Don't Want to Attend Grad School After Hearing Rumors About Me

[waitinginvain?]

Hi everyone! I was rejected from my alma mater (Arizona State University) for an MFA in Dramatic Writing in April, then accepted in June. Apparently I was on a wait list and didn't know. I was accepted when someone else dropped out "mainly due to financial reasons." But I have to meet with a professor who is considering me for a TA-ship. The program director and I have been emailing each other. (I took playwriting classes with him, so we know each other.) He finally admitted that the reason I didn't get accepted the first time was because as an undergraduate I changed my major and gave up funding to a conference I had been accepted to. It's a prestigious competition. I didn't know how presitigious until much later. Actually, that isn't the way it went at all. But that's the rumor, so the professors who heard about it thought I might be the type to "freak out" or be unreliable. But for some reason they are now willing to give me a chance. But I have to meet with them on Friday to answer for my sins. I think it's crazy that they would deny me acceptance based on a rumor! I don't think I want to go to a school that thinks I'm a nut. I don't feel like I'll be treated fairly. By the way, I'm 50 years old and graduated summa cum laude. Am I being too sensitive?

[emmm]

It sounds as though you could have used better advising during your undergrad career so that you might have been aware of the prestige of the conference and how bad backing out would look. Maybe the professors should re-evaluate how they advise majors in their department. You'd think there would have been plenty of other opportunities to show that you are reliable and can handle pressure (graduating with honors would seem to imply you were not a flake as an undergrad), but clearly you upset someone a LOT and it only takes one episode to tarnish a reputation. You can go to the meeting and decide what to do based on that. If you really feel there is no one you'd be able to comfortably work with, maybe looking at other schools would make sense. BUT -- a couple of questions: 1) Are they giving you funding? 2) Are you geographically "stuck"? 3) How badly do you want to do this?

[waitinginvain?]

Hi. I would work as a TA and that would pay for half my tuition.

I'm not geographically stuck. I want nothing more than to leave Arizona.

I don't know how badly I want this.

Those are great questions. Thank you for asking them and for showing compassion. : )

[crazygirl2012]

I can definitely sympathize. I was respected and liked in undergrad, but also known for being a bit inconsistent and highly anxious. You're not being too sensitive-- the things they've said about you are hurtful. Your doubt about the program and your place in it is understandable. I believe that if you really, really wanted this, you could turn things around and prove yourself, but it would take a lot of patience and diligence. I would suggest being really honest with yourself about how willing you are to devote yourself to changing your reputation. Maybe the place is just toxic for you and staying there wouldn't be healthy. Maybe it would be a character-building experience that, overall, would be positive. Likely, it would be a mix of both. Look into other options, preferably ones outside of Arizona, before you make your decision. This is a tough question that none of us can really answer for you. You just have to be as honest with yourself as possible.

[waitinginvain?]

Thank you, crazygirl2012, for your nice response. I did go to the interview after all. One of the professors was so nice that he made up for the other one! I was notified that i was considered for the program within an hour after the interview--they just have to get the official okay from the department head.

As for rumors: I didn't know that people were paying attention to undergrads! I thought we were just peons. And I know how you feel for being labeled "anxious" and "inconsistent." Honestly, that would describe me, too! But I'm glad to see that you've been accepted into a program. Social Psychology sounds fascinating!

[crazygirl2012]

Thank you, crazygirl2012, for your nice response. I did go to the interview after all. One of the professors was so nice that he made up for the other one! I was notified that i was considered for the program within an hour after the interview--they just have to get the official okay from the department head.

As for rumors: I didn't know that people were paying attention to undergrads! I thought we were just peons. And I know how you feel for being labeled "anxious" and "inconsistent." Honestly, that would describe me, too! But I'm glad to see that you've been accepted into a program. Social Psychology sounds fascinating!

I appreciate your kind words too! And I'm glad to hear that your interview went well.

[ANDS!]

As for rumors: I didn't know that people were paying attention to undergrads! I thought we were just peons.

I've had many conversations with my professors - they know who you are. This can be good or bad, depending on if you are good or bad.

It's sad how political the process can be; when I arrived at my undergrad campus I knew exactly what I need to do/who I needed to "be" in order to succeed socially. Sometimes you gotta play the game -

[R Deckard]

I've had many conversations with my professors - they know who you are. This can be good or bad, depending on if you are good or bad.

It's sad how political the process can be; when I arrived at my undergrad campus I knew exactly what I need to do/who I needed to "be" in order to succeed socially. Sometimes you gotta play the game -

The surprising thing is that even professors that you don't know may know you.

[emmm]

That's true -- they talk to each other!

[Sigaba]

. Am I being too sensitive?

Yes.

You will have to prove yourself many times in graduate school. Some of the tests will appear reasonable, others less so. Do not take tests in the first category personally. (I think this test falls into this category.)

For the unreasonable tests, knock people on their asses, and ask politley "Will there be anything else?" In short order, these tests will cease.

[Spytgale1]

I can sympathize. Sometimes the political games within the department can have a major effect of you as well. Apparently I "sided" with the wrong profs at my alma mater and that was a major factor in my rejection. But I hope things work our for you. If you really want to leave then do it. There are always opportunities elsewhere