First Year PhD Experiences

[fouler657]

I'm currently just a few days away from finishing my first semester of my PhD program studying Political Science at a fairly highly ranked state university with an excellent placement record. I'm fully funded, and I was brought in to study under the department head who is a well-respected, excellently connected scholar in our field. I like the city where my university is located, I get along well with my cohort, and I'm doing pretty well in all my classes. All I've ever wanted to be is a professor, and everything seems to be on track for me to achieve that goal. There's just one problem. I really hate my program.

I know grad school is supposed to be grueling. I have my Master's degree in political science, so I already had a small taste of what grad school had to offer. I'd done my research and talked to a number of other grad students to try to get an idea of what it would be like, but I just was not prepared for how awful it would be.

The professors don't give two shits about the students. We're literally daily reminded that we're under constant scrutiny, and that we might not make it until next year. It got so bad that the graduate student liaison actually had to have a talk with the director of graduate studies because some of my fellow first years were starting to crack under the pressure, not that it helped much. The department is ridiculously gossipy, and the professors are the worst offenders. We're always hearing negative things different professors have said, or even posted on their facebooks, about how unimpressed they are with the first year cohort. The professors even tell us that they share our exams and papers with each other and will sit around talking about us at happy hours and other events. They make everything unnecessarily difficult, almost to the point of hazing, and they actually seem to take pleasure in it. In my Master's program my advisor was extremely supportive, which I understand is not the norm. She mentored me and really helped me and encouraged me in the pursuit of my research and academic goals. I’ve had lunch with my new advisor once, and let's just say it wasn't encouraging. Not once since I've been at my new university have I felt like any of the professors give a damn about any of us.

I know graduate school is supposed to be tough, and that the first year is supposed to be bad, but my experience has been beyond bad. It's humiliating and demoralizing. I'm curious about other people's first year experiences. Am I being too sensitive, or is my program actually just terrible? If this is how it is everywhere, it might be time for me to reconsider my options. If it's just my program, it might just be time to find a program that's a better fit.

So, what was your first year experience like?

[wildviolet]

No, the experience you describe is not widespread. I'm also finishing up the first semester (one more week to go!).

Overall our faculty have been extremely friendly and have said from the beginning that they are here to support us. My advisor is beyond amazing--he doesn't praise my work directly, but when something needs correcting, he does it in a neutral way so that I don't feel bad about it but I know that it needs to be fixed. Our course instructors have always been available for meetings and their comments on my papers have been helpful. The graduate students here all seem to LOVE the faculty--like, in the crazy, fanatic way that people LOVE Apple products. Partly, I think it's our field (education). And partly I think it's the culture of the department--they promote inclusiveness, open-mindedness, and equity for all. People are sad when they leave--they're happy to graduate, but they miss the feeling of community that we have here.

[SeriousSillyPutty]

OP- That seems strange. I'm taking a stats class through the psych department right now, and while the class is challenging, the prof and TA are very accessible, and it is clearly the goal that everyone succeed, leaving the class with the tools they'll need for their research. I'm taking a physics class, and while I'm not doing well in the class, it is clear that the prof is not trying to "get us" -- he even threw us a softball question on our last exam to help make up for how poorly most of us did on the first. In my department, I know there are politics and gossip to be had if I wanted to look for it, but everyone is well-behaved and expresses support for students. Even the department chair, who in class presents the personal of, "I don't care about your personal life or your opinions" is very tactful about how he phrases suggestions and deliberate about fostering an inclusive environment.

I know that, as an undergrad TA, I would lament about "the kids" in class and how they refused to think, so I'm forgiving of profs who do something similar at my expense, but if they're not being discrete about it -- if they're deliberately putting you down to your face -- that seems like a lousy atmosphere. Maybe poli sci attracts more "politicy" (read: competitive, manipulative, two-faced) profs than average or something... or maybe it's a university culture thing?

Glad the liaison knows about it. If that doesn't change things, maybe you and a few from your cohort should set up a meeting with the dean and see what his/her assessment is of the situation. If the harassing of grad students is causing good people to leave the school, the dean should care.

[profev]

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. That hasn't been my experience either. I love my professors. They are great. I'm finishing up my first semester and being the person I am, I wouldn't be able to tolerate the situation that you are dealing with. You are in graduate school to learn from your professors. In my experience, you have to trust and respect your professors at this level in order to work with them; as soon as you are finished with your degree, you will be colleagues. Don't forget that.

You still have options. You can always transfer if you are not happy or you can wait it out. Being on both sides, as a faculty member and PhD student, there is no way I would stay in that situation in either capacity. Life is way too short. Toxic departments are just that, toxic. Sooner or later the good people end up leaving.

Good luck to you.

[juilletmercredi]

That has not been my experience either. I feel like my department is nirvana based upon what I've heard other graduate students describe. Not only are the professors typically sane, they WANT to see us succeed. Twice I have been so burned out and depressed I've wanted to leave graduate school for other reasons, and twice I have only met understanding and sympathy from my advisor and professors, and twice I've decided to stay because I know I have their support and I can complete. I'm sure they do talk about us, but if they do they keep it to themselves. And our DGS is incredibly supportive in organizing workshops, brown bags, and forwarding job opportunities and conference calls to us. My first year was "bad" in terms of adjustment and workload, but I enjoyed it a lot. I've liked or loved all of the professors I've had for classes here.

Your program sounds toxic, and you have to decide whether it's worth it for you to stick around given it's placement rates and your advisor's network. Personally I think graduate school hard enough without having to deal with horrible professors and poor support, and I'd advise you to get out before you've invested 3, 4, 5 years into this place. Also, food for thought: getting through coursework is the "easy" part, and you typically don't need much support for that. It's the later years of graduate school that are harder, when you have to pass comprehensive exams and start writing your dissertation. If they are this nasty when you are taking classes, what will they be like when you have to rely solely on their evaluation for progressing in the program through exams and dissertation? What good is their network if they won't share it with you because they think you suck?

[crazygirl2012]

Whoa, that does sound bad. I'm alright with a bit of "initiation", being put in my place if I cross a line, any of that, but your department sounds unnecessarily cruel. Of course there's some variation in personalities in my department, and not all professors in the department are really warm and supportive, but most are.

Have you spoken with any older students about this? Maybe they always do this to the first years, and start to accept you as you get older? It's still wrong, but maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Chai_latte]

Ugh, I hate reading posts like this. Call me naive, but didn't we come to grad school to learn?? I didn't realize that we were in need of heaping doses of toxicity (nor did I think we were expected to be ready-made scholars). Sheesh. With that said, no...my dept. isn't like that. It's supportive. But, that's not by chance. As a woman in science, I made it a point to seek supportive programs. 2/3 of my classmates are male, the bulk of the profs are as well, AND it's a very collegial/welcoming environment.

If I were you, I wouldn't dig my heels in. I would begin planning my exit, and finding a better program. But, really do your homework. Make sure your new programs have a vastly different environment.

They're there. You just have to find them (utilize your old profs, this site, former/current colleagues etc.).

[wildviolet]

Don't feel bad about switching programs, either. You have to do what's best for you. This year we had two third-year transfer students, so it's not a big deal. As Chai_latte suggested, do your research (i.e., call/email recent and current grads) first. Good luck!

[prettyuff1]

 I have situation similar to the OP.I am chucking up the deuces and leaving my program at the end of this year because graduate school/academia isn't what i want to do for the rest of my life..

 

 

 I have a graduate degree before I got my PhD and I was sure that I wanted to get into academia. However this frist year has really changed me .

 

My first year has been very overwhelming. Pretty much i was thrust into " Get in on this  research paper at all costs." including working most weekends and evenings. I want to work hard, but if it becomes difficult to even function, it's too much.   I  cry in the parking lot/cafeteria/bathroom at work daily, then there is some issue with what is going on. Most of the professors in my department are very unapproachable and complains that we ware overwhelmed fall on deaf ears.  I thought I picked a pretty good mentor but for my personality it isn't working... He is very deep in the publish or perish methodology and that isn't what i wanted for myself.

 

 I have a bit of an issue with the academic life, the concept of the ivory tower is really prevalent in the sciences... I feel like the only one who doesnt get it...  Most of the time it feels like academics write articles that are geared to their peers that pump themselves up, but then complain when no one wants to fund science...

 

   Perhaps I was a bit naieve to what I wanted to do with a PhD. I really hoped to teach and become a great science professor. But that isnt the point. I dont mind working hard. But when i take a step back to survey the academic/graduate school path, i realize that the ends do not really justify the means. I am not interested enough to deal with low pay, very high stress life( always working) life.. I also really would like to teach, but a PhD in the sciences is designed to create researchers who are heavily interested in the science, not cultivating  and imparting knowledge in ways that make science accessible.  So for me, the time has come for me to step back and look to what i want to  do. I am excited to do that.

[pingsmile]

Could you indicate which program (or at least which state) you are in for some of us who's waiting out so that we will not repeat your experiences? Much appreciate it!!

[Wicked_Problem]

With funding becoming less available these days, is there any indication that they might be "culling the herd?" Not intended in ANY way to be insensitive to those in toxic situations.