Cheshire_Cat

Coauthor problems ? OK, so the coauthor is my dad and I'm not sure he treats me like he would treat his other coauthors, but if he does he's kind of a workaholic and not particularly considerate. My dad and I are working on a project together, but he pretty much took it over and just wrote it all himself and had me do cites. Don't get me wrong, we talked about what should be in the paper, but he seemed to have his own ideas and he always writes all of his papers. Which is fine, it was an invited paper for him, and he added me on to give the perspective of an early-career researcher. So I gave my perspective, but idk if it was what he wanted. Then we get reviews, and he wants to meet to discuss them, but HE keeps putting it off and putting it off because he has other papers due. Then he rushes me to respond to my part of the reviews but then doesn't do his until the day before its due. Which leads us to this weekend. So I drive/ride in a car 18 hours in a single day to be with family for independence day. We arrive at 1:30 am July 4th, and I am greeted by my dad telling me that we got editor comments and he answered them all, but he wanted me to read over his responses and get it to him by the end of the day July 4th, because it is due July 6th and he doesn't work on Sunday. Yeah, dad, sure, right after I drove 18 hours, I want to spend my first day home responding to reviewer comments... the only weekend day that we would all be together, mind you, and a holiday. Nope. Anyways, I read over what he wrote, but I didn't have a lot to say, because I was exhausted and any time spent not sleeping I was spending with family except for a couple hour break in which I needed more sleep but had to get this done. So I told him that I would read over it again on Monday and discuss it then, because I couldn't process what he was saying very well and wanted to give it proper thought. So tonight he was like "You aren't a good coauthor " and I'm thinking the same thing about him. He's a great dad, but we established in high-school that we don't work well together. And I don't know what he wants in a coauthor, but it isn't me. I work wonderfully with my other coauthors. I think he just has a romanticized view of how working with me should be since we are great friends, but it isn't actually that way... We are in a similar field, but I chose a different area of research partially because it wasn't his area. I get working hard and all, but there should also be boundaries. So yeah... I just had to put this down because I don't feel like I'm in the wrong here. I love my dad and he is an amazing person, but he is very particular and has a few blindspots. He definitely thinks I'm smarter than I am and know what he's thinking even if he hasn't expressed it to me yet... anyways, thats all. Not a very intense rant. I'm not mad or anything, just a little exasperated.

Well, I'm graduating, but my college decided to add one last "fuck you" to the pile of shit they've put me though. I'm annoyed as it cost me $4,000, but it's typical for them. I don't use this type of language IRL, but I just had to describe my raw feelings in the most accurate way possible. Fuck you, alma-mater. Fuck you! Good luck getting any PhD students in my area. Word gets around and we have other options. I left a well paying job to be treated like crap and barely graduate. I was treated like an adjunct teacher rather than a student who needs to you know, learn something while going to graduate school. The only redeeming factor is that the faculty I worked with have the reputation needed and I got the job I wanted. Admittedly that is a big redeeming factor, but it isn't going to help them in the slightest. I'll be making well over 100k at my new job, and guess how much I'll ever donate to this school? A big fat zero. Nothing. They already took enough from me. The end.

I don't have an emotional disorder. So I noticed for me that the first couple of days I was very upset and cried more than I normally do. But then I had to settle down and work on my dissertation, and just having that thing that I had to do and focus on made me a lot happier.

Yup. I am very blessed with that. And it is at the school that I always wanted to go to.

I have a really good adviser and always feel better after talking with him. I hear those are in short supply, so I'm very lucky. Also, I found my dream home, so hopefully it will still be on the market in a month or two when I'm ready to buy. Given the town it is in has a shelter-in-place order, this may be possible. (Not worth it to kill the economy and that people have the virus, but we are looking at silver linings here) This house looks like it came from my pinterest album and I love it. It's a little pricey, but not so much that I would have a problem paying for it. Do I need a house as big as it it? No. Do I want it? Yes!! In other news, I only have to go back to my graduate institution to clear out my desk and grade some papers. No more being accosted by homeless people or fighting to find a parking space in a garage six blocks from my office. No more sharing an office. No more teaching night classes in the rough area of town. Also no more walking to class in the rain. My new institution has the faculty offices in the same building as the classrooms. Also I'm moving to a cleaner city, with a new, cleaner building. And well kept parks. This makes my germaphobic self very happy. I'm pretty bummed I won't get to have a regular commencement, but there are some silver linings.

Same. I'm really bad keeping in touch with people. I hope I can travel with these friends and keep them for life, but we'll see what happens. I'm pretty good at making friends and people seem to like me, but I'm very selective in who I want to be friends with, and these have been some of my favorite people ever. I don't think I'll ever have a group like them again.

I know Covid-19 is causing problems for a lot of people, and mine are minuscule in proportion, but I still need to vent mine somewhere. I am graduating in May with my Ph.D. Commencement is cancelled, so that sucks. But what sucks worse is that I can't go out and celebrate with my friends. I don't even know if I'll see my friends again before this is over. I live by myself, and the thought of being stuck alone in my apartment for two months is terrifying. I'm not even a social person, and it is sad. But not getting to see my friends is the worst. I knew I would have to leave them eventually, but I didn't expect it to come so quickly. Also, I got feedback from my advisor which wasn't great... basically, the deadline to do the final defense came a lot sooner than I remember, so I had to submit my final paper before I was really ready, and before my advisor got to look at the final draft... So he finally read it and didn't like a lot of the changes I made. Ugh. So now he wants me to change it and get it back to him by Friday and I may have to push my final defense date back. Which I guess doesn't matter now because the whole reason we were doing it so early was because I wanted to walk at commencement, which is cancelled. At least I can blame it on the virus...

People who excuse their rudeness as a dislike of stupid people... Get over yourself. You aren't that smart. Also, being smart doesn't mean you can't respond to people with grace. Being rude because you think you're smarter than everyone is just a sign of narcissism. This isn't aimed at anyone. I just saw it on a t-shirt someone posted on facebook. As someone most people would classify as "smart" I think that this attitude is toxic. And it's usually perpetrated by people who aren't actually that smart in the first place, haha.

Congrats! Management researches some really cool stuff.

I got an offer to be a tenure track faculty from a good institution. I am in a very rare field where this is still possible right out of grad school, and even with us, probably half of everyone graduating will have to take visitings this year because the market is rough. I am going to the school of my dreams, and I can't chalk it up to anything other than being incredibly blessed.

I'm depressed. Ok, not really, but I'm just emotionally tumultuous. There isn't a "good" reason for it, it is just the stress of finishing my dissertation and finding a job and teaching two different classes. It's made me an emotional mess. Six months and this process will be over. I remember getting my acceptance and then having to wait 6 months to start, and that being a painful time. Well, this might be worse. I've been here for almost 5 years. It seems so long. At this point most of my adult life has been as a graduate student. I'm ready to have a career job, haha.

You are not alone. You don't need to pretend everything is going perfectly. I found that most people have a lot of sympathy for PhD students and understand how hard it is to get adjusted. Don't be whiny about it, but maybe talk to an older student about what is going on and see if they have any advice for you. If anything, a listening ear is always comforting.

I don't think that should be tolerated. His adviser may not realize how bad it was and just think you have thin skin. Hopefully the student's behavior will become apparent in other ways so that his advisor knows what he is dealing with. You may also request that any further discussions with this guy happen in an open space or with the door open rather than closed. I don't think that is unreasonable to request given that you are a small female and he is a large male. You don't have to make it about him, it is about you feeling comfortable and safe.

Being a grad student is like juggling plates. And right when you get a handle on juggling the number of plates you have, more are tossed in and you have to juggle them too. And then in the last year, instead of more plates being tossed in, you are hit by a car. Fuck.

I can't find my keys. I have too much to do to look for them. But if I don't find them then I can't go to my friends house to retrieve my suitcase from our trip. But maybe my keys are there. IDK. I have too much to doooooooo.. and I'm hungry and can't go anywhere because I can't find my keys. I could cycle, but I don't wanna, too hot. I want my keys. I want my car... ugh!

Business Ph.Ds get jobs no matter where you go to school, so those stats about them is probably more related to what schools are able to run large business Ph.D programs. They are more expensive than other areas. Most schools only have 1 or 2 students per year in each area of business. But the caste system still exists. I am at a top program for my area, but because my school is not well regarded I don't have a chance at schools like Cornell or Pittsburg. I'll get a job, yes, but some schools will take one look at the name of my institution and put my CV in the discard pile.

I have asked two different guys to hang out with me one-on-one in the past week. This is not an accomplishment for most people, but for me it is. I'm not used to putting myself out there in any way. These arent even dates, but how am I supposed to date a guy if I'm scared to express interest in even being his friend?

I finally found a mobile vet who put her down on Friday. She had lots of banana and I held her for about 30 minutes before she was put down. At this point, she couldn't even really hold herself up, but still had her personality and wanted to eat banana and give me kisses. She fell asleep while eating banana and then vet put her down, so it was very peaceful.

My eldest pet is dying. She is a 13.5 year old bunny and a "heart" pet. And she has been dying for a few weeks, but it is getting worse. She can't get up anymore. I need to put her down, but there isn't a vet near me that does euthanasia on rabbits, and I don't want her last hours to be spent stressed out in the car. This is the most frustrating and heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced. I've had pets die before, but not recently, and never a pet I've loved so much. Oh, and I propose for my dissertation in two weeks. Fun times.

I had a few years working in the real world, and six months or so were really rough. But grad school isn't all it's cracked up to be either. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be here than at my old firm, but there were a couple of rough years. And at this point I'm doing what faculty do and just not getting paid for it.

This was one of the hardest things for me about going to grad school. I worked for a few years and had an envied professional certification, and now I'm a "student" again? Yeah, no. I think it is especially hard when you are younger because you haven't been a "real adult" for long. And now it seems like its being taken away. But as the years have passed, I've gotten over it. My parents' friends still think I'm in grad school because I couldn't find a job and are very surprised when I tell them I have the certification I do. But its whatever. If I'm feeling insecure I just tell people I'm a college instructor (because I am) and leave it at that. A year from now I'll be Dr. CheshireCat and they'll all be super amazed, as if it came out of nowhere, haha.

Both of my projects have significant, interesting results! I have friends to drink wine and watch Harry Potter with on a Friday night.

My dissertation proposal is in 4 weeks. I'm avoiding writing on my paper because I'm scared and nervous and I don't feel like I'm good enough. I already presented my idea to the faculty and they loved it and gave me suggestions on my design rather than my theory because they found my theory believable. I got results for my pilot. All that is left is the writing and the actual proposal defense. This is all in my head and I know I'll pass. But I has all the feels I was warned about. This is normal. I just need to crawl in a hole for a few weeks and then I'll be back to my regularly sponsored, happy self.

Alcohol. Lots of alcohol... Just kidding! Haha! Don't do that! I am a Ph.D student, going into my fifth year, and I am very quiet and self-contained. I barely even spoke to my family until I was almost 20. People don't point out that I'm quiet much anymore, but they used to do so all the time. I would just smile, because its true, and I don't think it is a bad thing, most of the time. My heart still races when I raise my hand in workshops. It's been four years, you would think I'd get over it by now, but I haven't. One thing that has helped is that my dissertation chair also has introvert tendencies. He also doesn't speak up in workshops often. I was in his presentation at a major conference once and he barely looked up from the floor the entire time and his arms were crossed the whole time. But he has coauthors who he works with and he is very well respected in the community. So I know if he can do it, I can do it too. As for conferences and other situations when you need to interact with people, the key to being interesting is to be interested. I am a great listener. I do go up and introduce myself to people, and then I mostly listen to them talk, with a few interjections so they know I'm interested in what they are saying. And I almost always have people to talk/listen to because of it. Overall, give yourself a break. Try not to worry as much about sounding stupid or looking goofy. And realize that you aren't perfect, but no one expects you to be. But don't give up on trying to better yourself. It isn't a paradox to love yourself for who you are while also realizing that you have areas you can improve on in your life. And there are very few jobs that don't require communication with other people, so it is important to try to do as well as you can at it.

I totally agree. And research has shown that work deteriorates after 40 hours. My apartment being clean and taking the time to prepare good food does wonders for my mental health and productivity. Occasionally there is a rush, the first two weeks and the last two weeks of a semester are usually hell, but for the most part I try to keep a good, sustainable lifestyle. I think we in academia seem to think that if our lives aren't insane then we aren't working hard enough, and we have to prove we are actually doing something since we don't go to a 9-5 job, but this ends in burnout.