St Andrews Lynx

I think that if he was interested in a relationship with you, he'd have shown more initiative in trying to meet up with you. It sounds like he's just interested in casual sex. Even Friends With Benefits or regular casual hookups deserve to treat the other individual with respect, rather than blatant disregard. Maybe next time you can drop him off some more food...spiked with laxatives or violently-spicy jalapeños.

I'm not sure that TA evaluation scores are even worth putting on your CV. They're very subjective. If only 4 students out of 50 filled out my TA evaluation and they gave me 4 poor scores...does it still mean that I'm a bad teacher? From what I've seen, the students usually evaluate the course rather than the TA: if they struggled with the course material then they will give a poor evaluation of the TA (regardless of how much control the TA had over the course content, or how much the TA tried to help the student). On the flip side, perhaps a GREAT set of evaluations just mean that the TA was a super-lenient grader and gave everybody an A without actually teaching them anything. Who are your wanting to read your CV? If it's non-academic company employers...TA evaluations won't matter. If it's academics, then I think you could get away with simply listing the courses you've taught and summarise your responsibilities. Feel free to include any awards you receive at a departmental level for your teaching, but don't bother with evaluation scores.

The problem is with *them* and *their* insecurities. It has nothing to do with you. Grad school is great at bringing up all a person's self-doubt, fears and weaknesses, in part because it is much less structured than undergrad. To combat their own insecurities, people bitch about others for working too hard. Or not working hard enough. Or wearing pink cardigans all the time. Or whatever. You say that you have some friends in the cohort? That's great. Focus your energy on them. It is possible that once your cohort move away from the coursework and get more settled in to their own research that they'll calm down a bit and stop with the nastiness.

If you see the faculty in person on a very regular basis (e.g. you TA for them, you are in their seminar class) then I would tell them in person. If you can go weeks without bumping into them, I would write them an email. Be polite and concise. Thank them for allowing you to rotate in their lab, tell them that you enjoyed the experience. All you need to say is that you decided to join the lab of Professor X. You don't need to give reasons or make excuses.

Although a contract wouldn't be the norm in my field, having an email conversation with your PI about authorship is always a good idea because it leaves a paper trail. Your advisor can verbally agree to anything, but may change their mind, backtrack or forget they even had that conversation with you! After a face-to-face conversation about authorship, I would advise summarising the chat in an email and sending it out to all involved parties "to clarify what was discussed". As soon as your PI starts talking about "publishable data" it is acceptable to start making enquiries about expectations for authorship. "What would I need to do to be listed as an author? What would I need to do to be listed as first author?" Etc. That way you have a good idea in advance and it won't come as a surprise 6 months down the line to find out that you and your PI had differing ideas about your position on the author list.

At my undergrad university (in a foreign country, so maybe not completely applicable) professors weren't allowed to take on volunteers without paying them. Students had to be officially hired (and officially paid) for university insurance/legal purposes in case of a lab accident. In the US, I know that some science-based fellowships not only cover the student's stipend, but give money to the PI to cover the cost of the lab supplies they'll use, etc. Working in an academic lab environment - even at grad student level - means compromising on some things. You cannot necessarily just do your own project (it is PI dependent how much input you have in project design), nor can you necessarily do everything alone. This is a temporary summer project, not your thesis.

Not every project produces papers at the same rate. Also, don't be the person who constantly bitches about how everyone else is soooo much lazier than you. It's a waste of your energy ('cause it ain't even your problem), is unprofessional and may even be untrue.

Now, New Jersey has many fine cities, scenery and culinary delights to with which to recommend itself. It isn't *all* rednecks-ville.

NPR and high-quality newspapers/magazines (New Yorker, etc) are always a good reserve of small-talk fuel, especially in response to what people are telling you about themselves ("oh, you teach kindergarten? I heard on the radio the other day that they are implementing [interesting early education pilot program] in Colorado, do you think that would be a success?"). Asking people about the TV shows they are watching or recent films they've seen is another good way to find common ground. From talking to people from all walks of life, it actually seems like the teaching part of my grad school life is what others can relate to. They might not understand the intricacies of my chemistry sub-sub-field...but they can understand and empathise with my teaching responsibilities. They also don't need much prior pedagogical knowledge to understand classroom anecdotes. The keys to interacting with folk from different social situations is (i) respectfulness (just because they dropped out of high school doesn't mean there is nothing you can learn from them (ii) a sense of humour (iii) interest in what they are saying. That way even if you don't say much during the gathering, they will still remember you as a respectful, interested person with a sense of humour.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I guess the person who sent the email was upset and didn't know how to break the news to you. Take care.

Write a long & detailed letter to your advisor telling him how he made you feel, cataloguing all your frustrations and all his failings...then burn the letter. Another (additional) option is to send them an email or write a nice card thanking them sincerely for their support and assistance in completing the program. Short, sweet, lying through your teeth if necessary. Give them a small gift (maybe a Starbucks gift card or something under $40 that they would appreciate). Sometimes killing 'em with kindness is the best way to get release, or maybe reaching out with a bit forgiveness will help your ex-advisor thaw and perhaps even volunteer an apology. It certainly won't do you any good to hold on to the bitterness and anger.

Grading for something like lab rotation performance is going to be really subjective and will probably vary from advisor to advisor. For some PIs, unless your dedication and skills completely blew them out of the water, they're going to give you "B" grades and that just means "Was OK. No major problems." My guess is that most academics only think for 0.5 seconds about grading something so trivial (for them). I've worked in industry, and the feedback procedure has always been very formalised. My supervisor/line manager drafted up a Personal Development Plan when I arrived with definitive goals & milestones. We had a mid-year review and then the final formal review which explained in detail whether I met each of the goals and the supervisor indicated their level of satisfaction with my demonstrated skills. There's almost none of that in academia. Even the rare PIs that do help you draft a list of goals rarely act in such a thorough manner. You're either 'doing fine', 'could be doing better' or 'struggling'. Most academics haven't worked in industry so don't understand the PDP culture and can't really articulate detailed the type of feedback you want. As far as your backup lab goes. Don't talk about the grade. Don't bitch about the grade to others. Be polite to the professor whenever you see them. Continue to attend their group meetings/seminars/etc if you're still interested in them. With time you'll watch how others do things, you'll talk to other students if you need advice, you'll learn new things and you'll figure out how to improve yourself in the context of academic research.

Are there any fellow TAs whom you could approach about a swap? It might be easier if - instead of going to the admin and asking them to shift everybody's TA schedules around - you find 1 TA who will agree to swap their assignment with you and then go to admin with that request. This depends on the nature of your TA assignment of course (in the sciences we have big lab courses with all the TAs teaching the same thing, just on different days and at different times). As long as you phrase your request politely (and acknowledge that it isn't the end of the world if they can't grant you the request) it wouldn't hurt to ask the admin about the possibility of swapping. For all you know, another TA has a serious problem with their assignment and admin are already planning to move the TAs about, at which point they may even welcome a volunteer.

With any roommate from any country, the key to getting on well is communication. If a roommate leaves their dirty dishes clogging up the sink for weeks of end...politely ask them to clean up and explain why the dishes are a problem. If a roommate has never lived independently and clearly has no idea how to clean a bathroom...go through the cleaning process with them. If a roommate makes a lot of noise at 3am...explain that you are trying to sleep at that time and their behaviour is inconsiderate. Be understanding to international visitors and always give them the benefit of the doubt. Some behaviour/actions might come off as unusual, but could in part be fuelled by homesickness, culture shock, differences in culture norms, etc. There are plenty of obnoxious, dirty, weird and loud American roommates out there in the world, too. Nationality of your roommate doesn't guarantee anything.

If you are close with A, then there's always the opportunity to take them out for lunch/dinner as a "Thank You/Goodbye" gesture somewhen in the near future. If you're the one doing the organising then you can invite whom you like. If Prof A is organising a gathering on your behalf, then I think they do have the freedom to invite who they see fit (the language they used you may have interpreted the event as a "one-on-one Thing", when their intent was something different. That often happens, and it's hard to blame). If you really doubt your ability to keep civil around Prof B, I would recommend replying to them both with "Great! Can I invite along [small number of coworkers/group members/other awesome faculty] too?" At least that will provide some buffer. But really, there's no point in holding a grudge against Prof B. They may not be a nice person, and you may never consider yourself a fan of them...but you can still treat them with polite respect when you meet in person. Accept their words of congratulations. Although you are bitter, it sounds as if everything is working out well for you: you've successfully changed fields & programs, you have 1 (or more!) former advisors supporting you through the process. That's great. If Prof B wrote you letters of rec for the PhD program (and more importantly, wrote you a successful letter that got you accepted) then I think you owe them a Thank You and the benefit of the doubt.

Read your Department's PhD handbook and guidelines. It should specify whether a W-grade will count against you - if there is no mention of W grades then it is probably fine.

Be honest. People (especially the PI) will be more upset that you lied to them than the fact you changed research groups to get a funded position, which is a great way to burn bridges. Why specifically don't you want to tell them which lab you are moving to? Just say that a funded opportunity came up in another lab, it is a better fit to your research interests, it's not you its me, blah blah blah. Don't talk about anything negative in conjunction to your current lab either with your current or future lab. Thank your current PI and lab mates for their assistance and how much you valued the opportunity to work with all of them (even if this is an outright lie). You don't have to tell them which lab when disclosing your departure, but expect them to ask and (again) don't lie. The odds are that someone in your current lab will have a connection to somebody in your new lab...or a connection to a connection in your new lab, so they'll find out the specifics anyway.

How about coming in to work 1 or 2 hrs earlier, before anybody else gets there? That gives you time to set up your own reactions, do your most important tasks, etc before people come along asking for favours. Putting in earphones and listening to music as you work is a good way to deter casual question-askers. Lastly, don't sweat too much. You aren't expected to be perfect, and everybody understands that it takes a while for new PhDs to settle in and get stuff right first time.

I'm sorry you're in an environment like that, OP. The only advice I can give is that you avoid discussing research with this individual and limit the amount of interactions you have with them. It doesn't mean being rude, but don't hang around chatting to them. Think about ways to secure your physical & online data so that it is kept safe when you aren't around, and that there's a solid paper trail. As others have advised, have a discreet word with the PI to at least let them know what is going on.

I think that the main problem is that you're allowing yourself to get annoyed by it. I guess I would question why it is so specifically annoying (are you perhaps a little envious of the online attention they are getting from those posts? is there something else in your grad school life that is giving you stress, and you're offloading your annoyance/frustration onto something/body else?). Instead of being annoyed, try to think positive thoughts about this person. They're working hard at their coursework, and they're getting good grades for it. Good for them.

This is more difficult, from what I've seen. I know people who have transferred in the first year of their PhD due to "research interests" (they couldn't join the research groups they wanted to at University 1, or found the groups to be a poor fit for them). However, you would typically start right from the beginning at University 2 - course credits can't be transferred until you've been in my program from 2 semesters, for example and you'd probably have to redo a lot of the compulsory courses. If you formally join a research group and then quit/get asked to leave, it can sometimes be harder to get the letters of recommendation from your advisor necessary to apply to a 2nd American university, especially if you have a bad relationship with that advisor. Lastly, the question of money/salary. Try to ask the grad students currently in the program how they manage on the given salary. If you don't know any current grad students personally, try asking the faculty you're interested in working for if they could connect you with one of their students who would be willing to answer your questions.

It sounds more like "getting asked to leave the program", which isn't the same as formally firing you. I think that firing involves specific paperwork and admin/HR. You can always check with your university ombudspeople for advice about your specific situation.

Hope things work out for you. I think you made a good decision given the circumstances, don't let others tell you differently. Take care of yourself