A few thoughts on prospective visits

[tbb]

http://www.twoblackboxes.com/?p=174

[Hcarp]

Wow, I find your post extremely useful, @tbb. Really appreciate your advice. 

[Infinite Zest]

Really useful stuff!

[Duns Eith]

Bump.

 

This is relevant for a lot of questions in other threads

[qualiafreak]

Thanks for the advice, tbb. Really helpful.

I have a question about prospective visits. Is it appropriate to bring my SO to the scheduled functions and do I need to ask first? Clearly he will be moving with me and would like to see the area etc, but I'm just not sure the etiquette of bringing him to the scheduled grad student events for visitation day.

[philstudent1991]

Thanks for the advice, tbb. Really helpful.

I have a question about prospective visits. Is it appropriate to bring my SO to the scheduled functions and do I need to ask first? Clearly he will be moving with me and would like to see the area etc, but I'm just not sure the etiquette of bringing him to the scheduled grad student events for visitation day.

I think you should def bring him to see the campus and the area and what not, but most of the info will be specific to you and your program and not relevant to him. And in my experience I don't recall seeing any SOs at past prospective weekends, although occasionally younger folks bring parents. But even then, the parents don't attend most of the events. But that's just my experience, maybe others will have a different perspective. 

[Gnothi_Seauton]

Thanks for the advice, tbb. Really helpful.

I have a question about prospective visits. Is it appropriate to bring my SO to the scheduled functions and do I need to ask first? Clearly he will be moving with me and would like to see the area etc, but I'm just not sure the etiquette of bringing him to the scheduled grad student events for visitation day.

When I visited UNC, one of our prospective students brought his SO.  She didn't go to any of the info sessions or anything like that, but she was certainly invited to all the social events, and in our down time, they were able to explore the area a bit.  I don't think there's anything problematic about bringing an SO.

[herenowagain]

I don't think there is anything weird about bringing your SO. There might be a few occasions where they have to stand awkwardly in the corner while you do something, but that is going to be true of any work function you bring them to.

 

You definitely should bring them.

Edited March 9, 2015 by herenowagain

[ianfaircloud]

On bringing parents: I remember that an admitted student brought her parent to visit our MA program, and it struck me as odd. I can't explain why I had the reaction I did, but there was something uncomfortable about it. On bringing significant others: This does not strike me as odd. From my own experience, my significant other has invested a lot in my education. I feel like I owe it to her to be a part of the selection process. I did go to lengths to include my significant other in my decisions for and against programs. For me, my parents have next to nothing invested my education at this point. They aren't stakeholders the same way that my significant other is a stakeholder. I guess that's the most sense I can make of my intuitions on these questions. Probably I could be more open-minded on bringing parents.

[jo;yryts65edy]

On bringing parents: I remember that an admitted student brought her parent to visit our MA program, and it struck me as odd. I can't explain why I had the reaction I did, but there was something uncomfortable about it. On bringing significant others: This does not strike me as odd. From my own experience, my significant other has invested a lot in my education. I feel like I owe it to her to be a part of the selection process. I did go to lengths to include my significant other in my decisions for and against programs. For me, my parents have next to nothing invested my education at this point. They aren't stakeholders the same way that my significant other is a stakeholder. I guess that's the most sense I can make of my intuitions on these questions. Probably I could be more open-minded on bringing parents.

 

My parents are coming with me to an admitted students visit, but while I am at departmental events, they will be touring the area and the school. I am SO happy they didn't expect to go to the talks, lunches, etc. that will be taking place, because I agree with your thoughts about them being a stakeholder. They're coming along to be supportive and see the area that could potentially be my new home, but also taking a backseat. I think it would be kind of weird if I brought them around with me to meet other graduate students and professors.

[ianfaircloud]

My parents are coming with me to an admitted students visit, but while I am at departmental events, they will be touring the area and the school. I am SO happy they didn't expect to go to the talks, lunches, etc. that will be taking place, because I agree with your thoughts about them being a stakeholder. They're coming along to be supportive and see the area that could potentially be my new home, but also taking a backseat. I think it would be kind of weird if I brought them around with me to meet other graduate students and professors.

 

I think that's a smart move. Also I think it's great that you're honoring your parents in your openness to having them on campus. Parents often want to be supportive, and it's good that you can find a way to make that happen. It seems like you strike a good balance in your approach.