Dropping Out?

[ConfusedGrad1]

I am considering dropping out of grad school, but was hoping to get opinions from people on whether or not I should, and also the best way to go about doing so.

So, some background information. I am in my first semester of a chemistry PhD program. I currently have tuition waived and a teaching assistantship. So far, the workload has been manageable. My main reason for wanting to quit is simply a lack of interest.

Even before attending, I was hesitant that going to grad school was the right thing for me to do. I’ve always enjoyed school and do well in it, so it seemed logical to apply for grad school. When I went to visit the schools I was accepted into is when I really started to get a feel for what grad school entailed. The degree of focus on research was very off-putting, and I was reluctant to even accept admission to anywhere. Despite this feeling, I did accept admission, figuring I could bear it, at least long enough to decide if it’s what I want to do.

I hated it as soon as I arrived; though this is my typical reaction to a new place and situation, so I figured I would give it more time until I could get adjusted. I feel like I’ve adjusted decently well. Most of the anxiety I felt when I first started is gone and I feel like I’m in a better state of mind to make a decision. But my decision hasn’t changed.

As I said earlier, most of this is about a lack of interest. I can’t get motivated about research, I have no particular research interests, and don’t really enjoy the academia environment. The prospect of doing new research and discovering new things does not excite me one bit. Even my classes, which I at least thought I would enjoy, are not engaging to me. To put it simply, I think I’ve grown tired of chemistry.

I am 100% sure a PhD in chemistry is not what I want. I’ve discussed this with my parents, and they both think it would be wise to at least stay for my masters. I agree that to get anywhere in the field, it would be a good idea to have more than a bachelor’s degree. The thing is, I am not particularly set on the field of chemistry. There are other fields I think I would enjoy more and feel it would be a waste of time to get a master’s in chemistry without the intention of ever using it. On the other hand, it would be good to have as a fallback. Part of me feels like I would be throwing away a good opportunity just because it’s not enjoyable to me, which sounds a bit selfish and spoiled.

So, after all that, I’ll get to my questions. Is it worth it to stay for my masters, even if I am not particularly set on going into the chemistry field after school?

Do you think I am being rash in my decision? It has been not even a full semester yet, but I am fairly confident about my position. Should I give it more time, or get out as soon as possible?

If I do decide to drop out, or only go for my masters, when would be the best time to tell my department? I’ve heard before joining a lab is the best time (right now I am only doing rotations) because once committed to a lab, there is going to be more pressure to stay and the situation is more likely to get messy. I’m thinking the end of the semester would be best; that way I don’t abandon my teaching responsibilities in the middle of the semester. Or would they prefer to know as soon as possible so I don’t waste their time in the lab? Obviously, I would like to have a job lined up before I give up my stipend; what if I get a job offer before the end of the semester, or can’t get one by then?

Sorry about the length of the post, and thank you to anyone who took the time to read the entire thing, but I think more information is always helpful. And thank you to anyone who responds. Your advice is much appreciated.

[emmm]

It almost sounds as though it's too early to really know. Rotations are stressful. You aren't really part of the group, you don't know anything, you don't even know where anything is! I think you might like being part of a research group, once you were actually settled in. The first year of grad school is not easy.

[Eigen]

Wow that's small type. I had to copy it to a word file to even read it!

So one thing that you need to consider is how long a masters will take. At my school, it consistently takes 3 years, for people who're working very productively.

If you don't like research, that's a long time to stick it out.

Otherwise, if you don't like research, you shouldn't go to Grad School. I'm always amazed at the people who do! I fault insufficient prep for undergrads interested in grad school, mostly. If you just kinda like research but really like teaching, it might be worth it to stick it out, but if you don't like research at all, to me, there's no question that you shouldn't stay.

Everyone gets sick of their research at some point, but there's a difference between that and not being interested in discovering new things at all.

[Nerd_For_Life]

I see where you're coming from with not liking grad school, it's definitely not for everyone. Realistically: what are your employment options with your current level of education? Is there another field that interests you more? Dropping out of grad school can have a negative impact on future programs you apply to so take that into consideration as well.

[SymmetryOfImperfection]

What sort of chemistry do you do? I noticed alot of burnout from people in organic chemistry, biochemistry (the cell/genetics stuff), life sciences, theoretical physics, CS and the like. Whether its the competition or the jobs, I don't know, I just know there's alot of angry organic chemistry bloggers, angry CS bloggers and angry theoretical physics bloggers... so think about that.

If you really have no interest in research then you must get a job soon. After working in industry you'll be in a better position to judge.

[juilletmercredi]

I'm facing the same thing that you are, except that it took me four years to decide (yep, I'm a 5th year and most likely dropping out if I can find a job).

If you don't like research and can't get motivated to do it, then perhaps you should drop out. A PhD is about research, after all. If you are already having this problem in your first year, you will feel it even more intensely when you are dissertating, and then you will have the bitterness of having stayed in far longer than you should have. If research does not excite you, then there's no need for a PhD in the field because a PhD is a qualification to do research. The jobs you will face down will be research jobs.

As for whether to stay for a master's - well. I'm job-hunting now and there are actually quite a lot of jobs out there for BA holders, depending on what you want to do. However, I have found that it is very useful that I've stayed in for my master's. A lot of the jobs I want to do require a master's degree…any master's. Many of the ones in my field would take a master's in the physical or natural sciences, too. So an MS in chemistry would be useful - but it would take you another 1.5 (or 2.5 - it took me 3 years to get my MA, too) years in a program you don't like, pretending to be a PhD student when really you are desiring the master's. That may be miserable for you.

A safe way to figure this out is to take a leave of absence. You may want to finish out your first year, and see how you feel. If you still feel bad about this, then try to find employment and take a leave. If you find yourself itching to finish and go back, you can go back...if you enjoy working and don't care, then you have your answer.

[SeriousSillyPutty]

If you haven't yet, you should re-post this in the chemistry forum, as they may have more subject-specific insight as far as the timeline of things. On the one hand, I think you should stay at least a semester, but I would recommend letting an advisor know some of your concerns now, so that it makes it easier to drop the news later. Is there someone to whom you can say, "Hey, I'm not having the reaction to this I thought I would; how common is this situation? What can you recommend?" You want to burn as few bridges possible, and if there's a professor/advisor who is invested in you, they probably don't want to feel like they got "played" for a free master's, but, at some level, they probably do care about the general health & wellbeing of the people around them. Getting them on your side now will make them more sympathetic to whatever you decide.

I went through a bad bout right after college, teaching when I was ill-prepared to, was not doing a good job teaching, and got clinically depressed. I didn't go into details with him, but I did try to get some advice from the principal and share that I was having some issues in my class. That led to my eventually leaving mid school-year more of a mutual decision, as opposed to me for "abandoning" them, and them being upset over it. Naturally those weren't the people I would seek out for recommendations anyway, but since that was my only job out of college, they were still the kind of place future employers would want to check in on (plus this city can be a small world), and so I'm glad I didn't leave on a totally bad note.

Now, I ask the following as someone who loved my undergrad major (physics) and yet has no desire at all to be a physicist, so I don't think it's crazy that someone might study chem and not want to be a chemist: If you were to get a master’s degree in chemistry, would you want to use it? What did you like about chemistry before that made you want to study it? Why does it not interest you now? If nothing seems as interesting any more, it might be worth considering that all the stress of transitioning to grad school has put you in a funk, in which case student health services might have some insights and/or someone to talk to. If you just don't get to focus on what made you like it as an undergrad, then maybe there is some other field that can channel your interests more (chemical engineering? pharmaceutical sales? science journalist?).

Good luck!

[chemychica]

Hey, I know it's been a while since you posted this so maybe you've figured it out by now. But I figured I'd share my thoughts because I was in almost the EXACT same situation as you a year ago. First I'll tell you a little bit about my situation and what I decided to do, and then some advice for how I think I could have handled the situation better. Hopefully this is helpful to you.

I graduated in 2011 and felt the same hesitance that you described about graduate school. I'd always been a good student, I like learning and I LOVE science (still do), and going to a graduate program just seemed like the right thing to do. But I wasn't excited about it. I thought maybe it was just cold feet and shook it off. But when I started my program, there was nothing that I liked about it. I didn't like the atmosphere of science in academia - the extremely narrow focus of research, the petty internal politics of the department, and the endless pandering for grant money were all huge turnoffs. I knew that if I spent the next 5 or 6 or however long there (plus maybe more for a postdoc after...), I'd always be questioning whether it was where I should be. On top of that I kind of got screwed over by the advisor I had been planning on working with, had some family problems, and overall did not have a good support system - the combination of which gave me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was given the choice between finding a new advisor to work with (on something i was less interested in), or leaving. I decided that I needed to leave for my own sanity and happiness.

I told the department pretty much as soon as I had decided, but they kept giving me my stipend (and I kept teaching) until the end of the quarter. I didn't stay for a masters, because I didn't want to join a group only to leave shortly after starting. I didn't wait until I had a job. I just left. Granted I had a few months of funding to find a job and avoid going without a paycheck. I found a job within about a month or so as a lab manager for the science department at a different college, so I didn't have to relocate. It's nothing particularly interesting, but it is very low stress, pays more than graduate school, and it's a good in-between gig while I figure out my next career steps. I don't have nearly as much anxiety these days and I have no regrets about leaving. Sure every so often I think "OH GOD I AM DOING NOTHING WITH MY LIFE" but then I calm down and realize that there are so many more opportunities available to me now outside of my program than I would have had if I had stayed.

My advice to you would be to first and foremost, make sure that this is what you want. It sounds like you've thought it over thoroughly, but the transition to graduate school is rough for everyone and you don't want a temporary depression influencing this major life decision. From what you describe if you were always hesitant and can't get excited about research this may not be the thing for you, but you want to be sure. Talk to anyone that you can who might be of help - other graduate students, people who knew you well before grad school, a counsellor/therapist. Their perspectives can be helpful if you are still struggling with figuring out what's best for you.

I would agree that you should try to get a job BEFORE you leave if you can. I didn't and the period between telling the department I was leaving to finding a job was very stressful. You don't have to find a dream job. It just needs to pay the bills and get you out of academia. It's disorienting to leave a PhD program, so don't make it unnecessarily hard by putting too much pressure on yourself or having too high of expectations immediately out the gate. If you are sure that you don't want to pursue chemistry further, I don't think that it is necessary for you to stay to get a Masters. That being said, it does open up other positions (but closes the door to BS positions) so if the degree would be easy to obtain and an MS chemist position looks more appealing than BS positions, go for it. Part of me thinks that I should have considered staying for a masters a bit more thoroughly, but I'm a stubborn person and once I decide against something it's over. If you leave without the masters, don't worry about how it looks on the resume to leave the program, it has been far less of an issue in job interviews than I anticipated. Just be honest but try to speak positively about what you gained from your experience in graduate school.

Anyway I know that this is a hard thing to do, so I mostly just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. It sucks leaving! Especially since academia predominantly values academia, and doesn't understand anyone who would want to leave. Some people from your program might not know how to talk to you anymore. Opportunities for chemists, while better than a lot of fields, aren't exactly stellar at the BS level. But no matter what you do, you'll be fine. You were smart enough to get in, you'll be smart enough to get out (but be prepared for the process to be a bit rocky). Good luck to you, I hope that you find happiness.