wintergirl

I feel stupid posting this but it's not a problem I feel comfortable discussing with anyone at my school. I'm in my first year of a PhD program that was far from my first choice. Faculty at one of my first choice schools told me I just missed the final cut of admits last year, so I know I was in their top batch of applications. Meanwhile I got other fully funded offers so I decided not to reapply and took the one that seemed the best of my options. I felt lucky to have gotten in anywhere. Now that I'm here, I've had a lot of trouble settling in and finding my former levels of motivation (partially thanks to some mental health issues). I'm still finding myself looking back at my top schools and generally feeling like shit at the number of rejections I got last year. What I think is really hanging me up is that the schools I didn't get into (including the one I almost got into) focus on my exact research field, while my chosen program does not. If it was only about academics and rankings, I don't think I'd still be struggling over this too much. My question is this: Do other accepted PhDs still look back and wonder about -- or even continue to grieve -- the ones that got away? At what point does that feeling dissipate? I've been really working to adjust my attitude but feel that my drive and enthusiasm are slowly being drained away. I'm grateful to be in a funded PhD program yet I still have application rejection nightmares, wtf. Any words of wisdom? Suggestions? Commiserations? Or "don't worry, this is normal for new PhD students" ... or even "buck up and be grateful"-isms?

Guh. My brain has left the building. Anyone else still frantically trying to meet imminent thesis deadlines??

Have any of you other acceptees received an official letter or email yet? Am starting to worry I hallucinated the entire conversation with the DGS last week due to lack of sleep. And hang in there, for the peeps still waiting!

Any guesses as to when UCB might deign to send out our (presumed) rejection notices? Ready to put that final nail in the coffin of my crushed California dreams.

I don't want to raise false hopes but early last week I checked my application and the status definitely said "Denied". (Note: I never got an email or letter or anything saying that.) When I got the call yesterday, I checked again and the online status was back to "Submitted". So maybe check yours again? DGS said that they just made their decisions this week, so... Fingers crossed for y'all!!

I've also been having serious doubt/self-worth issues after 10 (11 implied! \O/) rejections and one lonely admit. Then today one of those rejections turned into an admit. Which leads me to conclude that it's just weird, that "fit" thing: both programs that accepted me were ones I crossed off my list as soon as I submitted because I didn't get the right "vibe" about it. Of course, all the schools I did have the right "vibe" with rejected me flat out, so...

Also got a call today re: an acceptance. DGS was surprised to hear that I'd already been rejected via the website last week. Of course, now I'm hoping that ALL of my rejections were mistakes! If only.

Yes, I got a call from the dept chair at the end of last week. Thanks! I'll definitely PM you if I decided to go there (not like I have a ton of options right now...). Everything I've heard about Boulder is that it's a great dog town and my winter/snow/mountain loving pup will be very happy. And, hey, as a beer drinker I don't think I can go wrong there!

Rejected. Dejected. Crushed.

Sweet Lord of the Rings, I'm so far behind on my thesis it's ridiculous. Time to crank it up and crank it out! Got one chapter done, and my goal is to finish another chapter this weekend then the third/final one by the following weekend... Uh huh.

Thanks so much, y'all!! I'm incredibly relieved, to say the least. : ) Thanks, lyoness! Yeah, I've been looking on Craiglist and rents are definitely higher than I expected, but if I end up going there I've got to find a dog-friendly spot. Hoping to be within walking distance to school--if you have other recs of neighborhoods or nearby towns, please feel free to PM me!

USC, USC What is it you do to me? First you were not my fave Now to go to you I crave And everyday I check the mail, (It's just junk mail, without fail) USC, USC Won't you please get back to me GO AHEAD AND ADMIT ME FFS.

UColorado! And @ LOLO - hang in there! You never know when good news will strike.

I'm also wondering about that. Based on last year, both WLs and rejections went out about 3-4 days after acceptances. Fingers crossed for Ithaca!

Hugs hugs hugs for lolo and others still waiting to hear. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!

I was one of the PhD calls yesterday and was told the same thing as rubyrunner: a cohort of 5. Fingers crossed for those still waiting to hear.

The best part of getting my Yale rejection today was that not 5 minutes later I got an email from the Dean of Yale College announcing that there are only two weeks left to sign up for classes (as an alum). Oh, YALE. You master of irony you.

Still pulling for people posting in this thread. As one of the 0-iest of the 0-fers, I know that IT SUCKS. I was stunned when I actually received an acceptance yesterday and am now fervently hoping that you all get (at least) one too. So hang in there, peeps. It ain't over yet!!

USC (Southern California) is one of the schools I'm still holding a torch for--only 2? 3? acceptances posted last week, then bupkis. Anyone else waiting for USC English? For those accepted, did you hear anything about cohort size?

Big hugs to everyone in this thread -- especially people still waiting for an acceptance. <3 Personally, I feel like I have despair oozing out of my pores these days. Super fun times!

Like others of you have said, I'm at the halfway mark with no positive results and have been battling some serious February can't-get-out-of-bed-can't-work-Netflix-addict blues. But today for some reason I feel like it's a good day for an acceptance. Where's this brief spark of positivity coming from? I have no idea. But My First Acceptance, c'mon down! Pulling for everyone else in this sucky sucky situation. After working so hard on apps (and GREs, and GPAs/classes, and theses, and conference presentations, and publications, etc etc etc) it truly hurts to feel like "they don't like me, they really really don't like me!" Let's all focus on that one tiny spark of positivity still left--whatever it may be. Hang in there, peeps!! <3

Thanks, cquin. : ) And hey! Brandeis--that's new and AWESOME. Congrats!!!

Yep. You nailed exactly how I'm feeling too. Happy for others but feeling like it's a form of sick masochism to even look at these boards without a single acceptance yet. And sending love and strong vibes out to you too! <3 Yep. <3 I've been thinking the same thing about when to use these boards ~next time~ (if there is/has to be a next time). Been staying away from GC also since it's been hard to even get out of bed this week. At least my best friend isn't applying this year so she's totally in my corner, but there are others in my MA program who are getting acceptances (not to my schools) and it sucks donkey balls to not want to even show my face around my department lest someone ask me "any news?" and I burst into tears. Hang in there, lolo! Keeping the faith for you. : ) Yep! Hats off to your positivism. (I've fallen into the tv/depression trap myself...) I'm also already starting to think about how to do things differently next year. Can't believe I'm even considering applying again, to be honest. This process has gutted me. Keeping the faith for you guys and any other lurkers out there who are also feeling like crap right now. Things WILL work out eventually. Stay strong! Keep yourself happy with the little things--new purse/shoes, music, Plan B planning, lots of tv and Ben & Jerry's... whatever it takes. We'll get through it. <3

Sorry, TripWillis. Didn't mean to freak you out! I just have been deflecting those kinds of OH BUT THERE ARE NO JOBS OUT THERE catastrophism comments since I decided to go to grad school, and today was the first day when I decided to laugh at it instead. Oh, I remember why I WANT to do it. That's not the problem. It's the fact that no one's taking me up on my offer! Hence the thread. But seriously, no one has a glass half full to share?? I mean, I,love Southern California but even I'll count as a glass-half-full for my UCLA rejection that thank God I won't have to try to subsist in LA on UCLA's meager stipend. Whew! Bullet dodged. Nevermind that it was my #1 choice. Never. Mind.

Me too. And it seems like Michigan's American Culture notfications have started going out? I haven't heard anything yet though.