MDLee Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I think I may just lose it :roll: I have spent the last 12 months focusing my life on getting into a solid PhD program. Since I didn't know where I'd go I haven't been dating (who wants to start something new only to have to leave it?) I almost didn't adopt my cats because I wasn't sure if I could keep them (then decided "To hell with it, they go where I go!") and for as much as I long to tell my boss to "take this job and shove it!" I may NEED it since it looks like now I may not be leaving after all! my landlady wants to know if I'm renewing my lease (I'll renew for 12 months if I'm not leaving and take the lower rate!)... the world wants answers and it feels like everything is on "pause" as I sit around in limbo WAITING for a "yes" or a "no". :roll: If all of this ends up being for nothing, I may just lose my blinkin' mind. To think that I've put life on hold so that not one, not two, but TEN schools could simultaneously tell me "No!"....ACCCCCCKKKKKHHHHHH!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :!: :!: :!: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BodyStudiesPhD Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Ugh, yes! So much time and energy has gone into this whole process and I am fearful of (though expecting to) move away from my partner. I've only been accepted to one program - one that I REALLY want to go to - which is in England. Far from my Brooklyn apartment. My partner may or may not be coming with me - we're waiting to hear about two European Masters programs he applied to through the Erasmus Mundus program. It has been really tough. We've built a beautiful home together and we're fighting the urge to plan since there isn't anything to plan at this point. Futhermore, if I don't get funding for the program in England and if I don't get in anywhere else well then we won't be apart but I also won't be happy continuing to work 9-5. I definitely feel like we're in a holding pattern. I just want to know something for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindWhisked Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I agree... there are many things I should be attending to but have fallen by the wayside. I feel like I will be a better daughter, friend, companion once this graduate school process is over. I think, despite the sense of foreboding I have now, that a rejection would at least feel better than this limbo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nandelle Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Totally! I've been working a couple of part time jobs - didn't think I could get a corporate job as I only planned to stay less than a year. I haven't really been dating, haven't been making summer plans, etc - I will take some time off this summer to travel if I get a funded acceptance, but otherwise i'm going to need to work right up until leaving for school...it's just really tough also not knowing where i'm going to be or really what i'm going to be doing next year. sigh... hopefully only a little while longer of uncertainty (though I'd rather wait a month and get an acceptance, than hear of rejection today! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Rising Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Argh! I feel all of your pain. Everything has definitely been on pause. I have been keeping at bay a perfectly good relationship until I get this school thing settled. My lease ends soon and I need to know if I will have to relocate. I also keep turning down perfectly good teaching positions because I don't know where I may end up. Such limbo. :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mylstisr Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 oh you're smart for not starting a relationship at least you're not doing with that mess right now! all my school work right now is on pause, and that's kind of dangerous considering midterms are next week for me and i'm soooooooooooooo behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leahlearns Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Yes, total pause. I cannot wait for it to end. I'm also (largely) unexpectedly/suddenly unemployed. I have a volunteer position, which seems like the only option at the moment, although I continue to search. It is far from fulfilling enough, however. I need more structure again soon or I'm seriously going to go mad. Of course, uncertainty about what my situation will be next fall is just what I need on top of this economy. I may regret saying this a year from now, but I would give anything right now to be insanely busy and sleep deprived studying what I love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pregasauraus Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 For me, it's a little less like "pause" and a little more like super-slow motion. Things are moving ahead, but it's at an agonizing pace. I don't know if we're going to move, if I can set up a nursery for our baby (due in 2 months), and if I should just give up and look for additional teaching positions for fall semester. In addition, having a partner makes this waiting game so much more intense. I have inflicted the "life on pause" experience on my husband, who doesn't know if he's going to have to look for a job in a new city; plus he has to deal with an overly emotional pregnant wife (also overly emotional due to the application process) and adjust to the idea of becoming a daddy. Poor guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miratrix Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Yeah, I have this feeling, and it's a little sad. I'm finally starting to hit my stride where I am now, meet new people, and have a generally pleasant and busy life...and I'm most likely going to be leaving in 3-4 months (doing fieldwork this summer, regardless of where I go to grad school). Knowing I'll probably be moving makes me feel a bit better about being single - it's not on purpose - but worse about how settled I'm getting in my current life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jino Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Being in limbo sucks. I work for HP and my manager just told me they're "promoting" me to a project manager role come June, and I should start taking extra trainings already to prepare myself. How do I tell him I might not last that long IF I get in, as a professional courtesy? And I don't get in, I'd like to stay here for the forseeable future too. Sucks that too many good things are happening only right after I submitted my applications :evil: Gah, I'm getting to be a frigging nutcase... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MDLee Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 Totally! I've been working a couple of part time jobs - didn't think I could get a corporate job as I only planned to stay less than a year. I haven't really been dating, haven't been making summer plans, etc - hopefully only a little while longer of uncertainty (though I'd rather wait a month and get an acceptance, than hear of rejection today! ) I second all of this. I want to make summer plans...but if I'm going to be moving, that puts a bit of a kink in my chain, doesn't it! Although, I agree...keep the darned thing if you're planning on giving me a funded acceptance!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miratrix Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I just made summer plans, and they may make moving immediately after they end in mid-August really inconvenient and difficult depending on where I end up...but I'm sure it'll be worth it, and I'll deal with that issue when I come to it. (This forum is making me realize that that has apparently become my life philosophy, since I write it A LOT. Hmm, wonder if that's a good thing.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deianira Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 oh, yeah, my life has been on pause for the past 12 months or so as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentalyoga Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I'm not in the same situation as many with families, jobs, etc. Just an undergrad trying to go into a doctoral program. But I've found it absolutely impossible to enjoy this semester, my very last one, and at a school I love. After getting my first rejection last week, I was incredibly maudlin for a few days, as I began to feel like the rest of this semester is pointless. I think it was difficult primarily because having that rejection made me think the past four years I've been kicking my ass are all coming to naught. I'm sure a lot of people have had similar reactions--but I've been trying to remind myself that the process is a crapshoot, that whatever happens, I know I'm a great candidate and am "made" to go on to grad school, and that if I become despondent this semester, I could ruin my chances next year, assuming I'm in the re-application situation. But yeah, everything is feeling very dragged out right now. I'm doing things, keeping busy, but no word describes it better than 'limbo'--if I'm not going to school next year, I really have no idea what I'll be doing for the fifteen months after graduation. It's a very bizarre, taut sensation. And I want it gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fsmn36 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I hear you! I've been putting back up plans into place, but lining up for internships and possible job placements doesn't tell me if I need to suck it up and renew my lease for another year or if I should stick with my current job just because I may have to. It's very frustrating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kinokochan Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 My life is definitely on pause. I can't apply for new jobs or look for new schools to apply to until I get the results. It stinks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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