How to respectfully decline?

[Grev]

So I've made my decision and notified my top school that I'll be accepting their offer.  Does anyone have any advice on how to politely decline offers from other schools?  I was thinking of saying something like this, but it feels SUPER curt:

 

Dear DGS,

 

Thank you very much for your offer of a position with University X, however I'm afraid I must decline.

 

Best Regards,

 

-Grev

 

 

Thoughts?

[selecttext]

That's fine

 

I wrote

 

"Dear Dr ...

 

 

I am sorry to report that I have accepted another offer. I really appreciate your generous offer of support and the opportunity to study under you. I hope we can meet in the future as I admire your work

 

Love always

 

 

 

"

 

[TakeruK]

I think that's fine too. Most schools expect to get a pile of these so they aren't going to read it too carefully -- they'll just be happy get a response! If you are worried about curtness, you could add a fluff sentence about how you would like to meet again in the future or something. I'd say to keep decline emails to a max of 2-3 sentences!

[lypiphera]

Mine were a bit longer and I mentioned where I was going and why I picked that.  This was sent to the POI, not the graduate coordinator.  After the phone interview, in-person visit, various talks over email, acceptance notification, etc., I felt they had put a lot of time and effort into trying to telling me about the program, and I wanted them to know that it was appreciated.  This could vary based on how much contact you've had with the POI - if you haven't been in as close contact, it might not be as important.    My emails included the following, in roughly one sentence each:

 

1. Thanks for the time and effort they put in telling me about their great program

2. Notification of where I would be attending

3. Mention that it was not an easy decision and that I did like their university

4. The reason I chose the other university (in my case, better research fit - I didn't want them to think that I just didn't like them)

5. Expression of possibility of working together in the future and/or meeting at conference

6. Best wishes to them and other faculty at schools

 

Obviously this will vary based on what the reason you didn't attend and the relationship you had with the declined professor.  This is just how I did it.  I wanted to make sure that the professors didn't think that there was something I didn't like about them, because I don't want to burn bridges for future collaborations and job opportunities.  All of the professors got back to me thanking for letting them know and expressing their understanding that the school/advisor I chose is a great choice and a good fit for me. 

 

Also, just a note to an above poster, I think "Love always" sounds a bit odd for a professional correspondence, but that's just my opinion.

[Grev]

Thanks for the recommendations guys!  Since I'd only had contact with the DGS, and our contact was always a bit formal, I went for short and to the point, but a little less curt than my first thought:

 

Dear Professor X,

Thank you very much for University School's generous offer of admissions, however I'm sorry to report that I have decided to accept an offer from another school.

Best Regards,
 

-Grev

 

Seems to have gone over all right.

[crackthesky]

Mine were a bit longer and I mentioned where I was going and why I picked that.  This was sent to the POI, not the graduate coordinator.  After the phone interview, in-person visit, various talks over email, acceptance notification, etc., I felt they had put a lot of time and effort into trying to telling me about the program, and I wanted them to know that it was appreciated.  This could vary based on how much contact you've had with the POI - if you haven't been in as close contact, it might not be as important.    My emails included the following, in roughly one sentence each:

 

1. Thanks for the time and effort they put in telling me about their great program

2. Notification of where I would be attending

3. Mention that it was not an easy decision and that I did like their university

4. The reason I chose the other university (in my case, better research fit - I didn't want them to think that I just didn't like them)

5. Expression of possibility of working together in the future and/or meeting at conference

6. Best wishes to them and other faculty at schools

 

Obviously this will vary based on what the reason you didn't attend and the relationship you had with the declined professor.  This is just how I did it.  I wanted to make sure that the professors didn't think that there was something I didn't like about them, because I don't want to burn bridges for future collaborations and job opportunities.  All of the professors got back to me thanking for letting them know and expressing their understanding that the school/advisor I chose is a great choice and a good fit for me. 

 

Also, just a note to an above poster, I think "Love always" sounds a bit odd for a professional correspondence, but that's just my opinion.

 

I've been thinking a lot about how to decline and plan on doing something very similar to this. The letter that I'm drafting is similar, anyway. I'm in the same boat where I feel some schools and POIs have spent an exceptional amount of time answering questions and trying to recruit. 

 

Does anyone else ever feel nervous to send these things? Not in the sense that I feel I'm amazing and these professors will be totally devastated, but I've received a few e-mails from POIs explicitly mentioning that they hope I will choose their program and that they think it is the best fit for me. I feel so awful at the idea of disappointing some of these people, especially because they have been so kind and invested so much time!

[ion_exchanger]

Does anyone else ever feel nervous to send these things? Not in the sense that I feel I'm amazing and these professors will be totally devastated, but I've received a few e-mails from POIs explicitly mentioning that they hope I will choose their program and that they think it is the best fit for me. I feel so awful at the idea of disappointing some of these people, especially because they have been so kind and invested so much time!

 

Yes! I feel so bad saying no to people. I have to remind myself that they know that it could happen, and that people have said no before, and will say no again. Everyone knows that we don't just apply to one program, well most of us anyway. While they will be disappointed, on some level they will know that we are doing what we think is best for ourselves, just as they do for themselves. I tell myself this to gather up the courage to actually do it.

[crackthesky]

Yes! I feel so bad saying no to people. I have to remind myself that they know that it could happen, and that people have said no before, and will say no again. Everyone knows that we don't just apply to one program, well most of us anyway. While they will be disappointed, on some level they will know that we are doing what we think is best for ourselves, just as they do for themselves. I tell myself this to gather up the courage to actually do it.

 

I think I must still be buying time to find this courage. Deep down, I'm pretty sure I know where I'll end up but I keep telling myself otherwise because I feel bad making a firm decision!

[ion_exchanger]

I think I must still be buying time to find this courage. Deep down, I'm pretty sure I know where I'll end up but I keep telling myself otherwise because I feel bad making a firm decision!

 

I understand. I know where I'm going. I'm just being a chicken about committing. I'm still waiting on one more decision, but ironically enough, I have no problem telling them no. I have to get guts to do this. As a graduate student, I'm going to have to make more difficult decision. Might as well start practicing now!

[bedmas]

I understand. I know where I'm going. I'm just being a chicken about committing. I'm still waiting on one more decision, but ironically enough, I have no problem telling them no. I have to get guts to do this. As a graduate student, I'm going to have to make more difficult decision. Might as well start practicing now!

I'm the exact same right now! I got into my dream school, the funding is great, the fit is perfect, the opportunities are abundant, etc, etc, but I'm so scared to click accept. The emails I got from another was school was so nice and I feel bad saying no! bah.

 

Edit: It actually worked out that all of my POIs at other schools got their PhDs from my top choice/the one that I'll be attending, instead of theirs. Surely they'll understand why I'm choosing it, haha!

Edited March 8, 2013 by bedmas

[ion_exchanger]

I'm the exact same right now! I got into my dream school, the funding is great, the fit is perfect, the opportunities are abundant, etc, etc, but I'm so scared to click accept. The emails I got from another was school was so nice and I feel bad saying no! bah.

 

Edit: It actually worked out that all of my POIs at other schools got their PhDs from my top choice/the one that I'll be attending, instead of theirs. Surely they'll understand why I'm choosing it, haha!

 

Makes me think of that saying, "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.". I wanted to get into my dream program, and I did. So accept already!

 

The same thing with your POI happened to me! My POI at one school earned their PhD from one of my top choices, and he couldn't look at me and ask me to turn down the offer from the school that he felt was the perfect choice for him! Sad twist of fate!

[epsilon]

I'm the exact same right now! I got into my dream school, the funding is great, the fit is perfect, the opportunities are abundant, etc, etc, but I'm so scared to click accept. The emails I got from another was school was so nice and I feel bad saying no! bah.

 

Edit: It actually worked out that all of my POIs at other schools got their PhDs from my top choice/the one that I'll be attending, instead of theirs. Surely they'll understand why I'm choosing it, haha!

Same thing with me! Its basically a choice between program with young, well educated PIs, or the established program that educated them!

[CHagen]

Yes! I feel so bad saying no to people. I have to remind myself that they know that it could happen, and that people have said no before, and will say no again. Everyone knows that we don't just apply to one program, well most of us anyway. While they will be disappointed, on some level they will know that we are doing what we think is best for ourselves, just as they do for themselves. I tell myself this to gather up the courage to actually do it.

 

If you are having trouble saying no to people, just think of the fact that for those of us on waitlists for our top program, you're relieving someone else of the tension of the wait...

 

And there are some great suggestions on how to clearly communicate your "no" here that should make it very understandable to the receiver.

 

What a great position to be in.  Congrats to all who have made their decisions!

[abeilles]

Same thing with me! Its basically a choice between program with young, well educated PIs, or the established program that educated them!

 

I'm in the same place!

[ddittmar]

This entire page has been so helpful!

 

Early last week I got accepted to my second and third choice (pretty good schools) and I had just about given up hope on my dream, reach program. I set up a future visit with the two programs, contacted faculty to set up personal meeting times, etc. Then over the weekend I received an email with an amazing funding package and acceptance from a program that I had almost talked myself out of applying to due to its high rank and wonderful faculty. 

 

Now I'm stressing over backing out of the visit and declining the other programs. Thanks to everyone who posted, I need to send an email out with just these sentiments to the other programs soon.