Anyone want to proofread my Cambridge (history) statement of interest?

[jayzpole]

Hallo!

Currently working on a draft of my statement for Cambridge's Mphil in Health, Medicine, and Society. Does anyone want to look over it? The limit is ~600 words, so I'm struggling with cutting out fluff and including information that would make me an appealing candidate (they sadly don't look at CVs!). It's meant to be framed as a research proposal, so that is what I'm aiming for. I'd be happy to edits others' statements as well

Edited November 7, 2016 by jayzpole
mistake