NatureGurl

To deal with the stress of moving, I planned out everything in advance. I put down a deposit for my apartment when I visited the school in the spring, I calculated how much it would cost to drive myself and my stuff out there, and I planned my trip route and had driving buddies. I was able to buy some furniture online and have it shipped to my apartment ahead of time so that the basic necessities would be there upon my arrival (bed, couch). To deal with the anxiety and sadness of leaving my friends and family behind, at first I tried not to think about it. But eventually I had to have the "last" party or get-together. Leaving my mom and dad was the hardest part as we were all crying the morning of my departure. But, I was also incredibly grateful to be embarking on the next chapter in my life--graduate school! I knew that I had chosen a good school (for me) and was hopeful that at least some of my colleagues would become friends (which they have). I guess... life goes on. Things happen. Things change. Sure, there are times when I miss my "old" life a lot. But, I also know that I was ready to move on in my career and that I wouldn't have been satisfied if I had stayed where I was. I've grown a lot in grad school, personally and professionally, and I don't regret coming to grad school at all.

That's the whole point of research, though, right? To be able to describe a more general problem. Yes, we can and should use individual case studies to explore these issues in more depth for particular individual characteristics and contexts. But, there are also larger trends in the general population/culture that we should acknowledge, even if it's not true for our own particular situations.

I'm not the confrontational type, and when I have tried to be, it hasn't gone down well. It's difficult to predict other people's reactions to your accusations of gossip, etc. I would echo TakeruK's comment that a confrontation could hurt your relationships with these people, and there could be unintended consequences or repercussions. As an example, consider George from the TV show Seinfeld. After a date, the woman asked him if he "wanted to come up for coffee." He said no thinking she literally meant coffee. Then, later he realizes that she actually meant sex. However, if she had asked for sex, and he had refused, both parties would have lost face. If she asks for coffee, and he refused, then both parties could always say that it was just about coffee, nothing more. So you see, to ask about a confrontation is to lay it out, potentially causing many people to lose face. I would imagine that it would be difficult to interact with these people after that. It also depends on the nature of the gossip--you mentioned scapegoating, as in being held responsible for something that wasn't your doing? If that's the case, I would appeal to a higher authority, knowing very well that nothing much might come of it. As a personal example, I have a colleague who made the mistake of gossiping about me to a good friend of mine (this shows you how dense she was to not realize that we were good friends). Of course my friend told me, which was not surprising to me, but it definitely made me more cautious, especially since I worked with this person. The thought of confronting her about the gossiping never crossed my mind. First, if I did, then she would know that I knew that she had gossiped about me. That would strain our relationship at work, which was already strained in the first place because she's so fake and privileged, I can't stand interacting with her. I don't feel the need to tell her off or give her a piece of my mind--I don't think it would make me feel better anyway. In these cases, I just walk away knowing that she doesn't deserve any more interaction with me than is minimally necessary to get our work done.

No, back then she was an assistant professor and newly arrived at the university. She was a great lecturer, and we had a very hands-on class, but she kept it professional. That's why I was kind of shocked to read some of the language on her blog.

Oh, sorry! Yeah, I guess it's the elitism. I'm not at an elite school. My advisor is the most down-to-earth person you can imagine. I suppose you could try to join/create a study group to get "smarter" about this stuff. I myself would like to take a class next year on contemporary theories and discourses, etc., so that I too can one day talk about Foucauldian this and Foucauldian that (gosh, did I even spell that right?). Anyway, the thing about my huge and top-rated department (despite not being at an elite school) is that we have both theorists and practical people like my advisor. Let's just say my advisor is able to secure the big six-figure grants, and the theorists? Well, they sit around and talk about Foucault and Derrida.

1) Are you the first in your family to pursue graduate education? Are you the first to pursue higher education in general? I'm the first in my family to pursue doctoral education (my younger sister as an MBA, but it's from U of Phoenix, so I don't know how much credibility it has in her field). Anyway, I'm the oldest, so I guess it kind of skews the data in terms of being the "first" to pursue higher education. 2) What struggles have you faced as a first-generation applicant? My parents couldn't help me much with the applications or funding. I did everything myself--research on schools, applications, financial aid, etc. 3) What have you accomplished as a first-generation applicant? I graduated with a BA from a Top 20 private university (got a scholarship that basically covered tuition, which at that time was about $20,000), MS from a local state university, and am now pursuing my PhD in the top program in the nation (as in US News and World Report ranked #1 for the past 15 years or so). My advisor is super awesome, and I love my program and the emotional/financial support I get here. 4) What has helped you reach your educational goals? Determination. Patience. Luck. Mostly luck. To this day, I still cannot believe that when I was a senior in high school and wanted to apply for early decision to this elite, small private university on the other coast, my guidance counselor told me to "not get my hopes up." Well, I was accepted, and I attended and graduated. Don't let other people tell you what you can and cannot do! I don't get everything that I apply for, but darn it, I apply for it and hope for the best!

You do not need to be able to recite or reference Foucault and Derrida in order to be (or sound) smart!

Oh my freaking goodness! I took an undergrad course from her years ago!

telkanuru--first, I love your profile pic. Second, I have reached my quota of positive votes for the day, otherwise, I'd vote your post up. I just think that sometimes we're so self-absorbed (me, me, me) that we forget to take a broader look at the situation. There are many things that we don't know about department politics, including the history of relationships between people. I have a sense for some things... like there's this one person in our department who teaches a lot of preferred sections (in terms of location and timing) because she's been there for a while, and she does a good job, so she has some clout and the professors respect her and ask her for advice. Newcomers, however? They get the less preferred sections. I think our department tries to be accommodating, especially for personal situations. Anyhow, this is all to say that unless we have hard evidence, we should not jump to conclusions about others' situations. Even if we do have some "evidence," we should not consider it the sole evidence.

All I have to say is look at the stats: male professors make more than female professors do. Gender discrimination is a complex issue, but the numbers are pretty clear to me. It doesn't matter if it's a male-dominated field or not, and it's not as simple as men discriminating against women--women discriminate against women, too. It's not our faults necessarily--we've been socialized to believe that women are less capable than men, or should serve in particular roles in society (as mother, wife, homemaker, caregiver, etc.). Partly it's our nature (again, not saying that men can't be caretakers). My personality type, for instance, is even nicknamed "the caregiver"! I'm not saying that women and men are equal--we're not. But neither is one better than the other. We're different, and that's okay. But it's not okay that women do the same work that men do and receive less pay. In the academy, this translates to 10-20% less pay for women than men.

Yes! This is what Kahneman says about our "System 1" thinking, which is automatic, based on feelings/intuition and limited information, and creates (what to us) are coherent stories consistent with our prior knowledge, experiences, and beliefs. Certainly everyone is doing it to each other, which is why I find it hilarious when people eventually tell me what they think of me--which is often so far from the truth that I have to laugh (I mean, there is a tiny grain of truth, but ultimately it is a very small part of me). For example, I admit that when I was in high school, I used to "bag on" some people a lot (you know, teasing in a sarcastic sort of way), and I was really good at it. Well, this one girl eventually told me that she was scared to interact with me because she was afraid I would bag on her, too! This was interesting to me because apparently that was the only side of me she'd ever seen. I suppose she was correct to make this judgement, based on the limited amount of information she had about me--BUT, it was certainly not the only thing I ever did! But, things are never so one-sided in social interactions, so I'd have to say that it was partly her timid nature that gave her that impression of me. Perhaps someone who was used to "bagging" or who had a different personality would not have interpreted my actions as aggressive but rather as funny/humorous/witty (which is how I definitely would have spun it).

LOL, yes! I guess it's just so hard to get out of our own heads. That's why in my field, when people talk about racial/gender/class equity/social justice, and they come from a middle to upper class White background, I just shake my head. You can say that you understand, but do you really? I don't know, this is something that bothers me, and I can't help but apply the theories I'm learning in my own situation right now--as a grad student taking classes and doing RA/TA work with other people. Grad school is quite social in the sense that we're always interacting with people, so being a student in the social sciences--sometimes it drives me nuts with all the meta-analysis!

Oh my gosh, no! No! No! No! He's happily married with two children. Besides, he's not my type.

I would agree with this advice. It might seem like favoritism to you, but you do not have all the facts, in which case your judgement is skewed. However, if you do want to mention it to the department head, I would frame it as, "I'd really like to teach. Could you consider me for teaching next year?" Focus only on yourself, not on what you perceive to be happening with others. It's all in the framing--keep it positive!

I was over at the forums on the Chronicle, and I came across this post, which I thought was relevant to this thread. In summary, the professors seem to think that unless this is a clear case of bullying or personal attacks, it's best not to involve faculty, otherwise it'll seem like whining. If you think it is a case of bullying/harassment, you need to document all the behavior. So far, OP, you have not given us details about what the person has done to make you think that they have a personal vendetta against you. http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,152697.0.html Hope this helps!

I've really been enjoying Thinking, Fast and Slow, a book by Daniel Kahneman, winner of the Nobel Prize in economics. He says that, with limited information, we tend to make up stories that fit what we want to believe, whether it is "true" or not. And of course, we tend to make up stories that put us in a positive light and others in a negative light. Being in the social sciences, I am essentially a student of human nature. And I've observed that, with my grad student colleagues, I really do make up stories about them in order to fit what I want to believe about them and me. For example, I had a classmate, let's call him "Bob," who is a White male, relatively athletic, and good-looking by American standards. I took a dislike to him last year because I felt that he was too flirty with our female professor, thus using his good looks, charm, and maleness to "win over" our instructor. This year, I have class with him again, and now that I've talked with him in small group discussions and worked with him on a small project, I like him better. I now see him as a more complex human being than the superficial characteristics I was focusing on last year. So the way that I framed the issue was to compare him to myself in terms of physical appearance and personality and to find him at fault when really I was the one that was at fault... for judging him in order to make myself feel better (although you never really do feel better, do you?). I was always a sore loser. So now I think that my tendency to judge others is not very helpful. I still do it, of course, but I am more conscious of it and try to think about why I do it. Is it because I'm insecure about my own appearance/abilities/charisma? Are other people really there to outshine and outdo me? Or, are they also just trying their best to figure this thing out called grad school? Bob is not the only person in my department that I've misjudged. I've misjudged others as well (although, there are a handful of people that I did not misjudge!). If others are like me, then I would say we're all very self-absorbed (to varying degrees) and probably we are all just walking around in our own little bubbles thinking that everyone is out to get us when really we're just making stories in our heads to compensate for the truth, which is that we are afraid to face our own limitations and weaknesses. I don't like that I have a tendency to judge others. But I'm working on it, and I'm wondering what others here think.

This is a difficult question since admissions committees are so... idiosyncratic. For example, my advisor took on a new grad student this year and later confided in me that he was reluctant to admit her. Yet she was admitted. So I suppose I see no point in trying to answer the question. You applied, and now you wait. There's no sense in wondering "what are my chances"? Better to distract yourself with activities and people you enjoy, especially if any of these universities are in locations far from your family and friends.

I certainly do. One of the things that I'm starting to figure out is that part of the reason why I hesitate to write is because I haven't fully worked out what I want to say yet. I know they say that writing something is a starting point. And while that helps, I would have to say that writing comes most easily to me when I've worked out what I want to say. Then, once I get it all out, I can go back and edit. So, what helps me is to think about the paper ahead of time and let ideas ferment. If I find myself starting at a blank screen, I'll do something else, like look for literature, or write my reference list. Sometimes, if I need inspiration, I'll go and read some of my favorite authors to get into a "writing" frame of mind.

Jumping in here. Particular graduate students have more social capital--for whatever reason--and are therefore able to "request" teaching schedules that meet their needs as well as the needs of the department. I do not agree that the needs of the department come first. TAing is of mutual benefit, and the department will have better TAs (theoretically) if they take some care to address issues that are important to TAs, such as scheduling. Of course, there are some things the department cannot control. For instance, at my institution, we sometimes have to teach in out of the way buildings. But, I've noticed that TAs who have more social capital are not assigned those sections. The pecking order--faculty first, then grad students, then adjunct faculty--seems reasonable. But, even within that structure, there is wiggle room. As others suggest, I believe that a polite request is reasonable.

Second year here. Yeah, I don't think this is ever going to get better. I look at how much the faculty at my R1 institution work, and I wonder sometimes why I've decided that R1 is the right path for me. On one hand, I know I want to do "cutting edge" research in my field. On the other hand, I know it takes an awful lot of determination and patience, especially in the face of mounting piles of work. I honestly don't know how some people do it--experts in my field who publish paper after paper. Who has the time to write so much? And yet writing is one of the measures by which our success is determined by others. Sigh. Like TeaGirl, I am back to the hamster wheel...

That sounds weird to me. My advisor is very upfront about costs associated with travel to conferences or even for research purposes. Professors know exactly how much grad students make and in my world no conscientious professor would ask a grad student to stand in for him and then expect the student to pay his or her own way. On the other hand, I see someone's point that it may be a great opportunity for you. But, if possible, I would get the professor or the department to pay for you to go. Does your college, grad student association, or university provide you with support for conferences?

I really agree with the advice to put it away for a few days. I like to print mine out and use a purple or pink pen to mark it up, just as if I were reviewing someone else's paper. I think seeing it on paper instead of the computer screen helps you think of it differently. Sometimes, I'll read stuff that I wrote last semester or a year ago and think, wow, did I really write that? Time does wonders with our memories!

This is interesting to me because my advisor just asked me to do an extra assignment as well (and due in two weeks!). It's something for a paper he's writing that he doesn't have time to do (or want to do). At least he said he would put me as co-author and even pay me a little! I could use the extra cash, but it'll mean working for the next two weekends on this assignment, as well as finishing up my own stuff for the end of the semester.

I applied to only 4 schools, but that's because I had a lot of constraints on what I thought were acceptable programs and locations for my interests and personal situation. So, no, 12 isn't too much if they all fit your requirements.

Prefers_pencils--I would disagree with you about this. First, what if this classmate is not lying? Then I think that would put littlesunshine in a tough spot, you know what I mean? Second, I really think that saying that "you cannot reach your full potential because another student is creating this toxic environment for you" is kind of like saying "I'm not an adult, and I can't handle my own relationships with other people, and I'm can't handle taking responsibility for my own path in graduate school." I mean, what do you expect the advisor to do or say to this classmate? Especially if, as littlesunshine has said, she seems to have the respect of many people in the department, including the advisor? I don't know, I'm just saying, be super cautious about saying things to professors about other graduate students... it could come off looking like you can't handle grad school. It seems like the best thing is to wait for the "real" advisor to come back. I wonder if there's a way to switch temporary advisors now?