Not sure if I should leave

[anon555]

I am in my first semester of a PhD program (just out of undergrad) and am really miserable.  The school is perfect for my interests (really the best program there is for it) but the location really is not.  I moved across the country away from my family and partner and am really struggling with the distance.  On top of that, I have an anxiety disorder which has made things very hard.

I'm really unsure of what to do.  I wish I had chosen a program significantly closer to home that I was accepted into. I feel stuck now that that opportunity is gone (there are only several programs in the country offering PhDs in my field).  I'm almost 100% sure I want to continue being in academia (especially because I'm doing really well in classes in spite of everything).  But at the same time, I can't keep living everyday as sad and anxious as I am because of where I am living.  I've talked to my advisor and the director of my fellowship about taking a medical leave, and that's a possibility.  But even then I don't know if I could come back to the same situation.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?  Any advice on what I should do?  

[juilletmercredi]

It doesn't sound like you are miserable because you hate your program or because it was a bad fit for you; it sounds like you are homesick and miss your family and partner. Being homesick is normal in the beginning. The question is, do you think it will get better soon and can you get through 5-7 years being far away (or however long it will be until they can join you)?

The other thing is, if you want to join academia, you will need to be open to moving anywhere in the country for a position. I mention this because you said that you are almost 100% sure you want to stay in - this is something you might have to get used to for a long time, possibly indefinitely, if you find an academic position on the other side of the country from where you grew up. On the other hand, being at the best program in the country can go a long way in giving you a little more choice over where you live (because you may be competitive for more positions).

It's only October; you've been in the program for a month and a half. The newness has worn off and the reality of every day life is settling in, so it's normal to feel homesick now. Give it some time. If you still feel completely miserable in - say - March, revisit your options then.

[batcathat]

Yes! I was absolutely MISERABLE my first year! My apartment sucked. My landlord sucked. I was broke. I hated the town I was living in. My program wasn't what I expected. My partner was a 10 hour car ride away. I had wonderful friends and I liked my professors, but everything else was pretty terrible.

Get help! There are support groups on campus that can help you find ways to make things better/easier to manage. Be open with your advisor (if you trust them) about what's going on with you. Try seeing a counselor. If you can talk it over with a counselor and they say you should move home, then go for it, but get their professional opinion first. The first year is by far the hardest I've been through, but it is so worth it! 

Good luck!!!

[GradSchoolTruther]

Go to grad student activities. Make friends with people in the program. Helps with loneliness.

[sackofcrap]

I am in my first semester of a PhD program (just out of undergrad) and am really miserable.  The school is perfect for my interests (really the best program there is for it) but the location really is not.  I moved across the country away from my family and partner and am really struggling with the distance.  On top of that, I have an anxiety disorder which has made things very hard.

I'm really unsure of what to do.  I wish I had chosen a program significantly closer to home that I was accepted into. I feel stuck now that that opportunity is gone (there are only several programs in the country offering PhDs in my field).  I'm almost 100% sure I want to continue being in academia (especially because I'm doing really well in classes in spite of everything).  But at the same time, I can't keep living everyday as sad and anxious as I am because of where I am living.  I've talked to my advisor and the director of my fellowship about taking a medical leave, and that's a possibility.  But even then I don't know if I could come back to the same situation.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?  Any advice on what I should do?  

I understand exactly where you are coming from. i moved really far away for my program and now I wish I hadn't because I really do miss all of my friends and family. I love the subject matter, but I wish I had chosen a different location.