Anyone else doing this??

[captiv8ed]

4:00 pm (for instance): Yes, no problem. I will get into a good school. I have a good school record, great LORs, research, publications, heck I look fantastic! And I am applying to a well rounded bunch of schools. No problem!!

4:05 pm: OMG I am so not getting in anywhere. What made me think I could. I mean geez, look at how competitive these programs are. I have a better chance of getting hit by lightning. And then there is my GRE score. And all those folks at the gradcafe seem so much more savvy and well versed than me. I don't stand a chance.

4:10: no, it will be fine.....

Anyone else?

For me, I think I have a strong application to offer, but I go to a hippie school with no grades (although people from my school get into really good grad programs because we tend to be self motivated and good critical thinkers) and my first round of GRE really sucked. But the teacher I have been working with most closely is famous and she has gotten me out of my school and into other opportunities.. ugh

[pea-jay]

Ha Ha Ha, thats me too

I feel good about my chances

I feel inadequate when compared to some of those high achievers

I think I have a handle on the GRE math portion

I think I will bomb the math portion

My practice score was good

The next one sucked

My experience may help me get a research assistantship so I can afford to attend college

Thats if I dont get beaten out by anyone else.

and so on

and so forth.

[coyabean]

Absolutely! LOL

I have a flair for the dramatic so I go to extremes. I waffle between "my life is over, OMG, i'm nothing" and "ok, ok, i got this, i'm a superstar, i'm going to make it happen!"

I mean to be nice I'm limiting contact with my friends. No one should be subjected to me right now. This process combines my two least favorite things: forced patience and loss of control.

[acup313]

I did that for the longest time, but now the applications are in I feel a little better. It definitely helped when one of my professors told me he is pretty sure I could get in anywhere. I disagree with him, but it makes me feel confident that I will get it somewhere.

[rogue]

I am absolutely doing that, and driving myself and everyone around me crazy in the process. Somehow there's comfort in knowing I'm not the only one.

This process combines my two least favorite things: forced patience and loss of control.

I couldn't have said it better. Ugh.

[alexis]

Your thought process is exactly what I go through! Here's mine:

1. I can do this. I can get in...

2. I'll never get in. They'll never have me.

3. I'm not good enough, not smart enough, to be accepted at my dream school.

4. Heretofore, I'm a total failure.

5. Wait, did I just use the word heretofore? God, I really am trying hard to be a snobby academic.

6. Even worse, I probably used the word wrong, further exposing that I am ultimately just a wannabe elitist.

7. And I probably shouldn't call myself a failure until I actually get rejected.

8. Which I will. And it will suck.

9. *cue panic attack*

10. Well, glad that's over.

11. I need a drink.

12. Okay, okay, since I KNOW I'm going to get rejected, why not just apply for fun, right? What's the worst that can happen?

13. And maybe it is possible, I mean, my GRE scores are pretty good, even if they are below average for the ivy league, and my writing score, research experience, high GPA and other positives will carry me, I'm not that bad...

14. My hopes are feeling lifted...

15. And I'm back to number 1.

[mudlark]

As a new PhD student, I'm doing a slightly different dance of anxiety:

"Woohoo! I'm in, I'm funded, nothing left to worry about!"

"It must all be some cruel joke... they'll figure it out and drop me."

[psycholinguist]

Your thought process is exactly what I go through! Here's mine:

1. I can do this. I can get in...

2. I'll never get in. They'll never have me.

3. I'm not good enough, not smart enough, to be accepted at my dream school.

4. Heretofore, I'm a total failure.

5. Wait, did I just use the word heretofore? God, I really am trying hard to be a snobby academic.

6. Even worse, I probably used the word wrong, further exposing that I am ultimately just a wannabe elitist.

7. And I probably shouldn't call myself a failure until I actually get rejected.

8. Which I will. And it will suck.

9. *cue panic attack*

10. Well, glad that's over.

11. I need a drink.

12. Okay, okay, since I KNOW I'm going to get rejected, why not just apply for fun, right? What's the worst that can happen?

13. And maybe it is possible, I mean, my GRE scores are pretty good, even if they are below average for the ivy league, and my writing score, research experience, high GPA and other positives will carry me, I'm not that bad...

14. My hopes are feeling lifted...

15. And I'm back to number 1.

Win!

[JerryLandis]

Yes, it's a constant back and forth. I also feel the need to mention to my friends every time I get a new indication of my prospects (I got this email from so and so from the university of such and such saying ?@*£)£*!!).

It seems to be the case that the first batch of email responses I got from potential supervisors was not very encouraging. One guy said the department has no money and admission is near impossible; another professor kind of made fun of my research interests because I had been particularly vague in the interest of not writing too much in the first email. This of course made me feel horrible about my prospects, but then when I wrote them another, longer, more detailed email, I got completely different responses: "I look forward to reading your application!" "You seem to have excellent knowledge of the material!" "Don't worry, you can improve your languages once you've enrolled in our program." etc. Lots of mixed messages.

I was terrified about my GRE scores because my dream university lists their average scores on their website, and my scores were far, far lower. But then they updated them with the scores for 2009 admissions and they were very close to my scores!

So due to all of this teetering and tottering, I am a mess. I feel the same way about my coursework this semester: one second I feel confident that everything I hand in will be outstanding, the next second I'm worried I won't even be able to hand it in by the deadline. But the thing that keeps me somewhat sane is the realization that I've always felt this way when faced with a challenge - I don't know about the rest of you, but every autumn when a new academic year starts, I worry if I will snap and lose whatever it is that's been driving me to success this whole time. I've always felt like an academic impostor, not more naturally intelligent than the average person (hence the less than exemplary GRE scores), but hardworking and nerdily pathetic enough to convince people that I am smart. Having to convince strangers, on paper, that I am insanely intelligent is making me question whether I even deserve the coveted spots I am after.

[Anastasya]

I've always felt like an academic impostor, not more naturally intelligent than the average person (hence the less than exemplary GRE scores), but hardworking and nerdily pathetic enough to convince people that I am smart. Having to convince strangers, on paper, that I am insanely intelligent is making me question whether I even deserve the coveted spots I am after.

I feel the exact same thing! What is even worse, though, is when I attempt to say something intelligent in class and don't get the expected response. Sometimes I feel like I am mentally handicapped, and everyone is too nice to let me know... Like it is all a big joke. Unfortunately, writing my SoP is only making it worse. D:

[Thanks4Downvoting]

I'd say we're all prone to bouts of inordinate uncertainty and undeserved certainty. Somewhere in the middle is probably the healthy way to be, but who cares about being healthy

[90sNickelodeon]

Just bombed the GRE for the second time! Yep, I'll just be glad of any school that lets me in at this point.