was excited initially about my decision.. now a month later deeply regretting it.

[antfarmer]

I was deciding between three top prestigious schools, A, B, and C for a social science PhD.

 

A and B had comparable research topics, and advisors that were top in their fields.

 

School A gave me awesome funding, 26k a year for 5 years with no TAing responsibilities till later on.

 

School B gave me 22k a year for 5 years, with TAing after the first year.

 

School C is also top in the field, but the advisors there do not do research that is as in line with what I'm really interested in, and my potential advisor there is also a newer, younger professor.  Also the funding is still a 5 year guarantee, but it's less money, 20k a year with TAing after year 1.

 

And for some goddamn reason I picked school C. I think because it's close to my family, and the weather is nice, and I was rejected from there for undergrad so I've always wanted to go there. They told me at school C that even though their professors don't necessarily do the same sort of research I want to do, it shouldn't be a problem for me to branch out and do things independently, and that they'd help me with that. Also, when I visited school C, I liked all the people the vibe of the campus and the program better than at school A or B.

 

So basically I got a good "feel" about school C vs. the other two, and I picked it. 

 

I turned down 1.) better funding, 2.) better research opportunities for the research I actually want to do, and 3.) a more influential and well established advisor.

 

And initially I was excited since I just thought, "Well, they're all good choices, I can't go wrong, might as well pick the one that feels best.

 

And now it's been about a month and I can't help but feel utterly sick to my stomach, like I've made a completely horrible decision that will basically affect the rest of my academic career.  What should I do in this situation? Is there any way to go back on my choice?  For the last week or so I've been cursing myself daily.

 

[fuzzylogician]

FWIW I think that the people are by far the most important factor in the decision. If you're working with people who you get along with, you'll be happier and more productive. Same goes for having good weather and proximity to family - those are not things to take lightly, they will improve your quality of life. 

 

Now, as for having less of a perfect research fit, I wouldn't worry too much because 1) people change, and (very!) often the thing you were interested in doing before you start morphs and evolves in ways you can't even predict. 2) This school seems open to letting you do your own thing, and as long as they are supportive you should be ok. Keep in mind that the goal of a PhD is to become an expert in something so at the end of the day you want to know more than your advisor about your topic. Having a younger professor can have its advantages and disadvantages (you can search for threads about that on the board)--younger profs are usually more driven to publish and if you're one of their first students you'll have a real influence on how they evolve as advisors and (perhaps) researchers. They are closer to where you are and understand you better. On the other hand, they might have less influence in their field, which is why in this situation I normally recommend seeking out a second mentor who is more established in the field to supplement the advising you get from your main advisor. 

 

The funding situation should not be big factor, as long as you are getting enough money to sustain a reasonable student lifestyle. As long as you are not supporting a family, in my opinion, once you know you're able to live off your stipend, research should trump the best funding offer. This school offers the same TA responsibilities as school B and if I were in you shoes I'd view it as an opportunity to get more teaching experience than school A. 

 

So bottom line, what I'm saying is the best thing you can do is find the good things about this school and get yourself excited again. People are SO important and can make such a difference in your life. The other stuff you can't really control, including how your research will grow and develop. If you really can't get excited about this at all, then the only thing I can think of is very discreetly contacting either school A or B to ask if there is any way the offer could still be on the table, and going from there. It's sufficiently late now that it may be hard to make anything happen, but you never know. But -- again -- this seems like a fairly routine case of buyer's remorse and I'd first try to examine its sources and try to get past it. 

[BlackScreenG]

If I ask you to choose between an apple, an orange and a pear, guess what: "You get confused :unsure: ". After you have made your choice, , you feel damned. Its all natural. However, if I give you only an orange, you dont get any of those thoughts and terrible feeling and you still get to enjoy the orange :) .

 

To help yourself, simply assume school A and B rejected you and you just had to choose C. Also ask yourself, if school C was the only option you had , would you have a terrible academic career?

 

#learn to look on the bright side, no one knows the perfect decision, its just important to keep moving..

[antfarmer]

Yeah but for real, I feel like I do know the correct decision, it should have been school A, because it had the best funding, the best research opportunities, and senior professors.  I'm just mad at myself for somehow talking myself out of that decision, just because I got a better "vibe" from school C.

Edited May 17, 2014 by antfarmer

[BlackScreenG]

Well.. While reading through what you wrote, I wondered why you went for school C .. But at this point, being mad at yourself may make you loose in the "latent" opportunities when you resume at school C. its just best to learn from the mistake and turn it to a "strength".  Still many more decsions for you in the future(including now!).

 

I am not asuming I know what it feels like, but one thing I am sure of is you need to Keep Moving!

 

Its a classic problem to make decisions, wish and regret.. its a classic solution to keep moving!

[Guest criminologist]

could you back out of your choice since you haven't started yet? then reapply again next year and go to the school you wanted .

[bsharpe269]

I realize that you feel like school A might have been better but I feel like you need this to be put into perspective...

 

You are upset about grad school when you will going to a top school, near your family, that is allowing you to do the reserach you want and you got a great vibe from the school???

 

It sounds to be like you have an amazing set up for grad school. Playing this what if game isnt going to help anything. I would change your attitude and start thinking about all of the things that will be amzing about school C!

 

No matter waht decision you made, another may always have been better. For all you know, you could have chosen school A and then your advisor could have moved half way through or maybe you would have hated your cohort there. You can never know what the best decsion is. Maybe your future boss will have gone to school C like you and that connection will get you your future job. You NEVER know what the best choice is. You made a choice, a great choice so now go have an amazing experience!

Edited May 18, 2014 by bsharpe269

[juilletmercredi]

I think you should trust your gut.

 

I agree with Fuzzy: Sometimes, the people are the most important thing.  Your research interests will often change/evolve/grow over time - mine have shifted considerably (they are in the same universe, even the same galaxy, but still different - actually more closely aligned to what my advisor does).  But at the end of the day these are the people you have to work with for 5-6 (or more) years.  The "vibe" you get is really, really important!  Feeling comfortable in your department means you'll speak up in class, you'll go to colloquia and brown bags, you'll get along with professors and advisors - and that can lead to better networking and a better perception of you in the department.

 

I also think you have buyer's remorse.  When you have lots of choices, it is really, really common for people to think soon after they chose that they made a horrible mistake and should've chosen differently.  Just keep reminding yourself that there was a reason you went the way you did.

[victorydance]

Honestly, does a few thousand dollars really matter at the end of the day, particularly when it's a difference of 2K? Secondly, a stipend is more tied to how high the cost of living in that place. For example, a stipend of 16K can actually be better than a 24K stipend if the latter is for a city like NYC. Lastly, as usual, people are making too much of a deal about solely their fellowship package, this is FAR from the only source of funding available, both internally and externally.

 

I would throw out the whole money thing out the window as far as regretting your decision. Who cares, other things are way more important.

[BeingThere]

Can you really say that had you chosen School A you would not be having similar thoughts?

Would you possibly be regretting your choice of School A because while it offers more funding, it's far from your family and you got a better gut feeling about School C?

 

There is no way to know whether you made the right choice or not.  So choose to believe that you did.  And then make it the right choice.

[fuzzylogician]

There is a relevant thread you might find useful, here: 

[SomeSortaPsych]

Not to mention, just because (let's assume at this point) you're going to school C, doesn't mean you have to be completely done with schools A & B. Hell, you've stated they're already doing things you're interested in, and that could potentially lead to building relationships with the PIs there as potential influences and collaborators. Besides, you've gotta work somewhere once you've finished with all of this, right?

Edited May 20, 2014 by SomeSortaPsych

[neuron1980]

I think you actually made the right decision; but now that some time has passed, you are looking at it on paper and forgetting how good you felt about school C.  I bet if you visited C, your initial decision would be reinforced.  When you choose a school, you choose your work environment for the next 5-7 years.  I think you choose the work environment at which you felt that you would be most productive and the happiest.  How else can you explain your initial decision?  You got into grad school at top universities, so you are an intelligent person - you had ALL of the same information that you have now when you made your decision, no new information has come to light.  You clearly liked the school so much that decided it was worth forgoing a little extra money and the aligned research interests.  I have been told time and time again that what is most important is that you learn HOW to do good research.  When you graduate, you are not limited to postdocs in the area of your dissertation.  I've also heard that often times, the "top", most "prestigious" professors are more worried about their own research than mentoring you, and often tell you what your project will be instead of helping you formulate your own ideas, which is more important in the long run.  Maybe you sensed some of this, on an unconsious level, during some of your interviews?  If I were you, I would ask to re-visit the school that you accepted the offer from, perhaps even speak to the dean about your concerns, and see if you are still uneasy about your decision.  This will accomplish two things: 1) you may find you were right to begin with and 2) they may let you out of your commitment if they think that you will be unhappy there.  No school is going to want a student there that thinks they made the wrong choice, because they are at risk of dropping out.  I think it's early enough in the process that they can fill your spot with another candidate without any trouble.