[Feeling Inadequate Already]

Sounds like a classic case of Imposter Syndrome:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

 

Looks like nothing really serious is going on in your situation, and you're just overanalyzing everything. Relax!

[I did it anyway, but was it rude?]

Not rude at all. In fact, I think I would encourage it.

 

Like the others have said, it's like a job interview. By taking initiative, you are demonstrating to them that you are acutally interested, instead of submitting this in a pile of others.

[You only hate grad school because you think you're supposed to.]

Not having spent a single minute as an actual grad student (starting a PhD in September), I'd venture to say that like everything else in this world, the article has some correct points but also flaws.

 

I do believe that framing and mindset have a very important role in how you perceive something. If everything you read/hear and everybody you know goes on about how bad X is, then you are probably also going to dislike X, or at the very least, evaluate things with reference to it.

 

Also, the difference between a misfortune being "a setback to learn from" and "a miserable, experience-defining moment" is almost entirely attitude dependent. In this sense, I agree with the article.

 

However, at the same time I think it is insultingly simplistic to say that the "only reason" one hates grad school life is because that impression exists among other people. For one, not everybody "hates" grad school. Second, I'm sure there are actual, objective drawbacks to it, like all jobs in life. Here is a quote from the end of the article

 

"I assumed graduate school was supposed to be gratifying and therefore it largely became so. I was unaware that graduate school was supposed to be a dreary pool of loathing, and therefore it was not."

 

This is an elementary school student's understanding of life and cause and effect.

[New Comedy Podcast for Graduate Students]

Really digged the Simpsons Reference in Kamp Krusty, but the podcast dialogue seems a little too "cutesy wootsy" to me. Probably give it a few more chances.

[Tablet in Engineering Grad School]

_{I was given an iPad as a college graduate gift but I felt the same way you did: it's a really nice toy, but I couldn't use it regularly for "real" work.}

 

_{However, I gave it to my sister who's started college, and she has been taking notes on it and studying from it, so I guess it depends on the person.}

 

_{What sort of functionality do you need from a tablet? Paper-reading is one, but I'd reckon that any real computation (such as with Matlab, LabView) would require a  laptop for computing power. I could see maybe using a tablet to run the instrumentation, but the iPad doesn't even have a USB port.}

[New Haven, CT]

Yale has 2 forms of campus graduate housing:

 

HGS (Housing for Graduate Students?) - very college-like dorm plan. Meal plan mandatory, which is served in a dining hall buffet-style. I believe you can also use the swipes at undergraduate residential colleges. This meal plan is expensive and not popular.

 

HHH - (Helen Hadley Hall). University owned, but no meal plan required. Lots of Asians, for better or worse.

[Moving is expensive!!!]

Have you considered selling your stuff now and buying replacements at your school? I had forgotten that this was an option when I was considering beds, desks, etc (none of them have sentimental value to me, nor are they of exceptional quality.)

[STATA or R for statistics software?]

Never learned STATA but took a stats course in undergrad (I'm a physics major) that used a lot of R to do Markov modeling. I liked it a lot. Kinda reminds me (in a good way) of Matlab in terms of ease of use, straightforwardness of coding, and package/documentation support.I

[Meeting New People in a New School/New City]

The older students made it simple for us incoming ones: "Spend the 1st year at the (dorm-like) graduate housing. Then live in an apartment the next 4-5 years"

 

Socially, it just makes more sense and really fosters interdisciplinary social mixing.

[Asking my boss to write me a LOR]

This is indeed a sticky situation. There is a risk that even if he does agree to write you one, it may be tepid and lackluster.

 

I'd suggest going to him in more of an advisory role. Go to him asking for his opinions on graduate school, whether it's worth it or not, because it may be something you want to pursue down the road and you're trying to get the most info possible. Then you can gauge whether he'd write you a good letter. 

 

I think him feeling (and possibly being) an active part of your decision process will lessen the feeling of betrayal that you are fearful of,

[Declining an invitation to a conference]

Yes, thank you for the obvious, yet remarkably unhelpful answer. I was hoping for some advice before talking with my advisor.  However, I've since worked it out.

 

you're welcome! given that  none of us know which conference you speak of (and thus prestige/benefits of going) nor your advisor's funding situation,  i'd be hard pressed to imagine anyboy giving the deep wise insightful answer to a rather mundane problem

[Resigning Your Job for School]

Yeah, I guess I didn't have much to worry about. Told the boss today, she was cool with me sticking around until July 19th like I planned.

 

good to hear. you should've known she'd be supportive since she wrote you a rec 

[Declining an invitation to a conference]

talk to your advisor!

[Quals are coming, I'm destined to fail and I should leave.]

Sorry, there were a few things that I haven't made entirely clear:

 

My advisor gets stressed out and angered easily, which makes me afraid to talk to him.  If I reveal to him that I haven't found a qual topic after an entire month, he might become furious.  He's been helpful to me in the past, but I can never tell what's going to set him off.  

 

How can I keep my cool around him when he gets angry, and is this a trick that PI's play on their students to get them motivated?

 

You shouldn't be so afraid of possible criticism, especially when you need help.

 

you seem to have a problem about creating the worst scenario and then believing that this is the only possibility. (I'll definitely fail this, my advisor will definitely be furious). It's unreasonable. Reach out and get help.

[Quals are coming, I'm destined to fail and I should leave.]

Wow, slow down and stop panicking! This whole self pitying and self aggrandizing "I'll quit now to save the university's money" drama talk isn't helping anyone. Decisions made in times of high emotion are usually terrible.

 

The university and lab groups chose you because they thought you were qualified. Why dont you agree with them?

 

First off, you haven't failed yet. Stop acting like it's a foregone conclusion. You have a whole damn MONTH.

 

Second, many universities give students a second chance after failing a qual. Although these are typically examinations instead of research proposals, I don't think they'll go "ok you failed, bye" and kick you out the door immediately, especially if your PI will vouch for you.

 

Third, have you reached out to your advisor? Older graduate students? Cohorts? I don't know what the rules are, but there should be leeway in talking about the process, if not the actual end results. Try to pinpoint what your roadblocks are and discussing them with others. Your advisor will be your biggest ally, make sure he/she knows your situation. After all, it's their job to provide mentorship and advice.

 

Wallowing in self-defeating pity doesn't do a single thing for you! Go out and start talking to people, getting help, and pass the damn qual!

[Should I Stay or Should I Go?]

darling, you gotta let me know!

[Recommend by department but sent back by graduate school....Need advice!]

sounds like a (very close) rejection to me due to low gpa

[Received Acceptance Letter by Mistake...]

Thank you both for the replies. I'm just very very disappointed. I can't believe that they did this to me. It's just crushing. To go through it once and then go through it again, it was just more than I wanted to handle. I feel like it ultimately tainted my graduation day and it's just heartbreaking. I deserved better. Much much better. In my opinion, there was no reason why I shouldn't have been admitted anyways. I had excellent recommendations and a 4.0. i get that they are allowed to accept or reject based on any number of factors, but I truly believe that their program would have been made better with a serious and committed student like myself in their program. The whole thing just downright sucks.

 

Hopefully you've gotten a lot of practical knowledge about the application process and will make a good impression next time around, into a program that doesn't make such a monumental error.

[Received Acceptance Letter by Mistake...]

That's very unfortunate but there's nothing you can do. Apply again next year if you want, or re-examine grad school decision again.

[Buying a new laptop]

Long story short, we all use what we find works best for us. My original post was a simple recommendation to the OP based on what I've found to work for me, and, therefore, do strongly recommend to others. It's interesting to observe how much vitriol that seems to have drawn. 

 

At least for me, the visceral response came from just how seemingly dumbfounded you were that anybody would even consider a non-mac option, when price limitations are a very real constraint for most of us.

 

Basically, a "let 'em eat cake" moment.

[Advice on credit cards?]

That said, if you're shopping online, pretty much every major company now has an option that you can use to generate a dummy account number for online purchases that's good only once and, in some cases, even has a cap on the spending on that number. I've done that before when I didn't want to give out my real CC number and it hasn't been a problem.

 

Didn't know about that. Thanks for the info!

[Just some general questions about liberal arts and mobile computing.]

I realize this is a total shot in the dark, none of my friends or family have ever gone to grad school so I don't really know what I'm doing, but here goes. 

 

I'm a senior at a difficult liberal arts school that doesn't offer GPA's and grades everything on an odd sort of pass/fail system. I majored in Game Design and minored in CS (both with a focus in the hardware and software of mobile computers), and I'd like to go for a Masters with a thesis option to continue researching the development of mobile software. The 'tier' of these programs isn't extremely important so long as I can eventually return to school for a PhD. I've found several programs in this field that offer "Professional Masters" degrees and that I definitely qualify for, but I'm not sure if there's a serious difference between professional and research Masters degrees regarding where I can go afterward. I've been told to check out Loyola Chicago and DePaul, and UC Berkeley but other than my own research of these programs I haven't heard any other opinions about them.

 

What I'm going to end up doing is taking non-degree CS classes at a local university until I have enough to complete a CS major, and then hoping I have a chance, but is there anything else I can do for now?

 

What an odd system. I wonder how you'll input a "GPA" into applications and such. Did you ask various departments how this may affect you? Will you be applying to PhD directly, or only masters?

 

[Advice on credit cards?]

Personally, I like having 2 credit cards:one with a "small" credit limit (my old student card) and one with a larger one.

 

So when I make purchases with a potentially sketchy vendor (like a 3rd party cell phone company that contracted under verizon's network. I didn't know these things existed ) I use the small one,so if something bad happens the damage is minimized.

[Changing my decision?]

If it were me, I'd probably go to the 2nd school (waitlist acceptance). The main difference is funding, right? Because the 2nd place appears to have much better research opportunities.

Is it 45K on top of the fellowship? That's a crazy price (or tiny fellowship?)

Not sure what your field is or what your goals are, but if you were in an engineering discipline with decent job prospects, it's probably worth the debt now to get a better job in 1-2 years.

No input on the logistics of switching, although i'd suspect you're in the clear with an email.

[Buying a new laptop]

I don't think there's any question about this. Unless you're in a field or discipline that requires highly specific software applications, a Macbook Air is the obvious choice for many, many reasons.

 

The only thing worse than a pushy Apple Fanboy is a rich Apple Fanboy who can’t comprehend price restraints.