Anybody else having a nervous breakdown?

[stefanka]

flattsfan1216...your life also sounds quite similar to mine at the moment. and FCP...housewives...yessss. To be fair, it's the best show to analyze the psychodynamics between people, and to also see the manifestations of some subclinical psychopathology (which is always fun to try and diagnose). Which one are you watching?  

[DarwinAG]

Head up psychgirl. I experienced a rejection after an interview. She made a good point that we weren't a good fit, and I am inclined to agree with her. She got a sense that I was interested in a coadvising situation, and she wasn't looking for that at this point. She wanted someone who was interested in her work primarily.

I know it is easier said than done, but you gotta just let that one go and focus on other things. I was disappointed for maybe 5-10 minutes then I realized there was nothing I could do about it.

Nail the next interview.

[DarwinAG]

Take a shot every time you see DarwinAG post something and then feel completely inadequate yourself. 

Haha. I'm not sure how to take this. In one of my interviews, I met someone who was applying with me who had an incredibly impressive record. She had eight publications, tons of research experience on top of clinical experience. Not to mention she was just a genuinely good person (and good cook). I felt incredibly behind, but it just made me want to try harder to try and catch up to her. It's fun meeting people like that because it reminds you that there's so much to do.

I actually think that waiting is the easiest part of the applicaiton process. Lewin gave great advice in terms of cultivating the skill of just turning something in and letting it go. I think that advice is relevant for post interviews as well. There's not much else you can do, so move on to a different part of your life.

[psychgrad123]

Haha. I'm not sure how to take this. In one of my interviews, I met someone who was applying with me who had an incredibly impressive record. She had eight publications, tons of research experience on top of clinical experience. Not to mention she was just a genuinely good person (and good cook). I felt incredibly behind, but it just made me want to try harder to try and catch up to her. It's fun meeting people like that because it reminds you that there's so much to do.

 

wow... how are you supposed to compete with someone like that? most people don't even have 8 publications when they graduate from a PhD program

 

Does anyone know roughly the last day you can expect hearing back from schools? If you haven't heard either way, by now does that mean rejected?

[PsychGirl1]

psychgrad123- check out the results page for this year as well as past years for your specific schools. that will give you an idea either way.

 

darwinAG- easier said than done! i guess i need to take all those stress management techniques i learned in class and start administering them to myself, but i'm really too high strung to wait. in college, when i was waiting for college decisions, if the mail was late i would make my family drive me around to find the mailman so that we could get the mail directly from them. i made my sister drive me around once and she got a flat tire. she wasn't happy.

 

i'm just going to throw myself into my epic to do list today and just try not to think about anything :-D

[FCP]

@flattsfan1216, sounds like we should be best friends forever, since we basically have the exact same life.

 

@FCP i never got into real housewives, but i do watch teen mom 2 and jersey shore. i'm not sure which is worse...

 

I got about 20,000 calories of food in my tummy along with two beers, so I'm feeling infinitely better about life. But I'm pretty sure the whole cycle is going to start again tomorrow...

 

I also forgot to mention that my phone rang from a blocked number today while I was brushing my teeth. I legit was about to have a panic attack and almost dropped my phone in the toilet. I calmed myself down (took a lot of effort) and answered the phone in a very professional manner. Then the automated CVS system was like, "Your prescription is ready! Come pick it up".

 

I was pissed.

wow about the prescription call.... that would have bothered me as much as it bothered you. 

 

flattsfan1216...your life also sounds quite similar to mine at the moment. and FCP...housewives...yessss. To be fair, it's the best show to analyze the psychodynamics between people, and to also see the manifestations of some subclinical psychopathology (which is always fun to try and diagnose). Which one are you watching?

So true, housewives are a great way to see individuals interact (and lack of proper socialization, coping, and other clinical fasicinations). I am currently watching the Beverley Hills one. 

[DarwinAG]

"darwinAG- easier said than done! i guess i need to take all those stress management techniques i learned in class and start administering them to myself, but i'm really too high strung to wait. in college, when i was waiting for college decisions, if the mail was late i would make my family drive me around to find the mailman so that we could get the mail directly from them. i made my sister drive me around once and she got a flat tire. she wasn't happy.

i'm just going to throw myself into my epic to do list today and just try not to think about anythin"

Yikes. What an interesting coping mechanism. Admittedly, I initially get worked up as well, but now I find myself just letting go of things I can't do anything about. There's a tibetan proverb that I recite to myself when I am figuring out how to handle a problematic situation which echoes Lewin's sentiments about letting things go after you turn them in: If a problem can be fixed you shouldn't worry about it. If a problem can't be fixed worrying will do nothing.

In this particular instance, I actually think a friend who can emotionally regulate for you would be helpful, i.e. someone reappraising the situation for you.

Edited February 16, 2013 by DarwinAG

[veggiez]

Does anyone know roughly the last day you can expect hearing back from schools? If you haven't heard either way, by now does that mean rejected?

Typically PhD programs let you know by April 15, so my professors say not to start worrying until the beginning of April. Master's programs on the other hand can let you know later than that. Either way, now is not the time to start assuming rejection; we still have a full two months before it's all over.

[Linelei]

Yikes. What an interesting coping mechanism. Admittedly, I initially get worked up as well, but now I find myself just letting go of things I can't do anything about. There's a tibetan proverb that I recite to myself when I am figuring out how to handle a problematic situation which echoes Lewin's sentiments about letting things go after you turn them in: If a problem can be fixed you shouldn't worry about it. If a problem can't be fixed worrying will do nothing.

In this particular instance, I actually think a friend who can emotionally regulate for you would be helpful, i.e. someone reappraising the situation for you.

 

Darwin, I know what you mean: I actually am not that stressed about waiting. I think it can be really difficult for us perfectionist overachieving students to have something this big feel out of our control. But trying to control the uncontrollable only increases our frustration and unhappiness. We've submitted, so now there's not much we can do to change things, other than just accept the uncertainty.

Of course, that equanimity I've found is tested when it comes to the people around me! My mother and best friend are especially on edge wanting closure and certainty. It's definitely more difficult to keep that acceptance of uncertainty when the people around you are all, "MAKE THE DECISION ALREADY!" I just keep telling them that April 15th is not that far off. 

And I want to be clear that I would probably be having more trouble finding this equanimity if I didn't have an offer on the table. I have such compassion for those of you who truly have no idea what is coming next!

[sdt13]

The worst part for me is the fact that I applied to my undergrad university. I see the POI I applied to nearly every day and I have yet to hear a thing! It drives me absolutely insane any time we meet. Also, my top program accepted me, but I cannot receive an official offer until my POI works out the finances (apparently there is some crazy stuff happening with the Quebec government around education funding). I can now say I know more about Quebec's education policy than the US...

 

[psychsquirrel]

Typically PhD programs let you know by April 15, so my professors say not to start worrying until the beginning of April. Master's programs on the other hand can let you know later than that. Either way, now is not the time to start assuming rejection; we still have a full two months before it's all over.

 

Although we technically have time, interviews for my top choice start next week...so I'm just not feeling too good about it.

[kaister]

Psychgirl1, I felt the exact same way last year.  It was either Valentines day or the day after that I remember I completely broke down.  I just started crying, feeling miserable about myself and my life and that I was worthless.  I think it was the combination of Valentines Day, receiving my first few rejections in the mail, and at that time I was working on a publication and I had just gotten back a review and the revision suggestions made me feel so inadequate.  It's like it all came together at that moment that, I was fooling myself if I could think I would get into a Ph.D. program, and I wasn't smart enough for anything.  It was a dark few days.  I really felt like I didn't know what to do with my life.  But you know what, even though I got rejected last season I ultimately knew I wanted to pursue research and the clouds did pass.  I got my publication accepted, I reapplied to school this year and now I'm sitting with 2 offers and interview invites.  So don't give up hope!  Just remember what you're fighting for, because it is so worth it in the end!  I'm actually grateful for having gone through my second application season, it's changed my character and appreciation for it all.  I can't say anything that will make the nervousness away, because it's inevitable though.  Just remember it's not the end of the world if you don't get in this time.  That's the best I got...lol.

[veggiez]

Although we technically have time, interviews for my top choice start next week...so I'm just not feeling too good about it.

Well yes, for clinical programs it may be different because they are more likely to interview than any other type of program. I didn't know what kind of program PsychGirl was applying for

[PsychGirl1]

"darwinAG- easier said than done! i guess i need to take all those stress management techniques i learned in class and start administering them to myself, but i'm really too high strung to wait. in college, when i was waiting for college decisions, if the mail was late i would make my family drive me around to find the mailman so that we could get the mail directly from them. i made my sister drive me around once and she got a flat tire. she wasn't happy.

i'm just going to throw myself into my epic to do list today and just try not to think about anythin"

Yikes. What an interesting coping mechanism. Admittedly, I initially get worked up as well, but now I find myself just letting go of things I can't do anything about. There's a tibetan proverb that I recite to myself when I am figuring out how to handle a problematic situation which echoes Lewin's sentiments about letting things go after you turn them in: If a problem can be fixed you shouldn't worry about it. If a problem can't be fixed worrying will do nothing.

In this particular instance, I actually think a friend who can emotionally regulate for you would be helpful, i.e. someone reappraising the situation for you.

 

It's not really a coping mechanism... I'm just incredibly impatient. Always have been, always will be. I actually don't mind that about myself, and it serves me well in most domains of my life :-). If I did some sort of delay discounting task where I could pick between a. 11 rejections and 1 acceptance today or b. >1 acceptances of an unknown amount on April 15, I'd probably pick a. I'm actually not that upset when I'm rejected, I just hate knowing.

 

Well yes, for clinical programs it may be different because they are more likely to interview than any other type of program. I didn't know what kind of program PsychGirl was applying for

 

I am waiting to hear on 2 more places that I interviewed at (most likely this upcoming week, potentially a bit longer), as well as have 2 upcoming interviews at the end of this week and early next week. I am also holding out for a phone interview at one place (they said mid Feb to early March), but every day that goes by makes it seem a bit less likely. So I have the double stress of interviews plus waiting ot hear accept/waitlist/reject!

 

Although to be honest, all my rejects so far have been for the programs I liked the least. They were sort of like "let's try to stretch myself into this area, or this program" when I wasn't a giant fan to begin with. But now I'm just mostly concerned numbers-wise about my ability to get into at least one program this year. :-D

Edited February 17, 2013 by PsychGirl1

[FutureSchoolPsych]

It's not really a coping mechanism... I'm just incredibly impatient. Always have been, always will be. I actually don't mind that about myself, and it serves me well in most domains of my life :-). If I did some sort of delay discounting task where I could pick between a. 11 rejections and 1 acceptance today or b. >1 acceptances of an unknown amount on April 15, I'd probably pick a. I'm actually not that upset when I'm rejected, I just hate knowing.

 

 

I am waiting to hear on 2 more places that I interviewed at (most likely this upcoming week, potentially a bit longer), as well as have 2 upcoming interviews at the end of this week and early next week. I am also holding out for a phone interview at one place (they said mid Feb to early March), but every day that goes by makes it seem a bit less likely. So I have the double stress of interviews plus waiting ot hear accept/waitlist/reject!

 

Although to be honest, all my rejects so far have been for the programs I liked the least. They were sort of like "let's try to stretch myself into this area, or this program" when I wasn't a giant fan to begin with. But now I'm just mostly concerned numbers-wise about my ability to get into at least one program this year. :-D

 

 

Wow, PsychGIrl, we should be BFF's haha. I am with you on the delay discounting answer. I just want to know, NOW lol.

[hobochic15]

So glad I took the time to read through all these posts. I got my first rejection about a week ago from one of my top two schools. I've been accepted into two programs at my other top school, but not the program I want. Now I'm dying to know the decisions of the other places I've applied to so I can know whether or not I can even get into the program I want. If yes, then game on. If no, then I have some important decisions to make regarding this other school that has accepted me into two programs (SP and health) that are not my ideal. Just throwing it out there- what would you guys suggest? 

I thought I wouldn't have a problem waiting, but obviously I do. And my longtime boyfriend will be moving with me wherever I end up going, so the uncertainty is driving both of us insane. 

On a side note, I'm glad I'm not the only one stress eating like crazy. Fact: I bought a box of "oreo cakesters" two days ago and they are now gone. My little brother was far from impressed. 

Edited February 17, 2013 by hobochic15

[PsychGirl1]

"Wow, PsychGIrl, we should be BFF's haha. I am with you on the delay discounting answer. I just want to know, NOW lol."

 

DONE. We're basically the same person. :-)

 

So glad I took the time to read through all these posts. I got my first rejection about a week ago from one of my top two schools. I've been accepted into two programs at my other top school, but not the program I want. Now I'm dying to know the decisions of the other places I've applied to so I can know whether or not I can even get into the program I want. If yes, then game on. If no, then I have some important decisions to make regarding this other school that has accepted me into two programs (SP and health) that are not my ideal. Just throwing it out there- what would you guys suggest? 

I thought I wouldn't have a problem waiting, but obviously I do. And my longtime boyfriend will be moving with me wherever I end up going, so the uncertainty is driving both of us insane. 

On a side note, I'm glad I'm not the only one stress eating like crazy. Fact: I bought a box of "oreo cakesters" two days ago and they are now gone. My little brother was far from impressed. 

 

What are oreo cakesters????? I'm intrigued....

 

With your decision, I'd say- read these boards, read what people's opinions and thoughts are on their own decision and the important variables in a program... then go with your gut. :-D

[stereopticons]

"Wow, PsychGIrl, we should be BFF's haha. I am with you on the delay discounting answer. I just want to know, NOW lol."

DONE. We're basically the same person. :-)

I'm with you guys on this. I am SO impatient. A day or two after I submitted my last app, I was like, "omg I just want to hear already!!" And I'd probably give the same answer on the delay discounting. That also might be because I'm as indecisive as I am impatient, and only having one school means no decisions!

[HisGlory]

I don't know how spirituality plays apart in any of you guys' lives but praying definitely helps me to calm down, or speaking to a close friend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that having a sense of spirituality will cause you never to have fear or anxiety, but during those times that I do, it feels good to know I can just talk to Him and He's there to listen. 

 

Oh yeah, when everything feels too overwhelming, a bag of trolli sour brite crawlers, can definitely do the trick for me. :-) Here's to staying sane!!!!

[FutureSchoolPsych]

I don't know how spirituality plays apart in any of you guys' lives but praying definitely helps me to calm down, or speaking to a close friend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that having a sense of spirituality will cause you never to have fear or anxiety, but during those times that I do, it feels good to know I can just talk to Him and He's there to listen. 

 

Oh yeah, when everything feels too overwhelming, a bag of trolli sour brite crawlers, can definitely do the trick for me. :-) Here's to staying sane!!!!

I completely agree with you. Praying has helped me so much through this entire process. Sometimes when I get overly anxious about the whole thing, all I have to do is pray and my stress level goes down soooo much. And I will have to take your advice about the sour crawlers

[sdt13]

I don't know how close you guys are to your undergraduate advisors or have an undergraduate mentor, but if so, have you "broken down" in from of them? This happened to me twice unexpectedly, but I think my mentor is just not as empathetic as one would hope. Without really knowing it, he would ask about my applications and when I would say I haven't heard anything yet, he would say things like "aww man!" or something to that effect. At one point I simply had to ask him to stop asking and let me tell him any news as it comes out of fear that I would go insane. I think this helped him realize just how stressful this process was for me and eventually he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I broke down proclaiming how I think I have no options if I dont get in (and I know most people say this, but for me it's actually true given the field I am interested is limited and I applied to all available programs in the US and Canada). Now we have a working dialogue about the situation and he has given me advice about various masters programs and other PhD programs to consider in the future.

 

It's nice to have someone to not only help calm you down, but also provide advice about the situation (he and I are very alike, as he applied to all programs that I am currently applying to when he was an undergrad ~10yrs ago).

 

[veggiez]

I don't know how close you guys are to your undergraduate advisors or have an undergraduate mentor, but if so, have you "broken down" in from of them? This happened to me twice unexpectedly, but I think my mentor is just not as empathetic as one would hope. Without really knowing it, he would ask about my applications and when I would say I haven't heard anything yet, he would say things like "aww man!" or something to that effect. At one point I simply had to ask him to stop asking and let me tell him any news as it comes out of fear that I would go insane. I think this helped him realize just how stressful this process was for me and eventually he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I broke down proclaiming how I think I have no options if I dont get in (and I know most people say this, but for me it's actually true given the field I am interested is limited and I applied to all available programs in the US and Canada). Now we have a working dialogue about the situation and he has given me advice about various masters programs and other PhD programs to consider in the future.

 

It's nice to have someone to not only help calm you down, but also provide advice about the situation (he and I are very alike, as he applied to all programs that I am currently applying to when he was an undergrad ~10yrs ago).

 

I worry that this is going to happen to me all the time. I do everything I can to stay positive when I meet with my research mentor and she asks about grad school, and she is pretty short in her questions. Unfortunately, I am one who shows emotion without realizing it, so I think she may not question much because she can see the fear and anxiety on my face when she brings it up. You're not alone though. This has happened to many of my friends recently, and there are a few professors in my department who announce that they will be there if we have breakdowns during this process. If I end up with 0 acceptances when this is all over, I am going to end up crying anytime anyone brings it up, so I need to stay positive until then.

[stereopticons]

I don't know how close you guys are to your undergraduate advisors or have an undergraduate mentor, but if so, have you "broken down" in from of them? This happened to me twice unexpectedly, but I think my mentor is just not as empathetic as one would hope. Without really knowing it, he would ask about my applications and when I would say I haven't heard anything yet, he would say things like "aww man!" or something to that effect. At one point I simply had to ask him to stop asking and let me tell him any news as it comes out of fear that I would go insane. I think this helped him realize just how stressful this process was for me and eventually he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I broke down proclaiming how I think I have no options if I dont get in (and I know most people say this, but for me it's actually true given the field I am interested is limited and I applied to all available programs in the US and Canada). Now we have a working dialogue about the situation and he has given me advice about various masters programs and other PhD programs to consider in the future.

It's nice to have someone to not only help calm you down, but also provide advice about the situation (he and I are very alike, as he applied to all programs that I am currently applying to when he was an undergrad ~10yrs ago).

I broke down in front of my entire thesis committee last year. Like, full out crying, not able to stop... They were pretty supportive and understanding about it, but I was still pretty embarrassed.

[psychdork]

Ok, I love this thread.  I feel like I really belong here!

 

I haven't broken down in front of my advisor (or any of my profs) yet, but actually I'm surprised I haven't.  I came very close a few times last year but for whatever reason I've been able to hold back until I was alone.  Maybe because I hate crying in front of others...although that hasn't stopped me before.

 

Like you all I have been going crazy waiting.  Usually if I'm submitting a paper to a conference or manuscript to a journal I can just submit it and forget about it.  But this, not one bit.  I actually was fairly calm for a month or so, but lately as each day passes I get more and more anxious.  I noticed that a lot of the "calmer" posters already have an acceptance or two, whereas the more anxious ones don't and I think that is a huge factor.  I know that if I get an acceptance then I'll calm down a lot, as a lot of my anxiety revolves around not getting in (I've done this before...).  I realize that getting an acceptance brings up other issues, but I'd like to experience those for a change. :-)

[PsychGirl1]

I broke down in front of my entire thesis committee last year. Like, full out crying, not able to stop... They were pretty supportive and understanding about it, but I was still pretty embarrassed.

 

Ok, I love this thread.  I feel like I really belong here!

 

I haven't broken down in front of my advisor (or any of my profs) yet, but actually I'm surprised I haven't.  I came very close a few times last year but for whatever reason I've been able to hold back until I was alone.  Maybe because I hate crying in front of others...although that hasn't stopped me before.

 

Like you all I have been going crazy waiting.  Usually if I'm submitting a paper to a conference or manuscript to a journal I can just submit it and forget about it.  But this, not one bit.  I actually was fairly calm for a month or so, but lately as each day passes I get more and more anxious.  I noticed that a lot of the "calmer" posters already have an acceptance or two, whereas the more anxious ones don't and I think that is a huge factor.  I know that if I get an acceptance then I'll calm down a lot, as a lot of my anxiety revolves around not getting in (I've done this before...).  I realize that getting an acceptance brings up other issues, but I'd like to experience those for a change. :-)

 

I actually almost cried in front of my advisor the day after my thesis proposal, in early January. I could barely talk so I just kept agreeing with everything he said, even though I actually didn't agree. The past two months have been so incredibly tough, both research-wise and grad apps-wise. Today I found out I was waitlisted at two schools and cried in the bathroom at lab. And I normally only legit cry like, once a year. The good thing is that there are a good number of people in my lab going through the same process (other master's students, research coordinators, undergrads) and PhD students have internship match day on February 22nd, so lately there has been quite a large number of breakdowns occurring in our lab on a daily basis. In some ways, it makes me feel better (since my family has absolutely no idea what I'm going through- my mom just gets offended when I act "grumpy" like I should never have any worries or stress in life), and in other ways it makes it worse and even more overwhelming.

 

The weird part is that now that I'm thinking about having to take a year off, I'm started to get excited about it. Being in an intense master's program the past two years after a career change has left me a bit exhausted and drained. I feel broken and beaten. But I know that the second I get more than two weeks off, I'll start going stir crazy. :-D But, oddly enough, I think I'd be okay taking a year off, writing manuscripts and posters, maybe teaching psych classes, actually making it to the gym every now and then, and not living with chronic stress for a few months (especially now that I know what stress does to your body! Health psych for the win).

 

That being said, I know a lot of people get off the waitlists (and I have two!) plus I have two more upcoming interviews to rock. I took tonight off and let myself grieve- tomorrow it's back to work full-force :-D