Loric

Something I learned too late my first go-round was to answer "No" to pretty much all requests for my free time from within academia. Not social things, but the "Oo, you can do XYZ, ell I'm working on a project and could really use.." sort of inquiries. The answer is no. Once I did that, my time began to free up. Quitting also freed my time, but i dont think you want to do anything that drastic.

People keep asking the same question.. and it keeps getting answered to boot.. Anyone else suspect that no one actually reads this thread but just posts whatever they want into it..?

Anywhere that puts me up with someone else without telling me explicitly first gets me walking out the door, them paying for it, and me talking shit about them to every person I can find.

I keep telling myself that if I can't handle the stress of the wait at this point, then I'm not cut out for grad school.. then I remember I awkwardly inserted myself into a grand cluster of a situation with timelines and weirdness and that without intervention the overly complex system is very likely to fail. Le sigh.

The mere idea that your SO should get an expedited, or implied positive, admission result because you've been accepted in another program is offensive to me on a very base level. Just be aware, for every positive notion you'll get in regards to the sitiation.. people like me exist and might be on the adcomm of the other program. Just suggesting any sort of preferential treatment would be playing with fire. Rather, more like dousing yourself in jet fuel and then jumping into a volcano. There are not words to properly express how quickly I'd find every flaw in a pending application and banish it to the rejection heap if this sort of things was brought up.

Try to buy groceries in either city. Which one makes you want to throat punch kittens? Don't go there.

I'm pretty sure there's no ordinances in regards to Marimo. Seriously, get a Marimo.

Also - if you're wondering "Where?" The answer is ANYWHERE BUT BACK HOME. You feel like you can't live without your family up-the-butt 24/7. Nothing will be worse for you than going back there. Go anywhere else. Get a passport. Buy cheap flights anywhere random. Have adventures. DO NOT GO BACK HOME. The key to coping with compulsions is to delay, delay, delay. Do not go home.

Travel. Fly off on a Friday and be back by Monday. Eat cheaper meals and don't pay for cable and you can probably swing it once a month or so, and then after a few times you'll have free trips with airline miles.

I agree, but for a lot of people who post on these sorts of forums.. the academia is the goal, not the research or education or anything else.. academia.. their life is academia.

I feel like every day I'm lurching toward the inevitable "timelock." Strangely enough, my timelock forces an optionlock. None of this probably makes any sense unless you're familiar with Dramatica theory though, so here's a link that might be worth reading: http://dramaticapedia.com/2010/03/07/story-limit-timelock-or-optionlock/

I seemed to have valley-ed in the "despair" low of the emotional roller coaster today. Blah. I know this feeling will pass, it has before, but it just seems very hopeless right now.

If your comfortable in a suit, go for the suit. If not, don't do it - just go "professional" with a dress shirt, tie, slacks, and a dress sweater (v-neck lightweight, probably has an argyle print on it). I went to my interviews with dyed brick red hair and dressed something akin to this: Yes, everywhere I went there was an accompanying dramatic lens flare. My life was posh at one point. When I showed up for classes with my natural mousey brown hair, t-shirt, and jeans.. one of my professors actually commented that I looked totally different. Later the same professor would remark un my "unprofessionalism" in how I dressed when I was wearing paint clothes (I worked in the University's paint shop as a scenic artist) to teach a class on scenic painting and attend production meetings that were scheduled during the middle of my shop work hours. So.. just be mindful of the precedent you're setting. Do it if it's you - don't do it if it's not the typical you.

For the record, I was actually telling them to be nice to you and to retract their claws. However your frighteningly egocentric viewpoint pretty much made the case for them.

You were right.. I was wrong wrong.. I'm sorry.. *not enough face palms to express this feeling*

Or you're just fishing for things to be judegemental and insulting about - which is fairly obvious - and providing any information at all no matter the validity would just be kindling to your burning desire to talk down to someone in the internet. Thus she would be ill advised to give you an inch, never mind the mile you're demanding. There's always that too. Don't pretend you have anyone's best interest at heart but your own.

At some point you run out of schools.. you're regrettably up against at least one of these people (if not more) at pretty much every adcom everywhere except for some really REALLY liberal schools. The best we can hope to do is show the future adcom members that it's unfair and unjustified asshattery, so that when they step into the seat they'll not be the person pulling such hi-jinx.

Well, i guess that clarifies that some programs will notify people on Sundays.

So, my immediate plan pending my seemingly inevitable rejection (or at this point, the timelock where it'd be impossible to relocate in time occurs)... A) Find new job. Possibly move, maybe with or because of new job. C) Write new book, profit. D) Seriously, move and find a new job.

I think a dog is a bad idea - I remember days where I didn't remember to eat or didn't go home from 5am to 2am the next morning. You can't leave a dog alone for that long, or at least it's not exactly kosher. A cat would be fine as long as you feed them or, better yet, get one of those autofeeders. The pet I really reccomend for grad students is a Marimo. See how long it takes you to kill it. Then consider if you really can take care of a cat or dog while attending to your studies. I would request that if anything you not get a pet in your first semester. Wait.

It depends on the people on the adcomm though. My note is coming from the discussion by a bunch of professors at various schools questioning why anyone would use a non-tenured professor as a reference.. since they see those as having little value, the non-academic ones essentially being worthless. Not a theoretical convo, an actual one. Go bug Eigen for the link if you're really that curious. So hierarchy, status, and rank does mean something to some of these people. I think they're more forgiving of what school you studied at in general, but they still wont give it the same weight as a top tier school. Like i said though, just don't use outside references and aim for the PhDs when you can. Someone at a top tier who does the opposite (using TA's, non-academic, etc..) will be ranked below you, all things being equal. Every bit contributes, and not being at a top tier is a mark against you - it's not a fatal blow, but it's not something to just ignore either. You need to make yourself the best candidate possible and you can't take the other little silly things the adcoms look for lightly if you want to be considered seriously. A whole bunch of overlooked silly little things (magical thinking in SOP, meh grades or scores, non-PhD recs, not coming from a top tier school, etc..) which alone would not sink the ship will turn into a big fat rejection if combined.

I think it's related to just how much an academic transcript and test scores would clearly define how well you'd do in a program... In the arts it'd do fuck all, which is why they pretty much all have face-to-face meetings.

OP is in computer security per their profile. Something not likely to have a lot of PhDs if I recall properly.

It depends on what you've been taught.. If your no name school didn't offer the classes they considered pre-requisites you're pretty screwed, even if you technically have the degree in field. Look at the school you're going into's required courses for an undergrad degree in the field. If they all look foreign and aren't courses you had to take (or similar courses) then you're right to be concerned. Also, there's a fairly rotten sense of lack-of-status when it comes to letter writers. Hunt down the PhD's and highest ranking people in your departments. No name people from no name schools will essentially hold about zero weight with the adcom - but a PhD can usually be seen as a passable opinion. And apparently a non-academic reference is just a fool's errand. All of that is terrible and elitist asshattery, but it's what you're up against.