Child free

[mandarin.orange]

Ugh. This too. I was never the kid who picked out baby names and played house and I was never the kid who planned her future wedding. I just don't care about marriage. This is not to say that I don't value a strong, committed relationship; I just don't see any need for a wedding.

 

And I'm not a shrew - I don't criticize those who get married or have kids, but the amount of crap that I have had to put up regarding my views on marriage and children is borderline ridiculous. It probably doesn't help that I've been in a conservative Christian educational environment for my entire life. The unofficial nickname for my college is "Western Wedding College" for crap's sake. I can't even with that. Definitely ready to move on.

 

I hear you on all this! I see you are headed to UC Davis -- CONGRATS, it's an amazing place. I suspect you will love the offbeat, green, nonconventional community there.

[themmases]

I don't use the child free label, but I don't want/don't plan on having kids. For personal and political reasons, I'm just not interested in ever sharing my body that way (I share it in other ways like by being a research subject a lot), and I need more time alone than being a parent of a small child allows. People who know me well also know that my partner's only sibling has physical and intellectual disabilities, and we will be her caregivers later in life, at a level of involvement that's impossible to know right now. I consider all those reasons too private to share with someone who would just assume I want kids.

 

I only tell friends. If someone incorrectly references my future kids, I pretend they made the equivalent statement about how fun/how cute/what a handful my friends' future kids will be and go with it. If people ask me why, I just say I'm looking forward to being an aunt (probably to kids' friends, I don't think my sister will ever reproduce either) but don't want to personally be a parent.

 

I have the Mirena IUD and I love it. It fits my self-image somehow as a person who can't/won't get pregnant, not to have to take action every day to thwart my body thwarting me. It hurt to put in but I was fine by later in the day, and the cramps are worse but since I was on the pill from age 18 until it was put in, it's impossible to know if the cramps are bad because of the physical object, or just because my cramps would have been a lot worse without the pill.

[overworkedta]

My experience: insertion was very painful, but no worse than my endometriosis pain. I only had really bad pain for 48 hours after, again, no worse than my endo pain.

In the interests of full disclosure, however, I have to say I have a fairly high pain tolerance. When I fractured a vertebra in my back falling off a horse, I finished the riding lesson, untacked and groomed the horse, cleaned the tack, and drove myself home. Only went to the hospital a couple of hours later, who I was still in a bit of pain, and did not believe I had fractured a vertebra. Then spent four months on bed rest.

So, if you have a lower pain tolerance, the IUD insertion might seem like a lot of pain. But it was certainly no worse than my endo pain, and a lot less pain than I had after my two surgeries for endometriosis.

I also have a Mirena IUD.  I also have endometriosis.  It was painful for all of 2 to 3 hours after and then I was pretty good.  It's nothing compared to endo pain, a burst cyst, or a kidney stone but I do have a high pain tolerance, too.  I love mine and have had no issues for a year and a half now.  It's a good option for me as I also have developed a latex allergy and need all the protection I can get  I guess.

 

That said, I am unlikely to have kids by the time I'm ready due to the endo.  I also likely cannot adopt thanks to discrimination as I'm also bipolar.  while I am healthy, no one seems to care about that.

 

My partner has two kids with his ex, so I may just "settle" with being a stepmom and that's good  It does bother me when I am interrogated by relatives and strangers alike about my lack of kids or told I am less of an adult because I am child free.  I am not really by choice and the SO and I have made big life decisions accounting for those kids so it's not like I eat kids for dinner.  And even if I did genuinely not want kids, it would be no one's business anyhow!

[dazedandbemused]

Ugh. This too. I was never the kid who picked out baby names and played house and I was never the kid who planned her future wedding. I just don't care about marriage. This is not to say that I don't value a strong, committed relationship; I just don't see any need for a wedding.

 

And I'm not a shrew - I don't criticize those who get married or have kids, but the amount of crap that I have had to put up regarding my views on marriage and children is borderline ridiculous. It probably doesn't help that I've been in a conservative Christian educational environment for my entire life. The unofficial nickname for my college is "Western Wedding College" for crap's sake. I can't even with that. Definitely ready to move on.

 

Holy shit dude; are you me? I could have written this entire post--couldn't care less about weddings, never wanted kids, have religious friends/family constantly telling me that I'll get over it...I was so happy to start my PhD and get out of the Christian education environment. I got an ablation a year ago, so I just casually mention that to people and they shut the hell up.

 

Also, throwing my two cents into the mirena ring, I have one and it was only painful for a couple of hours after insertion. You honestly can't even feel it, and after a few days of discomfort from it "settling in," I don't even notice anything.

[lasercats11]

 

I hear you on all this! I see you are headed to UC Davis -- CONGRATS, it's an amazing place. I suspect you will love the offbeat, green, nonconventional community there.

 

Thanks! I'm really excited about starting my PhD there. I was able to visit the campus twice and I really liked the vibe. Luckily, their program also meshed well with my research interests, so I can have the best of both worlds.

[PsycD]

Oh, so I take it that I'm not the only one from a conservative Christian environment who has had to endure the endless barrage of disapproving looks and condescending comments because of my preference to remain free of the shackles of matrimony and motherhood??? Yes, I said shackles.

Don't get me started...

[GreenePony]

For all the comments about Christians pushing babies... the churches DH and I have attended as a couple have had married w/o children groups where we have had zero pressure to have children- most people do not "graduate" to the with children classes and are very happy. These aren't non-denom/emergent/liberal/post-liberal churches, these are Baptist (BGCT and SBC) churches (admittedly, not the most conservative examples of either, I do wear jeans on the occasional Sunday.) Not saying that others aren't putting a lot of pressure on singles and couples, just that there are groups that definitely are not.