First-time cat mom

[beccamayworth]

Hi everyone! I understand that this it not the main purpose of this forum, but I've gotten great advice at grad cafe before so I figured it wouldn't hurt.

 

I just started a PhD program and adopted a cat. I've been thinking about doing this for the past couple of years: I loooove pets. I've lived with cats and dogs before (although they weren't primarily my responsibility), and I've volunteered for a while at the local humane society. 

 

When I visited the shelter I was looking for an adult cat, somewhere in between 3-7 years old. I ended up really bonding with this adorable female torby: she immediately jumped on my lap, licked my hands, begged to be pet. The adoption agent said she was really shy in general, and medium-to-low energy. They had rescued her from a hoarder house two months before; she was pregnant; they took her in and spayed her (he didn't mention it, but I assumed she had the kittens before that). They didn't know how old she was but the vet examined her and said somewhere in between 2, 2 1/2 years old. 

 

I took her home. My apartment is really small but I allowed her only in a small area, as recommended. I was expecting her to hide for days due to her shyness but on the first night she was already exploring. She really is an awesome cat: she loves to be pet, comes say hi often, uses the litter box reliably, is not aggressive at all. 

 

The first night my anxiety started to kick in. I was not expecting that. It dropped on me heavy as a brick. I was worrying about everything. Honestly, the first day or so, I felt like I could barely breathe. She did meow quite a lot during the first nights, and ran around making a lot of noise. I was terrified the neighbors would complain. My landlord allowed me to have 1 cat, if he/she wasn't gonna be any trouble.

 

Since then (6 days), the meowing has gotten much better. She does still meow (I always ignore it as to not promote the behavior by giving it attention), but it's much less and really not that loud - I don't think the neighbors can hear it. When she gets the cat crazies in the middle of the night and runs around the apartment, it does make a bunch of noise, which worries me - but I really hope it's way less audible to the neighbors, as no one has complained yet.

 

BUT - I still have soooooo much anxiety. I find it impossible to relax. I never thought I'd feel this way - I thought I was prepared! I keep stressing about the noise, the neighbors, and a million "what ifs" - what if I need to travel and can't find someone to take care of her? What if when I travel she goes insane?

 

Ultimately, my concern is - what if I don't have the capacity to take care of a cat? What if I am just too anxious and neurotic to do it?

 

I apologize in advance - re-reading this, I sound like such a cry baby. I'm just super stressed out and trying to understand this whole ordeal as best as I can. 

 

Anyway, thanks so much for reading and for any advice you have for me.

Edited September 4, 2014 by beccamayworth

[spectastic]

congratulations human, you have been chosen.

 

just put out a litter box, some food, water, and a scratch pad with some catnip (or just don't buy fragile/expensive furniture).

 

I only plan to get mine vaccinated one time, because they're indoor. they say feline HIV can be transmitted through mosquitos, but I'm not too worried. other than that, maybe have some revolution (those squeeze capsules for the back of their neck) handy in case they get fleas, worms, mites (revolution takes care of all of them).

 

that's about it.

 

 

 

PS don't try to toilet train them.. it screws them up.. I tried for a year, and because I'm gone 10 hrs/day nonstop with 2 cats, I was never there to clean it up often enough. (plus junior is just a total dumbass who can't learn to aim in a hole to save his life) now they're back to the litter, and they don't cover up their shit anymore. instead, they just scratch the plastic on the side like they did with the toilet. I had thought that I could just get them trained, go on vacation, and come back and flush, but it's not really that simple. If you're worried about sanitation, put some sticky mat around the litterbox

Edited September 4, 2014 by spectastic

[TakeruK]

Congrats!! It sounds like you are doing a great job so far. My wife and I fostered cats for the shelter for about 8 months (including a pregnant cat that give birth!) before we moved to my new PhD program and every cat we fostered was very different in terms of shyness and energy. One cat hid behind the curtains for the first day until she felt comfortable with us and other cats immediately explored everything and claimed ownership of everything right away! So, it sounds perfectly normal that your cat didn't need the "adjustment" period. 

 

I would not worry about the noise unless someone actually complains. We were concerned too but it turns out that even old apartments have pretty decent insulation. And, humans make a fair amount of noise anyways, so unless your cat is knocking over pots and pans, I don't think the noises will be louder than ambient nighttime noises.

 

The meowing will get better as your cat adjusts and you're definitely doing the right thing by ignoring it. From everything else you say, it sounds like you have a great cat that is actually a lot less work than it could be! And it also sounds like you know what you are doing so everything will be fine!

 

Cat care while traveling is a valid concern though. I think it would not be too tough for you to give your key to a friend you trust to come by once or twice a day to scoop the litter box, refill food/water. And they can do other things like empty your mailbox etc too. Maybe you can find someone that you can trade with--you help water their plants/check mail/feed animals etc. when they travel and they return the favour when you travel. 

[geographyrocks]

All good advice (especially the toilet training!). I tried that once and my female loved peeing in the toilet. Her poo went behind the couch. Cleaning cat poo off of carpet is a really crappy process. He he I punned.

What you're going through sounds a lot like what I do so here's what I tell myself: Calm the hell down!

Are you calm now? Take a deep breathe and let it slowly. Are you calm now? Good!

Cats are pretty easy to take care of. I have three cats who have been with me in various apartments, and I never received one noise complaint.

If you travel and can't find a friend to catsit, there are professionals who do that. Sure you have to pay them, but they're generally great with animals and it's pretty easy to check if they are legit.

Your cat won't go crazy when you travel. However, expect some cat style payback in the form of puking in a shoe or ignoring you for a day or so.

I'm crazy and neurotic, and I've been a slave to cats my entire adult life (and most of my childhood) so I think you'll do just fine!

[spectastic]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LLYEPZXqYY

 

this'll help with the meowing hehehehe

 

 

yea, with a laser pointer, you can pretty get your cat to do anything. my roommate is bringing in the pest control today. there was no way I could've locked all three in the bathroom without the laser pointer.

Edited September 4, 2014 by spectastic

[themmases]

Congratulations! I adopted a cat last year-- also a young adult female-- and had some of your same worries. Plus, our cat's previous owner needed to give her to us very quickly so we had out of town plans that we couldn't cancel when we got her, and we didn't have an air conditioner yet (it was a very hot Chicago summer). Naturally I would lie awake when it was super hot, listening to her meowing, and hope she wasn't crying because she was boiling to death or something.

 

My partner's boss is also a cat person and gave us some great advice that helped reduce the night freakouts (especially since Bruce was initially not allowed in our room at night, and she would sit outside and whine). We now make a point to play with her and try to tire her out later in the evening, and since my cat is very gentle and friendly I also try not to let her take long or deep naps in the evening so she will be good and tired at night. Then we give her her dinner later, pretty soon before human bedtime, again so she's full and sleepy when we want to go to sleep. All this stuff helps keep her on more or less our sleep schedule so she's not wide awake and ready to play at 3 a.m. Cats do just see ghosts sometimes and zoom around though, and usually there is nothing going on that qualifies as a problem for a human. Our delicate little flower does it whenever she poops.

 

We've had so many people willing to cat-sit for us that I think a different person has done it each time in the last 14 months. Have some cute cat pictures ready on your phone for anyone who seems interested-- you will quickly find out who the cat people are in your life that you could ask. Then pay them in souvenirs-- we usually bring back gift beer that is made in the area we visited.

 

Finally, get a laser pointer. They're great for when you're studying and can't get up to play with a suddenly energetic pet, or distracting your cat if you spot her trying to jump on something that is No from all the way across the room.

[beccamayworth]

Thank you SO MUCH everyone. Seriously. You have no idea how much this helped!!!

[WriteAndKnit]

What everyone else has said, and one more thing: some cats are chatty. They like to talk. My roommate's cat is very talkative, just because he wants to communicate like the humans. You know the cat has won when you start having "conversations".

[wildlifer]

What everyone else has said, and one more thing: some cats are chatty. They like to talk. My roommate's cat is very talkative, just because he wants to communicate like the humans. You know the cat has won when you start having "conversations".

 

 

So true... my cat is the same way. He's just turned 6 years old this month and while he's mellowed out over the years, he's still just as chatty. My cat has definitely won, cause we "converse" frequently. lol. Ah well, love the little furball nonetheless. Also, reusable grocery bags (the cloth ones). I don't know why, but my cat LOVES them. When I bring groceries in and have those, it's like he's waiting for one to be emptied so he can dive in and lay down in it. So if you have those, see if your cat likes them. It's a cheap and easy entertainment if they do. Plus, it's entertaining for you as well, so win win! 

Edited September 6, 2014 by wildlifer

[WriteAndKnit]

So true... my cat is the same way. He's just turned 6 years old this month and while he's mellowed out over the years, he's still just as chatty. My cat has definitely won, cause we "converse" frequently. lol. Ah well, love the little furball nonetheless. Also, reusable grocery bags (the cloth ones). I don't know why, but my cat LOVES them. When I bring groceries in and have those, it's like he's waiting for one to be emptied so he can dive in and lay down in it. So if you have those, see if your cat likes them. It's a cheap and easy entertainment if they do. Plus, it's entertaining for you as well, so win win! 

 

Cardboard boxes, too. Schrodinger likes to sit in the box and attack one of his mousies outside the box. It's hilarious. 

[jhefflol]

Cardboard boxes, too. Schrodinger likes to sit in the box and attack one of his mousies outside the box. It's hilarious. 

 

This. I was going to say to get a box of any shape, as long as the cat can fit in it. It will become his/her little home too, and help the cat feel comfortable. 

[TakeruK]

For extra fun for the cat's human companions, you can decorate the outside of the box too. We had a giant, strong cardboard box that was decorated like a castle and had openings for cat to poke its head/paws out and attack invading mouse toys.

[zigzag]

Hi everyone! I understand that this it not the main purpose of this forum, but I've gotten great advice at grad cafe before so I figured it wouldn't hurt.

 

I just started a PhD program and adopted a cat. I've been thinking about doing this for the past couple of years: I loooove pets. I've lived with cats and dogs before (although they weren't primarily my responsibility), and I've volunteered for a while at the local humane society. 

 

When I visited the shelter I was looking for an adult cat, somewhere in between 3-7 years old. I ended up really bonding with this adorable female torby: she immediately jumped on my lap, licked my hands, begged to be pet. The adoption agent said she was really shy in general, and medium-to-low energy. They had rescued her from a hoarder house two months before; she was pregnant; they took her in and spayed her (he didn't mention it, but I assumed she had the kittens before that). They didn't know how old she was but the vet examined her and said somewhere in between 2, 2 1/2 years old. 

 

I took her home. My apartment is really small but I allowed her only in a small area, as recommended. I was expecting her to hide for days due to her shyness but on the first night she was already exploring. She really is an awesome cat: she loves to be pet, comes say hi often, uses the litter box reliably, is not aggressive at all. 

 

The first night my anxiety started to kick in. I was not expecting that. It dropped on me heavy as a brick. I was worrying about everything. Honestly, the first day or so, I felt like I could barely breathe. She did meow quite a lot during the first nights, and ran around making a lot of noise. I was terrified the neighbors would complain. My landlord allowed me to have 1 cat, if he/she wasn't gonna be any trouble.

 

Since then (6 days), the meowing has gotten much better. She does still meow (I always ignore it as to not promote the behavior by giving it attention), but it's much less and really not that loud - I don't think the neighbors can hear it. When she gets the cat crazies in the middle of the night and runs around the apartment, it does make a bunch of noise, which worries me - but I really hope it's way less audible to the neighbors, as no one has complained yet.

 

BUT - I still have soooooo much anxiety. I find it impossible to relax. I never thought I'd feel this way - I thought I was prepared! I keep stressing about the noise, the neighbors, and a million "what ifs" - what if I need to travel and can't find someone to take care of her? What if when I travel she goes insane?

 

Ultimately, my concern is - what if I don't have the capacity to take care of a cat? What if I am just too anxious and neurotic to do it?

 

I apologize in advance - re-reading this, I sound like such a cry baby. I'm just super stressed out and trying to understand this whole ordeal as best as I can. 

 

Anyway, thanks so much for reading and for any advice you have for me.

 

Hi! I can see loads of other people have ALSO responded already but I am going through the EXACT SAME THING right now. Well, sort of. 

 

See, growing up my family had cats all my childhood (and later a dog, then a move and more dogs but no cats. Our last cat was given to a family friend.), and I technically had my own cat but didn't have to be fully and totally responsible, since I was only a child. I did chores like cleaning the litterbox and such, but didn't have to take them on vet visits, etc. 

 

Now, I had completely intended to get a cat but I went and did it way earlier than expected. I also got two cats a little over a week ago. I went to the SPCA with my roommate, and a lovely little lady sat in my lap, rested her head on my knee, and began purring contentedly. She had a sister, however, and I couldn't bear the thought of separating the two of them since they're barely a year old. The SPCA said they were three years old and fully adults but looking at them in person, I knew there was no way they were already 3. The vet agreed with me and said they were maybe a year old at most. I went in wanting an adult or black cat who wasn't likely to be adopted -- and ended up getting two all black one-year olds who had been at the shelter for months already. Her sister was smaller and equally sweet and gave me little kitty kisses. I got a memorial weekend discount so adopting them both was only $10. 

 

And they both explored right away from their single room, so I let them out really quickly. They use their litter boxes, have good hiding spots, are healthy (although one is a little thin, I'm making sure she eats. I think the stress of a shelter made her lose a little weight), the Vet adored them, etc. 

 

But I'm INCREDIBLY anxious about them. And I've had cats before, albeit not since HS. I panicked that one was underweight by a few ounces. I panicked that one of them didn't feel "loved" enough because she was more shy and therefore I cuddled her less/on her own terms. I panicked that one of them drools a tiny bit when she purrs -- I was CONVINCED she was poisoned somehow, but turns out that some cats happy drool when you pet them. It's actually not much drool and doesn't leave marks so I find it charming. I'm also worried because my roommate is/was a dog person. while she helped pick my cats and loves them a lot, I don't want her annoyed or frustrated because of them! They definitely had the 5 AM running around shenanigans the other day and woke her up before she had to get up to go to work. She was tempted to put them in their little room/area out of her sleep space but I played with them extensively last night and so they were much more relaxed this time around and didn't run up to her and wake her up.

 

I have a friend who is a two-cat cat mom and has cat rescue experience so I talk to her about everything I worry about. I also found catster.com which is nice w/ resources. Basically I'm sure the first few days your kitty was just SO HAPPY to have a home and to be loved that she ran around in excitement. It sounds like your feline loves you tons, and if you play with her when you get home/before bedtime, I'm sure the night crazies will be less noisy.

 

ALSO: while the laser toy is cheap AND lets me wear them out pretty easily they can stress out some kitties because they can't "catch it". This can be avoided or solved by also having a physical toy they can catch/pounce on. Just give them a chance to pounce on a toy mouse or something so that the hunting instinct is fulfilled. A scratch post is ALSO necessary, and/or any sort of "high perch", whether it's a window perch or a cat tower, or on top of your kitchen cabinets like my cats like. 

 

I'm a STRONG recommender of keeping shots updated even if your cats are indoors. It's for their health. My vet also recommended heartworm prevention meds which -- they can be transmitted by mosquitos and also they're not treatable easily like dogs can be treated for it. I love them so much I couldn't bear to have them accidentally get heart worms. Find a feline-oriented or feline specialist vet if you can! If you ever get really worried or haven't taken your furbaby in for a checkup yet, do so and feel free to ask a million questions. 

 

Domestic cats are social creatures and they DO want attention and love and affection. If you feel comfortable with it, let them sleep with you at night. Mine like to curl up at the foot of my bed c]v\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\;' (cat addition, thanks to a keyboard walk) and i pet them and cuddle with them whenever they come up to me. Cats also miss you when you're gone so it's true they may misbehave a little or ignore you when you come back because they were anxious. You can get feliway (a synthetic cat pheromone) to reduce anxiety in some instances, like in cat carriers on trips to the vet, while you're out, etc. 

 

Pre-introduce them to cat-sitters if you can! so they like the sitter. 

 

Mine chat and meow and sometimes trill at me which isn't overly loud or too much (I'm also the bottom floor next to the laundry room so there's not much to bother) not encouraging the excessive meowing is good though, so you're doing great. Also I firmly believe that when a cat has chosen YOU, you are more likely to do well. They put their faith in you, so you can have faith in yourself. Caring is the first step to being the best cat mom you can be. 

 

I have anxiety and can sometimes freak out too much, but you cat will continue to love you. I promise. I felt particularly stressed the other day, and it was really rough and I just felt the full force of grad school crazies -- but my more outgoing cat came to snuggle up to me while I laid down in bed, and soon her sister joined her. They sensed I was upset and made my day so much better. You can't be too anxious or neurotic for a cat. If you think your stress is upsetting your cat or making them anxious or act out, you can work on re-directing that stress, but usually cats sense you need a good cuddle and help out. Cats usually react to human stress if it changes their schedule (like erratic feedings or shouting or snapping at them, etc.), but that's about it. 

 

You should be good! Also get acquainted (if you haven't already) with important sorts of things to know, most of which are found on catster. Learn how to avoid household poisons, what you can't feed cats, (make sure they don't try to eat your hairbands which mine try to do), learn signs they need Vet attention for (just in case), and most fun of all, learn how they show you love: bunting (head butts), kneading (paw massages), love bites, exposing their bellies (a word of caution, most kitties don't want to be pet there. Mine LOVE it weirdly enough since most cats hate that but trying it may lead to scratching and biting), rubbing against your legs, elevator butt (tail and butt raised up), snuggling or napping on you, tail up greetings, meowing, purring, staring at you or slow blinks (cat wink kisses), licking you, rolling around near you, or rubbing their cheeks on you. Some cats who have hunted and killed something may try to "gift" you with it. It's a sign of great (but gross) respect and they're trying to care for you since you weirdly fail at hunting. 

 

I promise you: your cat is super happy to have a home, loves you lots, and you can definitely take care of them just fine! 

 

whew. after all that tl;dr here's my furbabies:

 

[DogMa]

I will say as the owner of cats (and dogs) that my solution to having a cat that can drive you crazy is to adopt him/her a friend. This comes from personal experience and working in the vet field. I will never have just one cat (or just one dog) if it is at all possible. I find that they play with each other during the day and are usually tired at night. But I usually have a houseful anyway and realize that not every one can take in more than one. Try to play with her as much as you can closer to bedtime and that might help. Congrats though!

[spectastic]

^ yes. that's what I did with my cats. I got 2 so they keep each other company when I'm gone.

 

 

and if you decide to do the same with your cats, understand that cats don't usually get along very well at first, but give it time, and they'll learn to like eah other.

Edited September 12, 2014 by spectastic

[Coconut Water]

I think that playing with your cat everyday at least 30 minutes (or as much as possible?) will help. In the transitional period, and if you're into natural solutions, you might try "Rescue Remedy" by Dr. Bach/Bach Flower Remedies - for both you and your cat. It's an herbal liquid that comes in various forms, made for humans to help ease anxiety. When I was buying my newest bottle at Whole Foods, the cashier swore that he used it on his own pets while traveling in the car (I think they were cats but could have been dogs). He said it makes his pets sleep. For your pet, you'd want to use the spray form. So, maybe it could help your kitty calm down (or sleep) while she adjusts? I've also heard of some other herbal thing - I don't know what it's called and can't say if it works - but I'm picturing something like an air freshener that plugs into the wall, but instead of fragrance it distributes herbal cat calming stuff. 

 

Maybe you can get/make a cat wheel…you could look them up on youtube. It's like a hamster wheel, but for cats. Good for small spaces because it mounts on the wall…

 

I used to be a pet sitter and clients were always changing. Sometimes I have these recurring bad dreams where I've forgotten to feed someones pets! 

 

But in real life and since then, I raised two kitties I found in my backyard - I was very invested in them and they're now happy and healthy. We got lucky and found their "forever home"  

[TakeruK]

I just wanted to point out that Bach Rescue Remedy is a "homeopathic" remedy and therefore has no effect and is just a way to con us out of our money. Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bach_flower_remedies

 

Just to be clear, "homeopathy" is not a synonym for holistic/herbal/natural remedies, but is basically based on some very weird and unscientific principles, including the idea that 1) water can retain the memory of whatever molecules it was in contact with and 2) the more you dilute something, the stronger it gets. 

 

However, the other suggestion, is a good one. Feliway is one example of synthetic copy of cat pheromones and this has a calming effect on cats because its the same pheromone they use to mark things as familiar to them. 

[WriteAndKnit]

And I'm adding my own kitten to the house this weekend! I pick her up tomorrow (filled out the paperwork and paid the adoption fee this morning). I'm skipping the tailgating with my veteran friends Saturday so we can get used to each other, and she can have someone friendly to act as a barrier against any grouchiness from the roommate's cat (and to keep the Big Scary Dog out of the room, since said dog is SUPER CURIOUS and will want to be bffs immediately).

[DogMa]

And I'm adding my own kitten to the house this weekend! I pick her up tomorrow (filled out the paperwork and paid the adoption fee this morning). I'm skipping the tailgating with my veteran friends Saturday so we can get used to each other, and she can have someone friendly to act as a barrier against any grouchiness from the roommate's cat (and to keep the Big Scary Dog out of the room, since said dog is SUPER CURIOUS and will want to be bffs immediately).

Baby gates are great so they can see and smell each other but will prevent the dog and maybe the cat from getting too close.

[WriteAndKnit]

Baby gates are great so they can see and smell each other but will prevent the dog and maybe the cat from getting too close.

 

So far, the cat's grumpy and the dog is very sweet and mom-like. Tessie (the kitten) has made a break for it when I've opened the door a few times, and has done well with sitting on my lap on the couch. And is a snuggle monster.

[mightyheidi]

Ah, I've similarly decided to get a cat and am now having anxiety! I fostered three kittens for an adoption agency for about a month, and fell in love with them. I would love to keep one, who is the sweetest, cuddliest cat I've ever met and the company is just so nice for grad student solitary reading and writing life. 

 

However, I'm really worried about leaving the kitty alone during breaks! Obviously I wouldn't actually leave him alone, but what if I can't find someone to take care of him? There's also a chance that my research will be overseas in the next five years, and I would like to do some language study abroad this summer. I have some friends who might be able to take care of him, but it seems like a lot to ask for a friend to watch him for up to a couple of months. Maybe I shouldn't adopt, and should continue fostering? Help! 

[spectastic]

why can't you take the cat with you on your travels?

 

the longest I've left my 2 cats alone was 5 days. when I came back, the litterbox was totally full... I mean TOTALLY. I was expecting to find shit on my kitchen counter, but they actually behaved. but now that I have a roommate, it's not a big deal anymore.

 

If you need to leave for a longer period of time, get one of those gravity autofeeders, instead of putting all the food and water in one giant bowl. because what they'll do is binge for the first couple of days, and starve for the rest. Also, however much you put out is gonna be the exact same as the amount that comes out the other end, so that'll give you a good idea how much litter you need.

[DogMa]

I usually have at least one litter box per cat. If you are going to be gone for a long period of time you may even want to have an extra box, so they don't have to choose between a dirty litter box and your bed.

And the auto feeder is a great idea.

Edited October 20, 2014 by DogMa