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buttercup8d

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  1. Well, what makes you think I'm not speaking from actual experience? It's been a few years............so I'm speaking from quite a period of time. Also, maybe you're a saint but I have a point where I stop tolerating mean and dishonest individuals.
  2. Well, they don't sound like your people. What kind of program are you in? I'm in a psych program, and I've found that most people who come into this field are incredibly insecure and seem to have more mental health issues than most people I've met outside of this field. I unfortunately got a small cohort of gossipy and cliquey mean girls who have excluded me from Day 1 because I am not exactly like them, and I do things like read...... (one of them, I believe, is currently on academic probation and has targeted me as her "rival" since school began. Frankly, she should just worry about passing her classes) Do not sweat it if they're not open to getting to know you and don't think you need to change for them. It says more about them, and excluding someone else probably makes them feel safe in the program and temporarily elevates their low self-esteem...
  3. I created this thread so we can discuss how to deal with professors who abuse their power over students and teaching staff, and who sacrifice others' well-being for their own reputations and career ambitions. I am talking about bullying behavior, silencing students if they submit complaints about their program, and verbal and emotional abuse. My guess is that this probably happens frequently at the expense of grad students' mental health. With the power dynamics, there is only so much we can do to speak out in academia.
  4. absurd favorable interpretation? lol. It's just another interpretation based on what little facts that were given.
  5. Why is everyone being so narrow minded here? I don't think that's actually what OP is saying. I'm also finding out that the world of academia is weird and disconnected from the real world. Sometimes, they're less aware than individuals and groups outside of academia - which is the weird and unfulfilling part that OP is probably talking about. Anyway, @ OP - is there a way to stay in your program and produce research/dissertation that is meaningful for you while still working on side projects outside of academia? That seems to be the best avenue for you. What were your original reasons for wanting to pursue a PhD?
  6. I don't know if I entirely agree anymore with the suck-it-up-it's-always-been-like-this philosophy....I'm sick of this. I've dealt with it my whole life, and it is frankly exhausting. I don't see why I have to do the same thing at this point especially if I have the choice to do the same work at another place and not become sick from institutional racism in the next few years. It's maddening that we have to "adjust" ourselves. It can't be like this forever. Minorities are slowly becoming the majority now, and if novel research coming out is pioneered by POC, then our institutions have to change too. And part of that change has to do with empowering yourself as a POC by linking up with others who aren't complicit with harmful institutions.
  7. ^ Thanks for the advice to you both. Those are factors I didn't take into account - moving up the academic latter, not seeing POC like me and being misunderstood. Moving here and leaving my family and friends have also been difficult. I'm sad to have lost an amazing life of diversity I am someone who takes a lot of initiative but the idea of being first as a WOC, especially in my field, hasn't usually been in the forefront of my mind. I sometimes wonder if it's because I've assimilated too much into mainstream culture when I was younger, and I tend to forget I'm a POC until someone points it out to me. That said, the other program I was considering is probably one of the most diverse academic sub-fields out there, and they actively recruit students of color. I've honestly never been to a PhD interview with that much color. It made my head spin And I want to clarify that it's not because the people around me are white. It's the attitude and political views here, not their race, which is affecting me. I don't think that white people are a monolith any more than other groups are.
  8. The other school (where my home actually is) is significantly more diverse, and I was told I was the advisor's first choice during applications. I honestly thought the current school would be a better fit for my future goals, and they are in some ways. In more subtle and personal ways, they are not. I vetted diversity at all the schools I interviewed at, and one program told me honestly that I would be the only POC coming into the program and to think about that factor carefully if it was important to me. I realize only now that they did me a huge favor. I have tried joining groups, etc. The issue is that I have a great deal of workload and barely have time to sleep, let alone do extracurricular activities. My concern isn't about becoming a better person. It's the way that my identity will develop in the next few years and how this will affect me as a person and a researcher (my research actually has a focus on multicultural factors).
  9. Hi everyone, I need some advice. I am a POC who entered a specialized program, believing there were lots of POC like me. Multicultural competence here is disappointingly lacking although the research is extremely important to me. I like my advisor a lot and we are a great great match. But I'm currently at a very white school where it's triggered my depression almost daily. I'm not sure if I should leave and contact the other school about transferring (which is actually a top tier for its field) or seek therapy to 'fix' myself for the next few years I'm here. Also, there is almost no social support for me at this school due to a director's personal dislike/hostility to me (this is the person who told me the school was diverse). I don't know if I should stick to this program because the research is so important to me, or if the personal cost is worth it. It's also affecting my sleep, thinking and productivity. Any advice would be appreciated.
  10. I don't understand your thinking. Your first choice rejected you because you were not the right fit for them. what happened is for the best. This decision is not all about you but also about being the right fit for a program. my guess is that you're still brooding because you are not really happy with your current school for whatever reason. Maybe try to confront and address that issue instead of distracting your mind with an unchanging past
  11. I agree whole heartedly. Drinking may temporarily relieve stress but it adds on to your stress levels on the long term. Above all, it's not sustainable
  12. Thanks for the supportive comments. Realizing that it's NOT personal at all and that they measure themselves against other people rather than using a scale focusing on their own self improvement gives me a good understanding. It makes me relieved that I'm not like this because it sounds like misery to be on the other side
  13. No, I'm pretty sure the people saying this don't have my "well-being" at heart (we're not close with the exception of sister). The jealously is from the fact that they have compared/have been jealous of other things in my life before and, again, their facial expressions and fake congratulations to the good news.
  14. I'm assuming your sister is older. Geez that sounds awful. I also have an older sister, and she's always compared herself to me but she is not aggressive and tries to be happy for me (but I can tell that it's hard for her because she used to have very low self-esteem). I partly think our parents compared and played us against each other too much when we were young, and we've outgrown almost all of that. She definitely has her own successes to be happy about now. We're just really different people with different interests (she doesn't like to be in school at all) is what I always say to her, so there's no need to compare.
  15. Other than the looks/feelings of resentment from those people, there are questions/critical remarks about getting into my graduate program..such as 'oh, maybe the process is just subjective' 'how great of a program is it?' 'is it only $$ for ALL those years?' 'you may not like it' etc. Which is surprising because these people were also supportive before my success. I'm getting mixed messages geez Most people around me are supportive and happy about my accomplishments but there are just a select few that have been negative and seem jealous of any good news about this whole application process. I try to steer clear but sometimes it's unavoidable (i.e. when it's family) I don't understand why they bother to ask detailed questions when they're clearly not happy with the answers.. :/
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