overworkedta

Yep. I have a friend that has decided to terminate with a Master's and I think he may have just located a very good government job that will pay about 4 times as much as he currently makes as a TA.

I think because, for those of us who hope for academic employment, the hours are not on par with the pay (at least in an entry-level position). If I went into the public or private sector with my PhD, I would make about twice as much at a research analyst job than I would doing a NUMBER of adjunct positions. That's why people say it's about the love of the job. And, truly, my love of teaching and focusing on my own research interests is what DOES drive me and it makes up for all the long hours and crappy pay. In the hard sciences where this is less prevalent (and many are going to take jobs outside of academia as a norm), it's just not the same. My friend's boyfriend sees grad school as far more of a "means to an end" because he's in physics and seeking a PhD so he can move into the private sector. For she and I, though, a PhD is more like a lifestyle choice, if that makes sense?

I think sometimes the best thing you can do is learn when "enough" really is good enough. You can't let it take over your entire effing life, IMO. There are people who do this and people who do not. I've been on both sides. At this point I think I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice and I've gotten to the point where there is no time in the middle of the day to binge on Netflix if I want to get regular sleep and finish my work so that I can exercise or go see the BF's family. It took awhile to learn that and it took comps to really show me what could be done. What gets me are some nasty comments because the assumption is that if you aren't at the edge of your rope, you aren't doing it right. That differs between cohorts. Most of us balance it okay but there is one cohort (the largest one) that just will not stop overachieving in the most POINTLESS manner. I refuse to play that game. I really hope they learn to let it go. They will start studying for comps soon and I would hate to see it eat them alive. Comps were the worst thing I've ever faced academically. I have OCD and worry about EVERYTHING. I needed a lot of assistance from meds and therapy to make it but because I hide it well, there were people in the cohort behind me that claimed I would fail because I wasn't committed. My advisor was REALLY helpful in telling me to take time off for myself and my family, which was the way to go. The entire process taught me that I was really much better when scheduled and that being stressed out didn't improve my work. Although, I've never been a procrastinator so I've had people tell me I don't really know what it's like to be a grad student. That's a really harmful assumption. You don't get bonus points for being totally off your head with worry all the effing time and no one is going to give me extra credit for being manic.

Good for you! My ex (who was a PhD student at the time but eventually failed/burned out whichever one really happened I don't know) used to tell me I was USELESS to him because I didn't have a "real" major. He was intimidated by how natural I was at school and how well I did with schmoozing. My other ex who is still going to grad school felt similarly. Both were very intelligent people but neither had the desire or discipline I did to really excel at their crafts. Both would dawdle all day and then get upset when their advisor was breathing down their necks because they had done NOTHING. I feel like both of them constantly put me down to compensate for something. It wasn't about me at all but that doesn't mean I deserve such treatment. I upgraded and am very happy.

I get that finishing a degree MAY say something about a person but it may also just say "my parents could afford for me to get a pretty useless degree by barely getting C's while they footed the bill". There are a lot of mediocre students in college. I knew many then and we've all had those students. Yes, finishing a degree with good marks is difficult and shows that but working a job or learning a trade can show just as much dedication. It's a toss up. My BF only recently finished his degrees a couple of years ago. He was close to graduating before he and his ex got pregnant, they got married, and he had to go to work full time to pay the bills. When he was finally ready to go back to school and could afford it, he did but it wasn't easy. Sometimes family stuff happens, sometimes you get caught up in the stress of life and have to switch off, and sometimes the obstacles are pretty big. And I wouldn't ever describe him as unmotivated. Heck, one of the most motivated people I know is my grandmother, who has about a 6 grade education because she had to come home to raise her 10 other siblings when her mom got sick. She is one of the most dedicated people alive. I think my worry would actually be more worried about them understanding what I am going through and listening to what I "need". I've had family members think what I was doing was stupid or useless, which a lot of people think about academics because they don't "get" it and think it's a cush job that requires no effort. That would worry me more than motivation.

I have a bit of a HUGE bathroom and sometimes bring my old 17'' laptop in to watch TV on hulu or netflix while I bathe. I always wipe down my counter before, though, because germs, while they are everywhere, don't need to be on my laptop if I can help it and my bathroom can never be too clean. It's a relaxing way to get warm on a cold day without wasting the heat. FTR, I love baths as a way to relax at the end of a long day. I can't wash my hair twice anyhow, but I can clean up twice. I can't wait until I have access to a HUGE bathtub at our new place for this reason. I don't get reading on the toilet, though. To me, it sounds pretty weird. I'm a person that likes to get in and out. I don't like to just sit on the toilet passing the time. To each their own.

Yeah, I think that varies but I agree. If I felt like I was miles above the SO in terms of argument and logic, I would be out of there. I need someone who can hold their own, think independently, and be analytical just like me. I would feel weird otherwise.

It's about views on life more than anything. I've dated very, very educated people and those that weren't as typically educated. My current BF only has 2 BA's and no graduate degree yet we get along fine and he "gets it". At some point, he may go back to school. I'm fully supportive of whatever choice he makes, though. He's more than bright enough to hold his own in a debate with me and has far more common sense than I do. The biggest deal breakers for me have been with the appreciation of my education and my desire to put my career up there as the very most important goal fgr me right now. Because I'm still getting "off the ground", I can't just drop everything and follow someone out of here. The three guys I've dated with Master's degrees (incl. 1 PhD student) have all forgotten how important my research really was to me and just didn't value what I was doing because I made less or was younger. Other issues came with view of family stuff. Family is VERY key to me. Anyone who doesn't see that or support that will not work out. Those have been the two main deal-breakers above political stuff but I don't generally date anyone whose views are very contrary to mine. As my current BF found out with his ex, that's a recipe for disaster. You can't make a close-minded person open up. You can potentially respectfully disagree on things (as my parents do) but completely trashing the other person's beliefs is not gonna work.

I like craft beer from all these states mentioned but, honestly, I would love a job in Michigan. My BF and I have thought it ideal since we love the state and it's close to my family and a day's drive from his, which is good for us. It's also close to Canada for research purposes and the cycling there is AMAZING. But the more pics I see from my friend in Bozeman make me at least think it's worth a trip out there to visit!

Tabor Hill has good wines and a great restaurant. That's in Buchanan (SE Michigan). Round Barn down there is also cute and fun. They also make beer and spirits. But, the end-all-be-all really is Traverse City. So many good wines to try! Also, camping and bike riding!

I always run max PSI because I worry about pinches. I wish my boyfriend (king of the pinch flats) would listen. He's only just now starting to. However, mine had this tiny shard I couldn't find in them causing slow leaks as of last week. It took me and two wrenches to find it but that was what was causing it. It made me go batty because I thought I was getting pinches on my brand new x-check.

Bell's is such a fun experience. GO if you can! The BF and I loved it. Michigan also has really under-rated wines. This is why it's my fave state!

Yeah, tubulars are really not "practical" for commuting, IMO. The reason you may see riders on the "sidewalk" is that those places actually may be MUP (multi-use paths). We have a lot of them here and while I don't hate them, they can be awkwardly designed by city planners that don't ride bikes which confuses cyclists, drivers, and pedestrians alike! I'm a regular bike commuter. I ride a Surly Cross-check with 32's right now. Inflating to only 85 feels "mushy" but i used to ride a road bike everywhere, so I have the opposite problem of you. You aren't killing your bike. But that's why fixies are less forgiving and often considered not as comfy for long rides. It's just the way they are. I still don't get the appeal myself but I ride for distance. You can definitely add fatter tires if you have clearance. Clearance is the key there. I love my 32s. I know YMMV because you are probably running 26s vs. 700s.

I also have a Mirena IUD. I also have endometriosis. It was painful for all of 2 to 3 hours after and then I was pretty good. It's nothing compared to endo pain, a burst cyst, or a kidney stone but I do have a high pain tolerance, too. I love mine and have had no issues for a year and a half now. It's a good option for me as I also have developed a latex allergy and need all the protection I can get I guess. That said, I am unlikely to have kids by the time I'm ready due to the endo. I also likely cannot adopt thanks to discrimination as I'm also bipolar. while I am healthy, no one seems to care about that. My partner has two kids with his ex, so I may just "settle" with being a stepmom and that's good It does bother me when I am interrogated by relatives and strangers alike about my lack of kids or told I am less of an adult because I am child free. I am not really by choice and the SO and I have made big life decisions accounting for those kids so it's not like I eat kids for dinner. And even if I did genuinely not want kids, it would be no one's business anyhow!

I wouldn't resent them but I would feel as though it was time to move on. I'd set them free or else resent them. When I was younger, I tried to put myself second for an SO in what would end up to be a bad relationship. It made me intl a sad, bitter shell and him demanding that I make such a choice signified a lot: that my desires and wants were less important, that I was ''worth'' less, and that I would always come second. Not everyone feels that way who would ask me to always give up everything (ie this could be a one-time ask in the hypothetical) but I've never been willing to do that again since. My SO is my best friend in the world, my favorite person, and the only person I see myself putting up with for the rest of my life haha. But if he decided his job was going to be more important at this very time and that I was to relocate with him or stay here after getting a TT job elsewhere, I would have to move on. Luckily, at this point he and I both agree my job is what needs to be the focus right now and is more time-sensitive. When I get a job, he is going to go back to school to get a grad degree himself most likely and we will figure it out. And while LDR's suck, we are doing that this summer because sometimes we have to deal.