Guilt at Work?

[angesradieux]

It's basically a given that I'm moving at the end of the summer, so my days at work are numbered. Knowing this, even though it's months away, I'm starting to feel a little bit guilty about not saying anything. But, I still need the income, so I feel like I really can't say anything yet without jeopardizing my financial situation. The store I work for hasn't been overly kind to me in the past, so if this just involved the manager, I'd have no problem riding it out and giving my two week's notice when the time comes. However, I teach private music lessons, so I'm working predominantly with kids, some of whom have been taking lessons with me for over a year at this point. I remember how devastated I was when my first voice teacher moved. I also remember the tears and upset when another teacher at the store I work with had to retire. Now, I'm not my first voice teacher or the other teacher who retired. I think it would probably be a bit arrogant to assume that the level of attachment to me is the same as it was to either of those two women. At the same time, I've known these kids for a while, and I can see where after seeing me every week for over a year, me leaving might come as a bit of a shock. Plus, some of them have stuck with me even when the store was going through some tough times. We had to move out of our old location suddenly and basically we spent two months teaching in an open space, with "rooms" sectioned off by cardboard boxes. It was a nightmare, and I fully expected all of my students to leave, because I wouldn't have been comfortable taking lessons behind a cardboard box, where you could hear every conversation and every other lesson going on in the store. But, a bunch of them stuck with me, and there were a couple students who, when the store offered a discount because of the situation, paid me in full, anyway, and said the location didn't matter because the teachers were still the same. I guess the fact that they were loyal enough to stick it out through that mess and many of them were really kind about not raising a fuss, I feel even more guilty about waiting to long. In short, I don't want to blindside the kids, and I'm not sure if two weeks is enough. Because of limited availability of rooms, It might also take some maneuvering for them to get a spot with another teacher if they want to continue lessons at the store, and I don't want to leave them high and dry without a teacher and unable to schedule lessons with someone new. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to navigate the situation in a way that's fair to my students, but also doesn't leave me without an income for a significant period of time and render me incapable of paying my student loan and credit card bills. I guess it's hitting me now because I'm taking time off to visit schools, and when I tell students and parents that I'm not going to have to miss two lessons, I get the inevitable, "Oh? Doing something fun? Where are you going?" It's all well meaning conversation, and so far I've just told them the city I'm visiting and letting them assume it's a vacation or something, but then the guilt of knowing that I'm actually essentially working on picking out a new place to live.

Is anyone else in a similar situation of feeling guilty at work? Any advice on how/when to approach the subject? I'm just not sure what time frame (if such a time frame exists) gives kids sufficient notice, gives them time to work out scheduling with another teacher if they so desire, and also doesn't destroy my bank account.

[TakeruK]

First, I would say that you don't need to feel guilty. Sure, you can feel bad for your students because changing teachers is no fun, but you owe it to yourself to not feel guilt over it. You're not doing anything wrong!

Is it possible to let your students know without jeopardizing your other job at the store? I'm not sure if the store is the same store where you teach the private lessons. 

Also, is there a compromise where you give the students more than 2 weeks notice but not necessarily telling them right now? I'm not an expert on when kids like to take music lessons, but do many children take the summer off because they are doing other things? If so, maybe telling them in June or so could help so that they get the summer to find someone new for the fall.

In addition to the above, if you trust the parents and students, you can tell them in June but ask them not to tell others. Or, if you trust another teacher, perhaps you can arrange things so that when you do give your X weeks notice, another teacher will have spots open for new students if they are interested. Just some thoughts.

[RevTheory1126]

I'm in a similar boat. Working at a hospital as a chaplain, in a new position that our department has been working on getting for several months. We've been rebuilding our department over the last few years, and it's actually been wildly successful. I've put a lot of energy into the work here, it's a great fit and I really love the work, but I also am really passionate about pursuing this PhD/teaching route. And in a similar way, the care team I work with is really tight knit and fun. I feel bad for not letting most of them in on it yet (the only person who even knows I applied is my manager because I thought he, at least, should know he'll have to go back to HR again), but I also 1.) need the money and 2.) don't want the next few months to be painfully awkward. I'm planning on letting everyone in on it late spring and leaving early summer, and I will need to let them know soon as people are starting to ask about summer and fall initiatives/programs. It is also going to be a challenge because I am shifting focuses (chaplaincy to political science)... they all know it's something I am interested in, as I presented at a couple of conferences last fall, but I think they will be confused. I'm trying not to manage their feelings, focusing on what my wife and I need/want, but I still care a lot about the work we are doing here and the department.

As far as timing and such, I think for most jobs 2-4 weeks notice is plenty of advance planning. I'm trying to give team 2 months, so I could be around to help train my replacement, but only if that works with my schedule (or if that's something they want).

[angesradieux]

4 hours ago, TakeruK said:

First, I would say that you don't need to feel guilty. Sure, you can feel bad for your students because changing teachers is no fun, but you owe it to yourself to not feel guilt over it. You're not doing anything wrong!

Is it possible to let your students know without jeopardizing your other job at the store? I'm not sure if the store is the same store where you teach the private lessons. 

Also, is there a compromise where you give the students more than 2 weeks notice but not necessarily telling them right now? I'm not an expert on when kids like to take music lessons, but do many children take the summer off because they are doing other things? If so, maybe telling them in June or so could help so that they get the summer to find someone new for the fall.

In addition to the above, if you trust the parents and students, you can tell them in June but ask them not to tell others. Or, if you trust another teacher, perhaps you can arrange things so that when you do give your X weeks notice, another teacher will have spots open for new students if they are interested. Just some thoughts.

Unfortunately, teaching is my only job at the store. I could let the students know a month in advance, I'm just a little afraid of losing a whole month's pay. On the one hand, it's not a given that they'll stop with me as soon as I tell them. There may be some who decide they want to stick it out with me until I leave. On the other, some may decide that they'd rather make the change sooner rather than later. So I guess it's a gamble. A lot of them don't take the summer off. It would be much easier if they did, because then I'd just let them know in June that I wouldn't be back in the fall, and that would give them plenty of time. Most of them stay, which makes it a little bit trickier. I guess I'll just plan on giving them a month's notice, expect less income for that last month, and hope at least some of them decide to stick with me until I leave.

It's just hard not to feel bad. Especially the voice students--we have a bunch of piano teachers, but not so many voice teachers.

[Sigaba]

5 hours ago, RevTheory1126 said:

I'm in a similar boat. Working at a hospital as a chaplain, in a new position that our department has been working on getting for several months. We've been rebuilding our department over the last few years, and it's actually been wildly successful. I've put a lot of energy into the work here, it's a great fit and I really love the work, but I also am really passionate about pursuing this PhD/teaching route. And in a similar way, the care team I work with is really tight knit and fun. I feel bad for not letting most of them in on it yet (the only person who even knows I applied is my manager because I thought he, at least, should know he'll have to go back to HR again), but I also 1.) need the money and 2.) don't want the next few months to be painfully awkward. I'm planning on letting everyone in on it late spring and leaving early summer, and I will need to let them know soon as people are starting to ask about summer and fall initiatives/programs. It is also going to be a challenge because I am shifting focuses (chaplaincy to political science)... they all know it's something I am interested in, as I presented at a couple of conferences last fall, but I think they will be confused. I'm trying not to manage their feelings, focusing on what my wife and I need/want, but I still care a lot about the work we are doing here and the department.

As far as timing and such, I think for most jobs 2-4 weeks notice is plenty of advance planning. I'm trying to give team 2 months, so I could be around to help train my replacement, but only if that works with my schedule (or if that's something they want).

@RevTheory1126 FWIW, I think that you're handling your situation very well because your manager knows that you may be leaving and has had time to think about finding a new chaplain and you plan on giving two months' notice. (Have you considered the value of preparing a "how to do this job" document for your successor? He/she may never look at it, and it may still be very helpful to you.)

IRT your anticipating that they'll be confused, maybe you can practice ways to explain your transition to political science. The explanation will come in handy when you get to graduate school.

[RevTheory1126]

2 hours ago, Sigaba said:

@RevTheory1126 FWIW, I think that you're handling your situation very well because your manager knows that you may be leaving and has had time to think about finding a new chaplain and you plan on giving two months' notice. (Have you considered the value of preparing a "how to do this job" document for your successor? He/she may never look at it, and it may still be very helpful to you.)

IRT your anticipating that they'll be confused, maybe you can practice ways to explain your transition to political science. The explanation will come in handy when you get to graduate school.

I appreciate that. I feel like things are going well, but it's nice to have another set of eyes see the situation and affirm that feeling. That's a very good idea about describing the "how-to" for the replacement, especially given that I came in with zero guidelines. I have been trying to discuss my work in terms of the role rather than in terms of personalities (e.g. when would you call a chaplain, what do chaplains do, rather than when should you call me), and I feel like that will make this easier for everyone. But clearly hashing out the role on paper will make the next person feel more empowered and I'll have something to assure the good folks here that there will be continuity.

Yeah, I've been practicing that speech a bit. It actually was sort of the guiding narrative that gave shape to my SOP.... I think I can get it into an elevator speech, but always worth practicing, honing it down some, clarifying around the edges

[thelionking]

Angesradieux,

Perhaps you could provide a list of recommended teachers to your students (a list of teachers who are taking on more students in your neighbourhood and charge similar rates) so that they don't need to scramble to find a new teacher under short notice. If they like working with you and you give them recommendations, they are likely to trust your judgement and be happy with the options you provide.  

Good luck!

[angesradieux]

10 hours ago, thelionking said:

Angesradieux,

Perhaps you could provide a list of recommended teachers to your students (a list of teachers who are taking on more students in your neighbourhood and charge similar rates) so that they don't need to scramble to find a new teacher under short notice. If they like working with you and you give them recommendations, they are likely to trust your judgement and be happy with the options you provide.  

Good luck!

I might do that. I have a friend who teaches voice at another store who I trust to take good care of my voice students. The only thing is that if the store finds out that I've recommended students go elsewhere, I have to be prepared to cut all ties with them and burn the bridge. The store expects to keep all students, whether the teacher stays or goes. I hear them talk about how underhanded it is when a teacher decides to teach elsewhere and their students follow all the time. Which is stupid. Teaching is based on personal relationships, not location. If my teacher were to move, I'd follow. If they were to stop teaching and recommended I go elsewhere, I would. But the store I work for doesn't see it that way. Their attitude is "We booked the student for you. Since we found them, they're our students, we just let you teach them while you're here." I have no plans of going back, so it shouldn't be a problem. I'm just a little hesitant to completely burn bridges.

But it's tough since we really only have one voice teacher, and he and I have totally different styles of teaching. I wouldn't say he's a bad teacher, but it's a very different approach to singing. There are a couple others who can teach voice, but it isn't their primary area of interest or expertise, so it's kind of like a "Well, I can if I have to" deal, and I honestly don't know what they're like as voice teachers. So I'm not sure there's anyone I'd really endorse. Piano is easier--there are like eight other teachers, and I really only take beginners whereas many of the other teachers take all levels, so placing piano students shouldn't be as much of an issue. I don't know. Maybe I'll just burn the bridge and be done with it. Or I'll try to very quietly talk to parents about it and hopefully they'll just tell the store they've decided not to continue.

I also know, though, that last time a teacher left the store handled it like a bunch of jerks. Apparently they had the replacement they started introducing the replacement they'd hired to students before the teacher who was retiring had a chance to tell her students. At least one kid was totally blindsided and I think started crying, parents got upset, and it became a frustrating and difficult situation for the teacher who was leaving, who was put in the situation of having to do some damage control rather than breaking the news to her students gently and on her own terms. And, given the store's idea that the students are actually theirs, they tried to just give all the other teacher's students to the replacement they hired without talking to anyone to find out if the parents had preferences or the other teacher had recommendations. it was a disaster--the teacher who was leaving was frustrated over how it was handled, kids got upset, parents weren't happy, and her replacement ended up quitting before she even started because the store promised her all of those students and couldn't follow through because--shocker--parents were more comfortable switching to a familiar face they'd seen around the store than an entirely unknown entity. Remembering what a mess they made of things the last time is also kind of stressing me out.

I don't know. I may be colossally overthinking it. I'm just not good at dealing with people who are upset, and historically when teachers leave, people have gotten upset.

[thelionking]

Sounds like a tricky situation. No matter what you decide to do, someone won't be happy about it. So you need to decide which is the better of a few less than perfect options.

Are you entitled to vacation time at work? If so, you could schedule a 2 week vacation when you plan to leave for school. Then, on your last day before you begin vacation, tell them you won't be returning. That way, you give them 2 weeks notice and they can't terminate your position early because you'll be on vacation.

But this doesn't resolve the issue of how to deal with your students. It's a tricky one for sure....

If you have the phone numbers or emails of your students, maybe you could contact them a week or two after you leave to follow up and see how they are doing. If they are happy with the new teacher the school gives them, let it be. If not, you may choose to refer your musician friend.

Edited February 24, 2017 by thelionking

[thoughtsabrewing]

I am in a similar situation and feeling guilty as well. I think I am going to give my company 3-4 weeks notice just so they aren't stressed when I leave (small company). I've also been slowly training others in things I do and have been encouraging new hires in our department. That's how I combat the guilt...but I think it's normal. People leave jobs all the time and know several months in advance that they will. It's just the circle of life