I am not sure yet

After my first day of class, when I started my Master's, I went home conviced I was the worst student in class. Everybody knew what they were going to reseach, they all seemed so smart and confident and I was lost as hell. Back then, I didn't know about impostor syndrom, so I felt terrible for a very long time. I just hated myself and thought I was going to fail. It turned out I had a 4.0 GPA and was the first one to defend. =) I just told all this story to say that maybe you're just being too hard on yourself.

Same thing. My family and friends can't stand me anymore, talking about applications and stuff. I gained 6 pounds since early december and I have a terrible gastritis. So, I started running every day (luckly, it's summer here now!) and I changed my eating habits. Not working yet.

It's really difficult to explain why I want to get a PhD and three times harder to explain why I want to move to another country for 5 years "just to study" (I've heard that A LOT). I try not to talk about it, specially because I'm afraid not to get accepted anywhere, but people are already planning my farewell party.

Forever alone