St Andrews Lynx

I don't necessarily disagree with this. I think the line between hand-holding and academic guidance varies between advisors. I know of some PIs who would be quite upset if a student DIDN'T consult with them on the minutae of their project before implementing a study. But in this case it looks like the PI is viewing most of what quickoats wants as "hand-holding". It does sound like you could make more use of the senior group members - remember that they've all been in your position as a newbie to the lab, and so understand that you will have plenty of questions & be unsure about stuff your PI deems "obvious". If say you cluster your questions and ask a bunch of them at once rather than interrupting them regularly throughout the day (and ask the people who aren't currently looking too busy!) then there shouldn't be any problems. When it comes to selecting the PhD PI, the best filter question you can ask is: "Do you see yourself as a hands-on or a hands-off kind of mentor?" If they self-identify (or if their group members identify them) as a hands-on PI, then that means you can ask them lots of questions and they will want to be closely involved in your daily research. A hands-off PI will be like your current advisor: they really only want to talk to you when you have results and a solid plan of action.

...You are disagreeing with their assessment of you? Based on what you've told us, their opinion of you sounds about correct. If you've not attended any of their socials, rolled your eyes when they've come to class unprepared and all of that - they've probably come to that conclusion by themselves. I don't think that remaining arrogant and aloof from the cohort is going to make things any better for you, so yeah, perhaps try to be a bit nicer. Give other people a chance to speak (at this point they might have assumed that you're going to soliloquise for the entirety of the class discussion and they don't want you sneering at them if they say something you consider too lowbrow). Ask others what they think. Keep your own contributions short.

I'd agree with what DanieleWrites says in that your definition of "academic guidance" might be what she considers "hand-holding". It isn't clear from this what kind of questions you are asking. But if you were asking questions like "Should I repeat this study again, changing X variable?" or "Should I alter this chapter to include a brief discussion on Y?" then that probably counts more as hand-holding. They are questions concerned with the minutae of the project, that a bit of self-reflection or consultation with another senior group member could probably answer. What I would consider to be "academic guidance" would be asking more macro-level questions about the project. "I was thinking of changing the variables X, Y & Z in the study because I think otherwise __ will affect the results. Do you think this is an effective way to test the hypothesis?". A good way to assess whether your question is a hand-holding vs. academic guidance is if you think a fellow group member or postdoc could answer the question for you just as well as the advisor (often-times they can, especially if they've run similar studies or examined similar topics to you). You advisor clearly expects you to fill in the blanks after her commands. That makes sense if her main concern & responsibility is with the "macro perspective" of your thesis.

There are also a whole lot of home-grown American Professors whose all-American students struggle to find jobs, too. I'd say there isn't really a magical nationality/ethnicity formula that can predict what your job prospects are going to be like after working in one research group.

On the positive side, if she's only got 30 minutes in her schedule to meet with you then the meeting isn't going to last that long and she is unlikely to drag it out. Is there a grad school friend or another senior PhD student in the group (someone who has been indirectly or directly supervising you) that you could bring along to the meeting? There is no reason why you have to go in there alone.

She'll stop crying eventually. Just keep on enthusing about how happy you are with your other acceptances and what an awesome schools they are. If she sees you are in fact happy...realise that the MIT rejection is not a big deal and that she shouldn't feel sad on your behalf.

Email in advance to set up the meeting. Start by explaining that you have realised grad school is not a good fit for you and your career goals have changed, etc. Tell your advisor that you appreciate the support/advice they've given (provided it is true!). Then ask the advisor how best to proceed. I suspect that they will advise you to wait until the end of the semester (and I think that's the option I would recommend too) and pass the final set of exams/collect your last paycheque and then officially leave. Set up the meeting sooner rather than later. I think you'd rather tell the advisor outright in a controlled, safe manner when they've had a bit of forewarning than for you to have the very awkward conversation with them when they ask: "So, what are your plans for the summer?...[Pause] Um, you *are* planning to stick around for the summer, aren't you?"

I think that a "pure" chemistry BSc will look a bit better on your application than a pharmacy one if you're applying to a pure PhD program, because of the aforementioned gaps. But it will also depend on what kind of chemistry research you wish to do. If you're strong on your polymer chemistry courses and you have relevant research experience in that area...it might be worth the risk of applying this year.

I agree with everything Fuzzylogician advised. I especially agree with leaving out the "and this will be best for her too" part. She sounds like the type of person who is never satisfied - so will probably not be satisfied with your decision to leave, either. Don't apologise too much. Avoid saying anything like "I'm sorry I let you down" or "I'm sorry we were a bad fit." Remember that it isn't your fault that she's such a difficult PI to work for, and you are not in the wrong for wanting to leave. I wouldn't even let on that you feel bad about this. Why should you? She is shortly to become your ex-PI, you don't owe her anything. She might lose her temper and say some nasty things. Ignore those words because they are just being said in surprise and anger, and don't really reflect on you at all. Make sure that in your email to her you explain that are intending to leave the program, so that your announcement does not come out of the blue for her. Best wishes - GradCafe is rooting for you!

I moved away from home for undergraduate. Not too far away (and only into student accommodation) - far enough so that I didn't go home every other weekend. In fact I only went back once or twice per semester in my first year, and I quickly came to think of my university city as "home". The process of maturation accelerated when I first moved to the USA by myself. I really had no friends or family to help me out here. I worked a full-time professional job for 12 months and had 100% responsibility for my finances. Actually, I think that I matured the most in the years between undergraduate and grad school. That was when I ballsed up my first round of grad school applications and wasn't admitted anywhere. I realised that despite making what seemed like a catastrophic mistake...the world kept spinning. What I thought would be a complete disaster was in fact salvageable and didn't derail me much at all. To me that is what maturity means: appreciating that mistakes aren't the end of your world.

Five to 5.5 years is more realistic (although there are some sub-fields that can get their students out in 4-4.5). Remember that the PhD is training you for your future research career (in academia or industry) and you want to be well-trained! The publications and connections you make during grad school are what will affect your job prospects afterwards, not the length of time you finish your PhD in.

Not necessarily. If a "foreign" professor did his PhD & postdoc in the USA, and is well-established in the States then their connections will be just as good as any "American" professor. Also, a huge chunk professors in American universities come from somewhere else - as do the grad students. I'd say "Good Luck" if you want to find a 100% American research lab to work in. I find this post slightly irritating to me because I *am* a foreigner in a foreigner-heavy research group (albeit not a mono-ethnic one), and I don't think that what you've said is necessarily true, or that big of an issue. It seems more like an excuse to complain about foreigners...

ISTJ. I find it hard to answer these kinds of personality tests because I usually end up thinking to myself: "Well, it depends on the circumstances..."

It seems funny that in one post you lament the fact that "everybody" has a partner and it's so awful and unfair and you really, really want one... ...And in the next post you recount how you went on a date and was completely turned off because a guy agreed to let you pay 50% when you offered (he probably thought he was being friendly and respectful by agreeing to your request to share the bill!). Girl, you're sabotaging yourself. *You* are the reason that you are still single.

They want to flatter you into accepting their offer, of course! ...But an acceptance is a good thing, because the talent pool usually is significant.

After reading your previous thread as well as this one...leaving sounds like a very sensible option. If you left now, ten months down the line I'm willing to wager that you would be saying to yourself: "Gosh, the one thing I regret about leaving that PhD program is that I didn't do it sooner." This doesn't mean that you're unsuited to academia or grad school - the only thing this experience has shown is that you are unsuited to this particular advisor. She's simply a bad fit for you. You've got plenty of options. You might want to leave this program and re-apply to grad school in a couple of years (if that's still what you want). You might take a leave of absence to figure things out. Switching advisors might be easier if you identify someone who is willing to take you on and then go to your DGS & current advisor.

Short answer: no. You sound too apologetic for grading the student down. Their answer was wrong and you marked it accordingly - therefore you are in the right and the student is in the wrong. You don't even need to thank them for emailing/asking or spend all those sentences explaining that you thought the student did really well on other things, etc. The message I took away from your email was that you felt apologetic and defensive about taking marks off the student. If they think that you regret subtracting those marks or that you want to avoid hurting their feelings, then they will see it as an opportunity to argue with you until you change their grade. A great phrase to deploy in such negotiations is "...And if you are still unhappy with your grade [after explanation of grading rubric] then I suggest you take it up with the course organiser, Professor __." Most students don't want to get caught up in an escalation like that. Professors certainly don't want to spend 30 minutes listening to a student grieve over 0.5 points, so they are most likely to just shrug their shoulders. Telling students to come to office hours also weeds out the opportunistic students who were wanting to claw back an easy handful of points.

It sounds like your advisor's last email was more fuelled by shock or knee-jerk anger than anything actually connected to you. Do you hardest not to let the words hurt you. If he tries to have an argument with you in person, then just tell him calmly, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Since you will be around your advisor until you finish your MS, please avoid telling him (or anyone else in the program) all the stuff you are feeling. Right now you are also hurt and angry. If asked you can just say it was a "bad research fit" - you aren't obliged to give more detail than that. Keep things as professional as possible between your old advisor and you...even if he doesn't. Good luck!

If you dress like a lazy undergrad in grad school...you'll feel like a lazy undergrad in grad school. If you dress sharp, smart and professional...you will feel sharp, smart and professional. And other people will treat you as if you are sharp, smart and professional. Burn the Uggs.

Think of how muscular your arms will be at the end of the semester, though!

I have to deal with an individual who is incompetent. I didn't know it was possible for one individual to be this utterly useless. And what really sucks? Incompetent people tend to react badly when you carefully itemise their uselessness for them...so I'm left being polite and indirect about it.

You will have more face-time with your group members than your PI during the course of your PhD, so I think it is important that you are happy to be around them. If the group is generally a quiet one that is very different from if the group talks amongst themselves...but not to you. Also, as introverted scientists one group may just take a bit longer to warm to you. For me, the decision was a 60-40 weight between Group and PI. I also think it is important to have a social circle outside of the lab: I think it stops you going stir-crazy! The perspectives and experiences of non-scientists/grad students is always really helpful, too.

I don't think that making the slides more "interesting" will necessarily solve that problem. Actually, my radical suggestion is to do away with a PowerPoint - everybody's eyes glaze over when confronted with one of them - and write out stuff on the board. That way you can ask "What variable goes in [blank in equation]?" or "Can anybody tell me 1 equation associated with the classical light experiments?".