I've been going through some similar feelings. I'm on two waitlists, but that's no guarantee that I'll get in, and last week, I was in a bit of a "dark night of the soul" place w/r/t grad school and my applications. After thinking about it a bit, I feel much better. Here's what I've been thinking:
I think that many of us who apply to graduate school have this idea that getting a Ph.D. is the only possible route to a fulfilling life. That's not the case, though. There are many ways to live a creative, intellectual, productive life that have nothing to do with the contemporary university--and there is also no guarantee that being admitted to a graduate program will provide you with a fulfilling or meaningful career.
If you are capable of performing well in grad school, which it appears that you are, there is no reason why you cannot work on a nonfiction writing project outside of the university (unless, I suppose, your current job situation is so oppressive and all-consuming that you can't find even thirty minutes a day to devote to something outside of it). There's no reason you can't do citizen journalism, or start a small business, or a blog, or a series of video essays, or a zine, or a podcast, or whatever (and all of these can be just as intellectually rigorous, in their own way, as grad school coursework or journal articles). There are so many ways for you to be creative and express your ideas. Eventually, you might be able to monetize any of these endeavors and--perhaps slowly, but probably in less than the five to six years that a Ph.D. would take to complete--could start earning enough money to make it a full-time job. The job market for any creative endeavor is awful, but I don't think any of them are worse than the job market for humanities Ph.D.s. And the skills you've already developed in order to make yourself a competitive applicant would give you a head start in any of these endeavors.
This is, at least, what I have been telling myself as I face the real possibility of not going anywhere. But it's made me feel significantly better about the prospect of not going to grad school.