Male profs being friends with male students?

[Pscott]

I wasn't sure where to post this but this seemed like the most fitting...

My grad program is almost entirely all female students, about 18 students total. However all of the professors are male. Recently we have been noticing that there is some favoritism towards the male student in class.. and at last years christmas party we noticed that they were all hanging out with this student and it felt weird. Also the student was just talking about how he went for beers with one of the professors (not his supervisor).  

I understand that it would be inappropriate if a male professor went for drinks with a female student but if a professor wouldnt do it with a female student then shouldn't they just not do it with ANY student?  I also wonder what people would do in this situation or if you would just let it be? Are there any anonymous avenues for complaint? I know that all of the female students are noticing this and are really frustrated.

 

[knp]

Oh, bummer! Yes, this is totally a real thing that happens. I have not been in exactly this situation, but I've seen rumblings at the edge of it. What follows are a couple sets of ideas, some better than others; I've also included some of the most obvious cons of each idea, and I'm speaking from experience on few of them. I am not sure how much traction you are going to get if these professors aren't comfortable talking to you—any of the female students—at the official holiday party (!). They should be managing this themselves, so I'm cynical about how much things will improve, but hopefully one or two of these ideas will help you shift the dynamic in a positive direction, even if you don't eliminate the problem. The organizing principle is, these are all ways to break up the current (bad) group dynamic in ways that are cheerful, non-threatening (specifically in a way that will reduce your professors' resistance to your interventions), and difficult for them to avoid.

First, where is the male student in this? It sounds like he isn't be in your cohort, so this may not be for you to do, but somebody with whom he is on speaking terms and has studied or worked with him for at least half an hour in the past should try to get his help fixing this. He should never ever ever—excuse my emphasis—be standing with a group of male faculty at an academic-social event without any other students in it. If he sees this happening, he should call some of the female students over (1-3), or, if he's too 'shy', he should (outside of such gatherings) encourage female students to interrupt the all male-groups and (in the moment) make sure to welcome the entering students into the conversation. Another good strategy would be for him, next time he gets a beer with one of the professors, to say, "hey, you know it would be really great if Jane and Maria came too," so that a pattern of group happy hour beers starts to emerge.

• If he is an avowed non-feminist and you know this about him, a couple of his friend students might ask to be invited along to the next beer without mentioning any gender equity reasons for this intervention. If he is sufficiently greedy for attention that even this does not fly....I'm sorry for you, that's very selfish of him.

Or, just do it yourselves. "Hey professor so-and-so, are you going to that talk? Do you want to get a beer afterwards with me and Kat?" Or, "Hey my supervisor so-and-so, do you want to come out with me and all your other three advisees?"

Another one I've heard of, in more business settings, is for people to bring their partners, and that afterwards, that gesture proves the relationship is on a trustworthy footing even when the partners stop coming. I think this would not apply as well to academia, unless their partner works in a closely related field, or how you could suggest it, but I did hear people saying it had worked for them.

A final point: do not lead by fixating on having beers alone with anybody, or trying to deny that to the male student. ("If they won't have beers alone with us, they shouldn't do it with anybody!" No! Danger!) I worry that this is obvious and I'm overreacting to you just venting, but that's a horrible idea. Because you're at the beginning of the more social side of these relationships, the word for the semester is equity, not equality. It takes time to develop the relationship to the point that you're hanging out alone with a faculty member. The male student has that, and you don't, yet—it sounds true that the reason you don't have it yet is sexism, but do not start off with a crusade to get the faculty to refuse to have drinks with anyone alone. First, you have to develop the groundwork out of which hanging out alone might more naturally come. Once you've seen how that goes—if the faculty are generally receptive, but there's a lingering pattern where many of the faculty are still hanging out with the male student, and only the male student, very frequently—it might be a policy worth suggesting. (Or if more male students enter and the pattern extends that way.) In most departments, that would be a cutting off your nose to spite your face kind of situation, but I'm willing to the admit that a few departments exist where maybe this way of achieving a particular facet of equality is the best of a bunch of bad options. If one male student continues to get a one-on-one beer once a month with one faculty member, or twice a semester with maybe two faculty members, write it off as them having clicked particularly.

In general, although I have great, supportive relationships with several older male professors, it is disappointing that I don't have any close female mentors in the same way. Some of this disappointment, however, is global for our demographic cohort of young, professional women. I end with this article because your situation is very bad and I didn't want to be interpreted as fatalistic at the beginning: you can absolutely do a lot to make this better. However, I think milder forms of this problem will persist for us as long as we're early career: I liked how this article captured my mix of frustration about this and optimism about changing those dynamics myself someday, so I wonder if you might like it, too. http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/10/cant-find-a-mentor-look-to-your-peers.html

[TakeruK]

This is certainly a problem in many fields of academia. Generally, people might prefer to socialize with others who share common experiences with them. I think this is an understandable human instinct, but it leads to inequity. I think @knp gave good practical advice.

My school has a Women Mentoring Women group that sets up mentor/mentree relationships between women on campus and something like this (if it exists) could help. It doesn't address the issue that you are not getting the networking/mentoring benefits from the faculty in your own department, but it does help establish more resources. My friends who are part of this group (both as mentors and mentees---most grad students are mentors to an undergrad and have a postdoc or faculty mentor) have really positive experiences from it.

Everyone is a mixture of a lot of different identities, and while some parts of my identity makes me an outsider to my field, I certainly benefit from having more identities that help me fit in. So I can't think of any additional advice and just wanted to affirm that this is a real thing and it's not just you and it's not just your field!

 

[Pscott]

@knp I sincerely appreciate your advice. Although it is unfortunate that this seems to be a relatively ubiquitous issues, I do feel affirmed that we are not imagining this.  You are right, I am two years above this student, however we all share an office and have the same classes! What is the most irksome about the situation is not necessarily that they went for beers but the enhanced rapport of the student and the favoritism shown in class - it is quite obvious they are friends.

Our program has always been very professional unless it is a holiday party or perhaps conference events where we go for a few drinks as a program.  However, no one in our program has ever heard of female students going for casual drinks one on one (this would be seen as wildly inappropriate) with the professors or even as a group after class - this would also be frowned upon. Yet at the holiday party we see the male student emerge out of the bathroom with two of the profs after taking a pee together - super weird!!! It just feels like an old boys club. Additionally, the male student is rather competitive so he does seem to enjoy the attention and the extra collaboration opportunities he has received.  This is definitely a bit of a venting session, so I apologize if I seem petty.  For me it is more a principle issue, but I know that the girls in his cohort are extremely frustrated. All of our professors are in early-mid thirties so I know this has to do with birds of a feather flock together, however it is not fair for all the females in the program to be left out.  

[fuzzylogician]

1 hour ago, Pscott said:

I do feel affirmed that we are not imagining this.

Yeah, you are definitely not the first or only one who something like this has happened to. It's unfortunately more common than it should be. It's very unfortunate that this male student doesn't sound like someone who will help. The best ways I know of combating such a situation involve recruiting a man who can point out microagressions and unequal treatment in a way that women who are a part of the situation often cannot. @knp gave you some very good advice, but I would suspect that in this case it may be very difficult to solve the problem, since you say that all of the professors are male and the male student likely won't help. Maybe you can still identify an ally among the professors, but you should be careful about that. You don't want to be perceived as complaining or imagining injustices (even if they are actually real!); this is why having a male ally could be so important. If you did want to take this further, there may be venues you could bring this up in (the ombudsperson comes to mind), but you'll never be able to get someone to socialize with you who doesn't want to. But if this leads to favoritism in the workplace, that's something you can try to address. 

 

1 hour ago, Pscott said:

This is definitely a bit of a venting session, so I apologize if I seem petty. 

This is definitely not petty. It's one more micro-agression in a world of many small and large gestures that signal to women that they aren't as wanted, aren't as good, aren't as likely to succeed. It's understandably incredibly frustrating. I don't know if we can help, but you are not alone. At least know that. 

[Sigaba]

10 hours ago, fuzzylogician said:

This is definitely not petty. It's one more micro-agression in a world of many small and large gestures that signal to women that they aren't as wanted, aren't as good, aren't as likely to succeed. It's understandably incredibly frustrating. I don't know if we can help, but you are not alone. At least know that. 

Is it fair to attribute motivation (aggression) to individuals one has never met?

[fuzzylogician]

13 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

Is it fair to attribute motivation (aggression) to individuals one has never met?

Is it reasonable to expect someone to have a serious discussion with you if all you have to say is a one-sentence rhetorical question? 

[Sigaba]

13 minutes ago, fuzzylogician said:

Is it reasonable to expect someone to have a serious discussion with you if all you have to say is a one-sentence rhetorical question? 

Yes. And the question was not rhetorical.

[fuzzylogician]

11 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

Yes. And the question was not rhetorical.

Well, maybe someone else would like to engage with that. I find it usually not a good use of time to write a long and thoughtful reply to someone who communicates in vague one-liners. If you want to say more, by all means, we can have a discussion then. While you're at it, you might want to relate your reply to the definition here (or others of your choosing):  http://www.dictionary.com/browse/microaggression (emphasis is mine)

microaggression: a subtle but offensive comment or action directed at a minority or other nondominant group that is often unintentional or unconsciously reinforces a stereotype: microaggressions such as "I don't see you as black.".

[Sigaba]

1 minute ago, fuzzylogician said:

Well, maybe someone else would like to engage with that. I find it usually not a good use of time to write a long and thoughtful reply to someone who communicates in vague one-liners. If you want to say more, by all means, we can have a discussion then. 

Your attempt to be dismissive is noted. Bluntly, it is ill conceived and beneath you. You have read many of my posts. You damn well know that I put careful thought into every one what ever their length.

IMO, it is exceptionally bad form for you to fold someone else's individual experience into a meta narrative of gendered oppression. By doing so, you have gone from empathizing to imposing your POV upon a situation that may be more complicated than is presently known. Is the conduct of the men described in the OP just about  gendered "micro aggression" or is also about a lack of professionalism (on the part of the professors) or the culture of drinking or other shared experiences?

By using the term "micro-aggression" you have changed the stakes for the OP and the OP's peers. Crass and egregious behavior that might have been checked by a candid conversation among three or four people and turned into a teachable moment in which everyone benefits in the here and now is now part of a much broader struggle for power, access, and opportunity in the Ivory Tower. The OP did not phrase the issue in such terms, why are you doing so?

By casting the OP's experiences in your world view, you have undermined a graduate student's opportunity to develop her own understanding and to reach her own conclusions about gender in the Ivory Tower independently. IMO, that's not teaching, that's not mentoring; that's indoctrinating.

Just to be clear, as a historian, I have long held the view that Western civilization rests on a foundation of misogyny. As an Americanist, I've concluded that men's desire to control women is at the heart of Southern absolutism and white supremacy, and that Trump's success thus far is best understood as a manifestation of that desire. As a civilian with an interest in military and naval affairs, I am increasingly convinced that the army, the Marines, and the navy will need to be purged of thousands of SNCO and NCOs  before the armed services can fulfill the objective of filling combat jobs with qualified applicants, regardless of gender, gender identity, or sexuality.

Yet, I believe that what ever one's view of the big picture or the appropriate ways to fix what is very badly broken, more experienced hands at the gradcafe need to make sure that the desire to provide wise counsel does not give way to the desire to control how aspiring and less experienced graduate students view and respond to their individual experiences.

My $0.02/YMMV

[raneck]

You know, we can just ask @Pscott to weigh in on whether or not they feel the term microagression is appropriate, and skip the chest-thumping over feminist credentials.

[fuzzylogician]

4 hours ago, Sigaba said:

Your attempt to be dismissive is noted. Bluntly, it is ill conceived and beneath you. You have read many of my posts. You damn well know that I put careful thought into every one what ever their length.

<snip>

I have read many of your posts, and I am fully aware of your tendency to post vague one-liners (often questions) that you seem to think are so obvious that everyone should agree (alongside those more thoughtful posts that I agree you do post as well). And if you pay close attention, you will notice that I never respond to those. I will stick to that, because I have never found that those discussions lead to anything useful. All I will say is that despite being a moderator, I am entitled to -- and am posting here -- my own opinions. These are based on my own actual experiences, as my signatures always states, and unfortunately I have quite a few of them. I do think that micro-aggression is an appropriate term here, since this is part of a larger pattern of behavior that women deal with in the workplace, but that is independent of, and does not preclude, a low-level attempt to solve this problem by talking to whoever the relevant individuals are, and not attempting to solve the larger problem. I explicitly said as much in my post, and the OP or anyone else can take that part and disagree with the other. You may disagree with my opinions, and that's perfectly fine, too. But your post above attributes all kinds of ill intentions to me that I don't think even deserve a serious rebuttal. If you truly believe that I have such sinister intentions, or alternatively that I am entirely oblivious, then we are too far apart from one another to have a real conversation. And if not, then the entire discussion needs be reframed. As such, I have no intention of engaging any further. All you are doing is hijacking the OP's thread and taking it in a direction that I don't find particularly helpful. The time I spend on this forum is volunteered and limited, and I'd rather spend it helping others as best I can instead of participating in this debate whose purpose now seems to be you admonishing me for apparently not behaving as you would like.    

[St Andrews Lynx]

In line with @knp - my advice would be to proactively go and join any conversations that this student is having 1-on-1 with the faculty, perhaps bringing 1 or 2 other female PhDs along at the same time as wing(wo)men.  (i) 'cause I suspect you won't be able to get the male student to act considerately of his own accord (ii) I don't think you can complain about a buddy relationship unless there's an ethical issue (e.g. unfair grading, allocation of resources). The most benign reason is that the individuals involved don't realise they're causing issues for others or propagating an exclusionary culture.

Networking is all about proactivity - whilst some great advisors will help introduce their students to fellow academics...most would never think to. I suspect that's what the dude in question is doing. Unfortunately you've got to play the same game. 

[Pscott]

@fuzzylogician @Sigaba  Woahhh, didn't think it would get heated! 

I know that the females (myself included) do actually perceive this as a microagression, and that this is definitely a gender issue.  I thought that was kind of obvious through my separation of male and female students. Sorry for the confusion! As I stated previously, none of the professors would dare to sit down for drinks with a female student, or add them on facebook, or become buddies as it would be viewed as inappropriate. However, because a friendship between a male student and male professor isn't likely (obviously some exceptions) to give off any sexual connotations, it is deemed okay to be friends with male students.  This leaves out all of the female students, which makes us feel like if the profs wouldn't become friends with any other [female] students, they should have the same rules apply to everyone.  As I said multiple times, it is 100% percent the favoritism that is bothering the female students.  Additionally, the supervisor of this male student has much more of a friendship with him compared to his 3 female students. 

And to everyone else, I appreciate the input, it is definitely part of a larger problem within the academic culture, as some of you have mentioned.  I wish there were more clear avenues to voice concerns such as these. Of course we can take individual steps to become closer with the professors in our program, but it seems as we will likely always be at a disadvantage due to ethical concerns. As a PhD student it is definitely frustrating to see a masters student come in an become fast friends with the individuals that control the resources and grades! I have never seen a student have so many collaborations this quickly... and with a such a small and competitive program, he is definitely not the only proactive and ambitious one. 

[rising_star]

4 hours ago, Pscott said:

I know that the females (myself included) do actually perceive this as a microagression, and that this is definitely a gender issue.  I thought that was kind of obvious through my separation of male and female students. Sorry for the confusion! As I stated previously, none of the professors would dare to sit down for drinks with a female student, or add them on facebook, or become buddies as it would be viewed as inappropriate. However, because a friendship between a male student and male professor isn't likely (obviously some exceptions) to give off any sexual connotations, it is deemed okay to be friends with male students.  This leaves out all of the female students, which makes us feel like if the profs wouldn't become friends with any other [female] students, they should have the same rules apply to everyone.  As I said multiple times, it is 100% percent the favoritism that is bothering the female students.  Additionally, the supervisor of this male student has much more of a friendship with him compared to his 3 female students. 

I guess I'm wondering why (you think) this is the case. I ask because this was not the culture in either of the grad programs I was in. Which is to say that students of various genders went out for drinks alone or in small groups with professors of various genders and it wasn't considered untoward, unacceptable, etc. Same with Facebook and other social media (not that I use them much but from what I know of them). Have you, or any of the other female students, explicitly tried to add one of these professors on Facebook? Have you asked a professor if they'd go out for coffee or a drink with you? If you have and have been told no, then I think that you might be able to get more traction with whatever action you decide to take.

You're right that this is part of academia (unfortunately). But there are also ways to deal with this as @knp has helpfully provided. I'll also note that you may want to talk to a trusted mentor outside your department (whether at your university or at another), an ombudsmen, etc,, just to get another perspective on the situation and the possible actions you could take. Good luck!

[knp]

I dunno, @rising_star, the holiday party example seems pretty suggestive of a higher-than-average level of sexism to me. The professors either talk among themselves or with the male, master's student, while the female PhD students only talk among themselves? So although the "inappropriate" reaction doesn't happen to this degree in my department nor in any department with which I have had secondhand contact—although one I used to hang around in a lot had dynamics that suggested this might still have been the pattern only five or so years before I arrived—I find it completely plausible that a department that has somehow managed to fill itself with only male professors, even among the hires it's made this millennium, might be a standard deviation higher on this common problem than the departments I've encountered more closely.

That said, I had been assuming that the students in this program had reached the level of frustration described above because they had been trying the methods you've suggested and being rebuffed. If you haven't, do—if you haven't, this problem might resolve much more easily than you've been anticipating! But whether you've been continually trying or if you tried, were rebuffed, and have been in a lull since then, a renewed round of efforts to develop this academic-social kind of relationship will give you fresh evidence for making your case that there's a problem. (Although I continue to think that you should always lead with "how can I get this privilege," rather than "let's get this privilege taken away from this one other guy"; since having this privilege is a norm in PhD programs generally, restricting it by policy may put you all at a professional disadvantage to students from other programs.)

I agree with all of r_s's suggestions, if that wasn't clear; I'm expanding the point to say that those are good ideas basically no matter what strategies you've tried to use to cope with this already.

 

[Eigen]

I feel like you're mixing together things that aren't a big deal with things that are. 

The male student forming friendships with faculty is not an issue- in fact, it's a large part of what grad school is about. 

The issue, as I would read it, is that there's such a strong connotation of impropriety for female graduate students forming friendships or doing things with male professors, and that's a hard one to change. I can't quite read from your comments, but do you actually want to form strong 1 on 1 relationships with your male faculty? Or is this something that you would also consider inappropriate?

Overall, this is something I've had to struggle with a lot as a young male professor. I'm generally informal with students, and I have a lot that I would consider friends. I find myself having to be a lot more cautious and reserved with female students than male students, largely due to the worry of what it looks like from the outside. I try to interact with groups, and all of the students doing research with me are (currently) female. 

But I could easily take my male students out for the weekend and go camping or fishing, and no one would think anything of it. Doing the same thing with my female students would invite a lot of scrutiny, and likely have negative effects for both them and me. Similarly, I've let my (male) students crash with me if they need a few nights here and there between, say, semester and summer housing. Again, having female students stay with me (even though I'm married) is a line that would likely get me in a lot of trouble. 

It is a double standard, and I do find that it hurts my female students, as there are fewer people they can "appropriately" form close mentor relationships with, but I'm at a loss for solutions short of "broad sweeping change in perceptions and opinions". I feel this is an issue that needs a lot more attention (broadly) in the academy, where the general rule seems to be that male faculty should be very cautious around female students, but that male faculty/male students and female faculty with either male or female students can be a lot more personable. It's not something I see openly discussed much at all, but it's something that does worry me. 

I would say that you and your predominately female cohort could do a lot of good brainstorming ways to open up the social behavior of the department- I second the ideas of inviting faculty out for drinks after seminars, etc. as small groups. That said, as mentioned, I wouldn't think it would be productive to try to disrupt the relationships the male student in your department has formed- the idea is for you all to be able to form similar relationships, not for no one to be able to!

[fuzzylogician]

1 hour ago, Eigen said:

I feel like you're mixing together things that aren't a big deal with things that are. 

The male student forming friendships with faculty is not an issue- in fact, it's a large part of what grad school is about. 

The issue, as I would read it, is that there's such a strong connotation of impropriety for female graduate students forming friendships or doing things with male professors, and that's a hard one to change. I can't quite read from your comments, but do you actually want to form strong 1 on 1 relationships with your male faculty? Or is this something that you would also consider inappropriate?

As I read it, the post isn't complaining about the male student having a relationship with mentors per se, but about the fact that female students are blocked from forming the same types of relationships. This is manifested in social events, so female students aren't invited out for drinks but the male student is, female students aren't even invited to join conversations at parties, etc. But this also affects opportunities in school, so the male student has been invited to join collaborations and the female students have not, and he receives special treatment in class. This will obviously lead to increased research productivity for him down the line, better connections, and therefore stronger LORs and better job prospects. This is a big deal.

I do understand that male professors need to be careful about how they interact with female students (in a way that I don't feel that I have to worry about my interactions with male students), but from there to depriving female students of any means of forming a close relationship with their supervisors there is a long way. In every program I've been in, there have been opportunities for faculty and students to interact in social gatherings, be it parties or just an email to a group "hey, who wants to go to happy hour?", where the event and venue take care of any seeming impropriety. And I do think it should be unacceptable for a professor to have some activity that only men are invited to (or only white people, or only straight people, etc.). Either the opportunity is there for everyone, or find some other activity that would work for everyone. And preferring men or only inviting men to collaborate with you should likewise be unacceptable, and I fully understand why someone would find it objectionable. 

[Eigen]

The OP has directly suggested several times that they feel faculty should not do things with the male students (i.e., going to the bathroom together, get drinks 1 on 1) because they can't do it with the females students. 

The mentions of favoritism and collaboration have been so intertwined with social behavior in the posts I'm having a hard time following what is what, hence why I'm suggesting the OP leave off focusing on the social interactions, or talk of limiting the male students social engagement, and focus on the more serious issue of gender based favoritism in collaborations and class. All of the examples given have been of the social behavior, rather than a actual limiting professional interactions.

Percieved closeness from out of class events can be hard to disentangle from actual marked favoritism in classes/collaborations. 

Also, the way I read it, there are larger social gatherings that are more open, and it's majoritively the 1 on 1 interactions the OP feels are lacking. 

[fuzzylogician]

And you don't think it's a problem that only men get to have one-on-one interactions with their professors? You think it could be entirely separated from the male student then also being invited to join collaborations and receiving special treatment in class? I think that one very directly leads to the other, so it's totally fair to want to address that. And I think that telling the OP to ignore this aspect and only focus on the academics misses an important aspect of the situation, without which this isn't really going to get resolved. 

I've actually never heard of a case of a professor having extensive non-academic one-on-one interactions with a student of any gender (that others were explicitly not invited to, not because it turns out that only one person showed up for happy hour), and I would definitely find it weird if my male colleagues were routinely invited to do things with my advisor that I was not. You can't believe that has no effect on the nature of the relationship that those men would have with the advisor and the one that the women would have. And it would be hard to imagine that it would not have implications beyond just the social aspects. For better or worse, you get to like some students more than others, and you will invite them to collaborate more and write them better letters, use your connections to help them get a postdoc, advertise their work, etc. If women never get the opportunity to even be in that position, that is a big problem.

[Eigen]

I didn't say they should do nothing about it. I said the solution is not to restrict the relationships the male students are having, but rather to look for ways to productively bridge what is obviously a significant cultural issue in the department. 

It's why I referred to the entire issue as a serious problem facing academia in my previous post. 

But it's also not something that is easily solved on an individual level, if we take the culture at the OPs institution (a female student interacting 1 on 1 socially with a male professor being taboo). I also would posit that it's not likely to be the male faculty or the male students who are doing this by direct choice, but in my experience pressure from the institution to be overly cautious in their interactions with female students. Accordingly, the solution lies with pushing for change at the institutional level, or with being proactive in arranging group gatherings (i.e., two female students asking a male professor to get drinks). 

[fuzzylogician]

Consciously or not, the male faculty are more worried about their reputation than the education and opportunities available to their female students. They have cut off opportunities for women that could possibly be perceived as inappropriate, but they still allow those same opportunities to the men and they have done nothing to offer alternative opportunities to the women. Saying that they "aren't doing it by direct choice" is taking away their agency in this, and it is a choice they are making. Saying that the problem is facing academia as a whole is of course correct, but absolves these professors of having to take any responsibility, and I object to that. The way you address these problems is not (only) by decreeing change from above, or leaving it to the affected (and hence weakest) party in this interaction to fix. It is by taking action as an individual where you can, and speaking up about these injustices, especially as a man (or any other privileged group member). I don't think you fully appreciate how much more impact it has when a man points out an inequality than when a woman does. There are so many small ways you (as a male faculty member) can help and places to speak up, and you need to be an ally, not just say it's a bigger problem than any individual can solve. It is because every individual shirks responsibility that we, as a whole, don't seem to be able to solve the problem.

[knp]

Forgive me if I'm being rude, but have we not covered this, especially in my posts? Because the situation is bad, OP has made remarks about how they resent some of the one-on-one social interactions the male (master's) student has with (multiple!) professors. Everyone has said, that's a terrible idea, don't conflate those things: you have a legitimate problem, but don't extend it beyond its boundaries. I don't understand what your posts have added to the discussion, and I have a particular issue with a faculty member writing about solutions like this:

14 minutes ago, Eigen said:

It's why I referred to the entire issue as a serious problem facing academia in my previous post. ... I also would posit that it's not likely to be the male faculty or the male students who are doing this by direct choice, but in my experience pressure from the institution to be overly cautious in their interactions with female students. Accordingly, the solution lies with pushing for change at the institutional level, or with being proactive in arranging group gatherings (i.e., two female students asking a male professor to get drinks). 

You and I have agreed with all of the solutions we have posed to the OP so far, and we have made all the same cautions. But implicit in my post is that the best solution is for faculty members to make sure to extend mixed-gender, large-group, or "all of my advisees" invitations to their students, so that the burden of fixing the entire social dynamic of the department is not on the students. (In your case, for example, "happy hour" has become a far more neutral space than sharing a room at a conference, so I wouldn't think it was weird to hear about a [male] professor having a beer with just two or three [female] advisees, if that was who they were advising.) So I am frustrated with your more recent string of posts, because I'm a graduate student, and I recommended all of these things that other graduate students can do to leverage a departmental culture in a more positive direction. But to hear a faculty member saying that it's mainly their responsibility does rub me the wrong way. Have I missed something?

[Eigen]

I don't disagree that the faculty should extend those invitations, in fact I think it's crucial that they do. 

I'm not saying the primary agency for departmental change should be the female graduate students, just pointing out some things they might be able to do to shake up the dynamic. 

I can judge the faculty in the OPs institution for their behavior, but in the most recent post I was trying to suggest solutions that might help within the realm of the OPs agency. 

From my position as a faculty member, I try to do the best job of reaching out to all of my students personally that I can. I don't not invite group members to events, and I don't exclude people. But I can definitely contrast times from when I've only had male students working with me to when I've had all female groups, and a lot of the options for 1 on 1 or even group activities are a lot more limited, and I find that sad.  I still have good relationships with my female students, but I've never been able to get them quite as personally familiar.

 When I have mixed groups, I do the best I can to reach out to all of my students, but I'm not going to stop letting my male students crash at my house when they need it just because I can't do the same thing with my female students. 

And pre-tenure, there's only so much I can do on an institutional level other than do the best I can for my students and impotently post my frustration with the situation on a message board. I speak out when I have the opportunity, and I rather resent the implication (from a handful of Internet posts) that I am shirking my responsibility and am not an ally is frustrating.

 

[knp]

See, this is the rhetorical difference here: it's very, very common on internet message boards, especially ones like this that have tons of peripheral members, to talk past each other. ("I haven't read most of the posts in the last two pages, but based on the OP..." being the archetypical signal of this.) So I try to adjust to this as a norm, but it always annoys me: I prefer to have a conversation, which you might notice governs how I tend to refer to more specific parts of other people's arguments. This is not the majority style, I know. But I get frustrated, especially when you, as a professor, seem to make a series of arguments without placing them in conversation with—whether to agree or disagree, or add to or give a different spin on—earlier arguments. So when I ask things like, "am I missing something?", I am being genuine about trying to get at the miscommunication: sure, your earlier string of posts was frustrating, but I can be frustrated with one micro series of behaviors (on the internet, no less!) without—I hope!—making aspersions on somebody's general character.