ChrisTOEFert

Wow...okay. I think you may have misconstrued my intentions. Where did I 1) call you delusional?, 2) say that I know about your circumstances and life possibilities outside of grad school apart from (quite casually, I thought) saying there is always a chance next year or at some point in the future? I have been in your shoes, I WAS rejected everywhere in the past. I'm not trying to undermine your feelings, as it is a very confusing and frustrating time in your life, but making yourself sick over it (I think you mentioned an ulcer?) isn't going to do anything but compound the stress.

"Dear Dr. xxxx, I am just writing to notify you of my intent for grad school. I unfortunately am going to have to decline the offer presented to me by XYZ. While this decision was extremely difficult and I was excited at the prospect of working with you, I have decided to go elsewhere. I really hope we can stay in touch and collaborate in the future. If possible, I would also like to be seriously considered for a post-doc position under you and with the department in the future (Note: only relevant if that is true). Thank you very much for backing my application. Please email me if you have any questions. Sincerely, yyyyy" I used this letter pretty much as is for notifying 3 of my potential POIs. Most (seemed) sad but understood that it is the nature of the beast that they aren't going to get everyone that they want as other offers do exist, lives need to be balanced, and sometimes a program is just a safety school. They understand because they were in the same boat at some point in the past. All of my POIs have responded favourably about the post-doc position and want to stay in touch in my new position. They all asked where I was planning on going and I told them, none of them appeared to have hard feelings about the decision. This worked even for my current advisor whose offer I declined. It still hurts to hit send though, but on the positive side, you are making a wait-listed student happy because they now have a potential option of attendance.

That was actually mine. I made it overly douchey on purpose for a laugh. The funding is true (it was $53.1k per year for 3 years, minus tuition). My badddd

You both need to realize that grad school is not the be all end all you are making it out to be. Yes, it is important if you want to be a part of academia, and yes, it can help you get a job later on. However, you shouldn't make yourself sick over it. It really isn't that glorious, I promise. You do a lot of homework, you read a lot, study a lot and question everything you ever do a dozen times. Obviously you are both very interested in getting in, but always remember that if you don't, there is always next year, or you could work your way up at a lab/institution from an entry level position. Just relax. I was rejected outright from my 3 choices during my first run at a Master's. I got rejected from my Alma Mater AGAIN in round 2, while getting in to 3 other programs on my second try. However, I was a very low pick and was accepted to a decent program, a pretty good program, and a cash grab program in the UK. Now, after slugging out my MSc for a year and a bit now, have been (so far) accepted to everywhere I have applied including very high programs that are extremely competitive where they only take 15 people once every 3 years from the entire world. Except for one program in Germany that I completely bombed the interview on...but hey, that was 6-7 months ago and it didn't hurt me in the least. You win a few and lose a lot. So, stay persistent, but never let rejections hurt your self esteem. Your identity should never be entwined with your admission or rejection from a graduate program in which there are SOOOOO many factors far outside of your control. Depending on the year you apply, you would either be a shoe-in or outright rejected.

How would it backfire? Schools don't have a connected database of who is applying where. It would not change the result of the situation, but it would likely cause them to give you an answer earlier than later if they know you have a pending deadline. I have done this numerous times and each time I was responded to promptly and politely with the details they could at the time of the inquiry.

Well...I mean you could just shoot the grad coordinator an email, lying, that you have other offers and you wanted to see where you stand with them so you can make the most informed decision about your choices for visit weekends. Saves your sanity? Or you could do the opposite and just be patient and wait quietly like most? Everything is out of your control, nothing can be done to change the decision right now.

Completely, utterly doomed. There is no chance you got in, and they likely searched your name in the database and told all the other schools why they rejected you, and the other schools should follow in similar fashion. I'm kidding. Relax, maybe your POI just doesn't like to do that sort of thing, or they are on sabbatical, vacation, sick, at a conference, didn't even know the acceptances had been approved yet. If you're that worried (which I wouldn't be right now...give it a week or so), send them an email inquiring. Just lie and say you are wondering because another school has an early deadline and you were curious about your status so you can make as informed a decision as possible. Or if you want to save embarrassment from them, just email the grad chair of the department with something similar.

From my first hand experience, it sounds like you're in. Same thing happened to me at the University of Toronto, they asked for my "official transcripts" in a generic department email. Since I currently go there I asked what that meant and they said I was in, congratulations, and they needed the official documents to process the package. So, chances are you're in. It would be super weird to process a rejection with a clear transcript...if you aren't making the cut, you aren't making the cut. Clear or blurry transcript.

Do you want the sugar-coated version or the real version? Sugar-Coated: You're fine, they probably just forgot to send you the email or you're on a wait-list. Real: You're either flat out rejected OR you're a 3rd/4th string candidate in the department. This means they aren't going to bother with an interview with you until they absolutely have to...and the chances of everyone else rejecting the offer is pretty low. As much as it sucks, I'd move on.