Getting a Master's while married

[bookworm1]

Hi folks,

Anyone have words of wisdom for getting a Master's degree while married? I am hoping to get my MA in International Education and my top school is across the country. We're waiting to see if I get in there before thinking more in depth about the next steps. Not sure if we will both move or just me (1.5 year program) because my husband is about to qualify for more benefits at work and will probably have to start from the bottom at a new job if he moves. 

We were together during undergrad but this is quite different. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks!

[shadowclaw]

Well, I got half of my masters while married (we got married just after the spring semester of the first year ended), and I am now working on my PhD while married. Honestly, it wasn't really any different than when we were dating/engaged when I was an undergrad, except that we started living together. However, my masters program was within driving distance, not across the country. Sometimes he got a bit frustrated with me being away at school all day and into the evening four days a week (sometimes more), but he appreciated that I spent most Saturdays and Sundays with him, when we both had the whole day off. He also appreciated my crock pot meals that I made on days I wasn't home at dinner time!

My PhD required a cross country move. He came along. There's no way we'd do a long-distance marriage for 4 years or so. For a masters, it might make more sense to live apart if he has a good job that he likes. A year and a half isn't that long. One of my best friends was in the Air Force and married someone who was also in the Air Force... stationed on the other side of the country. They got married, went on their honeymoon, then returned to their respective bases. I believe it was 9 months until her husband was able to get transferred to her base. They made it work by using vacation time to visit each other (which they had been doing before they got married). The same can be done with school breaks, and doesn't have to be expensive if you book travel in advance and explore various options.

[bookworm1]

Well, I got half of my masters while married (we got married just after the spring semester of the first year ended), and I am now working on my PhD while married. Honestly, it wasn't really any different than when we were dating/engaged when I was an undergrad, except that we started living together. However, my masters program was within driving distance, not across the country. Sometimes he got a bit frustrated with me being away at school all day and into the evening four days a week (sometimes more), but he appreciated that I spent most Saturdays and Sundays with him, when we both had the whole day off. He also appreciated my crock pot meals that I made on days I wasn't home at dinner time!

My PhD required a cross country move. He came along. There's no way we'd do a long-distance marriage for 4 years or so. For a masters, it might make more sense to live apart if he has a good job that he likes. A year and a half isn't that long. One of my best friends was in the Air Force and married someone who was also in the Air Force... stationed on the other side of the country. They got married, went on their honeymoon, then returned to their respective bases. I believe it was 9 months until her husband was able to get transferred to her base. They made it work by using vacation time to visit each other (which they had been doing before they got married). The same can be done with school breaks, and doesn't have to be expensive if you book travel in advance and explore various options.

Thanks for your input @shadowclaw. Going to school without my husband definitely has some perks...would be easier to find a room to rent instead of a house, easier to move, he could keep his job/benefits. We would definitely miss each other, but it's doable. The program I'm looking at actually is a year on campus and then a semester-long internship/practicum anywhere I can find a job, so who knows where I'll be for that. 

One thing I know my husband is worried about is the possibility of me spending all of this time and my resources getting a Master's degree and then not finding a job. I've researched my future job market and I think my prospects will only be improved by a Master's degree, but he's a little concerned. Probably because I have two BAs and no big girl job to show for it.

One step at a time, I guess. See if I get in first, then worry about moving, then worry about school, then worry about finding a job. Fun!

[phdthoughts]

I got married a few months before starting my master's, and it worked out fine. We were in the same town though, which made it easier. My suggestion would be if you do end up in the same place, just be prepared to spend a bit of time apart while you are in school. I guess you can mentally prepare for it, but it's quite another when you're spending all your Saturday's in the library or lab, and weekdays or evenings in the classroom. It can be an adjustment for sure.

[dr. t]

I got married the June before I started my MA. We had lived together for 3 years before marrying. The MA was 2 years and local, so we didn't have to move and my wife could keep her really nice job. I turned down a 1-year MA program on the other side of the country because I didn't believe the distance was doable, and I believe that was the right decision now, almost three years later.

Since we moved to my PhD institution, my wife spends 3 hours a day commuting. It's a workable situation, but we've now done this long enough that we know how to handle the inevitable problems. I would not recommend it to newlyweds.

[bookworm1]

I got married a few months before starting my master's, and it worked out fine. We were in the same town though, which made it easier. My suggestion would be if you do end up in the same place, just be prepared to spend a bit of time apart while you are in school. I guess you can mentally prepare for it, but it's quite another when you're spending all your Saturday's in the library or lab, and weekdays or evenings in the classroom. It can be an adjustment for sure.

Thanks for the heads up. I stayed on top of my school work in undergrad so apart from a few projects and around exam time I wasn't doing too much weekend cramming. Luckily (I suppose) right now he's working in the day and I'm working in the afternoon and evening so we already only see each other for a few hours every night, so I guess we're prepared!

[Averroes MD]

Being married and going to school is not a problem, so long as the non-school person is flexible with where to live and what not.

The real education-killer is kids. Or so I've heard.

[gingin6789]

Recently engaged, I'll be getting married in the summer before I start my PhD program (pending on acceptance into at least one of the programs I apply to hahahahahah--*cries*).

He has a job about an hour and a half away from where I really *want* to get my PhD, but he's been really encouraging me to apply wherever, and to shoot for more highly-ranked programs.  

My fiance and I went to undergrad together, too! During our relationship, he knew I wanted to go all the way for a PhD, just like I knew he wanted his MS and a job thereafter.  He just got the job, and he loves it.  

So, while he probably won't leave that job, he said if there's a program far away, that he's willing to adjust if need be.  But, hopefully I just end up attending the program I have in mind, and we can take the train back and forth to see each other (plus, he LOVES trains).

I mean, it's really uncertain until you know which program you'll be attending. So, do what you're doing: take it one step at a time.

Oddly enough, one of my professors is writing a book on married couples in long-distance relationships, and many of them are academics. So, when that book comes out, I recommend reading it! I know I will be

 

[YouArt_Amazing]

I've known numerous people married and in relationships who complete their master's apart. For some people it's a stress free experience, for others it's super hard. This is really an individual question that only you and your partner can answer, but you both have to really be committed to open, honest and continuous communication about your expectations, needs, frustration, etc. Good luck!