Asking out a shy (maybe introverted) guy

[33andathirdRPM]

Go and ask him out, already!

 

This.

[i.am.me]

Thread is getting hilarious!

 

Just pick one, it's a casual outing, not getting married.

[guinevere29]

I love how this conversation is like so many I had with my friends back in high school, sometimes I forget what fun it is to have a secret crush!  Even since undergrad I've been very upfront and bold about my feelings toward guys, so my natural advice would be to go and ask one or both of them out to coffee - what do you have to loose!?

 

However, I've been thinking lately about the merits of letting a platonic relationship develop before you play the dating card. Once you drop a strong hint that you're romantically interested in someone - especially with shy guys - things can get awkward if the person feels pressure. Or things could get romantically intense really quickly, before you get the chance to really know the person. 

 

I actually was friends with my current boyfriend of 3 years for a while before we started dating, there was flirting, but at the beginning we were either seeing other people or just not in the right place at the right time. And then a while later we both were single and he asked me to be his date to an event last minute when someone else canceled on him! We've been dating ever since

 

So this ancedote is just to say - if you are interested in one or either guy, definitely ask them out for something informal! But if they don't drop "big" signs of interest in you right away, don't despair. Sometimes it all works out for the best.

[wildviolet]

Thanks, guinevere29!

 

Actually, no need to choose between the two (or take drastic action) because Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro is laying it on pretty thick this week, which is causing me moments of joy and panic because I think it's likely he's going to ask me out soon. The FB activity has increased to a level I've never seen before with him, and he's making excuses to come and visit me in my office this week (like saying that he was looking for so-and-so but instead ran into me).

 

So, I think many on this thread were probably correct in saying Mr. Shy Guy was "just not that into me," LOL. I have to be careful, though, because I don't really know Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro, so I have to take it slow. It is a slightly difficult situation, though, because we work together and today he reached over and poked me (in front of everyone, no less) to get my attention--it's slightly uncomfortable because I want to show him that I'm interested, but not in front of everyone, including my boss!

[Guest |||]

The popularity of this topic, its as though so many can relate

[wildviolet]

The popularity of this topic, its as though so many can relate

 

Yes, apparently so.

[sweets]

I'm new to the grad cafe, and stumbled upon this thread by accident. I've read the whole thing from start to finish, and would REALLY like to know what has happened since your last post. Thanks!  

[33andathirdRPM]

Smart money is on "nothing happened."

[wildviolet]

I'm new to the grad cafe, and stumbled upon this thread by accident. I've read the whole thing from start to finish, and would REALLY like to know what has happened since your last post. Thanks!  

 

Hi sweets,

 

I thought this thread was kind of dead, but here goes...

 

Nothing happened with the first guy (the original topic of this post). In fact, I've barely seen him all semester.

 

BUT, the second guy and I are going tango dancing this weekend.

 

wv

[i.am.me]

Woot woot!

 

I can't wait to hear about a 3rd guy lol

[wildviolet]

Woot woot!

 

I can't wait to hear about a 3rd guy lol

 

OMG, there is and will be no third guy! I'm keeping the second one--it's hard to find guys who can dance.

[PsychGirl1]

Date went well then??

[St Andrews Lynx]

OMG, there is and will be no third guy! I'm keeping the second one--it's hard to find guys who can dance.

 

Hahahaha! 

While I'm kinda sorry this entertaining, suspenseful thread has reached its conclusion, I'm glad you finally got sorted with at least one of 'em.

Enjoy!

[snowshoes]

If a guy is introverted/shy he would really, really, really love it if you asked him out.  A lot. 

[wildviolet]

Date went well then??

 

(I suppose this thread has just been revived!)

 

It depends on what you mean by "went well." It was interesting, to say the least. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing or just a "complex personality" thing (he's a self-declared rare INFJ type), but for the past month he has praised, complimented, and poked/winked at me in public. But, in private, the closest he came to a compliment was "cool" when I did a nice move last night at tango. So... I'm more confused than ever! I have given up trying to understand him. My intuitive guess is that he might not be sure how he feels, or he is sure how he feels but the situation is complex (in that this is his last year, and he's applying for an assistant professor position in his home country in South America).

 

Our tango outing was not an official date. I asked him if he wanted to go, and he said yes. So, the facts are:

 

1. We talked about kind of trivial things during the two-hour (total) drive there and back.

2. We danced (kind of badly since we were both out of practice).

3. And he agreed to go with me (i.e., spent 5 hours with me on a Sunday night).

 

Despite being in close physical contact for tango, when we parted for the night, he said that it was fun but that he would not do it again (I really do not know what he meant by this... that he did not like dancing as much as I thought he did or that he did not want to go with me again). I'm really at a loss. But, I'm just going to be patient, and I have other things to do! If he wants me, he knows where to find me.

[ahlatsiawa]

I read through the whole thread (yes I am that bored). Can't help but feel sorry for Mr. Shy Guy by the end. Aah, well...

[LittleDarlings]

Just do it

[Gooagooa]

Update???!!!!!!!

[wildviolet]

Update???!!!!!!!

 

LOL, it's been a while, hasn't it?

 

So, I'm very glad I didn't ask Mr. Shy Guy out because I found out a few months ago that he was dating another girl in our program (I don't know who), but they broke up (yippeeeeee!). Not sure when they were dating, but it must have been during the past year or so. This gives me hope that: (1) he apparently likes girls; (2) he's had some experience dating girls; and (3) he might be forward enough to ask a girl out. Because I'm really not comfortable with the thought of asking him out. Nope, not gonna do it!

 

And, it turns out that this semester, we have two classes together.

 

So, we've gotten to know each other better through being in class together... and talking about mostly school-related stuff... and we've gotten to see more of each other's personality. I can't tell if he's interested in me or not, but... lately I've noticed that he tends to walk out with me after class, and we'll talk on our way to the parking lot (you know how you can kind of time your exit with someone else so you just happen to be walking out together?).

 

Bottom line is that... this has turned from less of a "crush" to more of a "let's-see-if-I-like-you" kind of thing. And, I like talking with him, I feel comfortable around him, we make each other laugh, and I think he's awfully cute when he smiles!

 

We're nearing the end of the semester. I'm not sure what will happen next... but I'll let you all know if he asks me out!

Edited April 19, 2014 by wildviolet

[i.am.me]

oOoOoOh update, yay!

 

I been surprised at the amount of gossip going around in my dept - like who has hooked up with who - the revelation of this news has turned me off to the one or two single guys in the dept. I'm not interested in being fodder for gossip of this sort cause the peepo talking were not very nice ...I'm glad this board is anonymous lol  

[wildviolet]

oOoOoOh update, yay!

 

I been surprised at the amount of gossip going around in my dept - like who has hooked up with who - the revelation of this news has turned me off to the one or two single guys in the dept. I'm not interested in being fodder for gossip of this sort cause the peepo talking were not very nice ...I'm glad this board is anonymous lol  

 

Yeah, I'm kind of glad I don't know who he dated, just that it's someone in our program a couple of years ahead of me. I do know, however, that he was crushing big time on one of my friends/colleagues and that it was super obvious in class. In my program you tend not to see people much after you're done with classes and you're just working on research/teaching/your own stuff.

[mbkb]

Being a shy guy myself, I feel sad how this story turned out. It is a very nice feeling to hang out with a fun and extrovert person.

[spellbanisher]

What about the tango guy?

[wildviolet]

Being a shy guy myself, I feel sad how this story turned out. It is a very nice feeling to hang out with a fun and extrovert person.

 

What do you mean? Mr. Shy Guy and I walked out of class together again! And we talked for a bit--school stuff, but whatever, it was nice. The story isn't quite over yet!

[wildviolet]

What about the tango guy?

 

Oh dear, he's been gone mostly this semester and will be leaving the country soon. But, he had his chance, as I had told him that I liked him (that was nervewracking!), and he was all like, "thank you, but I'm leaving soon and I don't want to have any ties.... we can be good friends." He didn't say he didn't like me, just that he didn't want to start a relationship when he knew that he would be leaving soon. So noble of him, which of course just made me like him all the more!