Should I even apply?

[mdavis10]

Hey all! I'd love some advice from current grad students or anyone feeling the same feels I will describe...

I loved biology ever since high school. After high school, I took one gap year and did one year of part-time community college (no science classes). I was so excited to get back to learning about biology and enrolled in a four-year institute to get a bachelor's degree and get into research. I tried really hard on my undergrad apps because I was motivated. I did well in my three years in undergrad and graduated in May with a degree in molecular biology and with two years' research experience. My goal was to get a PhD in molecular medicine or something similar and work in research-intensive academia or industry.

Now: It's almost November and I've barely done anything for my grad program apps. I have picked out seven-ish schools that I like well enough, but I'm not actively excited about any of the programs even if the research itself is exciting. I've probably worked on essays for a grand total of 3 hours over the course of months. I am in an NIH post-bacc right now and the lab is a horrible fit- safe to say, I hate it. While my previous research experiences were better (still not great), I can't help but think that, while I love translational biology research, the work environment I require to thrive (well-organized, good communication, respectful) does not exist in science. Hence my current lack of motivation and my hesitation to continue on this career path.

Writing this seems stupid, I only have firsthand knowledge of a few labs and work environments... not enough to draw a sound conclusion. Still, I can't change my feelings or my lack of motivation.

Thoughts?

[_kita]

I suggest making a life change, but graduate school might not be the best one for you right now. Look at getting some biology research assistant jobs and get yourself into a lab. Grad school is not something to undergo if you are already exhausted thinking about the work you'll have to do.

[Bioenchilada]

What would you see yourself doing besides academia? Also, if you acknowledge that you have not experienced enough labs to make a conclusion, do you not wonder if your lack of motivation stems from another source?

I did not found a true lab fit for me until I rotated in the lab that I ended up joining. Most of my research experiences in undergrad were not great, but I knew science is what I wanted to do. 

I can guarantee you that the work environment that you are looking for in science exists. Even if it didn’t, you could be and advocate for the change that you want to see.

[Neuro15]

I can assure you that a "well-organized, good communication, respectful" environment does exist in science; you just have to find a lab that meets those criteria. Ideally all labs would, but we all know that's not necessarily true. 

To me, it seems that it's the dissatisfaction with your current lab that is demotivating you rather than science as a whole. So you either have two options, A.) change your scenery, join a new lab, and maybe apply next app cycle. Or B.) realize that your situation is only temporary, push through, and get your apps filled out on time. The choice is yours, but definitely take time to realize what you want to do. Grad school requires a great deal of self-motivation, much, much more than undergrad does. Going into a 5+ year PhD program without high levels of motivation is a recipe for disaster, and it's a mistake that commonly leads students to leaving the program. 

 

 

[mdavis10]

16 hours ago, Bioenchilada said:

What would you see yourself doing besides academia? Also, if you acknowledge that you have not experienced enough labs to make a conclusion, do you not wonder if your lack of motivation stems from another source?

I did not found a true lab fit for me until I rotated in the lab that I ended up joining. Most of my research experiences in undergrad were not great, but I knew science is what I wanted to do. 

I can guarantee you that the work environment that you are looking for in science exists. Even if it didn’t, you could be and advocate for the change that you want to see.

Thanks for your input! To answer your (perhaps rhetorical) questions: I don't think I'd be happier pursuing a different career at this point, and I think that being burnt out is another contributing factor. I'm glad to hear you've found a good lab, and to hear a grad school success story!

[mdavis10]

7 minutes ago, Neuro15 said:

Grad school requires a great deal of self-motivation, much, much more than undergrad does. Going into a 5+ year PhD program without high levels of motivation is a recipe for disaster, and it's a mistake that commonly leads students to leaving the program. 

 

 

That's a good point. It seems dangerous to throw together half-assed applications and (if those are even enough to get an acceptance) to assume I'll regain motivation between now and the program's start date... I do have a lot to think about. Thank you! 

[Neuro15]

19 minutes ago, mdavis10 said:

That's a good point. It seems dangerous to throw together half-assed applications and (if those are even enough to get an acceptance) to assume I'll regain motivation between now and the program's start date... I do have a lot to think about. Thank you! 

 

Of course! Best of luck to you 

[Crucial BBQ]

My partner is a long-time microbiologist at the NIH.  If you saw the Discovery Channel show First in Human, that is her microbiology lab.  Because the two of you may be associated with the same lab, that is all I will write about her identification.  I will say this:  most in her lab, including herself, hate the place.  Many have left over the years (typically to the FDA or VA if wanting to stay with the Fed. Gov.), or threaten to do so.  The lab is understaffed, and too many Ph.Ds and Post Docs who lack basic lab skills like being able to read a plate.  Another issue is that while the lab is in support of the medical side of NIH (it is a hospital, after all), the research in the lab is basic microbiological research yet the lab is run by M.D.s who only know how to do medical research. Suffice to say, this place is not a good example of what to expect from a biology lab.