How much has your program changed you?

[joya]

Kind of a vague question, but I've been led to wonder about it this evening.

 

My situation: I started a PhD program (humanities) last September. So it's been just a few months, though as with (I assume) many programs, it's quite an intense, immersive experience. I find myself thinking differently, speaking more carefully and more slowly, being less open and more guarded, maybe being less ostensibly friendly (i.e. smiling less, etc), on the whole. Part of the reason I'm surprised by this is that I'm in my late 20s, and had previously thought myself quite 'settled' in myself, as it were.

 

That might read like a depressing picture, but I don't necessarily regard any of those changes as bad. I'm curious as to whether other people have experienced anything similar. I'm also curious whether one should expect to be changed by a graduate program, whether it's important to hold on to 'yourself', something in between, or what.

[Dal PhDer]

Aside from the extra 10lbs I've put on the last three years?

 

I'm not sure if my program has changed me, but definitely the process and who I've worked with changed me...but I also think getting older has changed me too.

 

I guess my overall perspectives have changed- I don't let petty little things bother me, as I have much bigger things to deal with.

 

It's taught me how to take criticism, and GIVE criticism. I guess being in a teaching environment I've really learned a lot about how I want to teach, and what I will and will not do as a teacher...so it's taught me to take note of others' perspectives. 

 

I most certainly think that graduate school changes you. With any major event and change in your life you'll experience growth and adaptation. For me, it's been mostly positive - except for all the wine and gummies I consume.

[Chai_latte]

Hmm, I don't really think it has changed me.  Actually, no, scratch that.  I'm a more confident scientist.  Presentations are easier for me now.  I'm also in my late twenties.  Regardless of age, I guess change should be expected when you're studying something (presumably your passion) intensely.

[joya]

That's my intuition too, chai_latte. Dal PhDer, partly thanks to a meager stipend, I've lost 10lbs! Silver linings, etc.

[zapster]

I think most experiences change us - study, work or play - people keep evolving (or in some cases devolving!) all the time simply because life keeps throwing new experiences at us that we cannot possibly have conceived of earlier. In that sense, constantly rediscovering yourself is as 'true to oneself' as one gets - IMHO if you find that you have remained exactly what you were a long time ago, it is because you are not living life to the fullest. To answer your question - one should expect to be changed by most life experiences - grad school definitely being one of them (of course you can argue that grad school life experience has the 'life' part missing !!! )

 

p.s. As far as putting on 10lbs goes - I've unfortunately found out that this keeps happening all the time as well  - grad school or otherwise 

[Dal PhDer]

That's my intuition too, chai_latte. Dal PhDer, partly thanks to a meager stipend, I've lost 10lbs! Silver linings, etc.

 

Jealous!! Wine is so cheap, so I easily afford it!

[Tall Chai Latte]

I'm pretty sure I've changed compared to the old me fresh out of undergrad. But rather than thinking it was my program, I think it was grad school in general that changed me. I learned to think for myself, know what I want, and how to communicate that. Like OP, I'm also less happy.

 

My old friends said that I'm more mellow now. Rather than being so absorbed in academics, I finally come out of it and start seeing that there are other things one can partake ("more like a normal person"). Not sure if this is good or bad, it could be a sign of declined interest in science in general, and increased interest in other activities (like photography).

Edited February 21, 2013 by Tall Chai Latte

[Miro]

its almost a 3/4 done with my first year and I have learned the following and in my early 20's

1. Its not about being innately smart, but how much time your are willing to put in to learn something. I used to give up pretty easily on problems set on the account that i was not " smart enough". Now i see that the "smart" people put in crazy amount of time studying.

2. asking for help is not a sign of stupidity/ignorance. I am still not comfortable to ask for help but i am considering it more when I get stuck in my class work or research

3. I am more "humbled"; nothing like failed experiment to bring your to your knees everyday.

overall, I am liking the change. I can see myself becoming more and more of the person of my dreams.

[sociologo]

I drink alone more often than with other people. I will go days where the only conversations I have are with my cat - this is when I am working from home. I had to buy my first pair of glasses.

 

Didn't lose my sense of humor though. 

[Dal PhDer]

I drink alone more often than with other people. I will go days where the only conversations I have are with my cat - this is when I am working from home. I had to buy my first pair of glasses.

 

Didn't lose my sense of humor though. 

 

Are you living in my apartment and I don't see you?

 

The only thing that gets me through my days working at home are kitty bellies....

 

 

 

I think it's realistic to think that grad school will change you- hopefully for the better. I know the stress can be limiting at times...but overall, just the development of skills, expertise and knowledge will change you. I think, or at least hope, that it also gives you confidence and changes your perspective of your abilities. I know there is a fine line, and I've experienced when grad school did the exact opposite...but looking back, I have certainly grown and matured for the better..like wine or cheese!

[Elizabeth Reed]

I agree with previous posts that every experience changes you. Sitting around doing nothing changes you (trust me, I know from my days as an undergrad!) I think it's natural to feel, at various stages, that you've "settled in" to who you are, but it's always an illusory feeling. I suppose that, at any given age, some aspects of the self are here to stay, but others are surely transient (and even the "here to stay" parts may shift in subtle ways down the road). Realizing that my future self will be different has been tremendously helpful for me - it has made me far less arrogant about my beliefs, attitudes, etc. Now (at 29), I look back at my early-twenties self and shake my head about this or that, thinking "how silly I was then!" Of course, I've always done that - when I was in my early twenties, I thought "how silly I was at 18!" The difference now is an understanding that my future self (or selves) will look back at the 29-year-old-me and, most likely, have that very same thought. This knowledge helps me guard against a sense of self-satisfaction or smugness, especially because I used to fancy myself far more knowing than people who hold certain beliefs, which, whaddya know, I have come to hold. It also helps me keep a more open mind about perspectives different from my own, which is very useful for learning and growing! I think there's an old saying that sums it up pretty well; it's something like, "the older I get, the less I know, and the more wise I become." Makes sense to me, when I was younger I knew *everything* and was very unwise. I'm not sure exactly how my program is changing me, but I have no doubt that it is. I guess the biggest change so far (first year) is a better understanding of the fact that every decision in life involves a trade-off. Time and energy are zero-sum, so you really can't do it all. What I'm trying to figure out now is what sort of balance I want in life...if only I could consult the 50 year old me, I'm sure she'd know what choices I should make!

[juilletmercredi]

Well, I definitely gained about 40 lbs. in 4.5 years, if we're talking about weight.  I started graduate school when I was 22 and I'm 26 now, so some of this was probably just due to growing up.

 

-My time management has gotten a lot better.  I break things down into chunks, make to-do lists, am relatively realistic about how long it will take me to do things, finish things, set and meet my own deadlines (usually).

-I'm able to synthesize great amounts of information in short amounts of time.

-My writing is better.  I outline, write, and edit.

-I've discovered what I really love to do - working with and mentoring students, and doing research.  I came not wanting to be a professor, but now I really want to be one.

-I'm much more confident in myself.

-I'm a better speaker and presenter.

-I do feel more like a "real person."  Less consumed with academics (or as less consumed as one can be, given grad school) and more concerned with balancing my responsibilities and hobbies.