What's Hanging in the Balance for You?

[Bearcat1]

I seriously look for House Hunters or other shows on cities for schools I'm applying to... or search for houses/apartments in various areas online to entice hubby into seeing the wonderful options that await.  And, I point out his friends that live close to certain schools...

 

YES! I forgot to add that I am all over Craigslist looking for cute rentals and I send him several daily. We also live in a place without basements, so talking up how he can have a basement man cave is very helpful. 

Edited January 3, 2013 by Bearcat1

[bfat]

For those with spouses in non-academic careers, how is your spouse dealing with the whole finding themselves a job in a TBD city thing going?

 

Any sage advice for folks who had to woo their spouse over time? What helped?

 

 

We made a lot of compromises during the application process--for example, there were certain regions of the country that were off-limits (no California, no NYC) because of my husband's preferences, and I really looked at the unemployment rate and other city factors (bestplaces.net is an amazing resource for city data) before finalizing schools. He works in a university library, so I'm hoping that he'll be able to find work anywhere we go, simply because there will obviously be at least one university wherever we're going.

 

My advice would be to really research the cities together, and apply to places where you'd both be excited to live.

[shadowclaw]

For those with spouses in non-academic careers, how is your spouse dealing with the whole finding themselves a job in a TBD city thing going? I'm applying next year, my wife is generally supportive, BUT she loves her job in our current city. It's certainly going to be a two-person decision (both in where I apply and hopefully where I accept). She has her preferences on which cities we end up in. But it just so happens that one of the top programs I'm applying to, isn't exactly in her ideal city at all.

 

Any sage advice for folks who had to woo their spouse over time? What helped?

 

Well, my fiance hates his job, so he has no problem changing jobs once we move. Finding a job might be an issue, but we should be ok for a while if he can't find one right away. The real issue will be finding an apartment. We have cats, a lizard, and some fish, so we need a place that takes pets, which will eliminate at least half of the available apartments/houses. My fiance also hates the city, and I'm not too fond of it myself, so we will have some issues picking an area to live in. Some of the universities I'm applying to are in the middle of a big city, so moving to an "ideal" location would mean a lengthy commute from outside the city. Or else we have to suck it up and deal with living in the city for a few years.

 

Also, it helped that before I even began seeking out schools to apply to, I ran the idea of graduate school past him first and asked if he'd be ok with moving to another state and such,

Edited January 3, 2013 by shadowclaw

[RiseofthePhoenix]

If I don't get in, I will most likely travel overseas where I have some family and look for work/travel. I expect my life to take a crazy turn. This last year has been pretty crazy with MA work, thesis, defense, lots of stress and anxiety, and a breakup. So I guess, in a way, I have everything and nothing riding on this phd gig

[OctaviaButlerfan]

My partner (who is averse to change) agreed today that if I get a full funding package, we will strongly consider moving.

 

Meanwhile, while waiting for the news, I am navigating the job market, working part-time, and going to school for my M.A. part time.

 

A job I've wanted for some time may open up soon.. but that's in May or June.. so I guess I'll be going for my PhD if I get accepted somewhere.

[queenleblanc]

For those with spouses in non-academic careers, how is your spouse dealing with the whole finding themselves a job in a TBD city thing going? I'm applying next year, my wife is generally supportive, BUT she loves her job in our current city. It's certainly going to be a two-person decision (both in where I apply and hopefully where I accept). She has her preferences on which cities we end up in. But it just so happens that one of the top programs I'm applying to, isn't exactly in her ideal city at all.

 

Any sage advice for folks who had to woo their spouse over time? What helped?

 

My husband and I discussed going back to school for me (in some field) before we even got married - he figured I would get another degree, either in my current field (music education) or in another if I wanted a career change.  Well, the career change desire hit the hardest.  I am now applying to Speech-Language Pathology programs and before I even started taking the pre-req's, we laid out a plan for what options we had, what options fit us the best, etc.  At first, we liked the idea of doing my degree "online" since that option is available, but after discovering that I'd have to drop from full-time working to only part-time working, and that the degree would take over 1 year longer than the on campus option, well, we knew what we were going to do.

 

I made some compromises on where I was applying after we talked about many of the options that I liked, and I did add 2 schools to the list that were not originally top preferences, because he has a desire to move to those areas.  I think once you bring in the "going back to school" thing with a marriage, it's not JUST your decision anymore, unless you want to be a commuter or temporary residence student (which we have considered if he can't find a good job in the TBD city... many options for single-bedroom rentals in most college towns now).  

[Willows]

Well, it's January 2, so officially time to either freak out or distract myself with this forum. I choose the latter.

 

I just thought it would be interesting or cathartic to talk about what's up in the air for each of us during this miserable waiting period. For me, it feels like a whole heck of a lot. I'm married with a small baby, so basically, depending on whether or not I get in (and where) I've got to deal with the following:

 

If I get in:

• We'll have to sell our house in crappy housing market (in an increasingly crappy neighborhood)
• My husband will have to find a job in a new city
• We'll need to find a new (more affordable) house (or apartment? Ugh), and manage to move there with 2 dogs, a cat, and a baby over the summer
• We'll be moving away from our families, which means finding (and paying for) childcare from strangers in a strange city

All of these things are scary, but I'm perfectly happy to do them--it's just not knowing whether I will need to and where we will need to do them... and also the pressure of getting it all done in the 4-month period or so between being admitted and actually starting the program. And of course, if I don't get in, I'll need to find some kind of temporary employment and save up money to go through this whole mess again.

 

I'm sure there are others in similar situations. What are you anxious about besides admissions?

 

 

All of this. My husband has these preconceived ideas about where I should go based purely on geographic location without regard for my research interests (!) or the prospective employment opportunities. I'm just hoping one of my top two choices come through so we can avoid the "big discussion" about where to move. ('Cause he knows he auto-loses if I get in either top choice.)

Edited January 16, 2013 by Willows

[blakeblake]

After hearing about all of your challenges, I feel like I really have it good.  I need to figure out how to get move my car and some things either 500 or so miles away or 2,000 or so miles away.  Honestly, my biggest challenge is just getting accepted/funded, but it feels extra-important at this time in my life.  I've wanted to continue school for some time, but lately, I've been particularly anxious to move.  I love the town where I'm living, but I want to go live somewhere else for a while since I've always lived in the same state and since my job prospects are dicey here.  My longstanding relationship imploded pretty spectacularly just before I really had to make any real decisions about applying for this admissions cycle.  Obstacles be damned--I want to restart my life.  I'd like to get an acceptance or two, move across the country, and hope that I feel like dating again by the time that I get there.

[The Whistler]

Oh wow, it really isn't easy for the most of you, and I thought I had it rough.

 

I guess in this situation, being single is a good thing, so basically, I "just" have to move overseas, at least 4000 miles from where I live. Since I live with my parents (they need the financial support because my country has been hit hard by the recession, and the consequences of the war we were in 20 years ago are still more than obvious), I guess it would be hardest on them, both emotionally, and financially. But leaving them and my friends also won't be easy for me, if I'm lucky enough to get accepted anywhere.

 

Then there's moving, oh god, I get nervous even thinking about it. I live in a really, really small town. So small that we don't need public transport. I just keep thinking about how I'll have to pack everything I need into two huge suitcases, I'll get out at the airport of this huge city, and be clueless about what to do next and where to go with all this luggage. I could cry already.

 

As for house hunting, I see most of you are already looking for options. I kinda rely on graduate housing, at least for the first year. Is that a mistake?

 

(I also don't want to jinx it by looking for apartments without even being accepted yet. Crazy, I know.)

[Bearcat1]

As for house hunting, I see most of you are already looking for options. I kinda rely on graduate housing, at least for the first year. Is that a mistake?

(I also don't want to jinx it by looking for apartments without even being accepted yet. Crazy, I know.)

I've heard that graduate housing is often much more expensive than finding a place on your own, but if that's not the case, I think it's a great option when you're unfamiliar with the city.

[phigirl]

I guess I already knew it, but I'm incredibly lucky. My fiance and I are getting married June 1 and looking to move in early July to wherever I hopefully get accepted. Unfortunately it means leaving my family and comfort zone behind anywhere we go because 1)we'll be moving 8-12 hours away from where we currently are and 2) 5 of my 6 options of schools are in a big city, something that I'm incredibly uncomfortable with. Overall though my fiance is incredibly supportive and very excited to move away from everything we know and start our married life together.

 

I guess the biggest difficulty for us is that wherever I get accepted, my fiance has to apply and hopefully be accepted to their undergraduate program since he's still working on that.

[The Whistler]

I've heard that graduate housing is often much more expensive than finding a place on your own, but if that's not the case, I think it's a great option when you're unfamiliar with the city.

 

I've actually heard that too, but I guess I'd still be able to live off the stipend I'd get. Maybe?

 

The problem is that the majority of my preferred schools are in big cities, NY and Chicago, and I've heard that it is quite hard to find accomodation there. Graduate housing just seems like the safest choice, and then I'd have a year to maybe find something more affordable.

[Bearcat1]

I've actually heard that too, but I guess I'd still be able to live off the stipend I'd get. Maybe?

 

The problem is that the majority of my preferred schools are in big cities, NY and Chicago, and I've heard that it is quite hard to find accomodation there. Graduate housing just seems like the safest choice, and then I'd have a year to maybe find something more affordable.

I think in NYC graduate housing is your best bet because the rental market there is so different than anywhere else. In Chicago I'm certain you can find your own place for cheaper because I know people who go to school there. Have you looked on Craigslist? There are lots of listings for Chicago rentals and you can find out about neighborhoods on the city forum for Chicago here on Grad Cafe. (If you don't want to jinx yourself by looking now, it's something to keep in mind before you commit to school-owned housing.)

[The Whistler]

I think in NYC graduate housing is your best bet because the rental market there is so different than anywhere else. In Chicago I'm certain you can find your own place for cheaper because I know people who go to school there. Have you looked on Craigslist? There are lots of listings for Chicago rentals and you can find out about neighborhoods on the city forum for Chicago here on Grad Cafe. (If you don't want to jinx yourself by looking now, it's something to keep in mind before you commit to school-owned housing.)

 

Yeah, NYC is, from what I've heard, hell in this aspect. I've applied to Columbia, which has grad housing during the whole time of your studies, and to NYU which, if I remember correctly, houses grad students in dorms, but only for the first year.

 

As far as Chicago is concerned, I have a friend who's a grad student there so maybe he could help me with finding a place, if I get lucky and end up there.

 

But I haven't checked out Craigslist yet. Thanks for all the advice, I hope I'll need it.

[TeaGirl]

I guess I don't have a spouse or kids to worry about. What was in the balance for me was a different future and moving half way around the world versus staying where I am, stuck in my job and putting my life on hold for yet another year, getting depressed and feeling left behind.

Now that I finally got in somewhere, I'm a bit thrilled but a bit apprehensive. I'm not sure yet where I'll be going (I'll definitely be going somewhere at least).

 

In any case, knowing that I'll have to pack up my life, everything I buy undergoes the "does it fit in the suitcase and can I live without it?" question.

[Bearcat1]

In any case, knowing that I'll have to pack up my life, everything I buy undergoes the "does it fit in the suitcase and can I live without it?" question.

I am dreading having to pack up and move, which has been really great for my bank account because I don't shop like I used to. Unless it's only available now and I'll never be able to find it again, I don't buy anything. 

[PoliSwede]

In the balance? Well, if I don't get admitted anywhere I'll have to marry pretty darn fast so I can get that green card