Just your first impression if you were on the adcomm

[maya111]

Hey guys

 

I'm writing my SOP and it'd be great if y'all could tell me what this sentence sounds like. Should i go with it or no? ( Im trying to weave in my academic performance after talking about my undergrad project)

 

"One of the key contributors to the successful execution of this project was my undergraduate academic performance. Having gained a firm grasp of both fundamental and advanced concepts-as indicated by my high performance- I could easily understand and discuss research works to identify research problems, and attempt to solve them."

 

Thanks a lot!  

[GeoDUDE!]

No

[isilya]

They'll see your academic performance from your transcripts, so it has no use here. It just takes up room you could be using to talk about research!

[ashiepoo72]

I sent you a PM

[Eigen]

Agree with the above. Pointing out academic performance, which they can already see, isn't very useful. It's also one of the areas that is of lower importance relative to, say research experience. 

 

Lots of people have great academic performance in undergrad and are really bad fits for grad school- your SoP is where you show you're a good fit for grad school, in particular the school you're applying to. 

[gliaful]

"One of the key contributors to the successful execution of this project was my undergraduate academic performance. Having gained a firm grasp of both fundamental and advanced concepts-as indicated by my high performance- I could easily understand and discuss research works to identify research problems, and attempt to solve them."

 

If you must talk about your academic performance, I would instead say:

 

"One of the key contributors to the successful execution of this project was my strong undergraduate preparation. Having gained a firm grasp of both fundamental and advanced concepts, I was poised to understand and discuss research works to identify research problems and devise meaningful solutions."

 

Different fields use different vernacular for discussing problems/attempts to solve them. Thus, although I said "devise meaningful solutions", you should substitute whatever phrase you think is appropriate to what you actually did. I nixed your "attempt to solve them" because it sounds like your work was incomplete or unsuccessful -- which directly contradicts your earlier statement of "successful execution of this project".

 

Please message me if you would like to discuss this further. I am happy to help.

Edited January 8, 2015 by pasteltomato

[L13]

It is good to project confidence, but there's a way to do it without sounding like you're bragging. Your passage strikes me as too smug, perhaps because it is repetitive; of course, that's just me.

 

Also, it was not your "high performance" that enabled your project to succeed, at least not directly. It was the knowledge and skills you developed. You should say you worked hard to gain the knowledge and skills necessary to succeed, if you must mention it at all. As others have said, your transcript will speak for itself.

[TakeruK]

I also agree with everyone that you should not say this. In fact, it contributes nothing useful to your SOP because there isn't usually much correlation between academic performance and research results. Many great researchers also perform well in classes but I very very rarely ever hear anyone say that their academic preparation is what enabled them to succeed in research. 

[uselesstheory]

Also remember to avoid the use of passive voice - it makes the paragraph more confusing and less convincing.