Rejection after interviews- I should have never wasted my time

[GodelEscher]

Received rejection after second interview for Counseling PhD program. I am angry. So flipping angry. I worked so hard to get to this point. I had no moral support in my relationship which fell apart and no support from my family. How am I supposed to continue and face people at my lab? Every year people have got accepted into PhD programs from my lab, now I have tarnished their streak. 

 

How am I supposed to deal? My father is a renown Stanford and Columbia grad who has hundreds of papers published, got tenured in a few years after his Phd....and I have nothing. What a masters program? That is failure. To boast and be confident that all the research hours, the countless dedication ultimately means nothing. 

 

I am disgusted that I have been rejected after two interviews. Disappointed, astonished, angry.

 

I don't have enough energy to do this again. I give up. I hate my f****n life. Masters program? Then what, work a measly job as a therapist while I know I failed. 

 

Maybe this career is not for me. I am not built for rejection. For god's sake I went to Julliard, I went to Calarts, I worked as a professional dancer in my first career. I was the cream of the crop in choreography...but psychology I am fighting for the top.

 

This profession is not for me. It makes my skin crawl. I guess I am going back to flipping school for my prerequisites to be a PA....f***k this. 

 

I am so angry. I can't believe this. 

[PsychGirl1]

We all get rejected after interviews... it happens. It has no reflection on you, just on how many fantastic applicants there are to clinical and counseling programs. If you really want it, you will take a few weeks off to be angry/grieve (or binge eat, in my case) and get back on the horse again right after that. It's frustrating and exhausting, especially when people in your family don't understand academia or the competitiveness of the psych world. But who cares about your labmates, or your family? This is your career, and you can make it what you want. If you sent them the admissions numbers to the programs you applied at, they'd be impressed you even got an interview. I know people who have tried 2 or 3 times, and trust me, nobody thinks it's embarrassing for then.

 

Then again, if you react this way to rejection, maybe the world of psych isn't for you, since they basically go through this horrendous application process every five seconds (papers, posters, practicum, internship, thesis/dissertation committees, faculty/clinical jobs after that).

 

Anyway, I guess I would just say, give yourself until April 1st to be angry, bitter, upset, confused, whatever... and then re-assess what you really want. If it's this, don't give up. You don't want to be 40 and looking back on your life and think, "If only I had tried a second time, my life could be so much better."

[iExcelAtMicrosoftPuns]

I don't care about your father, I don't care about your choreography, I don't care that your lab always creates PhD student or your lack of moral support.You're acting immature.

I glad you've found a place to vent. A lot of people (me included) might be turned off by your post- don't let us get in your way. This anger is a natural reaction; let it pass, observe it. No matter how hard you've worked there is always room for improvement.

Don't be so quick to insult the masters degree; maybe it isn't for you, just don't imply it is a failure and insult the professionals that have the masters.

 

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon but when he got home he still had to take out the trash.

[jmu]

It's good to vent, but I'm not going to pat your back. This may come off as harsh but, to be perfectly honest, I don't really care.

 

First, you are not your father. His accomplishments are not, and never will be, your accomplishments. It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do and your success or failure has, or at least should have, absolutely nothing to do with his. Despite the stress that his work is causing you, it should not be your concern whether or not you mimic his life.

 

Second, you are not your lab. You are not your lab partners. When adcomms look at your application I very seriously doubt they are saying "ApexKnowledge worked in xxxxxx lab! We must admit/deny him/her!" Your lab experience is only one part of a body of work you are sending to a grad school, what about the rest? Do you have publications? Do you have conference paper/poster presentations? Have you done any of your own research? How was your SOP? Did you clearly lay out what you wanted to do, what you expected from the program, and how them selecting you would be mutually beneficial? Did you successfully walk the line between "I'm the best you've ever seen!" and humility? If any of those is no then you should probably reevaluate your application materials because you were probably competing against people who did. With some schools accepting only 1-in-40 applicants you can't leave room for error.

 

It sounds like you only applied to two schools, or maybe one with two interviews. Why? PhD programs are competitive and applying for such a small number is setting yourself up for disappointment. You don't need to apply only to schools where you are an absolute 100% fit in the program but also to those where you are a close fit but can address holes in what is currently being done there. You are not just applying to be a student but are also applying to be a colleague. You need to be able to add just as much as you support.

 

Finally, your treatment of master's programs is unfair. Just because it is not your dream does not mean that you need to belittle others. This is true even when you are venting. If the hubris you show here came through in your application or interviews that very well could be why you were not selected.

[PsychGirl1]

What everyone above me said.

 

Also- think of this as your career. You have like, 50 years of your career left. enrolling in a program one year later won't make a huge difference as far as ruining your career, but you can have plenty of experiences during that year that will help your career over the long haul.

[kaister]

Many psychology Ph.D. applicants go through more than one round of applications.  Competition is stiff, if you're only now realizing it, you'd better adjust quickly or move onto something else.  If you really want something you'll keep striving for it.  Entitlement won't get you there.  I know rejection stings and it makes you feel like a failure, but just know you're not the only one who goes through this, most of us (especially here on grad cafe) struggle with this daily and we're all in that journey to make it to grad school.  Good luck, I hope you figure out what you want.

[GodelEscher]

It's good to vent, but I'm not going to pat your back. This may come off as harsh but, to be perfectly honest, I don't really care.

 

First, you are not your father. His accomplishments are not, and never will be, your accomplishments. It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do and your success or failure has, or at least should have, absolutely nothing to do with his. Despite the stress that his work is causing you, it should not be your concern whether or not you mimic his life.

 

Second, you are not your lab. You are not your lab partners. When adcomms look at your application I very seriously doubt they are saying "ApexKnowledge worked in xxxxxx lab! We must admit/deny him/her!" Your lab experience is only one part of a body of work you are sending to a grad school, what about the rest? Do you have publications? Do you have conference paper/poster presentations? Have you done any of your own research? How was your SOP? Did you clearly lay out what you wanted to do, what you expected from the program, and how them selecting you would be mutually beneficial? Did you successfully walk the line between "I'm the best you've ever seen!" and humility? If any of those is no then you should probably reevaluate your application materials because you were probably competing against people who did. With some schools accepting only 1-in-40 applicants you can't leave room for error.

 

It sounds like you only applied to two schools, or maybe one with two interviews. Why? PhD programs are competitive and applying for such a small number is setting yourself up for disappointment. You don't need to apply only to schools where you are an absolute 100% fit in the program but also to those where you are a close fit but can address holes in what is currently being done there. You are not just applying to be a student but are also applying to be a colleague. You need to be able to add just as much as you support.

 

Finally, your treatment of master's programs is unfair. Just because it is not your dream does not mean that you need to belittle others. This is true even when you are venting. If the hubris you show here came through in your application or interviews that very well could be why you were not selected.

"I don't really care" ...

 

I know I applied to 15 FYI but either way you are so right. I appreciate the honesty. 

[GodelEscher]

I don't care about your father, I don't care about your choreography, I don't care that your lab always creates PhD student or your lack of moral support.You're acting immature.

I glad you've found a place to vent. A lot of people (me included) might be turned off by your post- don't let us get in your way. This anger is a natural reaction; let it pass, observe it. No matter how hard you've worked there is always room for improvement.

Don't be so quick to insult the masters degree; maybe it isn't for you, just don't imply it is a failure and insult the professionals that have the masters.

 

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon but when he got home he still had to take out the trash.

 

I am human, and hurt from rejection does pass ultimately. I did not mean to attack Masters programs per se, rather it is an admittance that maybe I need the masters to gain experience for a possible future in PhD.

 

Either way, spite does not live long in my heart. I think I probably belong in a Masters program....and i suppose I came off rather abrasive (like a lot). I guess this is not the place to vent. 

 

If I offended anyone sorry I am honest and get frustrated...LOL i am human. The ultimate karma has already happened...

[GodelEscher]

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon but when he got home he still had to take out the trash.

 

-Just read that. Love it...

[GodelEscher]

What everyone above me said.

 

Also- think of this as your career. You have like, 50 years of your career left. enrolling in a program one year later won't make a huge difference as far as ruining your career, but you can have plenty of experiences during that year that will help your career over the long haul.

Valid point. Besides, I need this year to re-evaluate whether this is really what I want. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I do not understand the reason - but I will later. 

[iExcelAtMicrosoftPuns]

I am human, and hurt from rejection does pass ultimately. I did not mean to attack Masters programs per se, rather it is an admittance that maybe I need the masters to gain experience for a possible future in PhD.

 

Either way, spite does not live long in my heart. I think I probably belong in a Masters program....and i suppose I came off rather abrasive (like a lot). I guess this is not the place to vent. 

 

If I offended anyone sorry I am honest and get frustrated...LOL i am human. The ultimate karma has already happened...

No hard feelings from me. Really don't let us stop you- this is an anonymous forum so feel free to vent.

:-D 

P.S. Karma=action, Vipaka=result.