the time a reply to the original sender is sufficient.

[PaintedLizard]

Thanks for all your input; I should have thought of these things. I've sent off a short reply to Center B director apologizing for sending that e-mail.

And now I've discovered that I can't edit my own posts after a while.

Edited May 16, 2012 by PaintedLizard

[Sigaba]

@PaintedLizard--

To elaborate on part of Eigen's answer to your question about going over someone's head, please consider the following.

Essentially, School B's participation in this conference is Mr. B's project. As the project manager, Mr. B is implicitly on point for logistics and transportation until he hands off those responsibilities to another person or says "everyone is on their own." By initiating your own conversation on these points (and in a very indiscreet way--"reply all" should be used sparingly), without first consulting with Mr. B., you've made him look like he doesn't know what he or his people at School B are doing. Based upon the information you provided in the OP, the fact that Mr. B. did not immediately rip you a new one is encouraging.

I recommend that you follow the guidance you've received from Eigen. Going forward, please understand the valuable guidance being offered in posts #6 (regarding the writing of email messages) and #8 (regarding the standard processes for discussing transportation to off-campus events).

Ah...you do know that going to the conference might be in your best interest now. Else, the narrative might look like this: Mr. B, can I come to the conference and participate? Is anyone else going to the conference? Oh, by the way, I'm not going to the conference.

Edited May 16, 2012 by Sigaba

[TMP]

What Sigaba said on the last point. Good luck finding a way to get to the conference!

And yes, yes, you do have to go. You've already identified yourself and people will assume you're Director B's student. They don't need to know how you actually got to the conference- go at your own expense if you have to. When they see you, whether or not they've forgotten about this e-mail, they will think, "Director B knows how to take care of his graduate students." By showing up regardless, you will make yourself and him look good.

[Dal PhDer]

This is all really great advice.

And as others have said, the reply all is tricky....let me tell you a little story about Mr. Reply-All (Mr. RA). Mr. RA is a lovely kind hearted lab mate/PhD student. Mr. RA is obsessed with the reply-all function. Mr. RA is not on good standing with other professors because he doesn't know when not to use the reply-all function. One day, Mr. RA sent out 20+ reply-all messages (1 liners), as he was trying to start conversations with other students (but there were professors mixed in)...it was bad!

If I was in your situation, I would have done what you did and write an email apologizing! However, I tend to act fast and emotionally, and have learned that if I am upset and I write an email it's crucial that I step back for an hour or so before I hit send and then go back and read it!

In the future I would stay away from reply-all when there are professors involved, and always step away from important emails before you send them.

However, I don't think you really did anything too wrong! I might rephrase it in that you wanted to see if students could share the travel costs, meet some new people, and help out.

[canteaus]

Yeah, everyone's advice has been pretty sound so far.

I wouldn't worry too much about it, it's not really a big deal. And besides, your supervisor would have felt obliged to email you about the "reply-all" email; it doesn't necessarily mean that he took it personally or anything like that.

Cheers! Don't sweat it!

[TheFez]

Sounds like a tempest in a teapot to me. Seems like what you did was well intentioned and harmless.

I am not even really sure what you are apologizing for... but at most apologize to the Professor who chastised you and let it drop.