Getting a university to reject you?

[nugget]

What concerns me is why you did not have the balls to tell your family that you did not want to go to that particular school. It makes you look childish. You are an adult now, and should be able to make your own decisions about what you want to do with your life.

 

Let's try not to judge the OP. She originally didn't even want to mention the reason why she wants to do this so I don't think she intended to open this particular point up for discussion. Clearly she is a thoughtful and intelligent woman (as she got into a competitive academic program) who has probably given this situation a lot of thought and can predict the way that her family will respond. Families can operate quite differently from a cultural context, ways in which people from an individualistic society (such as the American way of life) may find challenging to comprehend (particularly when compared to collectivist societies or societies in which elders are given more respect for their experience and wisdom).

 

Best of luck to the OP. I hope the situation turns out favorably.

Edited March 22, 2014 by jenste

[kaleisi]

What concerns me is why you did not have the balls to tell your family that you did not want to go to that particular school. It makes you look childish. You are an adult now, and should be able to make your own decisions about what you want to do with your life. If you did not want to go to that school, then you never should have applied in the first place. These schools have enough applications to go through and are wasting their time looking at an applicant who doesn't even want to go there.Frankly, I think you should just wait and see what the university does. If they accept you, just decline it. The faculty from this school will likely never want to collaborate with you if you ask the school to reject you because you only applied to pacify your family. You have to begin to think about your networks.

 

 

I think you should consider that there are other types of families out there before calling someone childish. Freedom of choice does not come as easily for some people. I didn't even want to mention it, so please refrain from any comment regarding my life, or my choices. You need to get some perspective.

 

 

 

Let's try not to judge the OP. She originally didn't even want to mention the reason why she wants to do this so I don't think she intended to open this particular point up for discussion. Clearly she is a thoughtful and intelligent woman (as she got into a competitive academic program) who has probably given this situation a lot of thought and can predict the way that her family will respond. Families can operate quite differently from a cultural context, ways in which people from an individualistic society (such as the American way of life) may find challenging to comprehend (particularly when compared to collectivist societies or societies in which elders are given more respect for their experience and wisdom).

 

Best of luck to the OP. I hope the situation turns out favorably.

 

Thank you so much for saying this.

[ANDS!]

What concerns me is why you did not have the balls to tell your family that you did not want to go to that particular school. It makes you look childish. You are an adult now, and should be able to make your own decisions about what you want to do with your life. If you did not want to go to that school, then you never should have applied in the first place. These schools have enough applications to go through and are wasting their time looking at an applicant who doesn't even want to go there.

Frankly, I think you should just wait and see what the university does. If they accept you, just decline it. The faculty from this school will likely never want to collaborate with you if you ask the school to reject you because you only applied to pacify your family. You have to begin to think about your networks.

 

Someone's never known anyone in an Asian family.

[Bio4ever]

So, I apologize for sounding harsh, and yes, I may need some perspective. I have known many people from diverse families. My best friend is an Arab Muslim. My husband is a Russian Jew. However, I obviously live in America and I have never had to deal with not having my freedom of choice or even witnessing it here. My perspective is one that an American university may have or maybe even not. I have been through graduate school for my Master's and I am well aware of the politics. What I can tell you is that I have heard talk before about potential graduate students and concern about an applicant and their family. I have heard someone say that they will not take on a graduate student if they believe they are too close to their family. Yes, it may be harsh, but it is politics. I was merely giving advice on how to handle your communications with this university (if it is in America or even anywhere else) and I am sorry for being harsh. Politics are always involved and you do not want to cut your ties with a school because you are not interested in them at the moment even though you applied. You may be later or you may be looking for a faculty position down the road. You should always assume you may need that connection later. You should also assume that faculty from one school may communicate with faculty from another. That was why I suggested that you wait to see what they say. If you call them up and tell them you didn't want to apply, you burn that bridge. You do not want to burn any bridges, especially so early in the game. So I am sorry. I only meant to give advice and I did come out looking like a complete jerk.

[roguesenna]

So, I apologize for sounding harsh, and yes, I may need some perspective. I have known many people from diverse families. My best friend is an Arab Muslim. My husband is a Russian Jew. However, I obviously live in America and I have never had to deal with not having my freedom of choice or even witnessing it here. My perspective is one that an American university may have or maybe even not. I have been through graduate school for my Master's and I am well aware of the politics. What I can tell you is that I have heard talk before about potential graduate students and concern about an applicant and their family. I have heard someone say that they will not take on a graduate student if they believe they are too close to their family. Yes, it may be harsh, but it is politics. I was merely giving advice on how to handle your communications with this university (if it is in America or even anywhere else) and I am sorry for being harsh. Politics are always involved and you do not want to cut your ties with a school because you are not interested in them at the moment even though you applied. You may be later or you may be looking for a faculty position down the road. You should always assume you may need that connection later. You should also assume that faculty from one school may communicate with faculty from another. That was why I suggested that you wait to see what they say. If you call them up and tell them you didn't want to apply, you burn that bridge. You do not want to burn any bridges, especially so early in the game. So I am sorry. I only meant to give advice and I did come out looking like a complete jerk.

 

 

If someone isn't going to hire me because they think I'm "too close to my family" I want abso-frakking-lutely nothing to do with them.

[Munashi]

I obviously live in America and I have never had to deal with not having my freedom of choice or even witnessing it here.

 

Quickly popping in to add this:  There are plenty of people living in America who have these kinds of problems with their families (immigrants and non-immigrants alike).  Yes, the overall culture here is one of choice.  But not everyone's nuclear/immediate family subscribes to that line of thinking.