Good stories about long distance relationships

[LTee]

I was wondering if anyone had any positive advice and/or stories about how they survived their long distance relationship, as I will soon find myself in this situation. My heart and my bf tell me we can do it, but Im pretty scared. Might I add that if I do move for school I will be apart from him for 2-3yrs. People do this, successfully, right?

[digits2006]

Well I am new at this long distance thing. But, all of last semester my gf was an 8 hour drive away. This semester she is spain and I am off to fly and see her in a few weeks. As long as yall still talk a lot and video chat. tt will be fine. But if you are a needy couple who spends every waking minute with each other, it will suck.

[repatriate]

I am off overseas working on an MA while my husband has remained home to work. Since we're several time zones apart, finding time to talk depends usually on my being up a little late and his getting home from work at a decent time. We still send each other a dozen emails about little things throughout the day (a habit that developed when we were both working desk jobs) and we usually find 30-60 minutes a day to video chat in the evenings. The expense of overseas travel and our respective dedication to work and study means that there is little chance to see each other. Since my program started this year, he has been able to visit for a long weekend, and I was home for a 3 week break.

I won't say it's easy being apart for either of us, but a few things have helped make it OK. It helps that we are both pretty practical, low affect people in general. I wouldn't describe myself as having a particularly rich emotional life, anyway. So although I miss him, it isn't a weeping, sobbing, pining kind of missing. We also rarely fought before. It really wasn't worth the energy or hurt in either of our minds to fight; we'd rather just compromise or appease the other person, and that kept us both happy. This has continued. We've always been very honest and open with each other, and this has also continued. So I just about never feel angry, hurt, suspicious, or any other negative feeling towards him. This prevents me from questioning our relationship.

That he is willing to do this for me puts me in awe of him and makes me feel so grateful (and quite guilty sometimes). I don't know if it's made our relationship stronger, but it hasn't hurt it at all.

[peppermint.beatnik]

I've done ldr, successfully, on and off for four years. A PhD will make it another 4-5.

[alexis]

I've mentioned my experience in a couple of other threads, but long story short: did a year and a half long distance over the Atlantic, was very happy (though of course I missed him), he moved to the US to be with me, we got married, have been married for over 3 years, and remain very, very happy. Oh, and webcams = the way to do a long distance relationship (in addition to trying to see each other whenever you can).

Don't let the naysayers tell you long distance doesn't work. It's up to you both as a couple. It CAN and DOES work for many of us.

[Smaudge]

In a slightly different situation, my older sister met her (now husband) during grad school and the majority of their relationship was long distance. She was in medical school, he was at West Point. Right before he was deployed to Iraq he asked her to marry him. He came back a year later and they got married. Then, in a horrible turn of events he was redeployed for the first 15 months of their marriage. I'm happy to say that he's finally home, and they're now starting their life together. My sister says that if they could survive all that, then they can certainly survive marriage!

I think it takes a certain type of person to do well long distance. You need to be able to have long phone conversations and let the other person know that they are always on your mind even if you're miles apart. Also, it's good if you can have supportive people around you. I lived with my older sister during her final year of med school (aka her first year of marriage), and we had to celebrate her first anniversary together. I know that I was a horrible substitute for her husband, but I also know she was glad that she wasn't alone.

I know that the whole thing was extremely hard for my sister, but she's now happily married and couldn't be more proud of her husband, who is now a captain in the army. Obviously this was a very unique situation, but they're living proof that long distance can work.

[pea-jay]

I did the LD thing twice with two different girls. With the first one, we ended our 2.5 yr relationship after just 5 months apart. With my second, we practically started out as a LD couple and were living together after 4 months and engaged after 6. Still together after 12 yrs.

The distance didnt kill my first relationship; it just forced us to act on one that had been in decline before the separation. The second time it added tension, excitement, anticipation and worry into the relationship, but ultimately didnt help or hurt us. The distance is thing is but what you make of it. It can be a test alright but it wont be the root cause in your relationship's success or demise

[LTee]

thanks for the input. I think your last sentence is totally true.

[eikko]

two happy stories!:

i met my girlfriend when she was studying in nyc for a year. we met in january, and then she went home to europe in the summer. we did long distance for a year, using skype a lot. she came once for a couple weeks in the fall, i visited in the winter, she visited in the spring. we talked every day. what can i say, it worked for us! although one year is different from two or three.

also, my dad dated his now-wife for five years across the atlantic. (he waited until my sibs and i were out of high school before he moved.) they talked on the phone a lot, and visited a few times a year, and currently live happily ever after as far as i can tell.

so yes, it can definitely be done if you both want it to. but talking a lot is key, because it's of course harder to know if the other person is happy in the relationship if you can't spend time together in person. skype with webcams are nice!

[luar de ouro]

Someone said if a couple can survive the LDR, then they can survive marriage. That's ironic to me because I'm actually afraid that once a couple gets used to the LDR, a regular relationship without distance can actually become problematic once the two are no longer seeing each other through the rosy webcam lenses. A LDR is low on the physicality of a relationship, so I feel like the emotional intimacy would over-take that vacancy to make the relationship feel whole...and that could warp both party's perspective on the the true nature of what they have.

I'm kind of a pessimist, I guess. I could be entering a LDR soon and I'm terrified that I could submit the next 2-3 years of my life to something that will only amount to ending in mutual resignation. That is to say, what do you do when you love someone, but have no idea when you could ever live in the same city?