MaytheSchwartzBeWithYou

Hello All,
I haven't seen a ton of comments about chronic illness on the forums, so I wanted to post in case any other incoming/current grad students are navigating grad. school with an ongoing health issue. What I'm going through is somewhat new to me, so it's a little difficult to share. I'm trusting all you smarties on here! :-)
I'm really excited to start my PhD in the Fall, but I'm pretty nervous about managing my coursework, research, and all of the other physical, emotional, and intellectual demands of the program. I've had symptoms of SOMETHING (possibly autoimmune, possibly fibromyalgia) for about the last year, primarily pain, fatigue, and "fogginess," and am undiagnosed due to inconclusive test results. The past month or so has been fairly difficult, and every time I have a flare-up I worry that it might be the "new normal." The sorts of possible diseases for me can take years to diagnose, so I'm not sure how Disability Services might be able to help. I'm sure some of it is the stress of feeling ill, not knowing why, and worrying about whether it will go away, get worse, etc. Understanding the way academia works, I also would much rather be known for my work and accomplishments than the fact that I have a health problem that impacts my studies. 
I want to show I am committed to my PhD and my program, that I have what it takes, but I also want to walk the fine line between excelling in my program and taking care of myself. Right now I'm just trying to practice accepting my situation, working through the bad days as much as I can (at my current job), understanding my limits, etc. That being said, I know going back to school will be really different from my day job. Does anyone else here suffer with chronic illness, and how do you plan to/how do you navigate the demands of school with your health constraints? 
I appreciate your comments, and admit to wanting some comfort that I am not alone!

I'm glad I could help, and please feel free to PM me if you want to talk about grad school, dealing with terminal illness in your family, etc. (though I'm sure you well know how different, and sometimes isolating, life feels once your family is in a situation like this). My dad is stable on his current chemotherapy, but at some point it will stop working...and he has a rare cancer, so there are only so many forms of treatment available. So much of this is a waiting and hoping game - stability is a real blessing.
In terms of deferment/leaves of absence, it's really important to know your options and how to enact them should you need to make a decision on short notice. Every school/field is different - programs in my field don't typically allow deferred admission, but most if not all schools allow leaves of absence, and my new school allows multiple leaves of absence for various reasons. I find some comfort in the fact that these options aren't "I have to quit the program" choices, but rather short-term solutions that allow me to attend to important issues in my life without having to worry about  how it affects everything else.

I totally agree with everything that was said so far. This isn't so much an "action" as some of the other suggestions, but I would also recommend taking some time to think about the best way to describe the few years you took off before applying. One of the best pieces of advice I got from my MA committee chair was to consider how the work I did after my MA might be part of a continuum for me in my path toward a PhD, and then to try to frame that trajectory in my SoP. I spent a few years working as a database administrator/evaluation and planning manager outside the art world at a non-profit (though, to be fair, my research is connected culturally to the mission of the organization), and it was actually kind of eye-opening to connect work I originally felt was only tangentially-related in a way that was meaningful. This may not be the case for you (maybe you just needed a job in between! I kind of did, too).  BUT, if it's possible, I think it's important to lay out the last several years as a series of conscious choices toward the career you want.

First of all, let me say I'm so sorry this happened to you and your husband. To commiserate, my husband was laid off a little less than a month ago, and I'm about to start my program in a few weeks (needless to say, there was some freaking out).
We don't know each other, and I certainly can't say what you and your husband have and haven't talked about - but may I ask if you (and/or he) have considered looking for a job that will "get your family by" until you are finished with coursework? I ask because getting your PhD is obviously a really important goal in your life and your career.  Your husband's career is also really important, so in situations like these it's difficult to choose whose goal takes precedence. But, if your husband can find a job that may not be exactly what he wants, but will "do" for now, would it be possible for you to wrap up what you need to before potentially moving out of state to fulfill his goal? 
When my husband got laid off I seriously considered dropping out of my program. But I've spent so many years working toward this goal, and he told me he wasn't going to let me potentially give up what I'd worked so hard for, especially if he might get a new job within a few months.
Not sure if this is at all helpful - I just wanted to add my perspective. Best wishes to you!

Hey Neek, I'm happy to tell you my current treatment, though admittedly there isn't much to tell just yet - I'm supposed to check with my doctor every month and potentially try out new things if what I'm doing isn't working. As of now, I'm on a prescription dose of Meloxicam (Ibuprofen) to "take the edge off," and I'm also supposed to try to build up an exercise/relaxation pattern over time. I'm not on a very rigorous treatment plan, but I don't want to take any serious medication if I don't need it. I may need a sleep aid in the near future (fibro can cause sleep disturbances), but I'm trying to do without that, too.
There isn't a TON you can do about fibro as of now, though there are three FDA-approved drugs to treat it. There are also a number of other drugs - especially SSRIs, and things like Gabapentin - that were created for other purposes but also help with nerve pain. Opiates are LAST resorts. Outside of medication, getting a lot of rest, regular exercise, and stress reduction are all really important. It's amazing how interconnected the body's systems are, especially when it comes to hormones and sensory perception. 
I hope you're doing well! 

I second the suggestions about seeking some professional help. I speak as someone who developed a language problem as an adult (neurological, acquired) and basically went from being an award-winning orator to struggling with speaking. Most days you won't be able to tell I have a problem, but some days, I struggle with finding simple words like "bird." I might come into the room and name everything that flies except "bird" (flies, geese, aeroplane, bats).
But like everyone says, this is academia. If you accept the "job" of being an academic, even if temporarily as a graduate student with no intention of being going further beyond your PhD, then you accept the mores of academia. So, temporarily, you accept this. Even for students with disabilities (like me!), standards are not lowered. We have to show we can meet the essential requirement that everybody else meets, with accommodation. What this means is sometimes, if I say, bat instead of bird, and I tell my professor that is not what I mean and ask for a second to find the word I want, they understand. But for them to understand, a conversation needs to take place (preferably with the disability office helping).
I'm sorry this is an ordeal for you.
It is an ordeal for me, too. But I gotta do it anyway. Unfortunately, so do you.
You can do this. I know you can.

I think modmuse is right - scientifically speaking, I'm not sure how accurate any conclusions you could draw from this list might be. Your list includes all types of positions (some which don't really require PhDs to obtain, though you may run into some trouble competing for higher-level jobs without one), and there is also no indication of how long someone has been in the field. Competition is really fierce right now, so out on the job market you'll be competing with people who DO have PhDs, even if you decide not to get one.
Just my humble opinion! :-)

This spreadsheet has very limited implications. You include curatorial assistants and the most recent hires among them have PhDs. That should tell you all you need to know about whether or not you will need a PhD to be competitive on the modern/contemporary market.
A more productive data set would order these hires chronologically. While it was - and to a certain extent, still is - possible to become a curator of contemporary art without a PhD, the trend has shifted towards increased professionalization and academicization. There are plenty of online resources that catalogue press releases for recent hires - theirs is the education you should model. Your peers (and competition) are not curators of contemporary art who were hired with a CUNY MA fifteen years ago. If you look through the openings for curators of modern and contemporary art on AAMC, you'll see that over half the assistant-level and nearly all of the associate-level jobs now list "PhD preferred." 
It seems like you've already decided not to complete a PhD and you're looking for justification. Your education and professional career are yours to pursue, but you are working from flawed data. I am based internationally and many of my peers have two-year graduate degrees, but without native or near-native fluency in a language other than English, that route is a wash. The PhD is becoming a pre-requisite to be competitive in the United States beyond entry-level curatorial positions.
 

Thanks for this! It is interesting to see in black and white, although if I were putting this list together, I think it would look a bit different. For example, a sizable chunk of the people you listed from MoMA are curatorial assistants. So, while they do have a lot of influence on the exhibits, at the end of the day the ones writing the exhibition proposals and really making those choices all have PhDs. I think to consider them full-blown curators is incorrect and you may end up cutting yourself at the knees jobs-wise if you choose to not pursue a PhD only because the entry-level curatorial positions don't require them. Just my two cents (from someone hell-bent on not doing a PhD until I did my internship, and quickly realized I would definitely need it to feel competitive in the market). I don't know, maybe all the PhD preaching finally got to me.

Hey Plume, first of all, I just want to say I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds like you and your parents are close, which makes it even harder.
I'm in a really similar position - my father has had stage 4 cancer for the past few years, and I already live halfway across the country from my parents. I'm about to start a PhD program in the Fall, and I, too, sometimes feel conflicted about whether I should really be moving home to spend time with my family (we try to see each other as often as we can, about once every two months or so) - though living away from home, I felt guilty about this long before I ever applied to grad. school. My Dad promises he'll be around when I finish, but obviously he only has so much control over it. 
I think the right path for you is a very personal choice, based on what your relationship with your family is like, whether you feel you can handle continuing to live away from them, and to some extent, the progression of your dad's illness. I'm an only child and very close to my parents (my Mom also has a limited support structure to care for my Dad). However, my Dad is currently stable, and I know for sure that while he'd love to have me home, he doesn't want me to hold up my life, or miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to move home and stay with him. That being said, if/when he starts to decline, I've given a lot of thought to coming home for a while. It's really, really hard sometimes to be so far away, especially when he was really sick from chemo, but there are some things that help us feel connected - Skype/FaceTime calls, visiting as often as we can, keeping open communication about how things are going on any given day. When things are tough, sometimes my parents just need a safe space to vent, share their fears, or have a good laugh. I find this kind of support to be a small way I can help from afar, both so I feel "hooked in" to what's happening and so I feel like I'm contributing something.  It's important to remember, too, that you should have the option to take leaves of absence, if needed. At some point you will probably have to make a decision to put your Dad before anything else, but that time may not be now. Just out of curiosity, could you defer your admission if you needed to?
Its also important to take care of YOU and your needs. It's not wrong, or unhealthy, or selfish to want to pursue your career during such a difficult time - if you don't maintain some semblance of sanity and happiness in your life, your Dad's illness can engulf your whole world and throw you into an emotional situation that is really difficult to crawl out of. On the flip side, graduate school can be so stressful that your Dad being sick could affect your ability to keep up with your studies. I think it's ultimately about finding an emotional balance that allows you to process your feelings about what your family is going through, while still getting up every day and being as present as you can be in your own life. Oh, and other forms of self-care -- talking to a therapist or clergy member, engaging in meditation, art or journaling, exercise, meals or coffee with friends -- any activities that can give you a short "pause" on what is probably always in the back of your mind.
i don't know if anything I've said is helpful - I've actually never tried to talk to someone about how to deal with this. (It's also too late at night for me to be super eloquent - sorry!). I sincerely wish you and your family strength, health, and joy. Congratulations on your admissions!!

Hi! I had this same dilemma, and I'm sure there are tons of opinions out there. I've heard that a curatorial MA can help for some people but can also be seen as limiting, since you can acquire a lot of curatorial knowledge through work experience.  It seems to be preferable to acquire deep knowledge of the period of art history that you would want to curate.  Then, maybe find a program that is strong in curatorial studies and take classes in that department, find internships, curate a show with artists from the school. Pick an MA where it's possible to do an "unofficial minor" in curatorial studies!

I've chosen the MA in Art History at UBC* partially for that reason - they have a critical curatorial studies department at which I can take classes, opportunities to work with galleries around Vancouver and on campus, and still offers an absolutely amazing array of faculty who are strong in my areas of interest and a department culture of strong engagement with critical theory. 

(*For those who were interested, Williams was not very helpful except for basically saying admission was possible but unlikely. UBC upped their offer, they had a deadline, and I love them! I'm done!)

Hey Plume, first of all, I just want to say I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds like you and your parents are close, which makes it even harder.
I'm in a really similar position - my father has had stage 4 cancer for the past few years, and I already live halfway across the country from my parents. I'm about to start a PhD program in the Fall, and I, too, sometimes feel conflicted about whether I should really be moving home to spend time with my family (we try to see each other as often as we can, about once every two months or so) - though living away from home, I felt guilty about this long before I ever applied to grad. school. My Dad promises he'll be around when I finish, but obviously he only has so much control over it. 
I think the right path for you is a very personal choice, based on what your relationship with your family is like, whether you feel you can handle continuing to live away from them, and to some extent, the progression of your dad's illness. I'm an only child and very close to my parents (my Mom also has a limited support structure to care for my Dad). However, my Dad is currently stable, and I know for sure that while he'd love to have me home, he doesn't want me to hold up my life, or miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to move home and stay with him. That being said, if/when he starts to decline, I've given a lot of thought to coming home for a while. It's really, really hard sometimes to be so far away, especially when he was really sick from chemo, but there are some things that help us feel connected - Skype/FaceTime calls, visiting as often as we can, keeping open communication about how things are going on any given day. When things are tough, sometimes my parents just need a safe space to vent, share their fears, or have a good laugh. I find this kind of support to be a small way I can help from afar, both so I feel "hooked in" to what's happening and so I feel like I'm contributing something.  It's important to remember, too, that you should have the option to take leaves of absence, if needed. At some point you will probably have to make a decision to put your Dad before anything else, but that time may not be now. Just out of curiosity, could you defer your admission if you needed to?
Its also important to take care of YOU and your needs. It's not wrong, or unhealthy, or selfish to want to pursue your career during such a difficult time - if you don't maintain some semblance of sanity and happiness in your life, your Dad's illness can engulf your whole world and throw you into an emotional situation that is really difficult to crawl out of. On the flip side, graduate school can be so stressful that your Dad being sick could affect your ability to keep up with your studies. I think it's ultimately about finding an emotional balance that allows you to process your feelings about what your family is going through, while still getting up every day and being as present as you can be in your own life. Oh, and other forms of self-care -- talking to a therapist or clergy member, engaging in meditation, art or journaling, exercise, meals or coffee with friends -- any activities that can give you a short "pause" on what is probably always in the back of your mind.
i don't know if anything I've said is helpful - I've actually never tried to talk to someone about how to deal with this. (It's also too late at night for me to be super eloquent - sorry!). I sincerely wish you and your family strength, health, and joy. Congratulations on your admissions!!

I hope you didn't receive the letter I received this morning. 

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!
 

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!
 

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!
 

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!
 

Hey all! I hope you're enjoying the holiday weekend. I was fortunate enough to gain my first acceptance (took me three years!), and am trying to start preparing early to fall back into the academic flow. I know many of you are also anxious about returning to academia, and am wondering what you are doing (or plan to do) to prepare for the change in lifestyle.
I feel a little behind on my theory, and I had just started researching for an article when I received acceptance, so I am planning to get back into the habit of reading/writing every day, and practicing time management by scheduling around two hours of daily work after my 9-5 job. I am starting to make lists of foundational theory works and materials for my article, and plan to read one piece from each list every night (or a book chapter, or whatever), making sure to take organized notes so I have them for reference.  I've also recently started using Mendeley to catalog my sources, but I'm not quite in the habit yet.
What are you doing/what would you do to prepare? :-)

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!
 

Jeez, I love the snark and pomp of some people on this thread. Look, guys, most of us don't need a reality check. We know it's hard out there, getting into grad programs is really competitive, the market is bad, top schools get you better jobs, not everyone's cut out to do this, blah blah blah. Sure, a lot of people don't get in on the first try (that is totally NOT unique to art history, by the way - I've heard plenty of success stories from other disciplines from humanities to the sciences), but I REALLY don't think that means you "don't belong there." I'm sorry, that's just bullshit. Please quote me some reputable sources (your "experience" doesn't count) that say the people who struggle to get in, or (GASP) fight the hardest to be there are the ones who drop out ABD or earlier - from what I've read on the subject, most students drop out due to mental health issues (caused by the stress of working toward a PhD), a bad study environment, realizing they will have better job prospects in other fields, etc. etc. I don't see how that directly correlates with acceptance to one program or getting in on the second or third try, especially if amending your application is enough to get you in the second time. That's just false logic. It could be something as simple as you're not emphasizing the right things, you need to re-frame your research, or yes, get more experience in some area.  This isn't necessarily a reflection of your ability to succeed, especially early in your career.
If we know all this and still wish to pursue this career, that's our business. If we decide it isn't worth it later, that is also our business. We'll figure it out ourselves. Some of us aren't pursuing this career simply to teach in a top-ten institution. Delight in the fact you've said your piece and take your negativity and elitism elsewhere. 
#sorrynotsorry

CONGRATS to the UKentucky admit!! :-) :-)

I know it's really hard to sit on your hands, but unless you are being pressured for a decision from another school I would say wait until sometime in early to mid-March. We're still in the middle of the season, and depending on the school, they might even have another wave of acceptances yet to send out. Not that I think inquiring hurts your chances or anything, but many university pages say notifications are sent between March and April (even if we know they are not all sent that late), so that is most likely what they will tell you. 
BUT. this is just my humble opinion. :-) Best of luck!!!!

I know it's really hard to sit on your hands, but unless you are being pressured for a decision from another school I would say wait until sometime in early to mid-March. We're still in the middle of the season, and depending on the school, they might even have another wave of acceptances yet to send out. Not that I think inquiring hurts your chances or anything, but many university pages say notifications are sent between March and April (even if we know they are not all sent that late), so that is most likely what they will tell you. 
BUT. this is just my humble opinion. :-) Best of luck!!!!

Hey all! I hope you're enjoying the holiday weekend. I was fortunate enough to gain my first acceptance (took me three years!), and am trying to start preparing early to fall back into the academic flow. I know many of you are also anxious about returning to academia, and am wondering what you are doing (or plan to do) to prepare for the change in lifestyle.
I feel a little behind on my theory, and I had just started researching for an article when I received acceptance, so I am planning to get back into the habit of reading/writing every day, and practicing time management by scheduling around two hours of daily work after my 9-5 job. I am starting to make lists of foundational theory works and materials for my article, and plan to read one piece from each list every night (or a book chapter, or whatever), making sure to take organized notes so I have them for reference.  I've also recently started using Mendeley to catalog my sources, but I'm not quite in the habit yet.
What are you doing/what would you do to prepare? :-)

I just came to say I've been where you are, and do NOT give up! I am on my third application cycle, and last week received my very first acceptance. Getting into grad school is unbelievably competitive - most schools take less than 10% of applicants - so not getting in the first time is by no means an indication of your "fitness" for graduate school. Getting rejected across the board two years in a row was really disheartening, and there were times I said I wasn't going to go through this whole grueling process again just to try to prove I can hack it to a group of strangers based on a few pieces of paper and an online form.
HOWEVER, after the devastation subsided, I realized changing my viewpoint about the application process to that of a learning experience helped me move forward and try again. Each time I have gone through this, I have learned how to present myself just a little bit better, how to describe my work and my research interests more clearly and succinctly, and how to gracefully handle rejection - which we are going to get a lot of in academia.  Giving up after one cycle, if this is something you really want to do, seems a little premature when you consider how few applicants actually receive acceptance. Also, this cycle is far from over!!