St Andrews Lynx

It might take some time for the program to warm up - the initial classes of the term tend to be easier (to ensure everybody is on the same page) before moving into more complicated material. Have you lived in the USA or other countries besides your native one before? Because there may be a bit of culture shock, which tends to ease off after a few months. My advice would be to think seriously about (i) the jobs you want to do in the future (ii) how to qualify yourself for those jobs (iii) if the current program is able to help you get those jobs, and if there are alternative ways to get what you want without this particular qualification. There's no point wasting your time in a program you aren't suited for, when it doesn't actually help you get what you want. The International Office at your school would be the best people to talk to about the visa/financial issues surrounding a program withdrawal.

But the only thing you can infer from that email is that "US-residents" were looked at first, followed by the "Internationals". Maybe the committee set aside x number of spots for Internationals from the beginning of their application process. The proportion of international students they were willing to accept was probably lower than for the US-residents...but that doesn't mean they had no intention of taking on internationals or that they tossed your application into the bin. For all we know from the evidence provided, your application got as much careful consideration as the domestic students, and the only reason you feel upset is because you got rejected.

Nowhere in the email does it say that *no* international students were accepted to U-WM this year. It only says that they were reviewed after the domestics. For all you know, several international students may well have been accepted.

I guess in the sciences, the advice can be altered to: "Look for 2-3 faculty that you would be interested in working for at the visiting day/interview, and who express mutual interest in you joining their lab and doing a rotation with them and who have the money to do so." If you're only joining the PhD program to work with 1 faculty member...well, plenty of things can go wrong. And yes, please trust your gut instinct. If something about the situation seems "off" then it probably is.

Grad school is filled with a lot of What Ifs, risks and difficulties. And I think the strong guarantee of a decent job placement & desirable skills at the end of a PhD shouldn't be viewed lightly. The other things to consider are: do you get along with the PIs? Do you get along with the other group members? Is there long-term funding available in the group to guarantee that you won't be asked to leave halfway through? What is your stress capacity like - some people develop health problems under stress, or get too wound up and burn themselves out. Are you good at dealing with "difficult" people and conflict resolutions (in a high stress environment and-or in a smaller research group you'll probably need to be good at both)?

Couscous and quinoa are great light lunch foods - add some roasted veg or make it into a salad, then season with some spices. Soups are awesome, too.

The first thing to think about is which research group you will change into. Are there PIs at your current school whose research areas are close to yours - perhaps other members of your committee? And is their funding situation better? Would changing your PI affect your fellowship (i.e., do you have to work with this PI on a particular project?). Think about the options that are available to you. It might be better to wait until after your quals when you become a PhD candidate, since the knowledge that you want to leave is unlikely to make your PI supportive of your candidacy. Or the alternative is to change groups now, and perhaps delay your quals by 6 months to get results in the new group. A new PI would have to approve your Quals research proposal, wouldn't they? It sounds like a rough situation, and I'm not sure if there's a way out that isn't going to be painful or difficult or lead to hurt feelings.

I'd go with the second project. Perhaps there will be room for a more experimental & risky/high reward side project once you start getting results. That's something you can chat to your advisor about.

Do go outside your comfort zone. Before you commit to a rotation, ideally try to find out from the faculty members (i) if they actually have funding to take on new students (ii) how many new students they intend to take. That will help you gauge the level of competition. Choosing a lab where you get on with both the PI and the group is really important, as is (long-term) lab funding and research interests. Be very careful around PIs who say they "might" have funding to take you, or who "are waiting to hear back on their grant" - it is risky using up 1 of you rotations on a group like that, because funding does fall through fairly regularly. Be savvy of how the PIs decide which new students to accept. Sometimes it is very much a case of first-come-first-served (people who do the first rotation or work over the summer tend to get prioritised), other times the PI doesn't really mind. It is common for the PIs to ask their group members what they thought of the rotation students and how they behaved in the lab, so be aware of how you are presenting yourself and attempting to integrate (if its a "quiet" lab then don't put music on loudspeakers without asking others first, etc). If you're unsure of which labs to rotate in, try asking the more senior grad students you know what their impressions of the labs are. If you prefer to keep to yourself as you work, it may not be a good idea to rotate in a lab that is renown for being very chatty. Or the PI could be really difficult to work for - but the group members themselves won't admit it to an outsider. Lastly, rotations are also a great opportunity to meet new people in the Dept, learn new lab techniques and generally expand your scientific knowledge base! Keep an open mind, be savvy and don't stress more than is necessary.

JuilletMercredi's advise is solid, and I'd echo it. I don't think it is the PI's duty to stop a grad student who wants to quit from quitting. Most PI aren't going to get upset, beg you to stay, or really probe you about your desire to quit. It doesn't mean that they don't care - but the PI-student relationship is fundamentally a professional one, and as such it is constrained within professional boundaries (the same way as a supervisor at work wouldn't necessarily spend a lot of time persuading their subordinates to stay when they announced their intention to quit). This certainly sounds like the case with your PI - they are there to advise you, not be your friend. Supervisor's reactions have varied, from my experience. If a PI has to ask a student to leave the group, then it is usually a dispassionate affair on the part of the PI. If the student decides to leave, then usually the PI doesn't make a fuss. PIs want students who are good fits, and when a student decides to leave it becomes clear to the PI that the individual in question is a bad fit and therefore not a huge loss. Unfortunately, as a grad student we're rather replaceable. Don't take a dispassionate, muted response personally.

A couple of weeks spent mostly focussed on studying would be more appropriate. I don't think you are going to convince your PI that two months off from lab work is a good idea - remember that you are there to be a researcher, not a student. Perhaps if you devote 1 day or two half days to revision now - with the rest of the week spent researching - and then gradually change that ratio as you get closer to the date. There is also a lot of revision that you can do while you are researching: looking at flashcards while your reaction is running, reading a textbook chapter over lunch, etc.

I agree that the PI will usually ask the senior grad students about how the rotation students got on when it comes to selecting new group members... ...but I'm not an asshole, so I don't judge (down) on new students "constantly". If the student is new to the group, then part of my responsibility as a senior student is to show them by example the correct group work ethic and to help them fit in. I would rather they asked me how to use a piece of equipment (even if it was "Google-able") than have them use the equipment wrongly and break it. After all, we were all newbies once. You know what? If you find yourself sneering, denigrating or bitching about the students in your group who are newer than you, it says more about your own high level of insecurity than the actual ability of those students.

I'd go with headphones, too. I've seen people who share offices put in earplugs, and didn't think that was too unusual/rude. Just tell her when she starts a long anecdote: "I'm sorry X, I've got quite a bit of work I want to finish up right now. Maybe we can go grab coffee once I'm done?"

...Gosh Buckyball, advice straight from the heart.

Most academic postdoc positions aren't advertised: PhD students typically apply in a speculative manner, or talk to the advisors they want to work with at conferences, etc. Newish advisors, those at primarily undergrad institutions, less well-known universities or non-academic research institutes are the ones most likely to advertise. Competitive is kinda a subjective term. If you have your own fellowship money it won't be as challenging to get a postdoc position. If you did your PhD outside the USA/Europe and don't have any connections to the faculty you contact...then it becomes really tough to get a postdoc.

I have never heard of a cleaning rota schedule holding together for more than ~3 weeks. And that is even when all the roommates consent that said rota is necessary. (I think that the only successful cleaning rota I can recall was the one set out by my mother when I was 7-12 years old; pocket money was held/withheld depending on my compliance.) I've worked as a housekeeper & cleaner for several stretches of my life: I'm not a neatness freak...but I do tend to notice dirt and mess more than most of my past roommates. And I'm less icky about cleaning toilets. So I just buy some "communal" cleaning items, leave them in an obvious place (should anyone else be so inclined as to use them) and just do the cleaning myself whenever I have the time. If anybody comments on the fact that I do a lot of cleaning, I just smile, shrug and say "It's no bother/I find it very therapeutic/etc". Everybody's happy. Unless there is a major biohazard issue I wouldn't complain or comment on how often other people choose to clean their kitchen/bathroom areas. Grad School (and indeed Life) is messy & stressful enough as it is - no need to get stressed about the mess too...

Another reason to tell your advisor in advance is that summer funding is usually a separate/different thing from the academic year funding. If your advisor is expecting you to TA over the summer, then arranging cover for the honeymoon, etc is something you should sort out early. Or if your advisor is paying you directly over the summer as a Research Assistant then that is another situation where they should be informed in good time. Honestly though, getting married isn't that big of a deal in grad school. Most PIs who are married will have done it at some point on the academic track.

The good news is that there will be a nice chunk of grad students in your cohort who are ALL starting out at the same time, and many of whom are completely new to the area. If you get chatting to them during the Orientation Week (where there are usually a lot of socials) and follow-up in the coming weeks, then I think you'll form friends naturally. What I like about grad school is that you don't have to stay up to 3am partying as a pre-requisite to making friends - unlike in undergrad and the Greek Life spheres. Grad students are typically the ones who DIDN'T go to the frat parties and WEREN'T the coolest undergrads (although many are really cool, of course). My best advice is to be proactive in making friends. Go up and talk to new folk. Be the one who suggests doing something on the weekend. Invite yourself to activities by asking if you can come along. Give strangers a second chance (first impressions aren't always the most accurate).

Do the courses repeat every year? If so, I'd stick with the one elective for now, and do 2nd one when it is next offered.

I do enjoy grad school. The work challenges me...which is something I find invigorating. I get on well with my labmates/cohort/fellow grad students in the building. I enjoy the part of TAing where I get to interact with the students in the lab session (grading is less enjoyable...but I guess that isn't a surprise). But grad school is also a stressful, time-consuming, frustrating thing. For me it is a lot of positive & negative things all at once, with mundane stuff thrown in the middle. If you're overwhelmingly NOT enjoying grad school - any part of it - then it's probably a case of a bad match between you and the school.

At my university, the campus police are available to escort you between your work building and home/car if you work late and feel unsafe being alone. That is something you could investigate if the individual is waiting outside the lab for you in the evening. I would agree with everything that the other posters have said. I'd encourage you not answer to any of this guy's emails. Even innocuous emails about returning books are a way of fishing for attention. When you email him to say "Stop contacting me" it acts as a kind of a stimulus for him - he's got a response out of you. Divert his emails into a separate folder if necessary - don't reply. Yes, he'll get angry. But eventually the anger will burn out without your stimulii. I'd talk to your advisor now, bringing along the documented evidence to the meeting. You have the right to feel safe in your working environment.

My answer is going to be divided into "Harsh and Cynical Thoughts" followed by "Constructive Advice". Take or leave as appropriate. Grades are less important in grad school than they are in undergraduate. Research is the important thing - it's what will form the core of your thesis and what your letters of recommendation will address in the future. You want to meet the minimum average GPA to stay in the program...that's about it. The rest of your attention should be on research. From the perspective of the faculty and Departmental admin, the fact that your grades are suffering is not necessarily going to be a concern. What the Department really cares about is how much research (and teaching) you will contribute - because that is where they gain their reputation and money from. If you tell the Department head that your PI is making you neglect your coursework, it is possible that they will side with your advisor. It is something that I've found difficult to swallow at times, but often your advisor does actually know best and is right about things. The reason that your advisor might be dismissive of what you say is because it's wrong, and the reason your advisor might be unwilling to "compromise" is because there isn't actually a middle ground. A lot of academics are stubborn, too. Surviving grad school is more about moulding yourself to the advisor than the other way around. Don't involve the Departmental Head if your only wish is to "make your advisor treat you better". It sounds petty, and if the Head gets on well with your advisor and/or sees them as a Departmental star, then they're probably not going to do much to help you (a grad student is rather low down in the hierarchy). Inter-departmental politics are complex, and Departmental Heads aren't high school counselers. The Constructive Advice Part Sometimes an advisor/grad student relationship just doesn't work out. Personalities don't fit, etc. And that's OK. If you aren't doing well with your current advisor and are in your first or second year, it could be possible to transfer groups. No one is forcing you to stay with an advisor you don't get along with. There are a lot of people who can help you out when dealing with advisor/grad student issues. Older grad students in the same group can give you lots of useful "handling tips". Your peers often have great perspectives and plenty of sympathy. The other faculty members on your thesis committee might be a good source of advice. University ombudsmen, counsellors and HR professionals are also there to inform and impartially advise you. In many cases, these people will be more useful than the Departmental Head. Bullying, harrassment and other nasty behaviour is never excusable and should not be tolerated. Document any incidents that fall into these categories, and be prepared to go to HR. The official channel for dealing with that kind of stuff is usually HR, not the Departmental Head. Before you speak to anyone, think about what it is you want to achieve. You can't change other people's personalities for them. Most academic advisors have the right to set their own style of leadership and interact with their students however they so wish. Would it be better for you to transfer groups, leave the program or work on smoothing out the relationship yourself?