namarie

Update I  just found out I got into BC !

Just got the notification I was accepted at UNC. Hope folks start hearing back soon! 

Does anyone else hate silence from schools on Friday evenings knowing we now have 2 whole days of no possible responses. 

Anybody else still coping with the fact that you spent a significant amount of time on doctoral applications and have to wait up till January or February to hear back from schools?  I'm not good at waiting...the suspense!

There are some points in life - and oh dear God do I feel old saying this - where the only point of the issue that matters is "did you do the thing." Changes of medication, mental health support, and professors who are bad at using online grading systems can all garner sympathy for you if you did not do the thing, but sometimes that's not enough to outweigh the fact that you didn't do the thing. When you don't do the thing, there can often be unavoidable consequences with life-changing impact. That's adulthood.
And this is a case of you not doing the thing. There were many places for you to take agency here. Whether it was at the point of your final GPA or not, getting a B/B- on assignments in graduate school is a severe point of concern. You earned those grades. Despite your perception of stigma, you nevertheless had health issues you didn't report, so you did not get the accommodations you might have - or at least an avenue of legal recourse. And whether or not you knew specifically you had a B- on the class, you must have at least been aware your presentation, a large portion of your grade, was nowhere near the standards expected of you. 
The program administration could still show some mercy, but they were under no particular obligation to do so, nor, in an accelerated M* program (which usually having high non-complete rates), were they ever even likely to do so, whatever they have told you. And I have to disagree with @Bird Vision - you have not proven to them that you are capable of doing the work.
I don't say all this to be mean, or to beat up on you after you've obviously had such a difficult and trying time. Moves are hard, new cities are hard, and grad school ain't exactly easy. But this wasn't unfair, and you can't stew on the treatment you've received because if you do, you can't move forward. Learn lessons from this as to what sort of support network you need to have in place to move to a new town, to start a new life, whether you go back to graduate school or not. You've already paid too high a price not to get something out of the experience.

As a Social Worker, I'm going to vote you get your MSW. It's a more versatile degree and on the chance you get into counseling and realize you don't like it, social work will allow you to switch into something else besides counseling. Whereas a counseling degree will only let you do just that: counseling. I got my MSW from UGA and thought I wanted to do therapy. I did the job for two years and I hated every moment of it. But with my degree I was able to switch and do something else that I like. If I had gone with a counseling degree I wouldn't have been able to make that change. Just something to think about!! If you're sure counseling is for you then by all means, look at counseling. But also compare what counselors make to social workers, that might have an effect on your decision. 

I COMPLETELY get you on hating most comedies. I can't stand Will Ferrel or Adam Sandler or crude/crass humor. But I see this same issue between my parents almost every day. One of them gets annoyed because the other is subjecting them to something they don't like. The answer? I don't really think there is a straightforward one. If I were you, I'd probably try to excuse myself from most showings, but attend one movie every now and then. Because you don't want him to feel like he can't share something he enjoys with you, but you also don't want to sit through those awful movies. Compromise is key!! 

I graduated in May 2017 with a B.S. in Microbiology in Texas and got accepted into a PhD program in Microbiology in Michigan.
Before graduating, I had decided that I definitely DID NOT want to go into academia, I want to work in industry. During my senior year I was debating whether I should go for my Masters or PhD. I had heard that you cannot keep climbing up the job ladder in industry with just a Masters, and that you would eventually would need to go back to school and get a PhD if you wanted to get to the top positions. I talked to a family member who only got a B.S. and started working in biotech straight away and she told me that from her experience, friends who had PhDs actually found it harder to find jobs in biotech than did her friends who only had Masters and years of experience. So my original plan was that I would go for my Masters, then go work at a biotech for some years and if it seemed like I needed a PhD then I would go back to school.
My plan changed when some of my professors told me that I should just go ahead and apply for the PhD anyways because my original plan would take too many years to complete if I did end up wanting a PhD. They told me that I would be the safest by just dong my PhD straight after my BS, especially since (they said) it is very hard to go back to school once you have been in the workforce for some years.
I had done undergraduate research and I liked being in the lab and doing benchwork and working towards a project. I thought to myself, "I should just give PhD a try, even if it isn't what I had originally planned." The thought of going into debt to get my Masters was also discouraging, and I thought PhD would give me better job opportunities in industry. So when I got accepted into a PhD program I was ecstatic and I accepted right away.
......
Now here is a bit of background on my personal life: I don't have a good relationship with my family. My only support was my boyfriend (now my husband) and my two good friends. When my now husband knew that I got accepted to a program in Michigan he was completely happy for me. At that time he was working on starting up his own company so he told me that as soon as he got things worked out in Texas he would move with me to Michigan ( he estimated around 6 months). We had been a long distance relationship from the beginning because we lived in different cities (we only saw each other twice a month during weekends), so I thought me moving to Michigan wouldn't be a big deal for us.
.... Fast forward 6 months... turns out he would need a year in order to move to Michigan with me.... Fast forward to a month ago: I went back to Texas and we got married (happiest days of my life), but then it turns out he won't be able to move in with me at all. Or if he does, it would probably be another 3-4 years which by that time I would be almost done with my PhD.
Coming back to Michigan after we got married was the hardest thing I ever had to endure emotionally. I was depressed (still am) and that made me lose motivation in my work although my professor is amazing and I love the lab. What made it worse is that after looking back at some of the research I have done over the past few months and last few days, it seems as though maybe getting a PhD is not worth it for me. I talked with many other people in past few months and it seems as though you can still get into top industry positions with just a masters and 5-8 years of experience. It started to seem like a PhD was not a total requirement to get into top industry positions as I had previously thought. And that had been my biggest reason why I decided to go after the PhD in the first place.
Now, I don't feel like I have good enough reasons to continue my PhD and endure the emotional pain of not seeing my husband (I literally only saw him 3 times in the past year). Besides, I'm starting to think that maybe Masters industry positions are a better fit for me anyways. I love benchwork (something I hear M.S. students that are in the PhD program complain about: that they hated having to do benchwork all the time and that they wanted to be in charge of research, therefore, they decided to go for their PhD). I do like research, but I am not completely passionate about it. I think I am more passionate about learning new things in science, and I have read that loving science and loving research are two different things. I am afraid that maybe PhD positions in industry are more managerial type positions (like being a PI, but in an industry environment) and I wouldn't like that. I want to be able to be in the lab, doing wet work every day, working in a team, and it seems like those kinds of positions in industry only require a Masters and a PhD would be overkill for those type of positions.
I think I am 90% convinced that Masters is a better idea for me. #1, it seems as though maybe Master job titles would be a better fit for me anyways #2, I don't think I'll be able to endure the stressors of a PhD PLUS the emotional stress of being away from my husband and best friends back in Texas.
I have barely completed the first year of my PhD and I got accepted into a permanent lab this past May. How can I start the conversation with my PI? I feel like I am going to let him down. When is it possible to get a Masters during a PhD program? Before or after PreLim? I would feel bad pretending like I am going to finish my PhD, but then quit after passing my prelim. Would I automatically lose funding once I declare that I don't want to finish my PhD? Should I just quit altogether now, go back to Texas right away and apply for a M.S. Biotechnology program for next Fall?
Any advice would be appreciated... thanks.

I think it's important to be realistic in this situation. While my ex was never a white supremacist, he was against feminism, belittled my field, spoke negatively of the social justice movements, etc. So I understand where the "how did this happen" or "did I miss the signs" thoughts come from! But please don't do that to yourself; none of this is your fault. 
It is admirable that you want to educate him or change his mind, but I have to say I'm not sure that will work. Many people enter into relationships with people they know are flawed thinking "I can change x." But they can't change whatever that behavior is; and I don't think you will be able to change your husband's mind. People are stubborn creatures, and until your husband realizes he's in the wrong and decides he wants to change, it won't happen. Losing you might be the catalyst he needs to start that change. But you're living with someone who puts your field down (and by extension, you as well) and disagrees with you on fundamental issues. Don't put yourself through that!! I understand feeling conflicted; it took me a while before I convinced myself to leave my ex. This is your life, not his. If you're not happy in the relationship, or you know you can't be satisfied with this man, then leave. Do what you need to do to be happy in life. If your husband is no longer part of what makes you happy, so be it. 
I hope you stay strong, peaceful, calm, gracious, and loving. Don't let the hate win. Hang in there!!! <3

School: University of Georgia
Type: Clinical Psychology, PhD
Date of invite: 12/11/17
Type of invite: Email 
Interview date(s): 01/19/18

What even is this thread?
 
OP are you looking for advice? A second opinion on your diagnosis (I don't believe that's allowed on the forums or ethical)? Trying to figure out the end game of the post.
 

I apologize for being too harsh in my delivery and for the sarcastic tone, but still think you should re-consider your career choice. Whether you do or not is of no concern to me personally, but for the sake of your future clients, it seems a little more reflection might be a good idea. I reacted as I did because whenever anyone automatically assumes that as a group, people with any one of a broad number of mental issues are more likely to be more dangerous than anyone else feels like a direct attack on some very much loved family members of mine and it hurts me because those attitudes hurt them and people in their same boat. I have loved ones who have suffered doubly from mental illnesses. Firstly, from the illness itself and secondly, from the stigma associated with it, which causes people like you to draw very harmful and unfair conclusions about them.Stigma limits their opportunities and harms them in many other ways.  I grew up with these issues. Nobody at my house was ever scared of people with MIs. When someone wasn't well, the family helped them as best they could, just as we would have if one of us had cancer or diabetes. You said that you have a mental illness. You named depression.  Let me ask you this: should your co-workers and fellow students be afraid of you when you begin working and studying with them? Of course not, you're likely to say. That's silly.That's som ething for you to think about. How would you feel if someone was afraid to drive you somewhere just because you have a history of depression?  That stings, doesn't it?  Again - you won't be working with people with untreated MIs. Your clients will be in treatment. That's a really big difference.
Your original post on this subject said that you were told that in the entire experience of the person you spoke with, there had only been once instance of a case manager being somehow assaulted by a client, yet you see that as a significant danger warning. I don't how that would work out statistically in light of the total number of people that place has worked with, but the rate of violence among any population of people, when working with the public, might be expected to be higher than that. You didn't say you were going to be working as case manager. You said that your job was to transport people to appointments and such.  That's another important distinction. Case managers deal with dicier problems and issues than driving people.
There's no guarantee of safety anywhere you go, no matter what you do in this world. If you spend some time reading about this subject, you will discover that the stats don't support your level of fear of people with MIs. People with MIs are far more statistically likely to be victims than perpetrators of violent crimes. Overall, their rate for violent crime isn't any higher than the general population. Substance abuse is more of an indicator of violence potential. There are so many factors when it comes to mental health and danger.
I never said I was better than you, i just questioned the fitness of this career path for you, given the things you have written.  I'll be working in Philadelphia and doing home visits. My family is more worried about me getting mugged going back and forth to those home visits than they are about my clients. They bought me pepper spray, and I'll take precautions, but this career can never be 100% safe. You can't be 100% safe even if you never leave your home.
If you go forward with this, then I hope you take a class on mental illness. If not, then please spend some time reading about this subject so you aren't scared to work with what is a good chunk of the population of the country. It would not be good for people if you communicate fear when you work with them. That's just insulting and offensive if they sense that from you.  Maybe you will be more comfortable if you brush up on the subject. Here's an article from psychcentral.com for you if you care to peruse it...
http://psychcentral.com/archives/violence.htm

I read your posts on this subject, Littledarling and honestly, I'll agree with your self-assessment that you're being stupid. Based on these and your other posts here and there on this board, are you sure Social Work is your thing? Perhaps you would feel safer working for a bank, or something, instead. It isn't unreasonable to ask and wonder about how your program ensures your safety during your field placements. That's fair. But, your comfort with casting people with mental illnesses as these terrifying creatures who are ready to attack you at any moment is really awful. What you wrote makes me so intensely dislike you that it's hard to be civil, but I'll try.
I know what I'm talking about here. One of the reasons I chose this profession and my college major, which was Psychology, is because I have a sibling with a bad case of depression and LDs, an uncle with schizophrenia and some cousins on my mom's side with various schizo-affective diagnoses. It's a hereditary thing sometimes.  I grew up knowing a lot more than most of my peers about this subject and my mother had to handle issues with her sibling since she was a pre-teen.  She was more mature about it at 14 than you are right now, by the way.
Here's a fact for you..... people with severe mental illnesses are seldom violent and when they hurt someone, it is usually themselves.  Check into the statistics on this and you'll see. Another point: even if someone with a severe mental illness commits an act of violence, such as hitting a family member or throwing things, that is nearly always because they are not stable with their medications at that time and/or are in a psychotic state. Just because a person has had a violent outburst at some time does not mean that they will just spontaneously attack somebody out of nowhere. Each person with an MI isn't a knife-wielding Chuckie just ready to cut you to pieces at any moment.  Problems with violent outbursts are usually related to LACK OF MENTAL HEALTH CARE and you will be working with people who are receiving such care. 
People with Alzheimer's, which is a widely non-stigmatized brain disorder, can hurt caregivers sometimes.  A great-aunt of mine (little old Italian lady who wouldn't have hurt a soul before she got Alzheimer's) threw something nasty at her very devoted and dying husband. Should you be cognizant of the conditions of the people you are working with? Absolutely.  But when dealing with a population of people who are already so heavily stigmatized that many with mental illnesses refuse to seek care, for exactly the kind of attitude you have about how "dangerous" they are, the last thing they need is a social worker who is quaking in her boots and judging them as criminals just because they're sick.
  A few years ago my Mom took my sibling to a county commissioners meeting where the idea of a halfway house for stable, high-functioning persons with MIs could work on recovery. Several local yahoos stood up and kept repeating the completely bogus claim that area children would be in danger if that halfway house was there because the residents were likely to rape the children.  They kept repeating the lie that people with MIs are by definition, likely pedophiles.  My sibling, the one with depression, sat there and listened to person after person imply this and discuss how terrifying people with MIs are, and these were people with no history of any violence.  It's ignorance and it hurts people.My mom stood up and read a list of famous, notable people with MI histories, including Abraham Lincoln.  
 All over this nation, young people kill themselves partly because of the stigma associated with asking for mental health care.  Your kind of attitude adds to this stigma. It hurts the very people you may have to serve.
  If you want to be 100% safe all the time from all the kind of people you might fear, do everyone a favor and go into another profession. People suffering from mental illnesses need social workers who understand them, treat them like human beings worthy of human dignity and respect and don't send out vibes that they're terrified of them.  It's just appalling. At minimum, do something where you can, perhaps, work only with people you'll never be uncomfortable around. Good luck with that. (may I suggest that bank job again?)

Good. Because you have offered some comically dangerous advice. 
 
He only has to get "physically aggressive" once for your advice to turn out poorly for OP.  The guy only threatened to divorce his wife because she won't let him hang a Nazi banner. He sounds really stable and like the kind of fellow who is unlikely to get physically aggressive.
 
Are you for real? 
 
Holy mother of God, no! This advice is bad enough when offered to people in non-threatening relationships ....
 
OP:  fuzzy hit the advice head on. Please take care of your physical and emotional health. If want to try to help your husband, that is great (I think). But please don't believe that it is your responsibility or that you alone can change him. 

I think it's important to be realistic in this situation. While my ex was never a white supremacist, he was against feminism, belittled my field, spoke negatively of the social justice movements, etc. So I understand where the "how did this happen" or "did I miss the signs" thoughts come from! But please don't do that to yourself; none of this is your fault. 
It is admirable that you want to educate him or change his mind, but I have to say I'm not sure that will work. Many people enter into relationships with people they know are flawed thinking "I can change x." But they can't change whatever that behavior is; and I don't think you will be able to change your husband's mind. People are stubborn creatures, and until your husband realizes he's in the wrong and decides he wants to change, it won't happen. Losing you might be the catalyst he needs to start that change. But you're living with someone who puts your field down (and by extension, you as well) and disagrees with you on fundamental issues. Don't put yourself through that!! I understand feeling conflicted; it took me a while before I convinced myself to leave my ex. This is your life, not his. If you're not happy in the relationship, or you know you can't be satisfied with this man, then leave. Do what you need to do to be happy in life. If your husband is no longer part of what makes you happy, so be it. 
I hope you stay strong, peaceful, calm, gracious, and loving. Don't let the hate win. Hang in there!!! <3

I'm so ashamed to admit this to anyone and I can't even bring myself to use my regular account to post it, but I need to get it out there. My husband is a white supremacist and I don't know what to do about it. It wasn't always this way, or maybe it was and I was just fooling myself. I don't know! What started out as him occasionally making racist remarks (e.g., calling those of Asian-descent "chinks") has now escalated into him wanting to join white only groups and hanging the Nazi flag in our apartment. When I discovered the flag, I ripped it down and we got into an argument. He says I'm brainwashed by the Jews and don't understand what the flag really stands for. It's hanging up again and he told me he'd divorce me over this if I pressed the issue. Maybe that would be for the best, because I'm completely disgusted right now. I don't understand how this happened or how I didn't see the signs earlier. I don't know what to do - how can I get him to understand that he's completely wrong? Can I change his point of view? This is incredibly awful for me... I love this man, but he's turned into someone with dramatically different values than I have. If he were just a friend of mine, our friendship would probably be over if I walked into his house and saw a Nazi flag on the wall. It's basically the ultimate symbol of hate and evil. It isn't just this white supremacy thing, either. He recently decided that feminism is stupid and women just have penis envy. I'm in a scientific field and he's constantly belittling it, saying that it's all made up nonsense. I just don't understand. He wasn't anything like this when we got married.
Advice or words of comfort would be appreciated right now.

Okay, I'll voice the possibly less popular opinion. Your responsibility is to yourself. You don't have to stay with him and you are not responsible for getting him better or for educating him. You need to take care of yourself. If you do decide you want to try and stay, I think it's of utmost importance to get support from others. Can you involve his family? friends? do you have a support system around you to take care of you, if you need it? If he wasn't always like this, something must have triggered this, and maybe you can help him through it. Whatever it is, though, you shouldn't do it alone, and you shouldn't let him take it out on you. This sounds like a situation that requires professional help. I know that posting here was probably already hard enough, so maybe the next step is for you to find counseling on your own, maybe through your school, before you think about talking to him. Figure out your resources and support network, then come up with a plan to confront him. I hope that there is no fear of physical violence, but if there is, let me repeat again: your responsibility is to yourself first. Make sure that you are safe, and take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. If that means you need to leave him, I think that's totally understandable and no one from the outside can judge. And if you choose to stay and try and fix it, again I hope that no one will judge and that you can find the help you need. 

I'm reevaluating a lot of things now, so at this time none yet. Yourself?

It's okay to be selfish and make this decision. While I understand, and even identify, with the desire to make this easier on your supervisor, you have to remember that this is YOUR life. Not your supervisor's. If leaving the program is what's best for you, then so be it. I would certainly explain to your supervisor your rationale for leaving the program, and thank them for giving you the opportunities they have. But I wouldn't apologize for leaving. In the end, do what's best for you; if your supervisor or anyone else gets upset, it's their problem. 
As far as the conversation, when I realized a program wasn't right for me, I went ahead and told the professors I was closest to. I explained my reasoning and, to the best of my knowledge, they all understood it. It's better to leave now and return when you know what you want to study, rather than completing a program you hate. 
Hang in there! <3 

My PI's lab is on Danforth campus so it seems like it would be about a 15 minute bike through Forest Park and worse comes to worse, I can take an uber since the apartment is only 8 min away (according to google maps)
 
I'm just going to go ahead and post this here. It's the map I send to first year/prospective students who are looking for housing near the med campus (so it's highly med-campus focused). Hopefully it will help some people. If anyone is more familiar with the Danforth side, please feel free to update/save/repost a version of the map with more details on that side of Forest Park: 
 
Here's the map I refer to in this e-mail (let me know if you have trouble viewing it): https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?mid=znSq18U6Bxo4.ka_fNS8CoCMQ   Just to orient you on the map: The medical campus is the green square to the right of forest park (large green rectangle). I've also labeled metrolink stops with red markers. There's a blue marker that marks the 4444 building, which is where many of the genomics labs are located (though many of them will be moving to the main campus in the next year or two).    I'm sure you've heard quite a bit about the Central West End (purple and red on map) during the interview process. It's a great place and I highly recommend looking there for apartments. Some of the older buildings have extremely reasonable prices, while some of the newer ones can get pretty pricey. The Del Coronado is (in my mind) the gold standard of what you will find in the CWE. It's new, super close to campus and has a parking garage...but its prices reflect those benefits. I do, however, think it serves as a good comparator when looking at other buildings. If you have a car I highly recommend putting affordable, provided parking high on your list; parking in the CWE without an assigned space or garage can be a bit crazy.    I live in the Debaliviere (DEB) area, which is north of forest park (Blue on map). It's right next to the metro link and I metro to work most days. If you live in either the CWE or DEB, there is a shuttle that runs every 30 mins from campus from 5pm-midnight:30 (M-F) that will take you directly to your door on your way home. I love living where I do. It's not as frequently-travelled as the CWE, parking is easier and I feel very comfortable walking around at night. The CWE is generally safe but it has a lot more foot traffic coming through.    There's an area between the CWE and DEB that is highlighted on the map in pink. A good number of students live there but it's not immediately adjacent to any metrolink stop so transportation may be a bit more difficult, though there are some beautiful buildings in that area.    Another place you might want to look is The Grove (brown pentagon on the map). There is lots of affordable housing in The Grove and it's an area that is getting nicer over the years...but it's not a place I feel 100% comfortable walking on my own at night. I do, however, know a lot of people who live there and have never had any problems. There are several apartments outside of the pentagon that are perfectly safe/nice but I can comfortably vouch for the brown-covered area being filled with happy graduate students.    Also highlighted in green is St. Louis University (in orange). There are tons of apartments in that area, but again, you have the commuting issue that isn't a problem in DEB or CWE. I also highlighted the Tower Grove area (in black) at the bottom right. This tends to be a place students move to in their second or third years. I wouldn't recommend it during your first year.   In yellow is the undergraduate (Danforth) campus and the Delmar Loop area. There are labs that some students may want to join on the Danforth campus and the Delmar loop is a great place to live. Unfortunately, I don't know much about the area. I recommend living close to the medical campus (green) for your first year at least since so many of your classes/journal clubs will be there.

After waiting for what seems like an eternity...today I was officially accepted off the waitlist to my first choice, which is the University of Georgia! I am so excited!

Congrats!

Thanks! I hope everyone receives good news soon! 

Just found out I was accepted into UGA's MSW program! 

Thanks! I hope everyone receives good news soon!