Lantern

I try not to vent or complain on this forum, but I just had to share this. I got an email on April 15 saying I had been accepted to this school. The acceptance email stated how impressed they were with my application, and were excited to invite me to join their program. Today I got an email from the department chair that said, "If you don't mind, let me get through some accumulated work this week, will get back to you on projects sometime in the next couple of weeks. We are still waiting to hear on assistantships anyway, so I will have more info on funding then." (That is a direct quote.) In the next couple of weeks????!!!!! I applied to this school in December, it's now PAST April 15th, and it will be a "couple of weeks" until they get around to telling me what my project could possibly be?????

In my major, (as I'm sure in many others) you really need to know what your thesis project will be before you get there, because your decision is usually based on what your project will be (that ever-present "fit"), and who you will have as an advisor.

All I can say is that I'm glad that I already know where I'm going.

So glad my GA is going to be as high as it is, 35k =)

I am sorry but this thread is such a hilarious example of "white people problems." Oh no, your boyfriend won't get his Ph.D. until two years after you! The horror!

My boyfriend has an associates degree and grew up in a trailer park. This has very little to do with how I view him as my partner. He is one of the smartest people I've ever known, he's just not great at structured learning. Amazing self teacher though. He's probably a better learner than me in a lot of ways even if I look better on paper.

One thing I've learned with time is that I care less about the status of my partner than how he treats me. If your priorities are different that's your decision, but don't punish your (apparently very loyal) boyfriend because of it. Either deal with it or leave him and find some bajillionare with 3 doctorates to date.

Here's my male perspective.
I would personally resent being with a spouse who thinks I am a failure.

Ask the professor. Funding is an important part of any decision, and no one can deny this. Just ask for a rough estimate.

Yep, I agree with the above posters, but to add to that: It should be absolutely no problem. It's just like applying to several schools. One school isn't going to look down on you because you applied to other schools, they know that's what you do - it's all about giving yourself options. It's the same with finding a professor. It's always wise to choose a school with more than one professor you'd like to work with, just incase your main advisor decides to leave. Plus you may find that some you get along with and some you don't.

During one of my school visits, I arranged to meet with two different professors. They were not the least bit upset. In fact, when I finished meeting with the first professor, he called the second one, walked me to a different building across campus where the second professor's office was, introduced me to the second, and asked me to stop by again after meeting with him. I'm sure not all professors are so accomodating, but it is not something they can be upset about.

Do you think each one of them is only meeting with you? Of course not, they're interviewing multiple students, so you have the right to interview multiple professors! Good luck.

Absolutely go with #1. Reread what you wrote, it seems so obvious! Especially with your comment about going into your field is like rolling a dice. If you already know you don't like the 2nd professor's work, and it most likely won't get you any farther, there's no reason to put up with it.

I came across this article today and thought it may be of use.

http://www.humboldt....viceArticle.pdf

It is geared toward psychology students, but I think it is applicable to all. It may be too late for a lot of us, and maybe general for some of you, but I thought it couldn't hurt to post it.

Tough choice.

I also am having trouble making a decision for a variety of factors. I recently spoke with a very wise friend of mine who shared with me how she chose both her undergrad and her med school. Take one full day, and all day long pretend that you have already accepted to UPenn. Think of all the things you'd be excited about, all the things you'd be unhappy about, fears, hopes, etc. The next day pretend that you have already accepted at Yale, and do the same thing all over again.

I don't know that I have definitely decided yet, but this exercise above has yielded some very interesting thoughts and feelings!

Good luck!

That's definitely a tough one. I think the most important thing to consider is whether your top choice is indeed your top choice by a big enough margin to go through this whole process again. Not only will you have to commit time to the applications and deal with the stress all over again, but are you willing to wait another year?

Also, very importantly, have you really give thought to an honest assessment of whether or not you'll get in to your top choice next year? Have you visited the schools? How recent were you given the waitlist news? I ask because for me personally, given time to think about things, I often change my mind without even trying to.

For example, last fall I visited one of the schools I applied to this January. While I was there, it was my number one choice. I thought, "this is where I'm going if they'll have me!" Since then, it has fallen out of my favor so much that I'm not even considering it anymore. Maybe if you visit all three (if you haven't), you will find that your are less intent on your #1 choice, and you might really fall in love with another one.

These are never easy decisions, good luck!

Personally, I would choose the apartment. However, nothing says you have to start out living in an apartment right when you start school. If you're not sure, stay with your parents. If you change your mind you can always get an apartment later.

The alternate would work, too, as long as you don't sign a long-term lease. (That is, to get an apartment, and if it doesn't work out, move home.)

I came across this article today and thought it may be of use.

http://www.humboldt....viceArticle.pdf

It is geared toward psychology students, but I think it is applicable to all. It may be too late for a lot of us, and maybe general for some of you, but I thought it couldn't hurt to post it.

Isn't that sentence still missing an article?

Thanks for your advice, everyone.

To follow up: about 4 hours after I got the official job offer I got accepted to grad school!!!! I was surprised and overjoyed! Since grad school was no longer only a possibility, I felt I had to be honest. I emailed, and explained the situation. I did say that if he could accept me as a short-term hire that I would absolutely accept the job. Of course, he couldn't, but I felt it was worth a try. So, I may not get to live in Hawaii, but I'm going to grad school!!! That makes me happy!

Thanks for your advice, everyone.

To follow up: about 4 hours after I got the official job offer I got accepted to grad school!!!! I was surprised and overjoyed! Since grad school was no longer only a possibility, I felt I had to be honest. I emailed, and explained the situation. I did say that if he could accept me as a short-term hire that I would absolutely accept the job. Of course, he couldn't, but I felt it was worth a try. So, I may not get to live in Hawaii, but I'm going to grad school!!! That makes me happy!

I am a Ph.D. student who also works as a lecturer part-time so I have experienced both sides of the issue. Anyone else in this position? Having to write them and also request them too?

My pet peeves as a writer:

*Students who ask for several letters of recommendation and then neglect to say THANK YOU. I am disgusted by this rudeness.
As a part-time faculty and grad student I wasn't getting paid to write them so thanks would have been nice. Some generous students have given
me gift cards as thanks but I know I cannot expect this. One student wanted a last minute FEDEX that I had to pay $30 for since she decided on a whim to apply to a program with a deadline in two days. Never heard from her again.

*Students who e-mail in a panic needing a reference letter in less than three days. Do they seriously think I can drop everything and write a letter? Students need to realize these letters take hours away from my own work.

*Students who expect you to pay out of your own pocket for postage (my department DOES NOT pay for postage for part-time faculty or grad students) for sending letters. I have spent about $50 this past year on postage for students.

My pet peeves as a requester:

*Professors who forget deadlines and have to be hounded. I have lost out on fellowships this way.
*Professors who write weak letters of reference and have to be re-written, replaced or substituted.

All in all, the LOR process sucks for all concerned!

Good question - I posted the same thing several months ago. I felt that I got some really good advice. Check it out:

There's even a link there for a previous thread that was similar.

I ended up not applying to both programs. My strongest reason was that I had emailed professors in both departments, and heard nothing back from the professors in the dept. that I decided not to apply to. I decided if they wouldn't respond to my emails, they wouldn't be likely to accept and fund me, so I didn't want to jeopardize my chance with the dept. that did acknowledge me.

Good luck, I don't think there's any one definitive answer to this one!

I would recommend that you have an answer prepared for if they ask you to what other schools/programs you're applying. Judging from the number of times this topic comes up here, it is not only common, but has also caught a lot of people off-guard.

Everyone is entitled to a vent every now and then, and I certainly understand the notion of not wanting to be alone in a certain thought or situation. One thing you can't do is start over at 22, so put it behind you and do your best now. Maybe your mind isn't quite as sharp as it used to be, but think of the maturity that you have gained. Although you may have very serious responsibilities now (like a marriage and kids!), I'm guessing you have gained more focus and better time management skills.

I graduated from college 12 years ago. In that time I have traveled, volunteered, worked many, many, many jobs, and finally found what I want to do. I wouldn't change that. I can honestly say I'm glad I didn't go to grad school right out of college. I just wasn't ready, and it never crossed my mind. To wish that I would have gone then would be to wish I were a completely different person, which is useless.

Several professors that I spoke with in person during my grad school explorations told me they prefer older students due to their maturity and focus. I realize this may not be the same in all disciplines, so I'm not trying to speak for all, just offering a different point of view. And to those of you straight out of college, I am not trying to make you feel as though you are at a disadvantage. I'm just saying that everyone brings something different to grad school depending on who they are, and what kind of background they have.

I'm sure every age group, not to mention every individual, has their own challenges, so let's just hope that we all get accepted to our first choices, and get to work on those challenges!

I agree with the above posters, but also wanted to add alexis to the list of super-helpful posters. I wish I had a better memory so I could post more details, but I do remember posting a question for which I really felt that I needed an immediate answer. Alexis posted advice almost immediately, was super helpful, and just came across as being very level-headed. Thanks for that! And thanks to everyone who helps out with such sincere and generous advice. It is so nice to have a place to turn to for great advice when all of us need so much of it!

Thanks for your opinions, everyone. Just thought I would follow up and post what I did and why incase anyone else reads this thread seeking advice. I decided to apply to only one program. I probably would have followed jacib's advice, but the deadline for the department that I didn't apply to was today, so discussing it with the department wasn't an option for me at this late date due to the holiday. About a month ago, I had mentioned it to the chair of the other department that I did apply to, and it was definitely possible. But I hadn't mentioned to her that I wanted to study two very different things, so I'm not sure how that would have gone over. I also wasn't feeling very positive about getting accepted to the department that I didn't apply to, because I had contacted several professors there and no one got back to me. In the department that I did apply to, I got very helpful and positive return emails. Hope that makes sense.